Hopeless
by Tare-Bear
Summary: Sequel to Friendless.* The odds were never much in Keera Grooves' favor. She was hopeless the moment she fell in love with Caleb, a district prisoner and once-rebel. She was hopeless when she was stuck in an arena, weaponless and friendless. With a rebellion suddenly underway, there's nothing she could do, but watch her broken, taped together world fall apart all over again.
1. The Riot

Chapter 1- "The Riot"

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><p>I awoke to his lips. Pressing soft kisses first to both my cheeks, then my eyelids. Gliding- oh so warmly and lightly- to my nose and then with more intent, finally my lips.<p>

My eyes fluttered open and am met with the sight of his face. I smile instinctively, looking up into his smoldering hazel eyes. The green specked with bright gold strikes, that matched his blinding smile.

"Good morning" He murmured, sitting back from leaning over me and I sat up too- stretching and yawning slightly.

His smile widened as his eyes swept over me and my ruffled state. A hand raised and toyed with a strand of my tussled hair and then he tucked it behind my ear, his eyes sparking with slight amusement and delight as he takes in the fact I wear one of his shirts as nightclothes.

"Must you wake me up so early everyday?" I finally reply- taking in a long breath and glancing over at the clock at my bedside table- it was only about five in the morning, the sunlight just barely shifting through the curtains and throwing a stream of warm light across the white carpet.

"I have to say goodbye don't I?" He whispered back, wrapping his arms around my waist and drawing my closer so that I sat right by his side- leaning my back against his shoulder. His face lowered to my neck and nuzzled the skin there- his eyelashes tickled and his lips dropped a few more kisses.

I leaned into him, grabbing onto the hands he had around me that laid on the base of my stomach- interlocking out fingers. "I guess..." I reply, softly, my eyes still heavy and longing to sleep.

He pulls back then- with one last kiss to my collar bone- and says."I'll see you later, at the screening."

I nod, remembering vaguely that there was something I was suppose to do today. "Yes, yes. Course." I tell Caleb, my words slurring slightly as I snuggled closer to his body and my eyelids refused to stay open.

He chuckled and kissed my temple before sliding me off of him and back against the tangles of pillows and blankets. I squirmed slightly to comfort myself and tucked a hand under my cheek. "S'later." I murmur, my other hand giving a feeble wave before dropping back against the bed.

I felt the shifting of his weight and heard the springs groan as he stood up. "Later." He says and I drift back into a dreamless sleep.

Later that day- at a proper time to wake- around eleven in the morning, I pulled myself out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom.

As my feet drifted over the cold tile I looked around the cluttered space. My clothes were thrown about- as well as some of Caleb's discarded essentials- the counter was filled with random hygiene products. Neither of us were much of cleaners.

I approach the sink, blinking away the sleep and as I walk my fingers fumble with the buttons on the overlarge shirt I wore- that hung to about mid-thigh and was one I've stolen from Caleb.

The small room is dark, except for the rays of sunlight that filled it with shadows and a misty illumination. But even like so I could see my reflection clear as day.

I finish stripping off the shirt and I lean forward over the counter- tossing aside the clothes and leaving me only in under things- and I flick on the lights. At first I'm blinded, but I push that away and take in my form.

One of my hands rose and touched my cheek lightly- I can't believe today is my seventeenth birthday. I still have the same evergreen eyes and ashy blonde hair that falls to my elbow in waves. But there is defiantly something different in my face and my body. I filled out more then my passed young self, I've notable hips and I've grown taller, my legs longer.

My face though is something different all together.

No one could call me that little girl I was in the games anymore. If Caleb has taught me anything the years we have spent together- sneaking around- it is that I am no longer that naïve child I used to be. I no longer even tolerate the government, but of course we never do anything to break the delicate deal we made all those years ago.

My looks though, aren't something I take pride in like most girls would- from my striking eyes with high cheek bones and my delicate jaw, sided with a stubborn chin- I make a interesting appearance- you know if I ever got out.

People wonder why it is I do not have a boyfriend or husband yet, but it is only because they do not know I have one. Sure I've had those who have tried to get with me, but they are always rejected- no one could compare to Caleb.

No boy could have his strength- maybe not physically but mentally- no one could beat his compassion or his loyalty. His natural good vibe, his will. Sure he has his faults, like sometimes being too trusting in others, but I love him and he loves me. And that is what keeps my mouth shut- against the Capitol.

He has changed too- over the years. We are closer bonded, like we just know each other, every move and word. Secret smiles and eye contact.

He is no longer whipped around town anymore, he was for a while the first year back, when everything seemed a little rushed and haywire. When people around town would watch me with fear, yet affection and pity. But now he is mostly locked up (when he didn't sneak out) or he is sent out to do community chores- like carry heavy supplies or help construction.

He's taught me many things too with the increased time, like pretty much everything with weapons, to read people better, to hide myself better. Many people find me mysterious now, because I am so discreet. I'm a all but forgotten victor now, as I am the only one from District 8.

I am always at my house, I hardly leave unless I am shopping for food or just feeling bored and go for a walk. I'm mostly inside because I am usually with Caleb- who visits my everyday almost three times a day and sometimes (okay, a lot of times) spends the night to ward off nightmares.

I do though train, for the hunger games- those unfortunate girl tributes that are chosen. I have trained for four years now, and none of them ever make it- Pippa was wrong, you don't forget. And don't think I neglected to tell her either when I visit the capitol and she comes to visit- granted I usually call her over, hoping maybe to help Fray and her out a bit... ignoring the fact about her husband.

Anyhow I have Fray still, he is growing older, and more worn over the years but he is like the father figure I've never had. He watches me closely and I know he still keeps his ears open for things about Caleb. Though the rumors after that Game ended have all but died out now.. in fact all popularity I had has pretty much been fanned out.

By no less then the _two _victors from District 12- Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark.

I'm glad for it, for not being so famous. It is easier to up hold the deal- but the show those two put up!

Peeta was such a sweet boy, it is obvious to me he loves that girl. He makes words sound like poetry and when I listened to his interview- when I watched the Game- I for once didn't feel like I was being lied to.

Katniss was false. Katniss was clueless and defiant. And it was Katniss who had pulled that stunt that saved both him and her at the ends of the Game. But ultimately I think will end up killing them both.

I've had enough experience with the Capitol and rebels to know that what I've done- of which I barely escaped from- compared to what _they've_ done are two completely different things.

They made the mockery of President Snow that I wanted to do- but Caleb restrained me from doing. In one sense I admire Katniss for not letting Peeta blind her and pull her down into safety- but I also dislike her greatly for pretending, for being so obviously withdrawn from the smart boy.

Though who could have not heard about the big wedding coming up!

I snort out loud at that finally turning away from the mirror, taking off my under clothes and slipping into the shower. The water was turned all the way up- intensely hot.

A fake wedding. A painted up, pretend one, that the Capitol uses to make us think that Katniss- no she is not trying to best us, she is just madly in love- but anyone with a brain could see the stupid chick isn't. She is a terrible liar and I know- _I know_- around my district where is it so harsh, that the people have been sparked with her action... it is only a matter of time.

She has already been here and I have seen her- I did not want to talk to her, so I stood back near the gaggle of prisoners- by Caleb- and I watched them. I watched Peeta mostly, because something about him, his face, his pale hair- those blue eyes. They remind me of Eric.

Not like Sirius had- because he resembled him. But this was with mannerisms, his tone of voice, the light behind his eyes. The way he sacrificed himself and pretended to be with the careers- for Katniss- like Eric had done for me.

I closed my eyes momentarily at the memory of Eric- it was defiantly distant now- but still lingering there in my mind. As was everyone else- Evan, Cyra, Sirius, Blake- and of course my recent tributes- Alexandra, Marsh, Jenny, and most recently Kaci- they were all so hopeless when they entered.

I got out now, and slowly toweled myself off- lost in my turning thoughts- so many years and still I don't feel like I had enough time.

I sigh and walk back into the bedroom, easily slipping into a T-shirt and denim jeans. Such a simple outfit I'm sure Marvin would have cringed- his pasted few tributes have had to deal with his imagination reaching even further then it used to- now that he had stylists like Cinna to be up against.

You know I expected someone to act out against the Capitol some day- maybe not so soon- but I _am_ surprised it came from District 12. There was no doubt it was our smallest district and poorest... but the reaction of their action was even more shocking.

And my savage want to join it... that was slightly surprising and I know Caleb wanted to too. I knew he wished he didn't have to leave me every morning at the crack of dawn. I know he wished he could complete my life- make me his wife... give me a family I never had. But he can't. Not now- I'm too young- but even in the future since while the Capitol still stands he is a prisoner, he wouldn't be able to show me off as his wife, I would have to hide any pregnancy or walk around in shame claiming I knew not who the father was.

I cringe at the none too appealing thoughts as I walk downstairs and enter the kitchen- that was about ten times cleaner then the upstairs- and I grab myself a loaf of bread and other supplies from the fridge.

I slump down on a chair and I take a knife- smearing the concoction of cheese in a spread on top of a piece of bread- before I take a mouth full. As I reach for the glass of water sitting next to me the morning light catches on the shimmering pearls around my wrist.

I smile instantly- of course- at the reminder of Caleb. Then I glance up at the clock and I know I should be going- for the screening.

It may be noon here- but it is late in District 12, which is where the victory tour is to be. And we must watch the celebration, like we have for the passed ten districts they visited. As I exit my house a chill runs through me when I start walking down the street, and it is strange- because it is near spring time for here.

Once I reach further in town though I get the tense and hostile vibe that hangs in the air around the factories. It's as if it emits from the surrounding citizens that glare at the Peacekeepers- whose numbers have been increasing more and more lately. I know crime rates have gone up, but I did not think it was that terrible.

As I swerve through the crowded streets toward the main town square- someone shoves my shoulder giving me a look of loathing as they trudge passed me. I purse my lips but nothing more. I continue on, my hands in fists at my sides- my body instantly catching onto the hostility emanating around me.

Many people were gathering for the show and as I slip down a side street that will let out to the same entrance to the square the prisoners usually use; I notice others in the shadowed place. They were franticly whispering, heads ducked together- hands covering their lips- and their faces covered with rags and homemade masks.

I stop, watching suspiciously, until one of the men notices me. "Hey, get lost." He snarls and I narrow my eyes- start walking towards them slowly.

"What are you doing?" I demand, I know I'm in no danger though approaching them even with the district in the state it is in, because I know one of the boys there. "Bud, what is going on?"

Bud- who even wearing the ugly, mismanaged mask I recognized- looked up to me. His brown eyes were hard and his tall, starved body straightened as he gave me a look of superiority. "You'll know in time, Keera."

I shake my head, glancing out the other side of the alley- waiting for the prisoners to cross- and then I am standing just at Bud's side and I frown, as I notice the bricks they've gathered in a pile at their feet.

"What do you plan, brother?" I murmur, hoping to remind him of those years I used to take care of him rather then the passed few ones where I have been isolated from them. "Where is Aven?" I look at the group of maybe five people only two probably my age or a year older.

"With the kids." Bud grunts, turning his back to me now and waving a hand absently in the other direction. "Go to the square. We'll join you soon."

I take a deep breath, and the air seems to be colder then usual and my chest stings slightly from the difference. But I let it out in a slow, hesitant way, whispering. "Don't do anything stupid, Bud."

He nods curtly and I walk away- watching the other boys give me tense looks. But just as I am about to emerge from the alley Bud looks up and says. "Watch yourself tonight, sister, keep loved ones close."

I look over my shoulder and his eyes carry a warning and when I raise an eyebrow- he nods me forward- I turn back away going with his wishes and walking away.

I did not like that Bud was involved with riff-raffs or maybe rebels, by the looks of them. Things were so if-y now. With the Peacekeepers, the random deaths, the attacks and shootings. The uproars, the protests, the stopping of textile production. I just hope it hasn't been Bud and his gang this whole time...

And as I continue down to the square- my watchful eyes pick up on more things- such as similar groups of maybe five or six men- sometimes women- with various types of bricks, large needles (from factories), and other weapon-like objects.

They all are tense and whispering. And I can't help but know..

I spot Caleb as I step inside town square, he is in a large group of prisoners (which have been adding up these passed few months) and luckily he is hanging in the back- having been one of the less resistant of them and though he is connected to a long chain that is tied around pretty much every prisoner only one of his wrists are bound.

I walk cautiously and casually closer into the crowded city center and slowly nearer to Caleb- but just as I am but five feet away- keeping my face expressionless and distracted looking- staring forward, two Peacekeepers position themselves next to him.

I stop pretending to be content with my view of the multiple large screens about the square, but as I slip closer Caleb's eyes slide my way.

I look out of the corner of mine and he has a almost devilish smirk on his face- my lips twitch and then he nods, barely moving his head, towards the building just on the outside of the square.

I don't question him- I immediately turn around and walk purposefully towards it, so that I do not draw questions and then I slink to the doorway- leaning against the outside wall. My eyes scope the whole building then I look to Caleb- his back is towards me- and I'm pretty sure he just drew two or three Peacekeepers into a conversation with him... and who knows what that could be about!

But I take the moment to admire him. I am a teenager after all..

He has grown to at least be almost six feet, he is very tall, at least a head taller then me. And he looks down at many of the Peacekeepers- which I bet bugs them. He is lean, but having to work all the time makes him muscular- which you know, I like- his shoulders aren't broad, but his strong jaw makes up for that.

I watch though, with amusement as he runs a hand through his tussled brown hair- a habit of his that he does sub-consciously. Like when he is frustrated or teaching someone so I'm betting he's lecturing the Peacekeepers about something, though he's probably laughing on the inside at their scowling, disinterested faces.

I drop my eyes away when a group of people scuttle across my sight and I spot something on the ground, near the bottom step that leads to the doorway of the building. I crouch down quickly- retrieving the piece of paper- and I open it.

My eyes scan over Caleb's words in a hurry and when I read them, I bite my lip, looking back to him thoughtfully.

_The rebels plan something. Hide yourself, they will take anyone with a status to use for leverage against the Capitol- especially if they are desperate and whatever it is they do fails. -C_

I fold up the piece of paper and I stuff it deep into my pocket- so that no one would find it. I continue to stare at him as I walk back into the square, a little more fast paced then before. When I walked passed him, he looked up at me, his face that was sporting a gentle look turned to a pale, worried one and I frown. I turn away from him and I continue to push through the square until I am at the front- and I am not surrounded by citizens, but Peacekeepers.

I slide all the way up to the mayors side- he gives me a half considering glance, but nothing more as he stares dutifully up at the large screen in front of us.

"You know?" I murmur- feeling I must tell him something.

"I know that we will be receiving more Peacekeepers later this evening. We have been deemed a level 2 alert." His lips are barely moving as he speaks and we both do not look at each other.

My relationship with the mayor is not as bad as it had been, Fray helped with that, but me and mayor understand each other. He tries to keep this place in order- because it is in his nature to control things- I understand that, and he knows that I feel I must help with that. (Though only because of the deal that I strive to keep strong.)

"Pray we do not lead to 3." I reply, offhandedly.

I know Caleb said to hide myself, not stand by the most important person here, but I am safer by him. Being the second most important, being next to the first most important wans your popularity some- but also I know it is not the Peacekeepers and mayor I need to fear at the time. It is not them who are hostile- though I crave to join the other, fighting side- I cannot risk Caleb.

Then the seal flashes on the screen, the anthem plays briefly- and the city square of District 12 is in front of us.

We hold up pretty long- at least maybe half way through the showing before the screaming started.

I did not see the first rank of attack, having been up front, all I could was hear the cries of rage and pain echoing around- and see the Peacekeepers instantly dive into the crowd. Pushing their was to the back.

Evening was drawing in at this time- the sun was at an angle- but half covered by tall building and it threw strange streams of light over us. The mayor stayed by my side and he watched- tight faced, and hopeful that the Peacekeepers could lay the rebels to rest before the riot even began.

Hope was not enough...

It looked like it was going well for the Peacekeepers until suddenly the building on the right burst up into flames. I saw the mayor hiss in a breath through his teeth and he turned to the nearest Peacekeepers shouting for them to find a way to put it out before it spread.

The sound of the fire- snapping, hissing, and then a twisting and shattering sound as beams and tiles cracked and fell to the ground in the heat of the conflagration. The sound though only added onto the screams of ignited panic it caused, for fire here in District 8 with our tightly knit buildings would spread easily and become death incarnated.

It was far too late to hope things wouldn't spread... the fire was already climbing to the next building and as also was the decease-like hate was spreading like a madness through the crowd.

Roars of shouting and screeches form things like- "Halt!" to "Fire! Fire!" to "Fall! The Capitol will fall!" and various cries of pain- could be heard.

Bricks rained down on people, bashing skulls and from my place- that was slightly elevated and safe behind a whole line of armed Peacekeepers- I could see the skulls of which the bricks struck, and dent- bleed- murder.

The sound of shattering glass was everywhere- bricks thrown through windows, bottles of burning alcohol setting new things a flame.

I had to duck from a brick hitting me and then I caught sight of a prisoner- someone I knew was one- so the prisoners must have broken free of their chains. Causing even more ruckus.

When the citizens in the front of the square- closest to me, began to fall and sprint for their life, if they had not began to join the up roar- I searched the crowd for Caleb.

I wasn't worried for him, he knew how to take care of himself, but I was worried that the Capitol may perceive him an enemy.

Then the mayor clasped a hand over my forearm. "We must leave now- it has reached beyond our control." I look to him and he is staring, unblinkingly at the approaching, ravishing, unbearably loud mod.

"You will fall back?" I ask, looking quickly to the remaining Peacekeepers out in the square, but then I hiss as I watch someone masked grasping a brink tightly, grab one in a neck hold and slammed the hard object repeatedly against his face- morphing it, blood falling, scre-

"_We _must!" He hisses, pulling me behind him and I could hardly hear him above the din of the screaming square. Smoke began filtering in the air around me and I coughed on the suddenly thick oxygen.

I try to pull back from him- but he holds tightly and drags me unwillingly towards city hall- that was like a fortress compared to the other buildings- it was made of stone and would not burn.

But about half way to it he turns and shouts. "Level 3, shoot at will!"

I give a strangled cry at that, ripping my arm from his grasp and I sprint back to the square- not before the front line of Peacekeepers followed the order and began firing their weapon on the waves of people in front of them, killing at random.

"No." I snarl, I shove by two Peacekeepers in the line and would have sprinted into the gore of falling bodies, sprays of blood and new calls of agony- if it had not been for the strong arm that wrapped around my torso and tried to pull me back.

"Keera, we can not!" Caleb's shout hardly reached my ears through the loud, rapid firing noise the guns let off and as I whipped around to look at him- I blanched at the scratch marring down his cheek- but also the child in his arms- who was maybe about six years old.

"Jack!" I call, turning, allowing the Peacekeeper's to shove me back and against Caleb as they took strong, gaining steps forward after row after row of citizens fell.

Jack looked frightened, but nonetheless was not bawling like most children's screaming harmonized with among the shouting. He clung to Caleb as the older boy straddled Jack on his side and I pressed against his other, by his forceful arm- he began dragging me back towards city hall.

"I found him abandoned." Caleb tells me in my ear, trying to distract me from the horrid sounds behind me. But even being held so close to him, breathing in his familiar scent and touch, something behind me- a scream- reached out to my ears.

"Keera!" They screeched and I knew the voice. The fear in it was overwhelming and even though Caleb dragged me forward and the mayor was standing at city halls steps- waiting for me- the Peacekeepers, who backed off Caleb, were lining around us in a path to the mayor I still ripped from his grasp. My need to protect my orphans all I could feel in this moment.

"Felicity!" I roar, running back, Caleb cursed reaching for me and then he shoved Jack in the arms of a Peacekeeper- intending to follow.

"STOP!" The mayor screeched, taking a step towards the square. "Stop firing!"

Only few men heard his orders and even so I continued and pushed myself passed the protective line- right into the riot.

Smoke was heavy in the air- from both the heated fire that continues to rage though the town, but also from the guns, few still firing at will- I coughed, raising a hand to my mouth as I forced myself deeper into the hot, harsh, press of bodies.

I was shoved, punched, kicked, slapped- my hair pulled- and yet even with the calls of still striving rebels forward and the screams of those retreating back into their burning town along with the dying screechings of those lying on the ground with bullets in their chest- I could still hear Felicity's high, girlish voice calling my name.

I blocked out Caleb's voice and instead I kept throwing myself further and further through the people- until I caught sight of her- on her knees, her long bleach blonde hair falling over her pretty, ten year old face, as she continually shouted my name her hands shaking as they were pressed against a gushing bullet wound.

I looked down at the person below her and I cried out in horror- falling to my knees across Felicity- people surging by us as I stared down into Arthur's, thirteen year old face, and I cradled it between my hands.

Felicity's face- tear stained looks up into mine- and even though she is forcefully holding her hands against the gushing wound he is already gone. His eyes are open, glassy and staring up at the darkening sky as smoke fills the whole atmosphere.

Caleb comes up behind me- shoving through the people and when he sees Arthur he stops dead, looking between me and Felicity his eyes brows knitting together. Slowly a tear slips down my cheek and he drops beside me, grabbing my elbow and wiping away the tear quickly- he pulls me to my feet and then I grab Felicity.

Caleb pulls me away from him, but I move quickly and duck back down- closing his eyes- and then Caleb takes a tighter hold of me and I hold tightly to Felicity's hand- dragging her behind me as Caleb forces me back towards city hall.

We are nearly there- and I am hacking on the smoke- someone gave me a good bruise on the side of my face and I have the slight instinct to vomit as we walk over the corpses littering the ground- when the few still shooting Peacekeepers takes a hold Felicity by the hair and she screams- her hand slips from mine and I gasp as he place the barrel of the gun under her chin, her pale, gentle, child-like face twisting in fear and then he pulls the trigger.

Her hot, sticky blood flays outward- covering my face and the Peacekeepers. I scream, I would have pounced at the man, if Caleb had not ripped me forward. Intently, urgently.

"Level 5! Level 5!" I hear a man, most likely the commander Peacekeeper, call. And I chill to know what level 5 is compared to what level 3 had been. Caleb still pulls me through the hot, panic, and I scrap against people- more blood soaking through my clothes.

Then I hear another round- of multiple- guns firing off, but these guns are going on continuously, without pause and the responding banging noise sends waves of screaming through the crowd. I look to the left and I see what it is they have targeted and they have people- unmasked and bloody- there bodies pressed against a stone, hands bond behind them, as they were shot dead. Not even able to defend themselves.

Then I see one of then turn there faces to the side and my heart drops. _Bud. _

His face is twisted in hate, his eyes still defiant as the Peacekeeper's pause the shooting to reload their weapons. One of the older ones walks along the wall shoving the rebels and he used the end of his gun and slammed it against the side of Bud's face- forcing it back into the wall.

Caleb slips through the still strong line of Peacekeeper's in the front of the square and he pulls me through also, and the backs of the men in the line block my view of Bub- but I hear the firing start up again- and I know what has happened.

I don't resist Caleb as he gathers me against his chest and continues to half drag me as I struggle to walk. We are just a foot away from the mayor- still standing on the steps- when he looks down at me, relief in his face as he takes in my soot covered, blood splattered, bruised one.

Then he shouts. "Restart the firings, commander Brock- assume my position!" He opens the door and me and Caleb a ushered in.

Though just as we step in, someone swoops forward and takes Caleb away.

"No!" I shout, clutching him around the wrist, not possessively, not desperately- but just refusing. I look in the face of the one trying to take him away from me and I narrow my eyes dangerously- daring them to challenge me on this.

Slowly they back down and the mayor allows it as I bring Caleb along with me when I follow him deeper into the building that with its florescent lights seems overly bright, and its clean surroundings seems just too clean compared to what we have just left.

"What do we do now?" I ask the mayor, breathlessly- my heart still hammering in my chest, my mind still keening on the inside for Bud, Arthur, and Felicity- but I could not afford or allow myself to break down... whereas years ago I would be on the floor sobbing already.

I have changed, for the better and I feel Caleb interlock his fingers through mine as we continue to follow the mayor- giving my fingers a reassuring squeeze. He matches my stride and I feel twice as strong with him there.

As we walk through the building- people walk in the opposite direction, some running, other shouting and most in uniform- but some are being cared for, some with gunshots, others with wounds from needles and bricks.

I see Jack- cradled in the arms of a gentle looking Peacekeeper- and I spot Aven, with a small warmth of relief spreading in my chest, as she sits at the base of a wall. Her chest shaking as tears runs down her face- no doubt guessing that her twin is gone forever.

I continue to walk though, following the mayor through the people who had made it- and were allowed to- run to the safety of city hall. Few towns people were salvaged maybe- seventy- but the rest fled to the back town, which no doubt was going down in flames.

Finally we reach the mayors office and as we slip in, there is three other official looking people in there. Two were men from this district and the other a woman with graying hair, that I don't recognize. They all stare at the screen across the room and I hiss under my breath, tightening my hold on Caleb's hand as I see President Snow's face on there- looking at us- and then he is looking at me and he says.

"Keera... it has been a long time.."

I bite my lip before saying back. "Not long enough."

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><p><em><strong>AN: HATE AWAY! **Thanks for reading, sorry for typos. Hope you enjoyed, and don't completely hate me. I love you guys, review! Please. -Taryn(:_


	2. Secrets and New Deals

Chapter 2- "Secrets and New Deals "

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><p>"Mrs. Kin," Snow murmurs, turning his gaze to the older woman now. "I think it is time for another update."<p>

The woman nodded solemnly and then headed out the door- the two men following her. The mayor opened his mouth the speak- but Snow beat him to it asking. "Do you two mind leaving me and Keera to talk?"

It was obvious they had no choice, but the agree- by the almost threatening tone in his voice. Caleb pried my fingers from his and slowly, his eyes giving me a reassuring look her followed the shaken and fretful mayor out the door.

As the door clicks closed I draw in a deep breath before looking up to the President- that was very stern looking. I narrowed my eyes at the rose he held in his hand, it was pure white. He noticed my distraction and tossed it down- leaning closer to the camera and then he spoke.

**_…..._**

Once Caleb had left the office and casually slipped out of the mayors sight- he began suspiciously and silently, blending in the background of the ruckus, walking around city hall.

No one paid attention to him, as he edged forward along the back wall- his hands thrust deep into his front pockets- his face an expression of boredom. His eyes swept the halls and the side rooms- searching- and underneath his bored face, no one could know he was plotting, no one could know that his fingers in his pockets fingered a piece of paper.

As he got closer and closer to the loud noise still coming from the town square he had slight worry nip at him... _where was she? _

But then he spotted her. Her waves of brown hair falling across her back, standing against the wall- her tall, slim figure held out at an angle by her shoulder- as she was facing another familiar face to Caleb, in a tight, seemingly aggravating conversation.

He approached her from behind, relieved that she had got to city hall before the riot could take her down too. He slid just up next to her, laying a light hand on the side of her hip, and ducking close to her ear- whispering something to her.

Her chocolate brown eyes lit up at whatever it was he said to her and the boy who she had been in an argument with gave Caleb a look of pure jealousy- as she turned to look up at the tall boy, a grin on her pretty face.

"Caleb, you are alive." The boy says, through clenched teeth. "What a _relief_..." Sarcasm was heavy in his tone.

Caleb gave him a sad smile, and only that for instead he focused on the girl- running his hand up her hip and placing it firmly on her waist. "You've no answer?" He asks, as she just continues to smile, consideringly at him.

She shrugs, her smile dampening some. "Of course, that is my answer- you knew it would be." There was a teasing tone in her voice and Caleb rolled his eyes, playfully.

"Good. As soon as possible then." She nods and the boy across them, gets a very disgruntled look on his face.

"You know if the guards catch us- I'm blaming you!" He hisses, and Caleb's eyes flicker between the two fellow prisoners, that he has known for years... grown up with even..

But the girl just gives off a sweet, good humored laugh- standing on her toes and giving Caleb a kiss on the cheek. "Do not worry, he is just bitter."

Caleb smiles down at her, his arm curling around her back and pulling her closer- his eyes sweeping around the people about them. She ducks closer to his chest and her eyes too are looking through the surrounding crowd.

"All the same do not get caught..." Caleb whispered and her eyes flicked up to his worried ones. "This is important.."

"You can count on me, Caleb." She murmurs and her hand runs down his chest and then slips in the edge of his pants pocket.

"I know I can." He sighs, his forehead suddenly wrinkling- and a slight depression reaching in his eyes. "I just hate hiding th-"

"I know, I know." She mutters, then she reaches into his pocket and retrieves the piece of paper- both their eyes sweep the crowd again- and as soon as she tucks the piece of paper safely into her own pants pocket- they release each other. Caleb turns back around and head straight back to the mayor and the girl- a smile now framing her face- turn back to the boy on her left.

**…_.._**

"You do not look very surprised." Snow murmurs, staring at my face.

I shrug, crossing my hands over my chest. "I was expecting them to act out- things have been going down hill for months."

The president nods, looking grave for a moment before his eyes suddenly light up with an angry and hateful look. "All because of those two ungrateful, disobeying brats." He grumbled, his eyes dropping to the rose and then they lifted back to me. "What do you think of them, Keera?"

I raised an eyebrow. "The two victors?" I ask, prolonging my answer.

"Yes! The two victors." He hisses, his eyes growing a little wider. "What do you think of them? Would you alley with them? Do they inspire you to break your deal?"

I blink at all the questions and then let out a slow breath before saying. "Why would my opinion matter, I did not think you would care for it..."

"Are you forgetting you are a victor as well?" He replies.

I shake my head and sigh. "No, never. But honestly, out of all those other victors, why me?"

He stares at me for a few minutes before saying softly. "You were a passed rebel, no? Of a sort. I know much more about you then my other victors- and-" He stopped, his eyes narrowing yet not cruelly but consideringly. "I would want you as an alley more then those other ones."

"An _alley_?" I retort, my face twisting slight with disbelief. "For what, may I ask? We are not in the Games here."

"No we are not, but if war were to-"

I laugh, bitterly. "You think of war, so early on?" Then I look at the sleepless black circles around his eyes, the grim set of her puffy lips. "We are not the first.. are we?" I whisper.

He nods, sadly. "No, District 4 and District 3 are lost to us as well."

I silence at that and then he asks me slowly true curiosity in his voice. "What do you think of Katniss and Peeta, Keera? Why would the uprising come so fast? I must understand before I can even begin to take it down- you are one I think will be honest with me."

I continue to stare at him- letting the exciting fact that two other districts have rioted fall into place in my mind- and then I sigh. "What makes you think I will be?" I knew the answer- I just wanted him say it.

"We have a deal. That I have seen you keep up quite nicely today- by not joining the rebels. As of that of your Caleb... would you break it now? I can still have him shot down in seconds."

Having him say it- fought back my want to lie or to run or to pick up a gun and start shooting down Peacekeepers- because the tight fear that run through my body, in my chest and around my throat made me want to be sick. Losing Caleb would do me no good.

"I think Peeta, does not deserve to die. I think he is a smart, sweet boy- though not rebel material." I mutter and Snow nods.

"And Katniss?"

I give him a look, showing more how I feel about her then my words could. "I do not like her. But her action does stir something in me."

He smiles a little. "Why do you not like her, Keera? I find that extremely curious... seeing as Katniss reminds me a great deal of you."

"How's that?" I snap, not liking it so much to be compared to her.

"Well she sent three districts so far into war- with one action. Maybe she didn't mean to- she claims it so- but I know.." He paused giving me a look that was have affection, and half dread. "That if you had wanted to- if you allowed yourself to even consider putting your boy in danger first- then I'm sure you could have made up a plan that sent my whole country into shambles faster then she."

I snort. "Yes, well then I guess the rebels are lucky she does not love that boy then, huh?"

"Aren't I lucky that you _do_ love that boy of yours, hmm?" He replies and I bite the inside of my cheek- I'm sure he sees the emotions in my eyes(slight regret, shame)- but I still forced myself to continue to give him a strained smile.

"Sure." I finally mutter back and he continues to stare at me.

"How is Caleb?" He ask, his hands folding together on the desk he sat at. "Good I take?"

"He is okay." I shrug, still turning around the thing he said in my head. "Why?"

"Oh no reason, I just find him a curious boy."

I shake off that statement- still hanging on the one before. If Katniss had loved that boy then I don't think she would have jumped so hastily to the berries and instead like me would have tried to end it for him. But what Snow suggested might be true- if I didn't have Caleb I might have been daring enough to jump at Snow's throat and plot against the Capitol. But then again... I wouldn't be who I am today, more knowledgeable, more calm, if it wasn't for Caleb.

Yet seeing what I did the passed few months and tonight... with Felicity, and the look in Bud's face- I wanted to do everything I could to contribute to the downfall of this government- I wanted to help free those who are tortured endlessly by the Capitol, starving, labored to death (like my mother), and those chained unfairly, like Caleb.

"Keera... I need alley's- I can not have all my victors turning against me." I looked back up to him and I'm surprised about him admitting that he would need help.

"You want me as an alley?" I whisper and he nods.

"You will contribute greatly, I might even make you a general- help my men plan things- I'll allow Caleb to accompany you also... and Keera.." His voice dropped into that cunning, convincing one he had all those years ago. "If war happens- and if you stand beside us the whole way and we win- I will free him of his prisoner status, I will give you both whatever it is you want."

It is a high stake and high reward, I ache to take it- yet I cringe at the idea of turning against my own people- about thinking up plans to kill them. I take a deep breath and I know the conflict is plain on my face and he adds.

"I'll let you talk it over with Caleb, but I need an answer tomorrow morning- think carefully."

I watch as the screen flicked back and I close my eyes for a full minute, my hands wringing together in front of me- I take a deep breath and then turn on my heels, off to find Caleb.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: **Short I know, but thanks to everyone who's reviewed my first chapter! Love you guys, thanks for reading. Sorry for typos. -Taryn(:_


	3. Trust Me

Chapter 3- "Trust Me"

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><p>As soon as I step out the door though, Caleb grabs my hand and sweeps me away from the crowded halls. He pulls me through the building until we are in the very back of it- tucked into a scattered, abandoned office.<p>

Once he drops my hand- closing and locking the door- he turns to me and I begin to tell him what just happened with Snow, but he silences me with a kiss.

"Caleb." I whisper, pushing him away for a minute- he was looking very... sad, and something about that kiss was off. "What is the matter?" I demand.

"Nothing Keera, why would I be upset?" He instantly retorts, a finger trailing lightly over my cheek.

"You're hiding something from me." I reply, pulling further away from his chest so there was a good few inches between us and I could look into his eyes better. His hand drops back down to his side and he shakes his head.

"I am not."

I bite my cheek and I feel- maybe I'm just being paranoid- I sigh, fidgeting with my bracelet. "Sorry, I-I guess Snow just freaked me out more then I thought."

He frowns- looking worried- "What did he say?"

"He made me a new deal..." I began, watching that sink into Caleb and his frown turns into a grimace.

"Can we even afford to disagree?"

I do not answer, I just let us fall silent and listen to the sound of the district beyond these walls- rage shouts, cries of pain, and the authoritative orders- I felt like any moment they would break through city hall. Was I strong enough to resist fighting for what I believe in?

Caleb reached out a gentle hand and took one of mine in it, playing with my limp fingers- his eyes thoughtful as he stared down at them. "Will you have to leave me?" He whispers- his eyes closing momentarily and his hand tightening around mine.

We have spent four years together and someone would have thought we would be sick of each other by now- but no, I would spend a hundred years with him and still crave more of his laughs, smiles, and sweet words. I can feel the exact same pain in his voice at the prospect of separating when we have spent most of our life's trying to stay together.

"Not unless we take it, otherwise- it will be you leaving me." I reply, knowing he will catch on to the fact that it his life that lays on this deal.

"Do what you think is best..." He says, giving me once again the choice to kill him- without vengeance and bitterness- either he does not care for himself or he holds a lot of faith in my love for him.

"I-I.." I can't believe I stutter in answering and I watch as he opens his eyes, they are tutored looking and he raises my hand, pressing a soft kiss on the back of it.

"What does he ask of you, my love?" He murmurs against my skin- his warm breath fanning across it.

I burn on the inside at those words, _my love_, I want to hate myself for even considering throwing him aside- I do not know how Katniss could treat Peeta the way she does- for I crumble, I lean forward and grab him by his face turning his eyes up to mine, I hate that he will not look at me.

"I will _not_ kill you." I say, strongly. "Snow asks me to join him, his side of the war, he asks that I be loyal to him- and if the Capitol comes out in triumph- he promises your freedom."

A light, so bright, so eager, so-so passionate goes off in his face, my heart leaps- his smoldering eyes look into my with anticipation. "Did you take it?" He whispers, his voice tight- I know he tries to hide the wanting in it.

"I did not answer, I have until tomorrow morning." I reply, and I pull him closer to me, he drops my hand and I bring his face down to mine so I could press a soft kiss to his lips and then say. "I will take it- for you. I must-"

I didn't finish the sentence. His lips came crashing against mine- so strongly- and his arms wound around me so tightly. He cradled me against his chest one moment, his lips moving over mine heatedly and then the next second I was lifted off the ground- his laughter, so full of joy and relief reaching my ears- and him pulling me into a crushing embrace, after twirling me around.

"Thank you!" He exclaims, once he has set me down again- his grin is blinding, his eyes dancing. "Keera- God! I love you." His breath shuddered with excitement. "I love you so much, I didn't think- I could ever be- Oh!" He leans forward and I can't fight my smile as he presses a kiss against my lips and then more on my cheeks- my nose. "I never though- _my freedom!_"

I laugh, and he continues to look down at me fondly. "Did you think I would kill you, truly?"

"No." His smile cracking into a brighter one, his hand lifting and his thumb running over my cheek. "I thought maybe you might come up with another idea- like running away, or something equally difficult."

I shake my head. "If this brings your freedom- then-" I take a deep breath, trying to shake off the regret in my voice. "Then I can join the Capitol."

Something falters in his face and I know he too does not like the price we must go through to get him this. "I will never be able to repay you.."

"Just don't leave me." I murmur, pressing my cheek against the pressure of his hand against it. "And that will be enough."

He cocks his head slightly to the side and his other hand reaches forward slowly to take one of my hands again. "Can you promise me something else?" He asks.

"Of course." I murmur.

"Once you win this war for the Capitol- will you marry me?"

I flush a bright red- an old habit not entirely gone- and I find it unnerving slightly that he said once- not _if_- and then my stomach squirmed at what he was really asking me.

I grasp onto his hand and I raise the other to the one on my cheek- pressing it more firmly against it."I am already yours, Caleb. You needn't even ask."

His face gentles- all anticipation and curiousness gone- and he ducks once more forward, kissing me.

"I can not believe I say this- but I can not wait for this war to start."

I laugh at the ironic-ness of those words, and he laughs with me- though I have an odd feeling that this strange, almost selfish, happiness we have just created would not last.

* * *

><p>Later that night, after the mayor had us cleaned up- and I requested Caleb stayed with me- he gave us a room that was an office, just with a cot set up in it. I know it was lucky for us not have to share it with all those others who are staying here.<p>

Caleb and I did not speak and the silence was unnerving, yet I did not want to be the one to end it. He lay on the cot already- his arms folded behind his head, staring up at the ceiling his eyes full of thought. I stare at him from across the room, where I sat running my fingers through my hair. He bore no shirt and the blankets were only pulled up to his waist. (Yes, he is wearing pants- what do you think I am, a skank?)

But I didn't look away- I was lost in my own thoughts also.

I don't know if I can do it- the joining to the Capitol... but I also know that I can't lose Caleb. I remember, reluctantly, those nights in both my Games. The people- kids- I was forced to kill. The torture they had put me through.. the bats, the cave in, the mountain lion... having to watch Eric and Sirius die. To have to kill Caleb's brother.

We only talked about that once- Blake. And the whole time Caleb kept apologizing to me over and over again about having throw all of it on me.

I did want to marry him though... I liked the idea of tying myself to him. Even if I was seventeen, I am so much older on the inside. But to marry him would mean he needed freedom- and and...

I gasp and his face instantly snaps to mine, sitting up straighter- worried- but I smile and I get to my feet.

"Caleb..." I begin, slinking across the room quickly and sitting on the side of the cot. "I have an idea."

He grins, laughing slightly. "You freaked me out." I laugh with him- ducking and kissing his cheek quickly.

"No, I'm fine- more then that.."

He looks at me curiously and I widen my smile- beaming at him all knowledgeably. "Well what is it?" He asks, smiling back at me and pulling himself closer- grabbing my waist and moving me so I lay on my back on the cot. He props up an elbow so he looks down at me.

I stare at him, my eye bright, but I only just lay there relishing in my idea while he continues to wait.

His eyes narrow at my lack of answer and then he grabs at my sides- tickling me. I shriek with laughter and he grins. "Come on no teasing- just tell me." He continues to tickle me until finally, sputtering with laughter I push away his hand and say.

"Free-Freedom, yours. I've an i-idea!"

He pauses, an eyebrow of his quirks and I bite my lip as he soaks that in. "Yes..?" He finally presses.

"I don't..." My voice became a bit more serious. "I don't want to work for Snow."

Caleb frowns, but nods in understanding. "Okay- I kn-"

"Shh! Wait." I hiss, putting a quick hand over his mouth- to which he raises an eyebrow. "I've more to say." He nods and he grabs my hand away and hold it in his, waiting for me to continue.

I sigh, giving him a half-smile."We- God, how are we so stupid?" His eyes look slightly amused by that statement. "We don't need Snow to free you, not technically. If he falls well then your free automaticly. I'd rather join the harder side, with the rebels- then him."

"A _lot_ harder." Caleb says, he looks thoughtful- slightly fearful- and entirely hesitant. "Benjamin- my old leader or whatever.. him and the others were killed off two years ago."

I bite my lip. "All of them?"

Caleb nods, still hesitant looking- but he was staring at me, thinking. "They rooted out a lot of the rebels, I'm not even sure we have any more active ones."

"None we can join?" I whisper, my eyes boring into his.

He looks down into mine and I see something halt in his face, his breathing stops for a minute and his eyes instantly close. My hand raises to his chest, smacking against his skin and I plead.

"Caleb. What are you _not_ telling me?"

"I won't." He pushes the words through his teeth. "I can't."

"Why not?" I whisper sliding closer to him. I hate that he hides something from me.

His voice is pained and yet tender. "I can not endanger you." His eyes open again and one of his hands raise to my face and his finger tips lightly trail up my cheek, passed my temple, and then strokes back my hair. "I do this for you."

I sigh, snuggling all the way up to his chest- one of his arms clasping around my waist after throwing the blanket over me and the other arm curling around my shoulder, his hand buried into my hair as his finger tangle themselves in it.

My cheek lays against his warm skin and its mucky scent, I can here his heart rate- it goes a million beats a minute and I flush slightly when he leans forward whispering. "I love you." In my ear, before finally after the long day, I drift back to sleep.

_**…...**_

It took her hardly anytime to fall asleep, and as I cradled her in my arms I burned with shame, and regret for not telling her. I wish I could- I wanted to- but what would she say? Would she think different of me? Could they... kill her for this information?

I knew I had things to do, and maybe it wasn't as clever as I initially thought to hold her so closely- for I would soon have to pull away from her and get up without waking her slumber. I lay for a long while staring at her face through the dark, listening to the deep regular breathing of hers.

I sigh when at least two hours has passed and I know I can not afford to keep them waiting any longer. Silently, holding my breath slightly, I sat up carefully slipping her off of me and on top of the pillow. She stirred a little, but as I stared down at her face I could tell she was dreaming deeply, her face slack, her chest moving in slow, lumberous breaths.

I slid from the bed and reached for my shirt, pulling it over my head as I strode over to the window in the room- threw it open quietly- and then leaped down the short height it was from the ground.

_**…... **_

"Where is he?" The girl, the same one- with brown hair and chocolate eyes- that Caleb had been talking to earlier this evening hissed. She was leaning against a building down the alley just next to the train station- smoke and soot still heavy in the air around her.

The moon tonight, hanging in the sky was giving off a foreign and unnerving yellowish glow. The black horizon- bare of any stars- had a slight orange-ish haze across it, due to the fire that still continued to ravish the very lowest parts of town, where the Peacekeepers neglected to put it out, in hope that hidden rebels would soon get the fate they deserved.

The girl though, her mouth twisted in a tight half-pout and half-sneer, waited impatiently- arms folded across her chest and staring down the dark alley. Distantly she heard shouting, gun shots, and most of all the trains that came rushing in- with hundreds of Peacekeepers exiting them, running about, getting orders from loud commanders.

"Tera!" The girl tensed as her name was shouted from behind her and she whipped around to see Caleb, his cheeks tinged slightly red and his hair tussled- as always- running towards her.

"Finally." Tera grunted, letting her arms drop back to her side. "Where have you been?" She demanded.

He waved his hand in a vague, throw off motion and got straight to what he wanted to say. "I've changed my mind."

Her jaw nearly dropped. "What!" She cried and Caleb shushed her- looking around franticly- "You can't just- Do you have any idea-"

"I know, I know." He hissed, ducking closer to her. "But this is going to work out for the better, trust me."

"Hell no! If you think I will go for-"

"Tera!" Caleb snapped and instantly she fell silent, though grudgingly. He stared at her with an law-abiding look. "I need more time."

"Of course." She mumbled- obediently- and Caleb soften his face some.

"Thank you." He says and she glares up at him.

"Do you still want me-"

"Yes." He answer instantly. Sighing he stood straight again, running a hand through his hair- and staring off towards the train station just around the corner. "How are the others?" He asks now, turning towards her.

Tera rolls her eyes slightly. "Fine, but once I tell them you've change your mind.."

"They'll understand." Caleb shrugs, but then Tera snaps her face towards his.

"No they won't! I don't understand, why? Why!" She hisses through clenched teeth. "I know I shouldn't question you, but can't you just tell me.."

Caleb gnaws on his lip for a minute, still staring off into the dark before saying slowly. "I've changed my mind because Keera-" Tera's eye twitches at the name, an instant irritation sparking in her expression. "She's got a new deal, we're taking it."

"And the deal is?"

"That we work for the Capitol and then I get my freedom." He cringed slightly, saying it and Tera eyes shot off into rage

"What? No! No, I can't let you! Are you insane?" She shouts and she pounces at him, beating a fist against his chest- glaring daggers into his face. "Stop being so fucking blinded by her and your stupid freedom!"

He grabs her fist and throws it away from him, he meets her glare evenly. "Trust me, Tera. Just trust me."

Her eyes, though still clinging to the anger- died down slightly- and letting out a tense breath she fell back, pulling her hand back towards herself. "Fine." She spat, her eyes on the ground. "Fine, I trust you."

"You won't regret it." Caleb murmurs, looking around the alley- slowly backing away- and then his eyes look back to Tera, and her eyes lift to his sadly. He is reminded of the first time he met her- when she was first thrown into prison. Hissing like a kitten, her eyes sad and her face vicious- unforgiving and angry.

Then he turns away and sprints back to city hall.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: **Sorry for typos. Please review! And I'm SO glad about how many people and liking the third story. FYI: I am unable to answer any question you ask in the reviews, everything is a secret. -Taryn(:_


	4. Truly Hopeless

Chapter 4- "Truly Hopeless"

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><p>"Look at me!" Caleb cried and I couldn't. "<em>Please!<em>"

I bite on my lip so hard I started to taste blood, he stood behind me shaking my shoulders- but I could not find it in myself to turn around.

"Keera- I love you, don't do this- you can- you can.."

"Die!" I exclaim, whipping around, furiously- despite the tears that flowed down my face. I couldn't even breath, my throat felt so tight- "I can not- I can't-" My words broke off into sobbing.

Caleb, his face horror struck, reached out to touch my hand, but I flinched away. I stumbled back a step- and then tripped over sprawling across the ground at his feet.

My chest shaking so terribly, the sobs choked me. I couldn't- not-not..

"Oh god, Keera." Caleb murmured, his hands pulling at his hair- fear was seeping in his tone and pain as he suddenly fell to his knees in front of me. I curled away from him though, I did not want to even to have his sympathy- or pity- not now. I wanted to rage- not cry- I wanted to kill Snow.

"_I can't go back, Caleb_!" I shout, my voice a pure shriek of desperateness, my nails clawing at the wooden floor- drawing blood- wishing more then anything that is was the artificial face of President Snow I was ranking my nail across... for what he had said just maybe five minutes ago...

**_…..._**

(A few hours before the section above.)

That night after Caleb had told me rebels weren't an option at this point- I returned to Snow and I told him I would accept his deal. He was very merry about it, and I put up a fake smile- but this happened _weeks_ ago.

The uprising in District 8 was put to a long rest by now, most of the bodies of those who were killed- lay rotting in a pit in the lowest part of town- were the damage of the fire is still present. Aven and Jack have been taken into the arms of another care taker- one I suggested- Mrs. Collins, whose baker just so recently burnt down.

Most of the prisoners were executed- just to scare people. Caleb got worked up about that, but like Snow promised he was allowed to be beside me and he never left- so he wasn't in danger of being hurt again.

We were permitted to go back to the victors house after only spending maybe two weeks in city hall while they got things settled again. But ever morning I had to leave- trudge through the still hostile full and dirty town- all the way to city hall then stand through a full four hour meeting.

The mayor was always there, as were those three people from the first time I had met with Snow on the screen- Snow was sometimes there, but hardly. Commander Brock and three other head Peacekeepers who were transferred to District 8 were there, as was a man named Jason- who was our head leader here in our meetings. He was from the Capitol and apparently has been a head Gamemaker for ten years before this- he was a tall bloke, with dark buzz cut hair, a shadow of dark stubble on his jaw, and a rugged scar along the bridge of his nose to the side of his cheek. He has dark gray eyes- seam eyes, that I find odd.

Oh, and he is a general and I'm his co- in command. So he refers to me sometimes, I usually shrug- I haven't been much help in the meetings. Only when Snow comes do I speak and I'm usually just going over whatever Jason had come up with.

We talk of things that will improve our Districts control, to prevent them getting the better of us again. We've added more whipping posts, a strange and cruel pin thing that we throw whoever speaks out of term into it- so he may stay for four days- and if he happens to starve to death.. well who cares? (That's their modo.)

Winter was just passing now and as I climb out of the shower- Caleb having woken me up ten minutes ago- I get dressed quickly. I trail downstairs, where Caleb stood in the kitchen I walk in and he smiles at me, I take the breakfast he made for me and eat quickly- tiredly.

It is all silent when suddenly he asks. "Do you want me to walk you there?"

I shrug, looking up from my eggs. "Are you sure?" I ask, I know he hates seeing those whipping posts that stand in the middle of towns square- where sometimes they leave people hanging from them for days after their whippings.

"Yes," He leans across the island counter I ate at- and kissed my cheek lightly. "There is the screening later anyway- I'll wait for the meeting to pass and then we can watch it together."

"Oh yes, because I just love watching Katniss twirl around in wedding dresses." I roll my eyes, though I smile at him gratefully.

After breakfast I stood to put away the dishes but Caleb beat me to it and put them away for me- I walk to the door, but of course he slips in front of me and grabs my jacket, throwing it around my shoulders- before he opens the door for me.

I roll my eyes at the charming, quirky smirk that frames his face as he motions out the door. "Such a gentlemen aren't you?" I remark, walking out the door- watching him with soft eyes.

He shrugs, laughing as he closes it behind himself. "Only for you, my lady." He bows in a mocking way and I snort- turning and walking down the front steps- but then Caleb makes a noise to stop me.

"Wait!" And then he rushes down the stairs- extends a hand to mine from the four steps out of the five I have not taken and I raise an eyebrow as he waves it in front of me.

"Oh fine!" I exclaim, laughing despite myself and I take his hand as he practically lifts me down the steps. Once I'm at the bottom though and he is beaming at me I narrow my eyes.

"I have the strangest feeling you want something..." I murmur and his eyes flash innocently.

"Don't be ridiculous." He scoffs, hooking an arm through mine and pulling me along down the street.

I stare at his face all the way through town- while he keeps that smile in place- pointedly looking forward while I continue to watch him.

"You seem excited." I comment and his eyes flicker down to me.

"Excited?" He echos, and then shakes his head- giving me a false offensive look. "Can't a guy show his love for a girl through favorable actions? Without being questioned?"

"Not if it's you who is doing it." I retort, teasingly. Then more somberly. "Seriously, what is it?"

"You know.." He began his eyes wandering from my face to the the sky. "I've never noticed how much more beautiful you are out in the day light."

"Oh! How charming." I say rather flatly, though I can't help the flush that raises in my cheeks.

His face drops level to mine, and we stop in our walk just outside of city hall. "I'm serious." He purrs, quite seductively and my cheeks burn scarlet. I get a surge of want from my face to my toes and then next thing I know he closes the distance between our lips.

At first it's just warm and soft, his lips pressing gently against mine. But then his tongue, so deliciously warm, ran along the outer edge of my lips and I felt like an electric current shoot through me. I opened my mouth, almost sub-conciously, giving access to be tasted and taste back. I honestly can't say when the last time we have had a kiss so sweet. His mouth above mine moved expertly, coercing a response first by softness and then becoming more demanding, more... sensual.

Then someone ran passed us and I broke away from him- watching the man who was pretty much beaten to hell, sprint away from two advancing Peacekeepers.

Caleb groaned, his forehead falling against my shoulder and I found mine- with a slight surprise- on his shoulders, my fingers curling around the fabric of his shirt. I laugh lightly then as I realize just why Caleb was so suddenly dis-hearted.

"I was so close!" He exclaimed, lifting his head again and I grinned at him. "I should have planned for this." He sighed, shaking his head- faking disappointment and slight sarcasm in his tone. He waved a hand vaguely in the direction of the retreating people. "I should have seen that coming."

I hug him tightly around his neck before letting my arms fall back to my side. "Oh, I'm sure that was just the odds giving us a sign." I mutter, pulling away from him and slipping behind him- towards city hall just a few paces away. "You were gonna make me late."

He gives me a smirk then calls as I'm just about to enter the building. "Because _that _would such a shame!"

I roll my eyes for what feels like the millionth time this morning, pushing open the door- nodding to the Peacekeepers stationed on the outside of it (who were looking very amused)- and then walk inside.

**_….._**

Once Keera disappeared inside the building Caleb frowned, turned around and then started walking purposefully towards the opposite direction- near the train station.

It has been exactly five weeks, and she should have returned by now.

Caleb slid down the same alley as before and Tera had yet arrive- instead stood the other boy from the prison and from the night of the riot.

"Alex, how are you?" Caleb murmurs, standing across him in the alley.

"Good." The boy, with short brown, curly hair and dark brown eyes, replies. "And you?"

Caleb takes a deep breath, looking around the dirty shadowed alley before muttering. "I'm great."

"I can tell." Alex remarks, a harsh tone in his voice- Caleb's eyes flash back to his. "Keera's good too I saw..."

Caleb narrowed his eyes. "You were watching us?"

"I was waiting all morning... I got bored."

"Don't do it again." Caleb hissed, though there was hardly any threat in his voice- it just unnerved him that Keera was unknowingly exposed like that.

Alex nodded- obediently. "Of course." He murmurs then he adds. "Tera will be here soon."

"Good." Caleb sighs, shifting against the buildings wall uncertainly- crossing his arms over his chest. "Have you gotten any communication from her since she left?"

"Nope." Alex instantly replies. "I think-"

"You _really_ shouldn't do much of that, Alex." Another, girl, voice commented down the alley and both the boys snapped there gaze to her.

"Tera." Caleb says, and she smiles at him- walking closer.

She looked slightly harassed, her long hair pulled back in a messy bun, her sharp angled pretty face looked slightly tired, but all that aside she looked pleased with herself.

"Did you do it?" Caleb murmured.

Something falter in that pleasure of hers and she bit down on her lip. "Actually Caleb..." She whisper and he tensed- closing the distance between them and grabbing her shoulder.

"What?" He snapped and her eyes became troubled.

"I figured out something you won't like..."

**_….._**

By the time the meeting was over, and I walked out of city hall- I spotted Caleb standing against the wall of the building.

I approached, and then noticed as I got closer to him- his face was twisted in a dark, angry expression.

His lips were pressed tightly together, his eyes were thoughtful, running a million miles a second across the sky, his arms were crossed over his chest tightly, his whole body tense, and he didn't even notice me when I continued to stare at him- standing just in front of him.

"Caleb.." I murmur, and his eyes drop to me in shock. "What is it?" I whisper.

Then- why does he always do this?- I am crushed in a hug his arms so tight around me I couldn't breath. His lips rained kisses all over my face and then he said something that made me jump.

"We need to leave- run away."

He nods at my wide eyes, and my suddenly slack face. "Why?"

"It's the only way I can keep you safe."

"From what!" I hiss, and he looks around us- at the Peacekeepers- and then he grabs my hand and starts pulling me down the street, not answering me.

"Caleb!" I snap. "Who is trying to-"

"Not trying to!" He corrected me- his hazel eyes fearful as he looked at me over his shoulder- still dragging me down the street slowly. "They _will._"

But just before we could escape the square- Peacekeepers blocked us exit. Caleb didn't act out though- he's not the type instead he sighs and he gathers me in his arms fully and then pulls me to another quieter part of the square.

The Peacekeepers wouldn't let us leave because the screening would start soon. And just minutes later a whole horde of people- led by Peacekeepers and followed by them- was set into the square.

Comparing it to last time- there was at least ten times less the amount of the last screening. Peacekeepers all armed lined around the whole square and the citizens- most looked sad, hungry, and dead beaten- others, _few _others, still looked defiant.

Caleb held me tightly with my back against his chest his hands were interlocked in front of me and I turned up my face to look at his face- but he didn't look at me he stared at the screen his eyes full of fear and slight hope.

Then the anthem starts and he tenses. I feel it all along my body and I hold my breath slightly- just from his one anticipation. The seal flashes across the screen and we have to watch a long, long dispute over the wedding dress Katniss was going to wear.

I'm irritated slightly by the time it is over, but I'm also too curious about Caleb's behavior to let it bug me- but then Caesar announces that they had another thing to show us.

Caleb hisses under his breath and I watch the screen unblinkingly.

And then I suddenly latch onto the sound of his voice coming from the speakers around us.

"That's right, this year will be the seventy-fifth anniversary of the Hunger Games, and that means it's time for our third Quarter Quell!"

I know slightly what that means- that they do something special to remind us that we are bad and they are our leaders. That rebellions are not allowed- seems kind of amusing considering this passed year.

The anthem plays over again and I fight my revulsion as President Snow takes the stage. A young boy dressed in all white, follows behind him, holding a simple wooden box. The anthem ends, and President Snow begins to speak, to remind us all of the Dark Days from which the Hunger Games was born. He explains the laws for the Games were laid out, they dictated that every twenty-five years the anniversary would be marked by a Quarter Quell.

Caleb closes his eyes and I realize with horror and my body going cold- that there was a tear on his cheek. And then he buries his face in my shoulder and my hair, not able to continue watching.

As Snow continued on to tell us what happened in the previous anniversaries I tried to talk to Caleb- whispering comforting things, pleading, shaking his head slightly- but I couldn't turn around or move at all because of how tightly he clung to me, morphing my body against his.

I dropped my hand from his hair in defeat then when President Snow says. "And now we honor out third Quarter Quell.." The little boy in white steps forward, holding out the box and opening the lid. We can all see the tidy, upright rows of yellowed envelopes. Planned for no doubt centuries to come- and President Snow removes one clearly marked 75. He run his finger under the flap and pulls out the small square of paper.

Without hesitation he reads. "On the seventy-fifth anniversary, as a reminded to the rebels that even the strongest among them cannot overcome the power of the Capitol, the male and female tribute will be reaped from their existing pool of victors."

Caleb's hold on my tightened unbearably then and I-I couldn't breath.

The words rang around me endlessly. And the gasps, sighs, and faint rage cries from the crowd did nothing to drown them out.

_Tributes. Strongest. Cannot overcome... existing pool of victors._

I close my eyes and I will it gone.

But no- I can not even hope for that. And within seconds I click something in my mind.

_He knew._ He knew!

I tore from his arms in seconds, I whipped around at him and he stares at my in defeat- he wipes away the few tears he had- and his face is pleading.

"You knew!" I cry, futilely. People turn to stare and Caleb shakes his head.

"I tried-"

"No!" I screech, taking a step away from him. "No- you- you knew!" Tears, hot and overwhelming escaped my eyes and fell down my cheeks.

Pain shined in his eyes and he took a step forward, a hand held out towards my face, but I slap it away. "You knew! H-How _long_? Is this what yo-you've been hiding?" I demand and he takes a shaken breath.

"No." He exclaims, shaking his head. "Only hours, just today! I tried to get you-"

I didn't want to hear it, I ran- I'm running from him and down through the streets- the Peacekeepers don't stop me.

The tears are slipping down my face, I'm panting and by the time I get to the victors house I realize the Caleb followed me.

I fumbled with the door knob- my hands are shaking so bad- and then his arms are around me and they take the knob from mine and he twists it easily and gently- allowing me entry.

As soon as it opens though I slip in and slam it in his face. I don't wait though I sprint to the back of the house- where? I'm not sure- I stop in the sun room, with pale furniture and then _he_ is there again.

"Look at me!" Caleb cried and I couldn't. "_Please!_"

I bite on my lip so hard I started to taste blood, he stood behind me shaking my shoulders- but I could not find it in myself to turn around. He knew!- that is all I was thinking- other then the fact that I would go back! BACK! To hell, to killing, to- to-

"Keera- I love you, don't do this- you can- you can.."

"Die!" I exclaim, whipping around, furiously- despite the tears that flowed down my face. I couldn't even breath, my throat felt so tight- "I can not- I can't-" My words broke off into sobbing.

Caleb, his face horror struck, reached out to touch my hand, but I flinched away. I stumbled back a step- and then tripped over sprawling across the ground at his feet.

My chest shaking so terribly, the sobs choked me. I couldn't- not-not..

"Oh god, Keera." Caleb murmured, his hands pulling at his hair- fear was seeping in his tone and pain as he suddenly fell to his knees in front of me. I curled away from him though, I did not want to even to have his sympathy- or pity- not now. I could not listen to him now- not right after.. He knew!

I wanted to rage- not cry- I wanted to kill Snow.

"_I can't go back, Caleb_!" I shout, my voice a pure shriek of desperateness, my nails clawing at the wood floor- drawing blood- wishing more then anything that is was the artificial face of President Snow I was ranking my nail across... for what he had said just maybe five minutes ago...

Caleb swooped forward- stroking my face and I allowed it- unable to tear my hands away from the hard floor.

"I know!" He hisses and then I broke out in a scream- so shrill, so entirely hopeless... "Keera- please, stop- please, I'll- I'll.."

But his words are useless. Even though he continues to utter every comforting thing he could to me- cradling me- shushing me and still- I am still going to have to go back.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: **I think this answers a few important questions! Hope you enjoyed. -Taryn(:_


	5. Compromises

Chapter 5- "Compromises"

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><p>"Damn it- I love her!" Caleb exclaimed, his face twisted in such a way the person looking upon him momentarily found themselves wordless- and then they were amused.<p>

"Are you sure?" They inquire, half-hoping they said no and half-wishing they said yes.

Caleb, who was seated in a chair his elbows propped up against his knees- his face buried in his hands now- as his fingers tore strenuously at his hair took one second to reply."Of course I'm fucking sure!" He hisses, taking a deep shuddering breath. And raising his face to them. "I would do anything to keep her safe.."

President Snow's- on the screen in front of Caleb- mouth curled in amusement. "Oh? Anything?"

"Anything." Caleb whispers, staring up at the only man he could plead with now.

Snow pondered this slowly, staring down at the boy- who quite franticly without this girl, Keera, holding him back Snow was very sure he could successfully take his Capitol down- as he thought the same in reverse for Keera, for she without Caleb would too be a great enemy to President Snow.

"Tell me your secrets, boy." Snow murmurs and he sees hesitation in Caleb's face- but it is quickly thrown aside.

"And you promise that-"

"Then I promise that you can keep her safe, yes, yes- all of that." President Snow agrees, though underneath- he was laughing as he remembered all those years ago when he figured out about these two.. and he recalled that unsettled agitation that arose. "Tell me everything and anything you know, Caleb- about the rebellion."

The seventeen year old boy- demented with his young and passionate love as well as his tainted _need_ for freedom racking through his soul- he stared at the carpet in the office for a long while.

Finally though drawing a deep breath, tossing aside his better judgment and instead his thoughts centering around the passed month where Keera had been in an almost catatonic state- he opened his mouth and shared his secrets, his _most_ important secrets, (that Keera did not even know) to the _last_ person he should be telling.. by the time he finished, President Snow sat wide eyed, mouth hanging slightly a jarred and his perspective of this boy changed in an instant.

In fact he had half a mind to call the head Peacekeeper now and ask him to shoot this boy dead- but he held away from that want (for that was only driven by fear) instead he drew in a long breath, staring at this brilliant boy and saying softly. "I'm prepared to make you a compromise.."

**_…..._**

Going back to the Games. Going back to the Games- I repeated over and over and over again in my mind, but it still- I couldn't- I didn't want to make sense of it.

I lay across my big bed- staring at the ceiling, I could hear Caleb downstairs moving around- but otherwise nothing save for the silence was heard.

I tried to make myself think about just who I would be up against- but I couldn't.. Four years was still not enough time, I should have died for Luke, I should have died for Felicity in the uprising.

Better then dying now I'm sure of that. If I die in the Games I'll feel slightly humiliated actually- for having finally been put down. I'll feel- I feel like my dying would be a waste.

I close my eyes from the white ceiling hanging above me, but in an instant I flashed my eyes back open- for the blackness.. I couldn't stand the dark no longer, not now- not after...

I did not even _want_ to know where the next arena would be.

Flashes of Eric came to me- with Cyra standing a top him holding the bow... they were so young. _I_ was so young then...

I wondered- what if I had not been pulled that year? What if I had stayed with the orphans, been able to watch them properly and Caleb- Blake wouldn't be dead now, nor would Sirius, because if I hadn't won- if I wasn't there to make Eric so popular then they wouldn't even have considered rigging it to make his brother go... But only if... only if I hadn't been drawn.

But I can't blame Fray for that (since he was the one who drew my name), I can't even blame the odds! The only person this fault lies on- all these deaths- all this ruin that was my life.. it was the work of the Capitol.

As the thought ran through my mind I felt a savage and intense anger pang in my chest, passed my numbed state. My fingers curled slightly into a fist and I suddenly don't want to lay here and wallow to myself- waiting for my death day to arrive.

Instead slowly as the thought builds, the anger gathers, I want to take out the Capitol as much I can before I die. If I fall- then they will fall with me.

I sat up abruptly and I scrambled from the bed and across the room- It was strange... for I have not left this room (except for the bathroom) for weeks. But as I grab the handle- I froze- _what was I thinking? _

What could I possibly do to hurt the Capitol now? Without just reinforcing the fact that they will kill Caleb the second I stop breathing in the Game? I close my eyes- then with another jolt of fear I flash them back open, and I back away from the door as if it had burned me and I fall back onto my safe bed- curling around my arm, that thankfully I never lost, and lay there thinking...

Going back to the Games.. Going _back _to the Games...

* * *

><p>Two days later, nothing has changed, but when Caleb woke me up (after I had finally fallen asleep not too long ago) even his kisses seem numb. I open my eyes and he is staring down at me, so sadly, I wished I wasn't afraid of the dark so I could close my eyes to the sight. (I winced at how pathetic that thought sounded.)<p>

He stroked my hair back, affection in his voice when he whispers. "Fray is downstairs, he wants to see you."

I blink for a minute, not at first registering that fact- for I was too busy trying to memorize his face. "What?" I ask, blankly.

"Fray- I called him." Caleb says now, less softly. "You need to start preparing yourself. And you won't listen to me..."

I sigh- Great, Fray was here and now he's going to make me feel guilty- I sat up and Caleb smiles. "Hand me some clothes." I mutter and he instantly does it- tossing some to me.

I dress quickly as he slips from the room, and pulling my hair in a pony tail I follow behind- down the stairs. Once I reached the bottom and walked into the kitchen, Fray stood there staring at me- heavy lines in his face.

"I'm so sorry, Keera." He whispers and I shrug, dropping my gaze from his face. But he comes forward- and to my surprise- he pulls me into a hug. "I've pulled a lot of strings before I came here."

I lift my eyes to his when he pulls back and I frown. "What do you mean?"

"To get here- District 8 was cut off weeks ago." Fray sighs, rubbing his forehead and then giving me a strained smile. "But it's never too early for you to start training."

"I don't need to _train_, Fray." I emphasize. "I know everything there is about weapons- I know plants. I'm still fit, I'm no alcoholic-"

"Thank the odds you aren't!" Fray smiles lightly. "But your potential opponents may be- I've recently been talking to other trainers- or now possible victors- and some of them are not going to even be a challenge- in fact there are only a handful few that can even compete with you in your league."

I sigh- and here's the guilt... I'm fighting substance abusing elderly people- lovely.

Fray and Caleb wait for me to say something but I just turn away- Fray grabs my arm, but I look up at him sadly. "Just tell me the ones I know, Fray. Which friends will I have to murder this time?"

He purses his lips and briefly he shares a look with Caleb- who has been oddly silent- but he turns back to me saying. "Finnik, you remember him?" My frown deepens- of course I remembered him. He was following me around on my second victory tour in District 4 and he pressed the Caleb issue to its point- talking nonsense about sharing secrets and trusting one another.

"How high is that possibility?" I murmur and the look on Fray's face defiantly tell me it is pretty much guaranteed.

I nod slowly. "Okay, who else?"

Fray interlocked his hands staring at them for a minute before looking back up at me. "I was talking to my old friend Haymitch- a victor of District 12- and a passed trainer. You met him once, you walked away the instant he mentioned Caleb.."

I tried to recall this memory, but so many people had talked and _talked_ about Caleb- I refused it so many times I had begun walking away a long while before I was able to meet very many trainers or victors.

"I don't remember, what about him?"

But then Caleb jumped in- his tone sleek, informative. "Haymitch will not be taking a place in the Games, it guarantees that you are up against both Peeta and Katniss."

He looks at me- waiting for my reaction- but I have none. I do not care- maybe about Peeta, for I do not wish to be his killer.. Katniss well she will be an irritation and that is all.

I shrug. "Does it matter?"

And they both look very affronted by my lack of care.

"Of course it matters!" Fray insists, and Caleb slips closer laying a hand on my hip- I try to pull away but he suddenly whispers.

"Keera, do you remember that night when we were in the training center?"

I froze- staring at him, of course I remembered! I see the smoldering in the back of those golden lighted eyes and as his hand runs caressingly up my side I feel my resolve ebb away.

"What about it?" I ask.

"You were so_ determined-_ I remember it was you convincing me back then... not like this. Not you hiding-" A slight pained tone hit his voice and I knew he was trying forcible to keep it out of his eyes. "From me."

The last words came out breathlessly and I bit my lip- as I realize that... "I'm sorry, Caleb... it's just-" I swallow and I glance of Fray who is looking at us like we are his children or something and another pang of guilt is running through me.

I look up to Caleb and his tender face- I know he would do anything for me- I would for him... but- "The further away from me you guys are- the better, when I die."

Silence.

That is all I got- Fray clenched his jaw, and Caleb threw back his head- a sound of exasperation escaping his mouth.

"Keera!" He exclaims- grabbing me by the face his hands cradling my cheeks. "Is that what you have been going on about! Do you really- Oh-" He smiled suddenly, and he kissed me lightly on the lips- but then again more deeply, warmly and I felt it straight to my toes- the heat that flushed my face. The chills that ran down my spine as his fingers traveled over my cheeks, his finger nails trailing down my neck-

Then he broke away- panting slightly- his eyes shimmering. "I love you- I- I won't let you _die_! Keera, who do you think I am?" He murmured, one of his hands sliding through my hair and holding my head as if I was an infant and his other hand raising to my face again- tapping my cheek teasingly. "You won't die, my love. Never. I won't allow it."

I blink at him, the sureness in his voice was so strong- I felt inclined to believe it, his soft and light fingers reached into my carefully numbed exterior. It was unnerving yet so hopeful... I felt my spirit reach out to him, in wanting to live, my heart swelling with love for this boy..

"You promise?" I whisper and he nods, his eyes filled with relief.

"Yes." He whispers, pulling closer to me and leaning his forehead to mine. "Just, please stop pushing me away."

It is impossible to resist him like this, so close, so sweet. "I love you." I whisper, and I know I don't say it aloud enough because he soaks in those words as if he has never heard them.

"I know." He replies, his fingers once again stroking up my cheek. "I will always love _you_."

I stare up at him and my hand acts on its own accord as I touch his jaw lightly- curiously- as if it craved to feel every part of him. To know just how he came to be. His sweetness, his humor- those smoldering eyes- his passion, loyalty... intelligence. I could not for the life of me find something wrong with him.

I don't know what made me ask it though, I just had to- I didn't even think consciously about it..

"Before your freedom?" I ask and he looks horrified I did.

"Always- before my freedom, before anyone's. Even if by some _miracle _you die- I will still love you- even then." His words were like someone feeding my fight and I continued to stare at his unblinking hazel orbs, one of his hands still caressing my cheek- the other twirling through my hair- "You are the only one I listen to anymore, Keera..." He said softly and for a moment- I do not think he truly meant to say it.

Then his eyes close momentarily and I frown- because I would like nothing more then to stare into them. If I were to die in the Game (because I do doubt his sureness that I won't) I wish that the last thing I see is his smoldering, passionate depths.

"Please.." There is only one more thing nagging at my mind- his strange behavior- those nights that I would wake from nightmares and he is not laying next to me. Those letters he reads and when I walk into the room he tosses into a fire or stuffs them in his pockets. "Tell me."

He sighs, his whole body weight sags- I can feel it through his forehead against mine. And slowly he opens his eyes, they are uncertain.

"You won't hate me?" He murmurs.

And I nearly laughed at the thought. "Caleb never, I could never hate you."

He looks deep into thought and his eyes are searching my face- for what? I do not know. But I do know all he will find is love, tenderness, and devotion.

"I have made a new deal with Snow- behind your back."

I'm stung slightly- at first- but then I lick my lips and taking a deep breath I raise a hand and press it to the one he still cups around my cheek. "Okay.. when?" I reply, slowly.

"A few weeks ago- Keera please know that I did this for love..." He begs and I tighten my fingers around his wrist in anticipation and he smiles halfheartedly. "I told him my secret- and- and he gave me what I asked for.." A slight upset and cringe-like expression ran over his face then.

"What was your secret?" I question. "What did you ask for?"

I wait and he has so many conflict on his face- then he pulls away and I let out a straggled mewling sound, but he only looks to Fray.

"Please- leave us for a minute." Caleb says, politely and Fray nods- looking between us and then walks out of the room.

I watch Caleb and he watches after Fray before turning his eyes back to mine. "I lied- there is an active rebel group."

I kind of found myself slightly unsurprised, I knew that some people had to be working on something. "Where? Is that who you are talking to?"

He hesitates again, running a had through his tussled hair. "Keera- it is everywhere. They reach into every district. And- and I am not talking to them... they talk to me."

He said it pointedly and his eyes implied something I didn't catch onto- I thought maybe he was saying they were forcing him into joining them or- or... "What do you mean?"

Caleb gives me a earnest look. "I_ mean _that they answer to me. I started them- I created them, I am their leader. The riots.. the uprisings.. they are inspired by me. Please, I know they are unorganized, cost a lot of life's- I didn't order them. I encouraged them to stop. But I can't say that I forbid them to begin with- I know what I was saying to them, the information I've gathered from the Capitol and shared... I knew that I was going to stir something.. I _tried _to stop them and I'm sure that none will riot without a direct order now but-"

I clapped a hand over his mouth before he could say anything else, staring wide eyed at him. His eyes watch me carefully- definite fear and anticipation in his face as well as nervousness.

"You're talking too fast." I finally murmur after a minute, feeling a little distant at the moment as I let everything he said soak in.

He raised a hand, pulling mine from his mouth- he ran the other through his hair and he gave me a nervous smile. "You make me flustered. I can't help it." He paused and I continued to just stare at Caleb- my Caleb- who was a rebel leader?

He gave a wheeze laugh then. "I-If any of the others saw me like this they'd think I've lost my mind..."

"Others?" I whisper.

He looks a bit concerned now. "Yeah I've designated a commander in every districts they take care of things that I normally do here in our district- I've messengers, spies, weapon finders.." Then he winced. "Bud was one of mine."

I froze. "What?"

He snatched both my hands-probably afraid I would run- "Bud wanted to join, I let him, I didn't give him any assignments but he got swept up in the riot plot my under workers thought up. I tried to stop it, I did. I warned you- I already told the mayor before hand.. it reached out of my grasp. But I have it now. No one would disobey again. They wait for my word."

"Yours?" I echo, blankly. I'm not really sure what to think...

"Mine." He nods, he still looked worried. "And they know that your- well they know I'm protective of- If I were to die they would refer to you."

My eyes widen further. "_Me?" _

"I've things planned, they know I do. They would turn to you because they would think you knew. But you don't not now anyway-" His eyes suddenly flickered away from me, then back. "You should go back upstairs and.. lay down, think or something."

"You won't run away will you?" I say..

"Of course not!" He insists then kisses my cheek, hooks his arm through mine and takes me upstairs.

**_…..._**

I think I would have rather her anger, a few punches and curses. Or maybe tears- shame and sadness- something at least! Not- not silence and blank stares...

When I lay Keera to bed and retreated from the room, I hoped she'd run after me- snap out of her shock- and do something! But no she was silent and still is.

I sit in the kitchen with Fray everything is silent and it's driving me mad. Fray keeps giving me that look that I don't understand- Keera is not talking, I _hate _that. She always has a comment, for everything! She must think something different of me, maybe not even- just like a small tweak in my determination or-or my knowledge. Maybe she thinks I'm a betrayer because this goes against everything Snow asked of us...

Maybe she didn't even register the fact I told Snow who I was.

The only part I find relief in this situation- as I sit ponderously on the counter and staring out into the night- is the fact that Keera had completely forgot to press the deal I made with Snow. She doesn't know and I pray she forgets forever- or until the right time. For if I told her tonight- after the things before- then she would have I think tried to kill me... or you know break down.

I admit- I was too blinded by Keera when I went to Snow and I made a grave mistake as I negotiated that deal. I think he had planned this- all of it- because it just fit too perfectly... with District 8 lacking a male victor..

I mean _hell... _How long do you think I will last in the Games?

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: **Well.. Well.. xD The plot thickens. Thanks for reading! -Taryn(:_


	6. Flowers

Chapter 6- "Flowers"

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><p>Caleb- <em>my <em>Caleb- was a rebel. I could accept that. But he was a rebel leader too- a popular one by the sound of it. He was in charge of the riots... the riots that killed Felicity and Arthur- a riot that Bud was a part of. That killed hundreds.

For once I am able to close my eyes and not immediately coil away from the darkness. But only because I was too busy trying to block the thought my mind.

I know it isn't Caleb fault- but to think of him as a murderer in charge of all those who have killed. It is a bit unsettling. But all I can picture... with my eyes open or closed.. all I can see...

Is Caleb- not killing, not murdering my poor Felicity like you might think- but it is him, standing before President Snow, and the general Jason. I see him standing there- Jason holding a gun to his forehead. Threatening, yelling, cursing, and Snow standing back with that disgusting smile.

And Caleb? Caleb's just standing there- his face neutral and kind like always. As if there no gun to his head.

As if he does not even think that being a rebel leader would lead straight to his death.

I bite on my lip at the thought of him dying. I would do anything to keep that from happening.

But I would need to survive this Game before I can even think about helping him, about helping the rebellion.

So I open my eyes- sit up- and I call for Caleb.

* * *

><p>Weeks later- after reviewing everything on plants and Caleb reteaching me everything he knows on all weapons- I feel like I have at least a chance to win this. If I don't get irrational.<p>

Caleb takes everything too seriously for my liking- but I know how he can get when he really is for something. But I literally can't remember the last time since that night when he last kissed me. Sure half-hugs are given and he tells me he loves me every night...

But he's distant, in ways, he is still playful- like usual- but he pulls back at some points and his face becomes closed off.. just like it did now.

His smile faltered, as I ducked closer to him, his eyes flashed.

"Oh come on, Keera, that's not true." Caleb joked, tugging on my ponytail- tossing aside the spear in his hand. I watched it tumble across the crates, I fought off the wave of despair rising in my chest.. I had just brought up the fact that he has not kissed me in weeks.

"It is." I whisper and I too, drop my spear, he has already waltzed away from me- across the small attic room, back in the same old factory we used to train in.

He gives a strained smile- his eyes trail along the broken, dirty windows on the opposite side of the room- he won't even _look_ at me. Only out into the night, the moon was hardly seen behind the gray clouds that loom outside. But it still was enough to light the room, I could see his face shift.

"What does it matter?" His cunning eyes flicker to my face, his voice coarse. "Are you saying that my kisses are what make you want to fight for me? That just because I don't, you find yourself not wanting to help me? Suddenly bothered by my status?"

I blanched. "That is _not_ true!" I hiss, and he turned his back to me. My teeth clench together I take a few steps closer to him, snarling. "It has never bothered me that you are a prisoner, Caleb."

I see him exhale, his shoulders are stiff though and he crossed his arms over his chest- his face lowering. I just wanted to see his face.

"Keera-"

"No." I snap, suddenly tweaked by this- first he rejects me, when I try to kiss him and then when I point out the fact that he won't do it he accuses me of not even caring for him. "What is wrong with you? I thought we were done with this."

I wait for him to turn back around, but he doesn't- "Nothing is wrong, Keera- I just.." He sighs, and drops his pose, rubbing at his face with his hands. "I'm just tired." He turns, not fully around, but he does spare me a look of exhaustion before walking over towards the exit.

I make no move to stop him, I wrap my arms around myself, tightly- I won't follow. I bite on my tongue at the wanting to just take it back, accept he is tired, pretend that he is not distant, but I can't...

I watch with sad, hard eyes as he grabs his jacket off of the knob of the door, pulling it on haphazardly with quick, yet lazy movements.

He pulls open the door after and just as he is about to slide out- he pauses, his head hangs down for a minute, his eyes closed tightly...

"Are you coming?" He finally murmurs- his voice sounds so tight. His eyes stray up to me, standing stiffly in the middle of the messy, cob-web infested attic.

"No." I say back, giving him a swift nod of the head, but my hands clutch the side of my shirt- my nails biting at the skin underneath.

Those hazel eyes- gleaming in the dim light- stare at me, calculating, tired, worn... and then he shakes his head, stands taller and his hand still clutching the door knob drops. He stares off into the distance as he strips off the jacket again, walking towards me as he does.

Then he throws it over my thin, white button down shirt. He takes my arms and unwraps then from around me with gentle and cold hands. His eyes briefly look into mine, I refused to look away from his face, but he never pauses to reassure me.

His jaw is clenched tight when he wraps his arm around my shoulder- keeping the overly large jacket in place since it just hangs about me- and he forces my numb feet forward.

He leads me all the way down to the third floor- and then he helps me climb down the latter- but the whole time he still only just lets his finger skim over my skin, his eyes never truly meeting my face.

The night is late, maybe even early morning now. The air is decisively warmer then usually, and a slight chill of a wind tugs at the wisps of hair that have fallen free of my hair tie and frame my face. Caleb arm is firmly in place- but it... it isn't the same.

He keeps his chest and whole body a few inches from touching mine, the only piece of him that really touches my skin- is a little piece of his arm that sometimes brushes against the back of my neck.

His face is closed off- looking forward as we walk through the dark unlit streets. There are Peacekeepers about- standing on corners, giving us suspicious looks, but some smile at me, others wave at Caleb- as if he is their old friend- and the rare few look like they are ready to use the guns that are slung around their shoulders.

When we walk around a sharp corner, to our street, of empty fancy houses, that only just show off the death that the District endures through the Games, a Peacekeeper.. one I don't know puts up a hand to stop us.

I blink, we are only about ten feet away from the Peacekeepers and the three younger ones that the one who stopped us has with him look surprised about this also.

Caleb's hand on my shoulder grasp me tightly and then his hisses. "Stay."

I obey and he drops his arm, his eyes trained on the man who had taken only three steps towards us before Caleb struts forward- out of the darkness and enveloped into the lanterns light that sits in the middle of all the Peacekeepers.

I'm surprised when I hear Caleb and the one older man speaking in whispers- and then even more so when the older one waves away the three younger.

Then they are walking towards me and I tense, Caleb doesn't even give me a glance, instead I watch as he and the older Peacekeeper still having their heads ducked close, walk away in the opposite direction. They slip down an alley way just when the three younger boys reach me.

They hold the lantern that not only blinds me with it's orange glow, but gives off a slight heat that I can sense whenever the cold wind picks up. I look to the three young men- only one could be my age, seventeen, the rest have to be at least fifteen.

"We were told to make sure you got home safely." One says, his voice is surprisingly full of a tremor, a slight fear twists in his voice- while the others just seem to look out of place in their uniforms.

"Where did they go?" I ask, softly, trying to peer around them. My hands clutch Caleb's jacket around me- I suddenly miss the detached Caleb more then the completely ditching me one.

"Back to the prison, miss, they have matters to discuss." The oldest one reports- his sentence sharp and barking, his voice is deep- yet he has a baby face. Frays of light brown hair peaks through the official hat he wore. He has not even one line on his face.

"Is there something wrong?" I ask further and the youngest one that had fear in his voice looks to be nervous, his eyes keep flickering around me- not looking at me.

I stare at him, but the eldest one answers me again. "Noth'in that we have been informed of, miss."

My gaze snaps back to him, there was a twinge of Capitol accent in his voice. "Are you from the Capitol?" My eyebrows knit together sightly and one of the boys, the one in the middle holding the lantern, rubs at his hand nervously.

"Yes, ma'am, we are." The oldest states, and I notice how tall and stiff he holds himself, how perfectly alined his uniform is- compared to the one in the middle who was dirty, skinny, and not even answering my questions... I look to the youngest and he is just like the oldest.

"But you aren't?" I stare at the middle boy. He gives me a meek look.

"No." He says lamely. "They are recruits, I'm just from here."

The oldest looks at him in a hard way, a decisive frown on his face. He did not like the way District's 8 Peacekeepers answer question, or follow orders.

"I did not know they sent Capitol children to the Districts." I finally say and I look between the two. They are both well fed, I am surprised I did not immediately make out the difference before- I had been too worried about Caleb then.

I still am, but I bite down that disappointment for my new curiosity.

"Where did you think the new recruits came from?" The smaller one asked, though in a respectful way.

I stare at him, and he seems to shrink away and I suddenly am struck with the thought of him only knowing me as the girl who has won the Hunger Games twice- who has killed plenty.

"I don't know. Just.. walk me home." I state, turning around and starting to pace towards my house at the end of the street.

They scramble to follow behind, the tallest, oldest one steps right up to my side, his hands behind his back respectfully- the boy with the lantern slipped in front of us lighting the way and the other Capitol bloke is on my other side, but further away then the older one is. And he doesn't keep peeking down at me, he is looking forward just as Caleb had been.

I wonder what Caleb was doing back at the prison, I felt terrible now for picking a fight with him- I should just know he is tired. Maybe he is stressed, he _is_ a rebel leader...

When we reach my front steps they stop at the base of it, I don't even look back at them as I walk up them, but out of the corner of my eyes- I see the two Capitol boys bow, slightly.

I blink now, turn to them as I open the door. My face confused. "Why-"

"Manners." The older one states. "We do know what those are you know."

He smirks as does the other Capitol boy- it reminds me of something Arthur would do. He had become such a probing, sweet, innocent looking boy- and they look no different. And the older one- reminds me of Luke.

They couldn't look more out of place in this District then me in the Capitol. But they don't represent what I know of the Capitol. Evil, murdering, twisted, dark..

No, they are polite, obedient, trusting..

Not like the Peacekeeper from here- I wouldn't trust that boy to hold the door open for me, let alone money or food, I'd think he'd run off with it the second he could. The other boys, they wouldn't run. They'd hold it for years and then hand it back, as nicely as I'd given it to them.

Hell I'd even trust that older one to hold my hand if he wanted to.

"Thank you." I murmur instead and then I slip inside my cold house- snap the door shut and race upstairs, before I could let my tired thoughts confuse me more.

* * *

><p>The next morning I woke up late, because my wake up call never came. He always wakes me up- and he isn't here. I get out of bed- feeling lost. Disoriented.<p>

I still have on the clothes from last night, his jacket lays across the ground from where I threw it. The shoes I wore tangle with the sheets as I try to disentangle myself from them- they feel heavy- and I drag the sheets off the bed when I stand.

Aggravated and fighting to be free of them, I give a last sharp tug, but only manage to trip myself. I crash into the bed side table, sending the lamp shattering to the floor- I catch myself with my hands, but land on a shard.

"Shit!" I snarl. Then kicking away the sheets I bring my palm to my face. My back side throbs from falling, but I pick out the large piece of glass in my hands with a cringe, the gash is nothing too bad, only stings a little- but bleeds like a drama queen.

Not caring I strip off the shirt I wear, wrapping it tightly around my hand. It soaks through easily and I grumble to myself as I get to my feet- so today wasn't going to be a good day. I don't bother cleaning up the glass or the stupid sheets- I walk to the door and noisily make my way to the kitchen.

If I had even clung to a small hope that he would be down here- it vanishes.

The room is in perfect shape- not even a dish in the sink. I don't know where Fray is, but hell I don't even know where my rebel leader boyfriend is so- that just shows how smart I am.

I make my way across the kitchen to the sink, turning on the cold water, tossing aside the blood covered shirt onto the counter next to it and then cringing when I put it under the stream of liquid.

I let my eyes wonder to outside the window- and down the street on the corner there are four new Peacekeepers keeping guard for this mornings shift. My mind wondered where that one boy had went- but I shake it off, turn off the water and then look through a few cupboards until I found a first aid kit. I made it a little messy though- neglecting to close any of them after shfiting through or did I pick up a tossed aside can of food or spare towel.

I jump up on to the counter using my one hand- and it is strangely remembering to not be able to temporarily not use my other one. I pat my gash dry with a towel, then I wrap it tightly around my palm and separation between my thumb and fingers.

Once I did that, I frowned at the hand- flexing it. Then slipped off the counter, glanced at the mess halfheartedly... the mess would do my too clean house some good.

So I instead go back upstairs, I try my best at cleaning up the glass though, I use the sheet and pick up the pieces delicately, collect them all and then wrap them within the deathly fabric- placing it in a waste basket across the room.

By the time I did that, got dressed, pulled my hair back into another tie- I heard the door downstairs open and then close. I tensed, waiting. Then I heard Caleb shout.

"Keera!" There was panic in his voice- my heart picked up, what was it? Had he been informed that someone died? That President Snow has decided to redeem the deal that I can have him freely? That the prison is upholding executions? All the things raced through my mind, when I moved across the room, opening the door, but I stopped just outside it.

Caleb had climb all the way up the stairs- his face morphed in worry, he stopped short at the top of it. Staring at me his eyes wide and frantic, in his hands he clutched my blood stained white shirt, and I realized...

"I was going to clean it up, don't worry about it." I say, against his startled silence and I move towards him, snatching the shirt from his clinging fingers- I roll my eyes at his expression of shock, then understanding- even though his eyebrows knit together after he realized I wasn't dead.

I brushed passed him to the stairs, but he suddenly turned and grabbed my bandaged hand.

"What happened?" He asked, his voice strained. "Who did it?"

I gave him a look. "I did- I tripped."

He ran a thumb over the bandage, his eyes examining my mediocre healing skills. Then I picked up on how blood shot the whites of his eyes are, the smudges of dark under them... my stomach turns at the smell of liquor and smoke on him.

"Where have you been?" I ask, tensely.

His eyes flicker to my face and then he drops my hand, standing tall. "No where, just talking to my... workers. There were a few complications last night- nothing to worry about."

"You smell like a bar." I sneer, my nose wrinkling as the smell got stronger the longer I stood close to him. His clothes were wrinkled, and misshapen as I looked him over and he shrugs.

"I had to meet them there, it is more secret, louder background. No chance of being caught."

I look up at him and his eyes finally for once stare back at me- but they are emotionless. "Okay." I murmur, and then he turns and walks to the bedroom, I walk down the stairs to clean my mess.

By the time I finish that though I return upstairs and Caleb is passed out in the bed- I frown as I walk in, and sigh. He lays on his stomach, still dressed in his clothes, much like I had- his shoes are still on. Even in sleep his face is scrunched up in thought, his hair is childishly messy, his breathing is slow yet labored.

I stand in the doorway watching him for a while, before finally giving in and stealing a blanket from the guest room- I toss it over him, since the other blankets went in the garbage with the sheets earlier.

I decide he needs his sleep- so I leave my aggravation with him for later. I left and went looking for Fray to discuss more on my training.

* * *

><p>Later that day I find myself, arm and arm with Fray as we walk down the crowded town square. There are shops open and bustling, with curious starers, poor thieves, bored Peacekeepers, and those few who can afford to buy any of the things for sale.<p>

There are plenty food stands, but there is also my favorite stand- the flower stand. They grow them special, inside, out of the smog from the factories, and with soil. There is no nature here in District 8 and I find nature something nice- I can hardly remember appreciating it in my first Game but no one can blame me for being distracted.

Fray looks around with sadness in his face- he sticks out like a sore thumb. But I feel more comfortable here with him, he pulls me through the crowd, and I don't even have to pay attention- I can just stare off wistfully.

I watch my feet for a while, when Fray stopped to talk to this older woman, negotiating a deal to buy an apple- that was bruised and mushy- she was selling it cheap, but Fray wanted to give her three times the amount she claimed it to be. She only refused twice before taking it greedily, and Fray took the apple- a frail smile on his face.

When he took my arm again and we started walking with a lazy gait, he twisted the apple around in his fingers. "I don't know how people do it."

"Not people, Fray. Your people." I tell him, boredly, and he nods, a pained and shameful expression passing across his face.

"I know." He sighs, and takes a one bite of the bitter apple- before tossing it in a can near by. I almost make a noise against the waste of it, but then I watch out of the corner of my eye, a child- of maybe five with long mousy hair, dirt and ash smeared over her face and clothes, jumps to grab it out- she eats it with small bites, savoring it.

I sigh, my eyes trail through the people- you know who is who by the state they are in. Most of the towns people are showered in ash from the fires and the incident with the factory. Others the Peacekeepers are neater, but uniformed, blank faced. Though a few still hold the ability to smile and laugh.

I see a group of younger ones, maybe from a range of twenty to fifteen, there are five, and they are all laughing and smirking, sharing an inside joke. They all look well fed and carefree- my heart tweaks as I think of Sirius- and then I notice as an elder Peacekeeper, from this District comes over and snaps for them to shut up.

They do, standing straight immediately, saying "Yes, sir." In union.

A ghost of a smile lights my face as the older man looks momentarily shocked by their quick and obedient response- used to the trouble making ones from around here, like Rankin- and then he shakes it off, mutters something like an order, and shuffles off back to where he came from. Once his back was turned though- all the boys shared an amused look.

I recognized the older boy from last night amung them- he noticed my stare, smirked, and then winked at me. I blink, averting my face forward, ducking slightly behind Fray's taller form, from the group. Fighting the instinct to blush.

Fray and I made it nearly to edge of what was left of District 8's town. And having wandered through all the shops, he stopped, ponderously- "I'm going to go buy some bread, do you want anything?" He looked over to the bakery- that was hardly one, since the real bakery had burned down... but this one was Mrs. Collins makeshift one. I liked it because the kids got to help her.

"No." I reply, though I neglected to eat this morning- my eyes wandered over to the flower stand. "But I think I'm going to go pick up something real quick- wait for me there." He nods, and I drop his arm heading towards the woman behind the stand.

I wanted to get Aven some tulips, she loves them- especially the blue ones. Before her mother died... her dad used to own the flower business. Bud and her used to help plant. I remember she was dropped off at the community home with a bundle of blue tulips clutched in his fist, Bud skittishly standing behind her.

Their father died of illness when they were three, and not two years later their mother caught the same thing- the new owners are Aven's aunt and uncle, they only gave her the flowers to shut her up, before they dumped the twins on someone else- or rather me.

I approached the woman- she looked like Aven some- and she smiles brightly at me. There is a smudge of ash and dirt under her jaw and she brushes off her clothes self consciously as I step up to the racks of flowers- looking over them.

"What are looking for?" She asks, eagerly- no doubt itching to get her hands on my money.

It annoys me some, but I just grit my teeth, waving a throw off hand in her direction- pretending to not know what it is I want. "I am thinking about it." Make her sweat, suck up maybe.

"Oh!" She exclaims, scrambling from behind the counter, and coming to my side. "Well we have just got blooming lily's!" I look at the flower she pointed out and they are kind of unique... Interesting looking. "They come in blue, white- a nice light pink-"

"Violet?" I ask, curiously, touching a petal with a hesitant finger.

"Oh yes!" She says, nodding. "They are back inside- I didn't think to put them on display, I'll be right back." Then she scuttled into the building behind the racks of flowers and wooden stand. I watched, slightly amused, standing straight again. I wasn't going to buy them- I was just curious to the colors they came in.

I laugh as I hear some loud crashing coming from inside- then her shrilly yelling at her husband. But my laughing came to an abrupt stop when a shadow figure covered the ground in front of me and someone drew up behind me.

"You don't strike me as a flower kind of girl..." He murmurs, and my eyes flash to the boy on my left- the same one from last night, the Peacekeeper.

I shrug, as he smirks. My eyes training on the flowers, refusing to look at him- I fought back a flush though... I really hoped he didn't think I was staring at him earlier.

"Oh? Why not?" I croak, lamely, a few seconds later. Pretending to find the daffodils just fascinating.

He laughs, the sound is so genuine... and he ducks closer to me- a hand reaching for a flower... a rose. He picks it up delicately and twirls it- reminding me of President Snow, I shudder. But then he says.

"Well why don't you ask any of my buddies?" He suggests, looking at the rose fondly, then glancing over at me- with some sort of knowing smile. I avert my eyes again- since they had followed back to his face. "They seem to think you have the ability to kill them in seconds, they dared me to come over and talk to you- scare them shitless if you go over to them you know, I'd love to see that-" He laughed again, his grin splitting his soft, almost baby face.

But then I bristle back to my unfriendliness. Reminding myself even if he is my age- he is a Peacekeeper and from the Capitol. "Who says I can't kill you in seconds?" I hiss, slipping subtly away from him and glaring down at a yellow flower- my finger running along it's heart shaped petal. "I used flowers to hurt people before.."

He was silent, I was tempted to look back up at him, but I didn't. Instead after a minute, his hand and the rose came into my vision.

"Take it, show me." He says, and my eyes flash to his face- he is dead serious. His tone is daring me, as if he does not believe me. I look back to the dark red rose, the color of blood- and slowly I take it from his hand.

There are no thorns on it, they have been peeled off. I don't really want to hurt him- I just wanted him to go away..

"Well?" He presses, edging closer- I feel suffocated. Cornered by him and the flower racks. I look at him and my eyes are defiant- I notice with some shock is eyes are a beautiful amber, like- like gold... or the color of boiling sugar.

I blink, clearing my mind and then I toss aside the rose- onto the ground. "I don't need to prove anything to you." I snap- I forcefully try to remind myself that Peacekeepers are those men who whip Caleb, they are crude- they are...

"You don't." He murmurs, and then crouches down and picks up the discarded flower. "But I just wanted to see you deny it..." I sneer- I didn't deny anything.. but then he pets off the dirt that collected on the outer petals with gentle fingers. "And don't you know manners? I wouldn't want to teach you.. but it is rude to throw away a gift... miss." His bright eyes go back to mine, he hold out the flower to me, smirking- then he bows his head politely. He adds the miss as an after thought- but almost unconsciously, I think the manners and obedience has been drilled into him.

I look at the flower and then look to the shop hopefully... and the owner emerges. I glance at the boy. "Sorry, but I'm the flower kind of girl."

I grab four blue tulips, hand the woman some coin- she sighs when I refuse her violet lily's- I start to go, to join Fray over at the baker...

"Keera."

I freeze looking over at him, my hand tightening around the tulips.

"Then what kind of girl are you?" He inquires.

He looks curious and I just sigh, shaking my head. "An unlucky one."

I walk away then, not looking back- but I had the impression he stood there staring at my back all the way until I disappeared into the bakery. I shook off the encounter with him- focusing on the kids instead, though all day I could not shake the image of his golden eyes.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: _**_Okay, okay- here is the real chapter six. Disregard everything you read in the last post I made (under the influence of my friend -.- though I'm not sure why I listened to him) Please review, next update soon! -Taryn(:_


	7. A Vision

Chapter 7- "A Vision"

* * *

><p>That night- I slept alone again. But in the morning I did get a wake up call- literally... he was yelling for me to get up from the kitchen.<p>

I took a short shower after crawling out of bed and got ready in a span of five minutes- the whole time I was telling myself Caleb wasn't going to get away with anything anymore. I wanted to know what he was up to, why he was so distant.

When I came slinking down the stairs, I hear Fray voice. "-I have no idea."

"Well neither do I, Keera must know." Caleb replies, lightly.

Curiously I turned into the kitchen, my eyes spot Caleb perched on a stool, his face leaning against the palm of his hand, supported by his elbow. While Fray stood by the fridge, a cup of tea in his hand. But inevitability- my eyes also land on the new accessory on my counter.

Walking further into the kitchen- I cringe- because on my counter lays a bouquet of flowers- not roses. But violet lily's and blue tulips. They are beautiful; my favorite color is violet- but I also appreciate the light blue of the tulips. And of course, they aren't from the florist- there is only one person who would..

"You're up." Caleb chirps, sitting up and smiling at me. I give him a meek smile in return, coming over to him seated at the island counter, right in front of the flowers.

I make a motion towards them. "Where'd you find them?"

"Fray did, on the porch. There is a card..." He stares at my face- and I know he is waiting for a look realization or something to go off of, but I keep it carefully curious and shocked.

I pick up the small piece of white paper- that is only folded over neatly once- and I take a deep breath as I scan the words on the inside.

_Every girl deserves flowers- even the unlucky ones. -Ashton_

Ashton, his name. It wasn't outrageous like the ones the Capitol people usually have. But I just rolled my eyes- tossing the card onto the counter again. What was he playing at? Giving me flowers?

He saw me with Caleb walking down the street that night- did he not get the picture?

I sigh, gave Fray a smile and then slid into the seat next to Caleb- who watched me closely.

"Who's Ashton?" He asks and I shrug.

"He is a recruited Peacekeeper."

In an instant an eyebrow shoots up. "Why is he sending you flowers?"

There is no jealousy in his voice- just confusion. I don't like it...

I watch him sadly. "Does it matter?" I murmur, and Caleb shrugs, smiling.

"Nope. I was just curious." Then he places the plate in front of him- full of food- in front of me. "I made you breakfast."

"Thank you."

I eat in silence, Fray watches me with narrowed eyes and I avoid them at all cost. Caleb sits, toying with one of the flowers- I find it tense, but he looks like he doesn't give a thought.

"The reaping is in three days." I say in a whisper, swallowing a mouthful of food- it seems tasteless.

His face falters, the light, playful smile on his face disappears- his eyes jump to mine- then they stare down at the flowers... that I wish I could just toss out the window.

"I know." His voice is sharp. "Why do you bring it up?"

"Because that may just be the last day I see you." I snap, sitting straighter- I can't take it anymore! He has been absurd for too long. Every since I had gone all stoney and silent that one night! Only _one_ and for good reason- I had a right to be shocked when he confessed himself a rebel leader- but... but- "Won't you just look at me!" I plead.

And he closes his eyes, grimacing. "Fray please-"

"No!" I hiss, pushing away the food. Glaring up at Fray, and then looking back to my 'boyfriend'. "Fray you can stay- Caleb I'm serious, what the hell is going on? If you don't love me anymore then just say it! Are you just not interested now that I can't give you freedom?"

"Keera!" He exclaims- throwing up his hands in annoyance and exasperation- opening his eyes only to roll them. "You know that's not true. I can't just stop loving you- I wasn't with you to gain freedom in the first place, so of course that's not why I'm.."

His voice cut off abruptly and I stare at him, waiting, but he doesn't continue- instead he buries his face in his hands. I'd like to hear what he thinks he is doing.

"Kiss me then- kiss me, prove it." I hiss, not believing him- it was painful to think that he was using me. It stung like hell, to think he had another girl- and here he sitting, staring curiously at the flowers another boy sent me... not even bitten or questioning. "Kiss me, Caleb."

The last one came out as a plead- it sucked that I had stooped to that, but I say him breaking. His fingers tore at his hair and his shoulder drooped forward slightly. "Keera... I love you-" His voice cracked, and it was like he slapped me with that statement that sounded more like a lie. "But I can't... I need my distance- or you-"

I shake my head, climbing down from the stool. "Caleb..." I whisper, I felt suddenly winded. "Kiss me now- I'll stop questioning you. Just kiss me!" I demand, childishly I admit, and he lifts his face looking over his shoulders at me.

His eyes are pleading too. His face anguished. "It'll be more painful if I kiss you now." He murmurs.

I don't understand, but then I do- with a pang from my chest. Of course, I told him that. That I was distancing myself from him, so it hurt less when I die. But he said- he wanted me to let him in, he- I shook my head, trying to clear it.

"Do you want me to push you away or not?" I ask, not understanding what it is he wants from me. He shrugs.

"I don't want you to- but I can't..." He sighs not finishing his words, and I hiss.

"Can't what?"

"Nothing. Forget I mentioned-"

"Can't what!" I repeat, louder, and he whips around, glaring.

"I can't keep things from you, when you are too close, when we kiss- you blind me Keera! Blake was right, as much as I hate to say it." I flinch at that. "I've been making mistakes. I've been messing things up- I can't afford this, you blind me Keera... distance is necessary."

I press my lips together, he draws in a deep and frustrated breath and I stare at him- I glance to Fray... who is awkwardly staring down at his cup of tea, pretending to not be here. I regret not sending him away.

Even through all of Caleb's rambling- all I picked up on was what he said about Blake (which stung for a lot of reasons) and also the first part, about keeping things from me. "What else are you hiding from me?" I whisper, and he looks up meeting my eyes- defeat was in there and I knew he would tell me what I wanted.

"The deal I made with Snow- I've avoided in telling you." He murmurs, and I don't move an inch when he stands up from the chair- making towards me. "I was blinded by you then... he tricked me, outsmarted me, Keera. Please I was trying to help- don't.." Confliction and pleading was in his voice. "Don't do anything rash."

I nod, slowly. Then swallow. I can not even imagine what it is. "Just tell me."

He walks all the way in front of me, and he looks like he is so nervous- I almost feel bad for him- his throat looks tight, he scarcely breaths. "C-Can I kiss you first?" He stutters, nervously. And if it were any other minute in time, I would have laughed in relief. Instead it only scares me more.

"Of course." I murmur, and his hands -they're shaking!- reach for my face, one runs through my hair, the other tilts my face up to his, running a thumb over my cheek. His hazel eyes- that seem dark right now- are staring into mine, they are calculating.

Then slowly, he lowers his face to mine, I close my eyes when I feel his lips brush over mine- I part them instinctively. And I shiver when his tongue glides over my bottom lip. Need shoots through me, I move closer, more snugly against his form. My hands wound around his neck, but I feel him weakly resist.

I don't allow it, I dominate the kiss then- moving against his more franticly... his mouth is so sweet, I have missed it so-

He broke away abruptly, turning aside is face and rushing out the words. "I'm going in the Games with you, as District 8's male tribute."

I froze, my face fell in dread- my arm dropped back to my side and he looked panicked.

"Please, it is f-for the best.. I'll help you, don't even..."

But his words.. I didn't hear them. My eyes were wide open, but I couldn't see him anymore. I wasn't in my kitchen. I was in the dark. I was alone- just abandoned by Sirius- then I was laying on the cold ground, Blake and Sirius laughing above me... then I'm standing on sand, the moon high in the sky, Eric's blue eyes shining at me through the dark, his cold wet fingers clasped around my wrist as he calls out to the Careers. Then I am bleeding, agony coursing thorough my body as Sirius slaps me across the face- the force of it knocking to me the floor as he threatens me with a knife.

The same searing feel of betrayal rushing over me with each memory. And at this very moment my blood runs cold with betrayal combined with a fear of losing Caleb. And then my mind is overwhelmed with a fear almost as suffocatingly bad as his death... but having him turn on me... it is ten times worse then the thought he was cheating on me.

I hear Caleb, distantly shouting my name- I blink and his face- so panicked and worried is there, his hands are around my face, running over my bloodless cheeks- his eyes staring fearfully at me.

"Go." I whisper, and he freezes- his breath rushing out of his lungs and fanning over my face, I nearly gag at this and I shove him, hard, in the chest- he stumbles back a step. "Go! Get away from me!" I shout, he flinches.

"But-"

"Get out of my house!" I snap now, flinging a hand towards the door and he shakes his head quickly- franticly-

"Keera what are you doing? I love you, please, why are you-"

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" I scream and he falls silent, torture in his face.

Fray moves then and I recalled he was there suddenly. "Keera, its not his fault, don't turn him away... just take a minute- breath- remember just who you are looking at." His voice is calm, collective and for a minute my rushing, scrambling mind grapples to grasp what he said.. then I clicked something together.

"You knew." I whisper, staring at Fray and then looking to Caleb. "You told him, but not me." I say... slowly and another wave of unjust- irrational- betrayal washes over me.

I close my eyes- trying to remind myself like Fray said.. that this was Caleb. Not Eric, Nor Sirius- or Blake. He wouldn't turn on me, not in the Game... I fight the memories, the betrayal. But there was a reason he tried to hide this... No. I bite my tongue, fighting the small voice inside my head- telling me to run from him now.

I can't be friendless again.

Caleb moves closer- I flash my eyes open- he stops, thinking better of touching me and then whispers. "I wanted to tell you. I just didn't want to hurt you, I couldn't- I didn't know how. I couldn't stand kissing you, it makes me feel worse an-and you just make me think too selfishly. I can never keep my head on straight." He pauses, waiting, but I just stare at him, taking in his words- forcing my mind not to turn them around into something bad. I force myself to notice his smoldering specks of gold in his eyes, reminding myself that this was my Caleb- that I've fought to be with him, that I love him.

"Please don't kick me out." He adds after the silence stretches to an unbearable point.

I hiss a breath in through my teeth- staring at him and slowly, I took a step back. I look to the door wistfully- my eyes flicker to Fray and Caleb. "I need to think." I say and Caleb relaxes slightly.

"Oka-" I don't wait for him to agree, instead I sprint for the door- throw it open quickly and then I'm running down the street.

_**...**_

Ashton snorts. "Oh no, you are not going to get out of this bet." He teases, his good friend Morfalin, holding out a hand. "You promised me money if I slipped that shot into the commanders tea."

Morfalin- backed up by another good friend of the two, back at the academy in the Capitol- rolls his eyes, scoffing. "I promised nothing- just a good laugh." He shares a smirk with, Ethan, who has the exact same glow in his eyes as all of the boys.

Another boy- the last of the four- who was sitting down on the only available chair... stared at them in wonder. They were all so playful- like children- and soft.. but not whiny or rude... they listen better then the boy's own classmates, they were more polite, more respectful, law abiding.. yet not harsh. Not just these ones either! All of the recruits...

He jumped when he saw Ashton suddenly grab the Morfalin boy in a head lock- _fighting!-_ but then he saw the grins on all their faces, the laughter that filtered through the air as he messed up the boys hair with his fist.

Morfalin feebly tried to push away, and squirm from the arm hooked around his neck. His face scrunched up slightly in displeasure as the knuckles rifted his scalp irritability- "Okay, okay! I'll give yah' your damn money!"

Ashton lets him go, and watches in satisfaction as his friend digs through his pockets for the coins that were rightfully his- when suddenly he sees something out of the corner of his eyes- his face flashes serious, his minds gathers memories of his drill Sargent yelling at him what to do in every scenario...

But then he notices the blonde hair- his fellow guards straighten up, all their eyes flashing to Ashton- remembering earlier this morning when that specific boy had tossed flowers at the girls doorstep.

They watch her run by silently- they all hear the sobbing- the way her hands swipe at the tears streaking over her cheeks... no one stops her.

Ashton frowns, looking back to her house and then to her retreating back.

Morfalin scratches his head- uncertain- and the sitting boy sighs, when suddenly Ethan gives a half-smile, looking at his stumped friends. "Guess she really isn't a flower kind of girl." He jokes patheticly.

Morfalin glares at his friend and Ashton gives him a shove. "Shut up, man."

Ethan rubs his shoulder offensively, but Ashton lets out a long sigh, takes the gun off his shoulder setting it on the ground and then- glances up at his friends before taking off after Keera.

They didn't approve of Ashton's talk of her- in fact they were slightly scared of her- they had to suffer through yesterday where he wouldn't shut his mouth about talking to her... all through meals and the daily line up.

They weren't sure it was allowed- plus even if they didn't show it... being away from home made them miss the Capitol. They even craved to go back to the boot camp like schools their parents sent them too.

"He does realize if the commander see that he left- he's going to get a whipping." The dirty, skinny boy in the chair murmurs, waving a hand vaguely towards where Ashton disappeared.

The two boys blanched, then shared a horrified look- _yes_ they defiantly missed the Capitol..

_**...**_

I don't know where I was going- but I was running along the outside of the District- right next to the ten foot high, electric gates that keep us closed in. I stopped when I was noticed I was being followed.

"Caleb, please just leave me for a mi-" I choked on my words, a tear slipping from my eyes as I whirled around, but it wasn't Caleb behind me.

"Who is Caleb?" Ashton asks, innocently. He keeps distant though, his eyes trail over me- looking for damage- then they look at my face, his expression twitches. "Why are you crying, miss?"

My lips twitch at the word _miss._ Again I don't feel like he meant to say it really- But to be refereed to as miss was just not something I was used to.

I take a deep breath, wiping away a few tears, but they are only replaced. "Caleb is my boyfriend." I emphasis the word and there is a tightness in his concerned face suddenly.

"I really hope you are not crying because he his angry about the flowers. I-I could go apologize to him about it, if it would help.. I don't want to make it worse. A misunderstanding only- very sorry, ma'am, please let me make up for i-"

A startling light laugh escapes my chest, and I shake my head as I wipe even more tears away with the sleeve of my shirt.

"N-no, it wasn't you.. he doesn't care about those."

He sighs, looking beyond relived- but still unnerved... I got the feeling his Peacekeeper training has not prepared him how to deal with a crying girl. Because he grabs nervously at the uniforms hat- taking it off- his eyes trained on the ground instead of me, then onto the hat as he twists it around in hands. He glances up between me and the hat, uncertain.

"Then what is the matter?" He questions quietly, and I feel bad for making him think he was the reason- he could not even understand why I'm upset... he has never had to fear the reaping... we are two completely different people. From two different worlds- as if we are from two different time periods.

He was raised to celebrate and be entertained by the reaping, he was taught to not pity us, but think we deserved the suffering we have. He was told we are savages, mooching off the Capitol. And he no doubt was crammed with the idea that I- being a victor- am a prize. Better then the rest.. or maybe- I tossed the maybe out of my mind.

"I'm upset- because I am to go to the arena again." I hiss through clenched teeth and he cringes, looking sadly down at his hat. "I am crying because my boyfriend is to go in with me..." I add and Ashton bites his lip.

"Seems unfair..." He mumbles.

"Really? Think so?" I snap harshly, dry humor in my voice as I cross my arms over my chest- giving up on clearing the tears that flow from my eyes every time I blink.

He licks his lips, his hands clenching around his hat- "Is there really anything I can say?" He whispers, and I close my eyes.

"You can tell me it's not real.." I murmur, begging the words to be true.

"I can't lie to a girl, miss." He replies, honesty ringing in this tone.

I close my eyes tighter. "Pretend..." I breath.

He moves closer and my arms over my chest hug me tighter. "It will do you no good." He says, softly.

I open my eyes now, and he stand closer but still a respectable distance from me. I stare at his meek, timid, clueless- yet entirely honest- face. His eyes are like a warming light. I soften, my shoulders sink, and I sigh. "Thank you for the flowers." I whisper, and he nods.

We are silent and I continue to stare at him. I notice his hair is slicked back, it's a light honey brown, he is my height- probably three inches shorter then Caleb.

"I should go back to my post." He whispers after a moment, and he waits for me to give him permission to leave.

"Okay." I croak, my throat still thick with my warring emotions- he makes no move to leave though.

"Where will you be going?" He ask, his eyes looking around at the gravel path we stood on, to the gate, to the charred buildings on the opposite side.

I shrug, not caring, but he looks overly concerned at this point. "Can I walk you there?" He asks uneasily. "You shouldn't be wondering around all alone- no girl should be- with times like they ar-"

"I'll be fine, Ashton." I sigh and he stiffens as I say his name.

"Please- I'll feel better if I know that you travel saf-"

I give him the tiniest smile I could muster. "There are gangs of Peacekeepers on every street corner- I'll be fine. You should go."

With a slight hesitant nod, he replaces the hat onto his head and giving me a polite bow, he turns- walking back in the direction he came from. I waited until I couldn't see him anymore, before turning to go on my own way.

I walk for awhile down the gravel- my mind not racing, thankfully blank. I just need a minute, one god damn minute where everything isn't crashing around me.

Where oblivious boys from a different world aren't trying to court me. Where Caleb isn't rejecting my kisses- or telling me that he is going to go to the arena with me. Where my mind isn't constantly reminding me of all the memories I try to suppress. Of death, blood, pain- somewhere.. where I can just live happy, not by delicate deals, not on conditional expenses, not for a limited time..

I close my eyes, trying to picture this world...

And I stand there with Caleb- he is a necessity. There is just no happiness without him. He hold me in a tight embrace, smothering me with kisses... it doesn't sound unlike the last four years.. but there is a difference.

Because on my hand is a ring, a wedding ring. Shimmering in the sun that shines brightly above us. The diamonds winking at us as we walk along the path of green grass... and blooming flowers- nature.. something untouchable by us here. I am smiling, my eyes shining- and Caleb's laughter fills the air.

His smoldering eyes loving- unfearful, unstressed- his hands caressing my face... like always- but again there is another difference. We are out in the open, where people can see, but no one cares. Because he isn't prisoner in this world, no- he is free.

Freedom, marriage, no rebellion... and then his hands drop from my face and- the arms still crossed over my chest squeeze tighter, my breath stalls- and my smile tugs into a grin.

His hands travel down my body, in the vision, and then stop at my hips- he tugs up my shirt- (my heart flutters in excitement) then his hands lay at rest, spanning across the bulge just above the hem of my pants.

My abdomen tenses, imagining how it would feel, his gentle hand, leaving a warm imprint feel as he grins down into my face- pride and anxious wonder at what is moving inside of me in those beautiful eyes.

Then I'm flashed back to the present. I leave my vision, my face flushes with disappointment. My arms fall from around me- my hands locate my stomach, slipping under my shirt.

I wanted to marry Caleb- I wanted to be a family. I wanted a child, something that was part of me and Caleb. I wanted it to be free though- I wanted to teach it to be just like Caleb. Good natured, valuing, passionate- but to have a kid... would be adding just another person Snow could eventually throw in the Games.

It is like a sick pass time for him isn't it? Let's find another person Keera loves and have them fight to the death!

Renewed tears fall down my cheeks- grieving the life I will never have... the child that will never be. The marriage I can never even consider. Because in three days I will be put in that arena again... and along side me the man I love- against us... not only a horde of past victors- but even beyond that, the Capitol waits.

I have beat it twice- and even the third time won't matter- because I can never win.. I have never won- and will never.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: _**_To make up for my stupid mistake of a bad ending- I have updated really quick... sad chapter. I know. Blame the song 'In My Arms' By: Plumb. Review- if you want. Thanks for reading. -Taryn(: _


	8. A Few Friends

Chapter 8- "A Few Friends"

* * *

><p>I wondered around the lower part of the District for hours, until the sun was setting.<p>

I was mostly thinking about my vision. I was imagining what a child between me and Caleb would look like- I wanted it to have his eyes, and his smile- his smarts, his passion- hell it could be Caleb's twin, doesn't even need to look like me. Though I couldn't decide between a daughter or son- they were equally satisfying.

Imagining Caleb a father was easy. Me? A mother? Beyond simple- I spent my childhood raising kids.

I was a bit young for feeling maternal... I admit- but for a girl who is about to go to an arena of death, never truly experiencing life... well it seems an inevitable thought. Or rather want, that I can never fill.

When dusk was starting to wan into dark- the moon peeking out into the sky, I began walking towards home.

Everything felt messed up now. Nothing around me was sure except that I was going back the Game. Caleb must have something planned though- and I have a feeling there is no more holding back. Nothing could beat going back to the Games with me- he would know better then try to block me out again. It only made things harder for us.

Once I reached my street, I made extra sure to keep my eyes glued on the ground as I walked passed the four Peacekeeper's- if Ashton was among them, he didn't make the fact known.

My stomach was fluttering by the time I reached the steps, I felt terrible for the way I reacted towards Caleb- he was just trying to protect me and.. I tried to kick him out of my house.

It was silent as I opened the door, my fingers had to pry themselves from the cold door handle after I moving in- I closed it loudly- hoping he'd come seek me out. I took two slow, nervous steps inside- my face flushing slight as I realized just how bad my behavior was from earlier today.

I heard footsteps- quick- coming from the back of the house and then Caleb stumbles in from the sun room- standing down the hall. He is smiling, yet it looks fearful- he is waiting for me to yell. I take a deep breath and his smile turns into a cringe.

He takes a step forward, between the all too vast distance between us, and I stare at my hands, that fidget in front of me. My feet shuffle against the wood, but I don't make a move. A bubbling of emotions- of sadness mixed with my embarrassment wash over me- my face flushes to a bright red.

"Sorry." I mumble, and he freezes.

He doesn't respond, it makes me more tense- I look up sadly and he is staring unblinkingly at me. Then he holds out his hands, opening his arms to me.

I don't even pause to breath, taking three long, fumbling steps- tears bursting from my eyes yet again. I wrap my arms around his middle, probably to tight- but Caleb... _my Caleb-_ is going to the Games. And his own strong arms curl around my body, about my shoulders, his face ducking next to mine cheek brushing cheek.

He cradles me there, rocking me slightly- his hands running up and down my back. Then for a moment, a soft delicate moment, like we used to have- he whispers- "I told you I would never leave you."

I sniffle, pressing my face closer to his chest- hot tears soaking through his shirt. "You're an idiot." I finally say, breathlessly- causing it too lose all its sureness- but he was, what fool follows someone into the Games?

He laughs- a loud bark of it. And then he pulls back- only enough to drop his face down to mine leaning our foreheads together- "But you love me." He corrects, a hand cupping my cheek and his thumb running along my cheekbone.

I close my eyes, leaning into his hand- "Yes, I'm in love with an idiot." I open my eyes, lit with a new humor and his are just as bright- a smoldering hazel.

"A_ smart _idiot." He presses and I roll my eyes, then pull forward to steal a kiss while I still can.

When I pull back- both of us breathing heavy- his face now properly tinged a pink. I muster a smile. "Now what's your plan, my rebel master?" I muse, and he smirks. "And if you tell me that it is my job to know, then I swear God I will be the on who kills you."

He laughs again, I love the way the vibration of it from his chest transfers through me all the way to my toes- and his eyes flicker towards the kitchen, thoughtfully. He presses a quick kiss to my lips, before pulling all the way back.

"Well first- I've gotta go buy you something. Better then flowers- I can't have admirers besting me. Then after I want to take you to meet a few friends of mine."

He offers me his arm and I smile weakly, taking it. "Well if you insist..."

* * *

><p>"That's not necessa-"<p>

"It is completely necessary." Caleb, interrupts- peering down at me with a sharp, yet playful look.

I sigh, in defeat- Caleb grins, slipping behind me and one arm secures around my waist, while one of his hands, big enough to cover both my my eyes- blocks my vision.

If it weren't for his reassuring presence along the span of my back, I may just have freaked out- the whole notion of the action reminding me far too much of my last Game- but he was there, his chest brushing against my back, his sweet breath fanning passed my ear.

"You better not let me fall." I grumble- as he helps me walk forward.

I could feel the suppressed laughter shake his chest- no doubt entertaining the thought. "Why would I want more damage done to you, love?" His voice was too amused for my liking. "Your hand has had enough for one week."

I would roll my eyes if they weren't closed- and don't think I didn't try to peek- I hated being blind, and walking... and being led somewhere by Caleb.

"Won't you tell me?" I whine, shamelessly- he snickers.

"Nope."

I pout best I could- though all of it went to waste, because he was behind me. And either way, even if he was looking into my face- it was so pitch black out here, it wouldn't matter.

It had to be at least one in the morning by now, since he had forced me to eat something before we left. I never stopped to notice what a good cook Caleb is until tonight- and what a complete rubbish cook I am. I offered to help him and his skilled, flurried gait of making me dinner- I burnt (recall his smart ass comment) my hand on the stove unknowingly only about five minutes into helping.

Which you know, he then shoved into attention the ten times better healer he is. Me and my mediocre abilities would have just wrapped it up to hide the ugly blistering mess. Instead he spends a good forty-five minutes, rushing it under cold water, applying some sort of salve, a disinfectant- yeah I yelled at him when it hurt... something along the lines of "Making everything worse." or was it "Son of bitch."? I choose not to remember.

But of course- one look at the gash in my hand from last week he gives me a look- mutters something about no cares (as if) and then he goes on to clean that one too, wrapping my hand in double the amount of bandaging I would have originally put.

Perfect people like Caleb- need to step back sometimes, look at the bigger picture. I mean really? Will the burn or gash matter in two weeks? Where I'll have to be watching my back for a knife or a spear near my heart. _I_ don't think so.

Anyway now that he coaxed me into a warmer sweater, mysteriously insisted that we leave the house out the back door- where as the Peacekeepers on guard wouldn't be able see us- he's claimed it necessary to keep my eyes closed. I can't say I'm not only overly curious- but slightly impatient.

I stumble over a catch in the pavement, but Caleb catches me easily. I scowl beneath his hand.

"Can you tell me one thing you aren't good at?" I inquire, off-handedly, the silence of the night and the blank blindness has left me to trying to make small talk.

"Hmm.." He ponders, quite seriously. "I'm defiantly not good at singing." He concludes and I smile at the thought of him actually.. singing- it was not an easy thing to picture.

"Funny, it's never crossed my mind before- sing for me." I say eagerly and he shakes his head almost immediately.

"I just told you. I can't!" He laughs- but there was an almost boyish nervousness in that- I felt my face light up at the aspect of an embarrassed Caleb. That was most defiantly a rare sight.

"Everyone can sing." I state right off- I _am_ going to hear this boy sing.

He shrugs, then like the _smart _idiot my boyfriend is, he turns it back at me. "Then how come I've never heard you sing?"

I smirk, I hope he felt my expression shift. "I don't know any songs."

"Then neither do-"

"Not true." I cut him off knowingly. "You told me once- about those lullaby's, your mother used to sing. Told me you remember every single word."

He gives a sort of, _humph_, at the prospect of me outsmarting him and then he lamely suggests. "I forgot the tune..?"

"Oh really? Then I seem to be forgetting I'm not suppose to be knowing where we're going-" I slip out of his arms, he gives a quiet shout and I instantly turn to face him, laughing. But the merriment was short lived, because my face fell- my eyes widened to saucers and.. and-

"Where are we?" I exclaim, looking around in shock, wonder, and disorientation. We were surrounded by shrubbery, some trees- that looked sickly, and half dead grass was under our feet... how had I not noticed the change? But as I took an experimental step forward, the soil was hard and cold, unusable for certain- but it was also rocky and just about the same as walking on gravel or pavement.

"Were outside." Caleb remarks, watching my face, and I roll my eyes.

"I know we're outside." I sigh, motioning to our surroundings with my hands.

Then he laughs, though quietly. "No, Keera, I mean we are _outside_- of District 8."

I blink, look to the distance behind him and vaguely I could make out the gate of District 8... you know I don't recall climbing it, or crawling under it. "Since when?" I ask, my eyebrows knitting together.

It's him who rolls his eyes now, he walks over to my side, smiling- tossing an arm around my shoulder and turning back to the opposite way of District 8- "Since I had you walk through the back exit."

"And since _when_ is there a back gate?"

"Since me and my fellow rebels decided to do some remodeling."

"How exactly does one remodel a electric gate?" I murmur, giving him a glance.

He shrugs, but there is no mistaking his mischievous grin and that spark in his eyes. "Oh you know, like any other gate."

"Oh, I'm sure.."

We continued walking for awhile- and now that I was allowed to look I examined the nature a little more. It was dreadful though, all the plants were dying or sickly from the constant stream of factory pollution around the District- and I failed to notice any type of animal, bird, insect, or mammal.

About ten minutes into the walk I was glad Caleb convinced me to put on the warmer sweater- though if he let me actually carry some of my weight or climb over some of the rough patches of fallen and broken trees or the sparse grass that was covered with gathered rocks then I might have been warmed by the physical effort- course you know there wasn't any chance he'd let me.

"So when are you getting me this gift?" I mutter, curiously looking up at him. He smirked.

"Well I'll give it to you after I retrieve it- but I'm afraid were meeting up with the friends first."

"Out here?" I ask, my eyebrow arching and looking around the dark forest (if you wanted to call it one).

"Over there." He whispers, pointing to out right, only a few hundred feet away- a distant gathering of dim light.

"Don't you think the Capitol would know about that?" I question, as we pick up pace, heading towards it.

"Without a doubt." Caleb replies, easily, confidently- he didn't looked bothered one bit. "If they haven't been monitoring us before then... they certainly are now. I told Snow."

"Oh." Of course, I forgot. He told the Capitol everything he knew on the rebellion up to that point a few weeks earlier- I clung to the thought that they had more stable info that the Capitol had not been told. "Wasn't everyone mad that you told him?"

"Absolutely pissed." He bark, smiling wider. Then he glances at me. "Don't worry though most aren't blaming you..."

"Most." I snort, sinking a little closer into his arm around my shoulders. "How reassuring."

We are only a few feet from the gathering of lanterns and people- it is mostly shadows, whispers, and a hut of some sort is on the far side- but there is a surprisingly large count of people. I was about to remark when two figures slunk into our path- I hadn't noticed them standing guard, they weren't armed, only one of them scowling... the other looked surprised.

"What is _she_ doing here?" The voice was unmistakably female and I could make out that she had a sharp angled face by the flicker of light that played across the sides of it- from the candles behind her. She was also pretty, noticably even through the night.

"_She_- is Keera." Caleb sighs, tightening his arm around me.

"Exactly." The girl spat. I was starting to get the feeling I wasn't very welcome. "She isn't a part of this, I thought we agreed! The others will be mad when they see her here."

Caleb rolled his eyes, I just looked at the girl- then to the boy on her left- he didn't seem to be bristling with anger and irritation at my presence. He notices my stare, I smile at him through the dark... he scowls. Damn it.

"That's not true- and you know it. I never agreed to anything, only that Keera wouldn't get in the way of anymore plans... and she's not."

The girl huffs- crossing her arms over her chest- and the boy shares a look with Caleb. "She's just bitter." The one mutters and Caleb rolls his eyes, looks down at me tenderly and then nods to the boy.

"Keera this is Alex, an old friend of mine- and a damn good spy." I look back at the boy and he gives a mock salute, but I see his lips twitch up slightly when I give him a strange look for it.

"Nice to meet you." I mumble, not really sure what to say. Then Caleb gives my shoulders a slight squeeze, his face twitching with a moments annoyance as he nods to the girl- who glares at me.

"Keera- Tera." Then he looked to her, nodded to me. "Tera- Keera."

She sneers as I stare at her blankly- I muster a small smile- she scoffs and then turns her back, walking towards the gathering of people... who haven't even noticed our arrival yet. Alex gives me a, was it suppose to be charming? Or enduring? Either way it was a little of both and he too turns to follow after this girl, Tera. Caleb gives me a swift kiss on the cheek, then whispers.

"Don't worry- Tera was the worst of it." And then he tugs me forward after them... his words weren't that reassuring. For all I knew she had a whole herd of rebels that were anti-Keera. I followed him anyway..

"I thought you said a few friends." I whisper, eyeing the some twenty gathered about, and he laughs.

"And only a few- not everyone here is trustworthy Keera- remember that." And then we stepped into the brighter torches illumination, people lifted there heads, eyes stared and I bit my cheek- leaning further into Caleb.

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><p><em><strong>AN: **Short, terribly cut off, not enough detail, yet too much small talk- I know, I know. I've typos, and I'm not perfect like Caleb is- forgive me. Though just imagineing his singing voice... Anyway, reviews are always loved. Thanks for reading. Update soon. (WHERE ARE YOU AYEKAY10? I miss you and your deleriously satisfying reviews! Hope you're still well, nothing bad happening.) -Taryn(: _


	9. Truth

Chapter 9- "Truth"

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><p>"Caleb! You're late." A gruff voice exclaims and my eyes shot over to a.. beast of a man. I tensed as he stood- he had to be at least six and half feet tall, with board shoulders, thick torso, rippling biceps, meaty hands, and I shudder as he walks closer. Caleb senses it and he smiles down at me then to the man.<p>

"I've brought a new addition." Caleb says, and I felt like something changed, something I was unaware of. His voice was smoother, not soft and teasing like he would use with me- instead it was superior sounding, stronger, louder.

Though it couldn't possibly beat the loudness of this mans deep- booming- voice. "I can see that!" The man chuckled and Caleb grins. The man is standing just in front us now and my meek five foot and eight inch self shrinks away- I'm not one to be shy, but his blunt, worn face made me feel very weak.

Caleb felt it and he sighed. The man must have noticed and his face softened some as he looked to me with his steely, gray, eyes. "Keera- the Capitol doesn't do you justice." He says lightly, looking over my face ponderously. "Painting up your pretty face the way they do- it is a shame to your natural beauty."

"I don't normally receive such... brown nosing comments from strangers." I mutter, the words just flowing out of mouth with a strange ring it. Then I add. "It doesn't make you seem smaller either. In any way." But I said it a little quickly.

The man's smile widens, amused. "I can try, can't I?"

"But never get results." I respond without missing a beat.

"Eventually- I would get some sort of response." He muses, a large hand rubbing at his hard jaw that was shadowed with a slight bread.

I felt myself ease slowly. "Not hardly- with the same subject?" I inquire. "You would have to change something at least."

"Like what?" He asks and I shrug.

"Tone of voice- choice of words. Expression.. there are multiple interchangeable factors."

"And which one would you prefer?" The man murmurs, truly sounding into this- while Caleb's eyes flickered back and forth between us, looking completely and totally lost.

I'm not even sure what were talking about, my words just kept coming. "None of what I listed. Personally I'd be more inclined to believe it if you were sitting- so I guess change of perspective."

He nods. "It would seem an obvious receptive."

I smile now- completely relaxed despite the other staring people who were sitting about on weak logs and rocks- I can't help feeling something shift in my own behavior when it was not just me and Caleb. "What is your name?" I ask.

He lifts his chin proudly, huffing in a offense. "You do not remember me?"

"No- I think I would remember meeting you." I say, looking over his hulking figure again- neither his dark hair, blunt features, or seam eyes are familiar.

"It was years ago. You were nothing but a toddler." He sighs. "I used to run the orphanage- or well more then that Ethel woman did. Is she still there?" He makes a slight face.

I shake my head- though I suddenly feel closer to him, not because I remember him.. but I have a feeling he understands me more, and that he holds some sort of affection towards me- like I do for _my_ old orphans. "Died in the riot. They're in better care now."

"Good." Then he holds out one of those meaty hands to me- and I don't shrink into Caleb- I take it easily. "My names Dean."

I drop his hand, and then Caleb withdrawals from me- I look up curiously and he smiles. "Go with Dean he'll show you around- I have to do some stuff- nothing you'll have fun with, just be bored. Meetings, new rebels." He shrugged, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek and then he slides away, through the crowd of people towards the hut across the way.

I frown momentarily, not because he was my comfort source, because I just wanted him to be there- I like it when he's there.

Dean notices. "Come on- meet everyone." I don't hesitate, and I follow him as he leads me back to a group of people.

Caleb is more deviant then I give him credit for- he was planning on Dean to come to me. Able-ing me to get familiar to the place, and also making it possible for him to deal with his commanders and messengers- where as I won't have to stand around bored and listening, because he wouldn't trust me out of his sight. But he trusts Dean- and Dean was not a person you challenge. Caleb got me a bodyguard- without either of us realizing it.

Caleb manipulated me and Dean effortlessly- without even a word. But not in a bad way, he's not manipulative... he's smart, he's intuitive to people, he's got potential to change things.

Of course I hadn't noticed any of this until after I was seated with Dean on one of the logs around a fire- (apparently they don't care about the District seeing, since the Capitol already knows) – Anyway when I noticed just how many weren't very trustworthy, I knew Caleb did this on purpose.

It wasn't that unpleasant, but the quiet ones that sit sullen, muttering crude things about the Capitol, with shifty eyes, untrusting glares- they aren't that reassuring. And for my sake where I get revered as a victor... in some eyes that is a humiliation. So some ignore me as if I'm below them- others roll there eyes at me- and some act like Tera.. bitterly.

It doesn't bug me though, because Dean- who may look like he was vicious- is the most laughable lug. He could twist anything into a joke, make even the strictest person smirk- but what was even better, he could still uphold a proper conversation too.

At the moment he was currently entertaining the men around us- there was one women- but they were all worn, they were all wrinkled, tired, and nothing like a solider should be. But I had a feeling these were just the elders of us. They are here to groom the younger ones, to tell us tales that will spark this rebellion in us. They are the brains behind the bronzes- so to speak.

I look around as Dean gets into a heated, passionate debate over something- my hands sit in my lap fidgeting slightly. I'm adoring the smell of the fire for some reason, because it is brisk, and the smoke isn't like the smog in the District or the fire that happened there, that was acidic and nauseating. This one was more rustic, enticing even.

Even in the dark of the night, a chill in the air, and the shadows that the multiple groupings of people and fires send across the ground- I couldn't imagine liking this place more then any other location I've been.

I'm not usually connected emotionally to places- my victors house is unwelcoming, my old house was a place only of hardship, work was tiring, arena's are terrifying, the Capitol is a place full of deceit- the only place I've ever felt any significance for was the attic of the weapons factory. It was old and abandoned. Run down, dirty, crumbling... but it was Caleb's and my hiding place.

But this was different- it was like I could breath easier out here, my mind felt like there was no limit, I wanted to jump into their conversations, apply inputs and help plot. I wanted to let myself be known here, not back in the District.

I also loved the people- maybe not all of them- but those few friends Caleb mentioned. They are freeing in there own way... I can never tax Caleb again for doing this. To look around and to feel like he must- to know this was his doing- that those smiling, who look relaxed for the first time in their lives- to know that was your doing must make you feel almost invincible. To feel supported like that- but for someone like Caleb I know he wouldn't take it to his head.

In fact he might even think it a disappointment. That he had not gotten better for them- maybe he was unsatisfied with the huddled in the dark, around weak fires, in a sickly forest, just outside the District. I was just wondering where his thoughts would be- on what he felt would be better- when I saw people start to exit the hut.

They leave in groups of three and four. They split up- branching to different little circles of five or six. I didn't notice until a group containing Tera exited- and I watched her as she walked all the way to a group on the far side of the clearing. She handed someone a piece of paper- but she was talking. Even when the person ignored her and read the writing.

The paper was passed around, and Tera sat- still blabbering about something or such. People pretended to listen... all around the clearing they did for each person that sat with them. The people were younger, around my age. They were the soldiers...

There were less of them then the elders. And when the person for our group- a young girl with hair as short a Caleb's but a fierce red- sat and began talking about a plan to take over the City Hall (which was absurd.) but she handed a note to Dean and he read it eagerly. His eyes smiling he handed it to me next.

Confused, I look down on it and written in clear writing it read.

_District 7 has had an uprising. Gamemaker Seneca Crane, has been recently executed- blamed for District twelve victors. Weapons from District 3 have been received- members of section 4 are to report: Wednesday, midnight. New commander: still undecided. _

I blink, not understanding almost half of it. But I pass it along to the staring people around- blocking out the girls talk- I look to Dean, questioningly. But he presses a finger to his lips and points to the hut.

I look up and Caleb is standing in the doorway- in deep conversation- I squint in the dark to see who he is talking to when with a jolt of surprise and humor I see it is the mayor of our District.

They look equally stressed on the point of which they talk of, but then suddenly Caleb shakes his head- pulls out a piece of paper in his pocket (but still talking) and then slips it into the mayors hand. There was a few exchanged words before the mayor turned and stiffly walked through the gathering. I watched him until I could no longer see him through the dark as he approached District 8.

Then when I looked back to Caleb, he was staring at me, I smiled and he lifted his chin in indicating for me to come- and then he slipped into the hut.

Nervous for reasons beyond me- still slightly confused- but entirely well humored I got up and weaved my way through the crowd and voices and dark. Intent on reaching him quickly.

When I reached the hut- I realized it was made of concert, it was beaten and chipped- but still the outer form of it was still strong. The doorway was an skinny archway, there were no windows in the hut.

As I stepped through the threshold I noticed that the room was lit by four candles placed in the four corners of the perfectly square structure. It was still dim, but decent- strangely very warm. There was precious few pieces of furniture- only four chairs around a rather large table. My bet was that a lot of people stood.

Caleb was standing over the table, on the opposite side of the door and myself, I walked towards him and he was writing in a quick jot of a pen across a piece of paper. I watched curiously, my hands holding onto the opposite limbs forearm as I took slow steps.

"Caleb?" I inquire, softly- very aware of Capitol bugs.

He glances up, throws me a lopsided- clearly distracted- smile, and then looked back to his work. "Keera." He says, loud and clear.

I stop when I reach the edge of the table- the solid, two foot wide wood surface the only thing separating us- and I lean forward only slightly, unable to peek at what it is he is writing. But I felt like it should go unnoticed- untalked of.. just like outside. "Your friends... they are nice." I murmur, uncertainly. I wanted to go into more depth, about Dean- about my concept of them as our elders- about how attached I feel here. I also wanted to ask of him- what he felt, but everything was just too heard.

"I like them." He muses, still not looking up from the half page letter now. "They keep good company."

I don't respond. I am in tangles, I don't know what to say- or do. I feel surprisingly small in Caleb's distracted, professional presences.

Then he looks up, his face blank as he slides the letter across the table- flipping it around and placing it in front of me. I look straight back at him and then glance down at the letter.. the very first words.

_Talk about something false or insignificant to the Capitol- tell me about your day, a dream, etc. _

I reread it only twice, then gathering a deep breath I looked up at him. "How was your day?" I ask, his lips perk up slightly.

"It was grand." He whispers, tenderly. I find comfort in the softness.

My mind raced for an unimportant conversation, something the Capitol would never want to know, something the Capitol would yawn at... but then I was struck with a much more amusing thing.

"So..." I start, a hard bark in my voice. He raises and eyebrow as I straighten my posture some. "Who's this Tera?" I demand.

What is more distracting to the eavesdropping Capitol workers- then scandal? Anger is fun, but only if you get to watch- so I tossed that out of the window. Violence is always appreciated, but again they can't see it, and I don't want to hit him. But jealousy.. that was the best stuff to listen in on- enough to distract these Capitol people or to annoy those uninterested in gossip.

Caleb though seemed completely thrown, like he had not seen the brilliance of my mind! _Smart _idiot my ass.

"Well?" I incline, sharply.

He scrambles to get my answer, he stands taller, his eyes narrowing. "What about Tera? She's an old friend. What more can I say?"

Oh, my foolish, ignorant boyfriend- anything! Tell me everything, just talk so_ I _can read.

I scoff. "What more can you say? Really, are you just going to pretend she did not just treat me like she did?"

He looks entirely too stunned, I might just end up laughing- but I hold it back- scowling at him without faltering.

A frustrated, exasperated sigh escapes him, a nervous hand running through his hair. Then he replies. "She has trust issues, Keera."

I stare at his almost completely switched states, from cool and professional to nervous and fidgety... either he has caught on or I've just found myself in a real situation.

"Where she is concerned? Or _you_?" I snap.

But then I stopped looking at him (if this is a real fight, I'm not interested) I focus on the letter he wrote me, placing a palm across the table as I leaned over it.

_I don't know if you caught on- but this is how we really communicate around here. There is no talking of real plans or of anything that is important. Names may be given freely, but ranks or sections are secret- as is our news, as I'm sure Dean let you read it. I can't exactly tell you everything yet, I am waiting for a reply from __my__ boss. I would tell you if I had my way.-_

"Hers. But we are still friends, so she would also care about who I can trust. We have known each other for a long time- longer then you and I." Caleb murmurs, distracting me and my eyes fly up to him momentarily.

He is more collected then before, probably having figured out that this was only my choice of ploy.

"Can you claim her such a good friend, when she treats me like she does? You say you love me, does she not know?" I say, still strict, but stringing these questions randomly. "Don't you think that if she was a truly great friend that she would at least try to respect someone you care for?"

I don't wait for his reaction, I look back to the letter.

_What I can tell you is that, there are 6 sections- each contain four people. And a fifth, that is an older one- someone from the clearing, who does not actually attend meetings. But they keep them in count, make sure to notice when one disappears, or wonders too close to enemies, or is wounded. Of the four there is two messengers- so if one is gone, the other can be used. The messengers have the hardest jobs, there is more risks, traveling between Districts. As a side job they also collect info. But those whose soul job is to collect info are the spies, there is only one in each section- _

"She knows I love you- everyone does. If you are implying that I doubt my feelings, or hide them." He begins, not even a minute later. His words are slow, deliberated and hesitant or... if they are purposefully time fulfilling for my sake, I am unsure.

_Of the last two, one is for combat- they make sure everyone is in fighting condition, supply weapons- the other one is a-_

"She is a good friend, I promise. She is just slow to trust- she'll learn, why are you so unsettled by her?" Caleb finishes his first statement.

I looked up momentarily, (hardly knowing what to say.) "Slow to trust _everyone_? Or just me? Because she looked fine in the clearing with those people- I doubt she knew everyone there. But with me she was nothing but cold. It is me she has a problem with- not others. Don't lie." I say earnestly, and quickly- trying to absorb everything his letter explained.

_-healer or technological person. It varies, but is immensely helpful. But it helps you none to know this, it is all I can consent in sharing though. As for another thing- you may have noticed on the news card- that it said the new commander is undecided. They mean my replacement. After the reaping there will need to be a commander of District 8 as there is one in every District... to run meetings, (consider yourself lucky as a part of ours, victors are usually not allowed), to send messages, to make sure everything is kept well.. for our future plans. We are well seated here in our District- having the mayor- but not all commanders are allowed so easy freedom as us. Especially for District 2.-_

"She just doesn't like victors." Caleb mumbles, and when I looked up he has his arms crossed over his chest and he is staring at the table top.

For a minute I consider standing up, but the letter is too interesting. So I sigh, and say. "I am the only victor she knows- how is it she has become so prejudice?"

Then my eyes fly back down to the paper.

_I don't know what else you want to ask- most of the questions I'm probably not allowed to answer. But don't speak them aloud. We are bugged, very much so. I know it. As is our home- don't dare say too much there, love. Write me._

I blink, and then snatch the pen across the table just as he says. "Many people can build prejudices without actually knowing anything on the object or person."

I roll my eyes, while quickly writing down my list of questions. "I know, but you would think that her being so close to you, a person who is closely tied to a victor, not just a specific victor but a person- someone who can not, or wants to be, categorized by the Capitols titles. You would think! That she would have at least the patients to give me a chance."

_**Who are the people running for commander? Is District 12 involved? .. Has Aven joined? Who is your boss? **_

I push it over to him and he takes the pen, reading them as he responds. "One would feel that might change something- but you don't know her past, she hardly trusts people. She is easy to turn, but intent on freedom. I can not pretend to understand why she is so strong in her objection."

As I stand, and listen to him.. when had we started to talk in riddles? I struggle with my answer- because I am consumed with my questions and the anticipation of getting them answered, but finally I make one.

"You list things about her as if you have them memorized." I start, returning a hard edge in my tone that I had lost while reading. "You say you know each other very well, even longer then me and you. Why can't you tell me? Because you don't know?" I pause, but not long enough to let him answer. "No. You _do_ know- you just don't want to tell me."

He is still intent on his writing when he slips it back to me and immediately states off. "Maybe I do know- but it is completely unimportant. And not something I should be sharing... with anyone."

I read the lines quickly before I reply.

_Dean, the mayor, a boy named Felix, and.. Tera. They are all locked in vote for being commander. District 12 is involved- very much so. I can't tell you who is in it, but I can tell you that Peeta and Katniss have nothing to do with it. Aven has not contacted us. And as for the last question- I absolutely can not tell you that. _

I almost pout at the last line- but I shrug off the easily childish behavior- and I look back up at him. "Why not?" I whisper- because I mean to respond for both the letter and for our currently spoken conversation.

He ponders his calculated answer. "Because one, it is not my info to share. And two..." He slowly leans forward, his hand laying over the piece of paper. As he closes almost a foot and a half of the distance between us. "The information would only do you more harm then good."

I take a deep breath, it is still heavy with the scent of the exotic fire- but now it is mixed with Caleb's musky, boyish smell. I nearly lose my train of thought as I was still leaning forward a few inches- I had only to close the last six to kiss him- but I focus on staring back at his eyes.

I collect his answer and it is like a puzzle to click the meanings into the two answered statement. He isn't _allowed_ to tell me who his boss is and it could only mean more threat towards me if I knew- before being allowed. While his other meaning for Tera was- she doesn't want me to be told and that it could hurt me to know it...? Only the very last part confused me.

"I'm confused, Caleb." My eyes stray back to his lips- his sweet breath mingles with mine- but I force myself to keep my eyes on his, but then only to find his eyes are on my own lips. He leans increasingly closer. "Can't I know?" I whisper, leaning back just a few inches that he could not possibly reach over the table- even with his tallness. "Don't you think I have a right to know why she treats me badly?"

His eyes return to mine- they are lustful and my stomach squirms in anticipation, a slight heat raises in my cheeks, because I know I would like to just give in- but I am truly curious now... plus the Capitol must want to know too, at least those gossipy few who are still listening.

"I guess.." He says, softly- and before I can pull back my hand on the table, he covers it with his own.

The candle light playing across his features.. are delicious. His hair is messier then I have ever seen it, fringes hang over his forehead- he looks so adorable- yet those smoldering eyes, the green is dark, the brown speckled, and those shots of gold through them.. the way his body tenses beneath his shirt as he stretches across the table...

The heat in my face increases, spreading down my back- but more then embarrassment, hardly that, more of excitement, anticipation.. longing.

"Then, tell me." I concluded, my thoughts were clouded though- I hardly registered what I wanted to know anymore.. other then the fact that I wanted _him_.

He takes a consciously large breath before he murmurs. "She and I used to have.. a thing."

I freeze. Then blink, stare at him all of two seconds, before my face flushes a dark red- not with embarrassment or excitement- with anger.

"Excuse me!" I shout. And he jumps. I pull back now- because whatever heavy desire that had been weighing on me before has completely and totally vanished. _When will this boy stop surprising me! _

He shakes his head- as if to clear it- not deny his words. "You don't- I shouldn't have.. God you're right, I _am_ an idiot. That wasn't the right time... to tell you or- or at all!" He closed his eyes for a minute, standing back up- I cross my arms over my chest- and he clears his throat as he looks at me.

"What do you mean, _thing?" _I demand, glaring at him- now truly bristling with indignation and jealousy. A jealousy I may have never even felt if it were not my chance of choosing this conversation, and my will of making him say things he truly doesn't mean to.

"I mean.." He paused, to collect his words before saying slowly. "Before... a year before the Game. Your first Game- me and her... we weren't together- I just was... I don't know, young. Curious? We kissed, is all."

I stare at him, recalling the way she treated me- the glaring, the scowls, the yelling, the insult. "That is _all_?" I hiss, angrily. "It does not seem so simply said from her view!"

"One kiss, Keera." Caleb repeats. "I swear." He has courage now- having more composure rather then like earlier when I had surprised him with my sudden withdrawl. He was standing tall, meeting my gaze evenly and honestly.

"Does she hope for more?" I ask. I was ashamed to be so relentlessly jealous- so obviously bothered. But I was, to think.. how long he disappears for, with who knows how many pretty girls, with more to their name in the rebel business then I do. Who could offer Caleb ten times more the benefit for his freedom then I can. I was so jealous because I knew the girls could beat me- I know Tera could.

She was more beautiful, she was stronger, she was hard and she wouldn't have as many mental cracks or memory flashes as I do. She would not be afraid of the dark- she wouldn't tie Caleb to President Snow. She wouldn't drag him down- a good soul like him- in the Games...

Guilt mixed into me, I no longer wanted to be here and when I realized there was a sudden heighten in Caleb's annoyance and a tweak in his anger- I took a step away from the table.

"Why are you mad!" He exclaims, in irritation and slight desperation. "You have kissed my _brother_!" He hisses, and I nearly forgot that horrid incident, another layer of guilt adding on. "You have kissed people on the T.V for the whole country to see, for _me _to watch. And yet you yell at me for something that happened at least _two _years before we started?"

I swallow, a rush of terrible emotions washing over me, as each of his unintentional barbs, that were beyond truth, hit home. I'm sure some amount of hurt was in my face with the anger dying and the guilt, the unfairness showing plainly..

"I'm sorry." I say, breathlessly, I can't look away from his face- as it slowly crumbles from its annoyance into tenderness and regret.

He reaches out a hand to me- I would have, _should _have, run away along time ago. But I was afraid of facing the people out there or Tera or getting lost in the woods. Plus... I didn't think I could take running away one more time, I wanted to stop running from him. It would only add to the guilt.. and the very obvious evidence, that I do not deserve this boy.

He is all good, he is so smart- this system he has created, that saves lifes, promises a future, makes the rebels stronger- he is so passionate, and honest.. I do not deserve him.

He doesn't move towards me- but his hand reaches, it shows that he wishes me to come. But I can't find it in myself to move.. at all.

I was unaware of the tears- until they were falling down my cheeks. Hot and salty, and plentiful. I have not cried more in my life then through this whole week. Caleb reacted then, when I showed my suffering, he scrambled around the table and then before I could open my mouth he envelopes me in his arms- cradling me against his chest.

I sob. Why? Because I don't even have the strength to pull away from him. Out of relief- because he has not left me, for those better options. Those girls who promise him better hope then what I can give for his freedom. With me.. he is hopeless.

_We_ are hopeless. Together, neither of us can prosper. But separated- neither of us will feel the success. Without him I would never feel the freedom I seek- and if he ever achieves what type of freedom he wants, without me, then he would not enjoy it.

I choke on the hysterical crying, I can not even let the despair escape me in this act- it consumes me. This hopelessness. I feel sick with it, tainted in my very blood. My spirit wants to die, just fall away, forget all that is Caleb.

But I could never. I would never. Even if we suffer- we do not have the strength to resist our own downfall. Not by ourselves, not willingly.

He hushes me- as if he is oblivious to our destructive relationship- others see it, President Snow sees it, Blake saw it, Sirius knew it instantly, Tera hates it, Aven is quiet about it, and Fray is almost as blinded as we are. Hope blinds us, to our own hopelessness.

I bury my face deeper against his chest- trying to escape my own thought... _the truth. _But it doesn't work and the sobs are shaking me, I gasp to breathe, tears don't stop- and I worry that outsiders might hear me above their own noise.

Caleb tries to comfort me, he apologies (what did _he _do? I'm the one who has been unfair), he whispers soothing things, tells me it's okay, offers to take me home, rocks me slowly, runs his hands up and down my back, wipes away tears... try and try he did, but he just couldn't pull me from the hysterics.

_I_ could not even stop the sobs erupting from my chest, it was involuntary, they were acting off of exhaustion, my hands shook, I felt clammy, I wanted to vomit.

He half carried me and half dragged me to one of the chairs, and then dropped to his knees in front of me. I sat limp there, like a rag doll, my arms snaking around my middle as I continued to cry. My body was out of my control, my thoughts raged with the despair-

I stiffen suddenly though. My eyes, still watering, stare down at Caleb and for a moment the noise I was making falters. I swore I had heard..

Then he did it again, another line or verse. I let out a small sob, one on my hand instantly smacks against my lips- trying to smother them- so I could hear.

He is singing to me.

"_Golden slumber kiss your eyes.." _He repeats, his eyes never lifting from mine.

"_Smiles await you when you rise,_

_Sleep, my pretty baby," _

His voice cracks, it is raw, but it isn't terrible- there is real feeling and intent in his voice.

"_Do not cry love... _

_And I'll sing you a lullaby."  
><em>

_"Care I know you don't, _

_my beautiful minx, therefore sleep. _

_While I watch over you and do keep.." _

His hand reaches up to my face, his fingertips start from just below my ear and then trace along it, leaving a trail of burning and tingling skin, until he reaches my chin- and he smiles lightly before continuing the song in a slow, lulling pace.

_ "Sleep, my pretty darling,"_

My breath shudders and my hand drops from my lips to his hand under my jaw, grasping onto it tightly- my sobbing has stopped- but the tears continue to fall.

"_Do not cry love,_

_And I will sing a lullaby.."_

I do not move, I can not- for I am memorizing every beautiful aspect of this moment, and then he stands. He pulls me to my feet our hands drop to the side- interlocked- and he kisses me. Strongly, meaningfully, lovingly.

Even I can not deny the hope the kiss promises.

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><p><em><strong>AN: **This is far over due. I know, but I was moving, very stressful stuff. Thanks for reading- typos? I wrote it on a kindel, give me a break. Please review! (Ayekay10: Glad you're okay! Vacation? No fair, I hope you enjoyed it!(: I'm glad to have gotten a reply, can't wait until you get to review. I always enjoy yours most- probably because I love to see what my readers are pondering, and you never fail to give me that. Well.. I await your return!) With much love.- Taryn(: _


	10. The Reaping

Chapter 10- "The Reaping"

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><p>Ashton couldn't breath- he couldn't think... all he could do was stare at her face- her angry, vicious- <em>beautiful <em>face_. _

"Can I kiss you?" He whispers- she was so close, he could feel the heat of her body only an inch away from his own. She was breathing heavily- the decoration around them was nothing in comparison to her dark green eyes- they were so livid, she looked ready to kill.

"No!" She snarls, breathlessly, but she doesn't pull back. He could do it anyway- he didn't expect her to retaliate, but just to- he watched her lips- a supple pink, delicate.. soft, and unconsciously his head moved closer...

Her lips parted on their own accord, her own face shifted- at the perfect angle- their breath mingling together, both hearts racing. His lips were all but brushing against hers- her eyes had closed- one of his hands raised- gentle fingers settling on the side of her jaw-

Then he turned away, closing his eyes, dropping his hand. "You said no..." He whispers. In his chest warring with emotions and hormones wanted nothing more to kiss her, but in his head he couldn't do it, it went against all his rules, all his morals.

No means no.

Keera opened her eyes- they were weak, self hating. She draws in a deep breath- heavy with his musky scent. Then she whispers.. "Caleb won't be told."

And then with reckless abandonment she kisses him.

**…_.._**

(A few hours before hand)

The day of the reaping Caleb and I laid together in bed until noon. We didn't say much, just lay there- staring at the ceiling, sometimes each other- lost in our own thoughts. Enjoying the warmth of the sheets, savoring each others company. Sometimes randomly he would kiss me, softly- hugging me tightly- before he would return to the state of just lying there.

I didn't do much, I let myself review everything that might save me in the arena. When that was through I thought about everything I had to lose. Caleb, Aven, Jack, Dean, a future...

In that depressing thought I would snuggle closer to Caleb's chest- reassuring myself. Like he must be when he would kiss me.

I wondered if he was thinking of Tera- I felt a twinge of unjust jealous, but I pushed it back by reminding myself that he is here with me, not her. That he sung to me, not her. That it is me he kisses for strength, not her.

I cried out to him when he got up, he was sitting on the ledge of the bed, staring at his feet, a hand clutching his hair- I waited for him to reassure me, to tell me it is time for us to go but instead he says.

"We can't know each other." He whispers and my eyes fly wide, I shoot up in the sitting position.

"What?"

He sighs, but refuses to turn to me. "I will be called from the prison. I will go by my real name.. Caleb." He is implying something and I realized something for the first time that I should have pondered weeks ago.

Everyone will wonder- Was this the Caleb so famously rumored those years ago? That Blake was related to? That I had claimed to love but then claimed him a myth?

I am quiet for a long time, thinking over the cons and pros. "Why can't we know each other? Wouldn't it be good insult to the Capitol, by finally being honest?" I whisper.

I see the muscles in his back stiffen and he shakes his head- the hand in his hair falling away. "It goes against the plan."

I bite my lip and slowly I draw closer to him- he flinches away and I freeze. "Because I blind you." I conclude.

He shrugs, standing now- but still not looking at me. "That, and we can't be allies- openly- in the Game for this to work."

I fight back any nervousness- reminding myself that he is to be listened to. "Okay." I say, forcing myself not to ask what plan, or why or anything- because I know questions make things harder for him.

I watch silently as he crosses the room, pulls on a shirt and then he goes to the door- opens it- I am all but gritting my teeth not to say something and then he pauses. Hand against the door frame, shoulders tense.

"I love you, Keera." He murmurs, and I do not even get to reply when he slips out the door and is gone form sight.

I sigh, getting myself out of bed, heading for the shower.

Forty-five minutes later I am dressed and ready- Fray is knocking at my door.

I smile best I can, standing in the doorway and he grins- trying to be cheerful- then he cranes his neck to look over me and I shake my head, because Caleb is not there.

"We are not to acknowledge each other." I say, sadly and he frowns.

He probably guessed why but still he adds. "Won't people assume he is the one you spoke of, even if you act as if you guys are strangers?"

"Caleb doesn't seem to think so." Is my only reply and I step out of the door and shut it tightly. We walk down the street slowly, I keep looking down at my feet though.

How could the plan even work? Everyone in District 8 knows of us.

I shake off the troubling thought, maybe it wasn't even his plan- probably his boss's. He did say they do not like victors much, maybe she was against me just because of that, and the way I have already caused Caleb to mess up.

There aren't many people crowding the streets as me and Fray travel to the square, we are technically almost late. But hell if I care.

By the time we slip to the front of the crowd and I'm placed into the roped off area for females victors, of which there is only me. And across my is the rope for male victors- there is none. I am aware I'm being stared at, but I clench my jaw- staring blankly up at the mayor on stage. Fray and Pippa stand behind him and they give me impish smiles.

When the speeches start and the anthem plays dutifully- I draw a deep breath, close my eyes momentarily, and I pull myself towards that old me, that I've unsuccessfully buried over the years. The unstable, plotting, impulsive girl I have thought to forget.

**_….._**

Caleb watched from the back of the square- Keera was virtually invisible to him here- and that was for the best. He had to fight back the instinct to protect her, but instead listen to his boss. President Coin would be pissed if he was the one who broke again.

He had chains on both his wrist, connected to man on his right- and Tera on his left. She was smirking and he knew it was because she was going to enjoy seeing Keera climb up that stage. But even underneath she was howling in pain- for the loss of Caleb.

She leaned towards him, and her fingers continually brushed across the back of his hand- he didn't pull away because he hated to make Tera feel worse then he knew she already did. The least he could do is give her some hope- that he didn't have.

"She looks terrified." Tera whispers, and Caleb felt his throat tighten considerably. But he refused to drop his eyes from the mayors face.

"I wouldn't know." He murmurs back.

Tera lifts her face to look at his and she frowns. "Why did you do it? How can you just throw your life away?"

He sighs, glancing down at her from the corner of his eye. "Because I love her." He simply says.

Tera huffs, glaring now, hissing harshly. "Did I ever even have a chance? Would you have ever loved me, if she was not blinding you?" It wasn't the best time for the subject, but Tera was itching with the increasing fear of never seeing him again.

Caleb shakes his head. "Don't."

"Don't what?" She snarls, suddenly tugging on the chain around his wrist and forcing him to look at her. She stared up into his suddenly dark face and she sneered back at it. "If you chose me, Blake would still be here. You wouldn't have to go now, you would get to run things, you would-"

"I chose Keera." He hisses, his eyes sparking in defense. "I chose her- and I have no regret."

"Oh yes, _no _regret." Tera replies sarcasticly, flipping her hair aside and averting her face back towards the stage, then murmuring. "We'll see about that.."

He narrows his eyes at her, but then tears himself away- just as he hears Keera's name being called.

_**…..**_

"Ashton? Hey! Earth to Ashton!" Morfalin called, waving a hand in front of his friends blank, sad face. "Dude! You knew she was going to go back, why are you.. freaking out now?"

Ashton didn't look at his worried friend, instead he just watched with increasing dread as Keera walked gracefully up on the stage, her face hard- her eyes unforgiving- as she places herself in between the two Capitol escorts and trainers.

The woman wraps an arm around Keera's shoulders and the man gives her a smile. She returns nothing, just stands limp in the woman's arms.

His friend continued to pester him, until the other Peacekeeper on Ashton's right began to join in on disturbing his distress. But then with a sudden outburst of anger, he whips around to them and snarls at them viciously.

They fall silent in surprise- never has Ashton been cruel. But the boy was at the moment at a cross road of confusion. The last month he has spent in this district- he had learned not to hate all of these people- in fact some he respects, others he pities, but never has he seen the beastliness that the Capitol told him of. In fact he saw more beast-like characteristics in the other Peacekeepers- that represent the Capitol!

He couldn't turn against his home though, just question it, and those few who have lost there purpose. He feels sorry for those few blemishes (that the boy saw) and he also felt dreadful at watching this girl go. She was pretty, and nice, and even underneath her scowling he knew she was just as soft as those girls he would see at his home, in the Capitol.

And with those girls he was taught to respect- yet he and hundreds of others stand by as she walks to death- and then they watch it.

He could not see her badly though, no matter how much he tried to remind himself of the way she killed in the arena, the way she looks- half starved, blood covered, grim layered across her skin- even then he couldn't think her the cruel one- no... only the Capitol, and himself, for allowing it.. for having enjoyed it in the past.

**…**_**..**_

The mayor, nervous, ill-prepared, and slightly guilt ridden.. picked up the letter he had received prior to this morning. He opened it in front of the crowd that watched with confusion.

He could hear Keera behind himself, struggling to keep even breathing and it only added to his reluctance to do this- but he had a job, a place in this plan.

As he with-drawled the letter- he read it quickly- and then cleared his throat, saying out loud. "Citizens of District 8.. it had become to my, President's Snow, attention that you lack a proper male tribute." he read aloud. "The Quarter Quell though, has not been so terribly prepared for such an incident. The card has read that the third anniversary be 'a reminded to the rebels that even the strongest among them cannot overcome the power of the Capitol' so as we lack a proper candidate- we are forced to take on one that is among those who are the closest to our victors... prisoners."

The mayor lays the letter down now next to the micro phone and many people in the crowd arch around to stare at the gathering of District 8's accumulated prisoners.

Among them he spotted the targeted boy- a recent alley and boss to him. And next to Caleb he stares at the girl who is his new commander- Tera.

Swallowing, waiting for the intense confusion and realizations to pass through everyone... he takes up talking again- reading line for line on the letter.

"We have done the drawing, from those names of which we collected. And for the results..." There was a pause, Keera whimpered- only loud enough for the mayor to hear and then he murmurs. "Caleb Clarke."

Silence, then hushed confusion, curiosity. The Peacekeepers holding onto the prisoners stumbled to Caleb- who was blank- and they unlocked him from the chains, but just as he was released.. taking a step forward...

Tera cried out, a sound of loss and pain. Staged or real- the mayor could not judge. But he watched in a frozen, saddened state just as everyone else as she flung herself forward, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and then kissing him.

Scenes like these aren't uncommon in the reaping, but Keera behind the mayor, slipped, or something because he heard her feet give out and the two on her side have to keep her upright- or else she would have fallen. No one notices this, she made no noise- just stared at the pair.

Caleb drew back first from the kiss- looking surprised, but he did not shove her away. Just stared down at her- she whispered something. That made the boy face twitch in outrage, but then it feel blank again as the Peacekeepers forced Tera back into chains and shoved Caleb to the stage.

The mayor gave him a confused look as he passed, but Caleb did not acknowledge it. Instead he stood a few feet away from Keera and the escorts- that both now held her around the shoulders- and he didn't spare them a glance. Keera was gnawing on her lip staring up at the sky.

**…_.._**

Betrayal ate at my insides like a ravenous hunger. Stinging tears, choked my throat, and my eyes threatened to let them fall and I refused to look at anyone anymore instead I stared up into the clouds.

Pain crawled up my body of the worst kind, because for some reason- I felt like this was suppose to happen, that I was just waiting for Caleb to realize. I bit down on my lip, tasted blood.

I felt weak- a pang so hard or rejection and I don't know the other one, but it was such a force, my knees gave out, I would have fallen with the own extremity of the pain- if not for Fray and Pippa.

Why was I _so_ emotional! I shouldn't be crying, or reacting like this- in fact I had no right. Caleb had seen me kiss strangers. His brother! And he had never mentioned it once... he didn't even care to notice the flowers another boy sent me.

He just didn't care. I realize. Maybe he didn't want to put in the extra effort of playing with my emotions- by acting jealous. Maybe he had to force himself, gritting his teeth as he did so, to hug me, kiss me- anything. It was fake, probably- maybe... hell I hope not.

But there it is again- hope. How can I use a word so lost to me?

I let my mind run wild with these theories. That I know aren't true- the kiss could easily be blamed on her. Or as far as I know it was a part of the plan...

I didn't notice it was time to go to City hall until Fray and Pippa started pushing me forward. I look to them and he nods in encouragement.

I sigh, and then force myself to continue walking.

Once I'm escorted into my room, I sit on the velvet couch- waiting for the time to pass. I already said good bye to Aven and Jack, I don't expect Dean to come...

I sit there a good ten minutes until there is a knock at the door and then it slips open, to reveal Ashton.

I shrink away from him- I do not need his oblivious kindness now.

But he looks so sad, and he is holding his hat in front of him, twisting it nervously, like before and as he closes the door and takes two steps in he looks at his toes and mumbles. "I'm sorry."

I stare at him, sitting up on the edge of the couch, wrapping my arms around myself. "For what?" I whisper.

He looks up at me with those golden savory eyes for only a moment before replying. "That you have to go back- that... that boy is going with you.." He paused, uncertain and I narrow my eyes.

"What else?" I say, louder now.

"That you had to see him kiss that girl." He says quickly, look embarrassed to having said it- but I should have realized he would be watching me, would have seen the pain and shock and near fall I received.

I find myself annoyed that he would pity me for something like that. But I try to overcome it and respond. "I have no right to object."

His eyes lock with mine, there is an annoyance in his own look. "You let a guy treat you like that?" He demands.

I hiss, my annoyance easily swinging into anger and indignation. "You just don't understand!" I snap standing up and jumping in his face, preparing to chew him out. "I have done too much-"

"Doesn't matter what you have done." Ashton insists, cutting me off. "Two wrongs don't make a right- if he forgives you for anything you've done, then he has no right to claim a pay back now."

I pause in yelling and taking out all my frustration on him, but I know the anger is still alive in my face and my eyes glare at him. We stand closer then I chose to realize and he though tries to look mostly down at his hat, I notice his eyes lingering on my lips.

"Can I kiss you?" He whispers.

Forbidding runs through me at this, my thoughts falter... he was so close, I could feel the heat of him only an inch away. He was bristling with kindness- and a sweet nothingness that I craved to feel then rather this pain and the complicity of my life. His eyes were so warm, so much warmer then Caleb's- though they held none of Caleb's passion or brown or green...

Guilt at considering a kiss hits me and I instantly snarl. "No!" But it is breathlessly, I can't find it in myself to pull away, do I have no strength at all?

He ducks closer despite my answer- and I can't say I'm disappointed. My lips part on their own accord, my face shifted- at the perfect angle- my body ached to kiss him, yet my head yelled Caleb's name repeatedly.

His sweet, caressing breath fans over my face. Only a inch away, I close my eyes, and his lips were all but brushing against mine- warm, soft, kind. One of his hands raised- gentle fingers settling on the side of my jaw- my head reacted to it, by putting a picture for Caleb in front of my eyes, reminding me that he always touches my face. Guilt adds on and on, but my own want of causing him similar pain- even secretly- would not allow me to pull away. No matter how much I hated myself for it- Tera and him kissing was still replaying in my mind.

But he turned away, closing his own eyes, dropping his hand. "You said no..." He whispers. A slight hope raises in my chest- maybe I won't do it. But- but pain, searing betrayal at Caleb and Tera was still there.

I wanted revenge- because no matter how much I think about it.. I have not done anything to Caleb before. Those kisses were nothing, they were desperate and to strangers. They were only survival.

But Tera was an old friend, a close friend, one he had kissed before. That meant more then my insignificant kisses- I can not stand down. My own stubbornness would not allow me to be treated like that (like Ashton said) I would not be thrown aside- even if I deserved to be.

I feel weak and self hating. But drawing in a deep breath- heavy with his scent. Then strong on my revenge I whisper. "Caleb won't be told." Telling myself the same thing- and then I pull forward- taking the kiss.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: **I know everything may seem randon, confusing, and impulsivly written- but it's not! I have a plan.. an evil plan.(; So keep on reading! Please review! Update soon. -Taryn(:_


	11. May the Stubbornest one Win

Chapter 11- "May the Stubbornest one Win."

* * *

><p>I was surprised at how easy it was to pretend Caleb wasn't there. Especially by the way he does not even look at me. I don't let my eyes stray more then once- as we were getting on the train. Through the whole ride- I have efficiently avoided him.<p>

Pippa and Fray are quiet, confused- and slightly bothered by our oblivious, sullen, and stubborn ignorance.

I know he was just doing it off of his stupid plan- I did it for myself. Because I did not want to give into him anymore. I was tired of being weak.

There was one moment right after the reaping, when we were alone walking to our rooms- where he tried to say something, he dropped his pretense behavior but I just walked away, ignoring him. I think I affronted him and brought on his own stubborn reactions. But for now all I can say is- I will not be the one who gives in.

I nurture the memory of kissing Ashton- he is not as good a kisser as Caleb. But he is softer, slower, he waits for my call- not his own want. I scold Caleb for his slightly dominating way.

I don't want to tell him- I keep it for myself for my own indifference.

Two days and a night on the train I have refused to consider him and he me. I see no end to our stubbornness. Pippa would mention it quietly during meals, and Fray has talked to both of us privately. To no avail.

When we reached the Capitol I happily accepted Marvin- with smiles and a slight laugh about him and his stylists being sad about me coming back- once more. For my sake or for theirs against my attitude I may never know.

They tell me how well I've grown, and to my horror and terrible discomfort- Coral begins crying. Marvin hugs her and hushes her and I bite my lip and stare at my reflection. Lynx and Alsea continue to prepare me until- both end up running to Marvin- sadden and tears striken. Who knew they loved me so much?

Perhaps I fail to realized that my popularity has not been all but fanned out- just laid aside for a time, while Katniss and Peeta receive their own. Maybe the Capitol citizens don't want me to die- Ashton sure didn't.

I scowl though, as Marvin tries to calm his close companions and young ladies. I might have, if I were young again, laughed at the sight of them all clinging to my old, skinny Marvin- but now I find it only an increase of emotions that I do not need.

Marvin pushes them out of the room, so we are alone and I sigh. "I did not know I would be missed so much- after four years?"

He smiles. "We have watched you grow up, Keera- you are our only victor. We see you every year in the Capitol. Everyone knows you, you fail to realize- just because you stand around pretending to be bored.. people still see you."

I shrug, and he wanders to me- finishing the clean up job the girls didn't. Then he puts me in light make up. He seems nervous.

"What is it?" I murmur, but he shakes his head.

I sigh- great! More people keeping secrets from me.

He wanders across the room and digging through piles of clothing he pauses- frowns- and then he mutters something of an excuse and then slips out the door.

Confused as to why he left me, I stand- pull on a robe- and I walk around the small room. Uncertain of what I wanted anymore- my stubbornness still burned brightly... but could it wan when I am introduced to the other victors and tributes.

Marvin was right when he told me that just because I wasn't paying attention to them, they weren't watching me. Victors will remember me- Finnik will. Haymitch might. Brutus very likely, I know Johanna will...

I cringe at the thought of talking to her again. That one time was enough... I couldn't look at her. I wanted to run- we were at the chariot ceremony, watching out mentored tributes go round and she and a gathering of other victors called me over...

I had been to curious as to why. I didn't know who Johanna was then- she had only won a year or two before that. And when she stood there and told me that Cyra was her older sister...

I flinch at the memory- and the even further away ones of Cyra, and the cliff- the flower..

I froze when a woman I did not know walks in- she is looking very sad and blank. But she is not crying or looks like she might instead she holds an outfit and she snaps her fingers for me to come. I hesitate, then slowly approach.

She grabs my shoulders, her eyes running over me quickly and then she tosses away my robe, busying herself with the clothes.

"Who are you?" I ask.

"Marsh. District 8's male stylist. Marvin sent me..." Her voice is a sharp bark, but I prefer it so much more then the crying, I wondered if she had already seen to dressing Caleb- but I cut off that curiosity because Caleb doesn't exist to me anymore.

When she shows me the outfit- I don't even bother to object... because hell what else would I have thought of? And this woman would never listen to me.

I cringe though when I take in my reflection. I am half naked.

She smears dark dust across my cheekbones, along my collar bones, and in three long marks down my shoulders and bare arms.

The shirt was a dark, smokey gray. A thin tube top, that scarcely covers my breast and fails to cover any amount of my ribcage or taunt stomach. But there was another part of it- on the sides and down my back- but it was a filmy fabric, strangely weaved and designed of dark gray and a smokey white. It had strips of silvery and wavering fabric running down it.

The fabric stretched around my lower back, the upper half revealing my pale skin. But it reminded me some of my first metallic dress- but not- because this was no doubt representing the smog that haunts our District. The material along the side and back of the tube top fell to maybe high thigh- and for pants, I wore shorts of the same strange weave and they were too hugging for my liking and short. Must I be shown off as a whore always?

But I knew it was my best light- I could no longer be innocent, or sweet- nor could I be classy, because they have seen me at my most viscous state. Besides..

With my blonde hair teased and curled, my dark green eyes highlighted by makeup- I looked intimidating- even if I knew I wouldn't be.

The woman leads me now that I am dressed towards the elevator- we ride down in silence.

This won't be easy. Because I don't have a plan- and I won't let myself turn to Caleb (I am half convinced not to accept his plan) but everyone knows each other, while I have spent my years detaching myself from them... even Caleb has better ties among them then I do.

I don't have any hope where Katniss is- I hate her too much to alley with her. I would love to be with Peeta, but I would be distracted by him, the way he reminds me of Eric.

Johanna would murder me the one chance she gets- Finnik, he may be more interested in better allies, considering his living legend status. But I was a legend too.. if you think of it.

I can intimidate- but only by my past. I am know for my twice victory- two years in a row. I am know for my way of making things crumble without much to it, I am known for my stupid kisses.

Just after I step out of the door though, and the thought runs through my mind. I look around at the people- most are gathered in groups, talking... I spot Caleb in a similar outfit to mine, but with pants and only streaks of the gray dust running along his perfectly sculpted chest and stomach.

I don't let my gaze linger. He is talking though to my surprise to an elderly woman from District 4, and two people I recognize from previous knowledge given to me by Fray- as Beetee and Wiress. They all seem quite taken with whatever it is he is telling him, I too find myself curious, but I'm suddenly snapped out of that thought by a gentle hand running over my shoulder and up my neck.

I shiver and pull back in disgust as I see Brutus grinning down at me. I know him because he had tried to defend me when Johanna accused me of being a murdering bitch (much like Cyra had or Blake) but it had not been charming then and neither is this now- he is twice my age and a few years plus.

He eyes my hungrily I cross my arms over my chest- glaring at him. "What is it?" I snap.

He grins- his leering eyes linger on my chest before raising to my eyes. "Just enjoying the view."

I sneer and turn to go, but he snatches my hand. I wretch it back snarling. "Do not make me kill you _first,_ Brutus."

He laughs, I sigh in frustration. I am not good at talking to strangers, or half strangers... people just don't understand that. My walls prevent me from doing things properly.

"You wouldn't kill me." He boasts, cheerily. "Will you even kill anyone this time around?"

"I killed my last Game didn't I?" I counter and he shakes his head.

"Not really- not without hesitation or a necessity. I can't see you being a pure blood killer- not like these others. But I do not deny... you c_an _kill us, outsmart us."

I think he may have complimented me, but I just turn away again- not even bothering to reply. He lets me go this time and I flee to my carriage, on my way I notice Katniss, standing with Finnik (extremely close mind you) and I pause to watch them.

They are whispering, but then suddenly Peeta is heading that way, I stare at him for a minute, my gut quivers as everything clicks to meet Eric's description and then his eyes- those blue eyes- look up at me and I stare back blankly. Peeta stops in his walk, as Finnik leaves Katniss, and he stares at me with a mixture of uncertainty, remembrance as if he is trying to recall me from somewhere, and a slight friendliness.

But I shake myself mentally before turning from him and making way to my carriage- he starts heading for Katniss again.

When I go to sit on the edge of the chariot where I am supposed to stand on I watch from my half hidden spot as all the victors wander about. Mentors that are victors are everywhere too, it makes everything more confusing. But I keep a tab on Brutus, who is a usual Career and he is talking with those from District 1. Johanna spared me a glare as she approached her chariot in a tree costume that I smirked at, she only glared all the more intensely.

Caleb wandered around to everyone- his good nature seemed to draw them to him. His smiles, his smoldering eyes, his easy laughter. I swear I have never seen a more charming sight, and he was just being himself. Regret crept it's way into my mind, but I held my chin high- intent on my stubbornness.

When it was nearing time for us to go, the first few Districts already leaving Caleb approached me- still smiling and on his arm was Seeder- an older woman who had long brown hair with silver streaks and honey brown eyes- they were chatting pleasantly and when she dropped his arm a few feet away she smiled at him softly before wondering towards her own chariot.

And while Caleb got all the liking.. I sat sullen, hit on by thirty year old men...

I huff, when he looks to me, and his smile falters with sadness- but only for a moment- before he collects his stubbornness and joined me up on the chariot, not sparing me a look that I wouldn't give him.

We weren't very popular- as I have never been on these types of things- but the crowd was mesmerized by District 12's victors. They were beautiful and powerful, nothing anyone hear achieved as half as nicely as they did. Only us younger ones like me, Caleb, Johanna, and Finnik could muster that sort of respect.

Older few were decent, like Seeder and Brutus... but those who were yellow and sagging over their abuse of drug and alcohol... it was pitiful.

I pretended to be bored while Caleb was only looking around curiously. I was watching the horses with some interest. Until the front one tripped over a miss-thrown flower from the crowd. Our chariot gave a lurch and I hissed, I may have tripped if Caleb had not grasped my hand so suddenly. His eyes flew to mine- his face a look of pure worry and fleeting fear and for a minute I looked back thankfully.

Then I ripped my hand from his. He though murmured. "You okay?"

"Fine." I hiss. But he continued to stare at me and I grit my teeth. Does he need to tempt me? I refuse to look at him, to just see what emotion is in his face, I stare forward.

"What are you thinking?" He whispers, and I tense, giving him one fleeting glance despite my determination not to.

He look so sad, so- so tired, all cheerfulness has drained away. "Nothing." I respond in a clipped tone and he seems to deflate, lifting his head and looking forward also. But with a twinge of longing to hear him talk I ask. "What are_ you_ thinking?"

"Honestly?" He responds, not looking at my but his eyebrows knit together and he looks slightly pained.

I am momentarily snapped back to before the interview with Luke- where he had said the same thing. Then I blink, and murmur. "Please?"

"About Blake." He says and I bite my cheek. "I was wondering what he felt like standing up here, dressed up, looking at the crowds...bu-" He cut off abruptly.

My eyes fly to him and I inquire. "But?"

He shakes his head, I reach out for his hand and clasp mine over his for a moment- I knew it shouldn't but I also knew this was a painful thing for him to think about or consider, even if he didn't want me to feel guilty about his brother- I know he missed his last living family member.

He deliberated in answering before whispering. "But he was standing beside a stranger... I am with _you_." There was a slight tenderness in the way he said 'you' and I instantly retreated, because my stubbornness reared its ugly head once again. I drew away from him just as the chariot stopped and he turned his face to me- there was some determination there I didn't want to know of, but there was also that softness. His hand reached for mine, but he made no move to grab my hand.

Yet I felt him seeking for it, I knew he wanted it- but he wouldn't go against his plan, and he wouldn't drop his one stubbornness.. not unless I laid down the fight first, not unless I was the one who defied his boss.

I didn't. None of it, I listened to Snow's speech and then as soon as I could escape I sprinted from my chariot and ran to the elevator.

I rode up with the morphine pair, I liked them because they were quiet.

Once I reached my floor I went to my room- tore off my minimal clothing and sunk into bed. Not even Fray could make me go and watch the replay of the night or eat. Later that night- hours later- I finally feel asleep, feeling cold and lonely sleeping alone.

* * *

><p>The next morning, I scrubbed away the make up, tied my hair into a ponytail. Pulled on a pair of dark pants, and a loose white T-shirt and walked down to breakfast halfheartedly. I only ate a piece of toast because Pippa made me. Fray and Caleb were no where to be seen.<p>

I watched Pippa clear plates though- that I was betting had been theirs. "How are you?" I ask, it has been awhile since me and her have spoken.

"Well enough." She sighs, giving me a sad look while stacking the plates together.

"And your husband?" I ask, she gives me a small twitch of her lip.

"You do not need to hear of it, Keera- please don't let me trouble you with my problems also."

I frown at that response and I focus on her left hand- where it lacks a ring now. I can't believe I had not noticed, I felt bad for it and as I watched her lean over the table to grab a glass, her long, straight, light brown hair falling over her violet looking eyes, the intricate tattoo's seem faded now- but are a light lavender (my favorite color)- and trail over her still pretty but aged face.

"What happened?" I ask, tenderly, moving closer.

She sighs, not meting my gaze as she hands the dishes to an Avox. "He has left me... for someone else."

"Why?" I demand, trying to hide my anger that someone could think to find anyone more sweet then my Pippa.

"For a younger woman, she is so much more pretty then I am- I should have know I could not keep his attention very lo-"

"No." I snap, and I touch the back of her hand on the table, she doesn't pull away. "You don't deserve to be left- for some woman who is younger. You have much more then youth Pippa. You have experience. You have something more in yourself then that woman ever could. You have cared for us tributes, you never fail to smile-"

She shakes her head looking up at me with a pleased smile. "But you do not know her, or him... you couldn't know Keera."

I stare back at her, feeling so sad that I have not known. It may not be something so big to me, but to Pippa this was her worst kind of torture.. and me so recently feeling tossed aside and second- I felt it straight to my heart. "I may not know them, Pippa." I whisper, grabbing her small hand into mine and squeezing it. "But Fray does- and if you ask him I am sure he will say the same thing I have.."

She looks down now, a look of despair crossing her expression. "Fray wouldn't.. he's not-"

"I think he would, if you let him.." I say and she looks up to me earnestly, hopefully.

"Really?"

I smile for her. "Really."

Then I pull forward and hug her. These moment for me are rare, but this was easy- this was Pippa. When we pull back she has a new tinge of color in her face- out of hope, our a renewed importance. She kisses my cheek, like a mother. And then she take me by the arm and she leads me to the training room- a place I may just need her help in return.

* * *

><p>I had woken up late and by the time I got down there it was already about noon and people were sitting around eating. I wasn't hungry- but I had to find somewhere to sit. Caleb sat with Finnik and Brutus . Beetee and Wiress were alone. Peeta and Katniss sat muttering together and I wandered around the tables- some lifted their eyes to look up at me (Caleb didn't) but Brutus, Johanna, and Peeta did.<p>

I pretended not to notice and instead placed myself among those company I enjoy- the sad looking morphine pair. I smiled at them, they tried to return it, but it was more of a grimace looking thing- oh well, I liked them, because they slurped at their lunch without needlessly whispering or shouting like the Career group is.

I was drawing idle things on the table top with my finger when Brutus, of course, came to pester me.

"Why don't you come sit with me?" He offers, placing himself on my right half laying his body over the table. I try not to scowl but keep a pleasant look on my face, smiling at him and then to my companions.

"Why? I like my faithful friends." I say cheerfully, giving the woman on my left a tender look.

Someone on my other side, behind me scoffs. "Liar."

I turn and find myself looking up into Finnik's sea green eyes. I muster a grin for him. "Me! I never lie."

He sees the amusement plain in my face- his eyes flicker to Caleb who is talking to Beetee and Wiress- and then he raises an eyebrow, his face unamused. "Yes, _never."_

All those years denying his existence and now they all are talking to him- I can't say I'm not the least bit curious to see what he has been saying to their questions about it...

I scoot over, reluctantly closer to Brutus. Whose hard face is scowling towards Finnik, but I welcome Finnik's handsome company. He is easy to talk to- like my morphine friends.

"So has my fellow tribute showed you all his secrets yet?" I ask Finnik. Promptly turning my back to Brutus and leaning onto the table with an elbow and looking up at Finnik, who ducks forward (he is always one to test his companies limits) and he shrugs.

"I have asked, but it seems obvious to me what they are." He responds.

"What did he say when you asked?" I inquire, hoping to make it sound like I didn't care- but I was beyond that. I could not even control the impulse to want to know what Caleb was thinking about.

Finnik picked up on it, and his eyebrow quirks. "Why so interested? I mean after all... you haven't met him before this whole ordeal."

I feel Brutus shift behind me, and I shrug, looking down at my hands in my lap. "Course not.." I mumble then look up to see him laughing at me, I scowl. "Maybe I was just trying to find his weakness- easier to kill him that way."

"I don't think you will be killing him." Finnik remarks.

"I think she would." Brutus boasted behind me and I turn slightly so I can look back and forth between the two.

"Why's that?" Finnik replied, staring at Brutus, testing him.

"Keera's one to trick everyone. She is the quiet one sitting in the background, listening- taking everything in- completely unnoticed. And when everyone is at the brink of fighting and have placed their move carefully- noticed their enemies- she will say one word, make one deliberate step. And beat everyone, send everything spiraling down."

I blink at him, who would a thought he actually admired me for more then just my looks. I laugh despite myself while Finnik mauled over the man's words.

"That's stupid." I say, grinning at my staring morphine friends (who seem agitated by my merriment). "They're silly aren't they?" I motion to the two boys, and everyone gives me this look like I'm crazy.

I look back up at Finnik, trying to change the subject. "How's Annie?" I ask, his ponderous look falters and he narrows his eyes.

"Just as good as she used to be."

I nod. "With you gone? Does she realize..." My voice catches at the end- thinking of sweet, damaged Annie. One of the few victors I actually liked.

Finnik sighs. "She knows, it's hard.." He drifts off no doubt running over their last moment together when suddenly he lifts his eyes to mine and they are watchful. "You understand how it is and all."

"Hardly.." I mumble- my eyes only for a moment flick to Caleb across the room. Leaving them and taking the one you love with you.. are not the same thing.

Finnik catches on and for a minute he stares at me with those intoxicating eyes before touching my arm in a friendly way and then walking away. I watch him go and then turn to Brutus- who glares at Finnik's back.

"Pretty boy- is almost as bad as Lover boy." He mutters crossly and I let out a startling laugh. Next thing you know Caleb will be known as Rebel boy.

Brutus smiles, slightly, confused by my laughter- but not against it. I grin at the man, pat his shoulder and then nod to my morphine friends. "Try not to miss me, I have to go... send everything spiraling down..? I think that's how you put it." He opens his mouth to object, but I jump up and then follow after Finnik to the training area. He has wondered over to Katniss- I smirk at the discomfort he gives her.

I spot Peeta, I would have liked to talked to him, but unfortunately for me he is locked in a intense conversation with Caleb. So I look over across the room- spot Fray.. and I make towards him.

I failed to notice the man he was talking until it was too late and I was a foot away, I shake my head at Fray from behind the person, but Fray grins- motioning for me to follow. I take a step back, look left and right. But it's too late because the person notices and they turn to face me. I bite my tongue as their eyes lock with mine and I wished to sink into the floor.

"Keera..." They murmur, and I blush despite myself.

"Jason." I reply, Jason- my general- what the hell is he doing here?

He stares me down and I can't help but remember me telling him off that time right after I learned I would go back to the Games. I remember throwing something at him, cursing, a few carefully aimed kicks. Plenty of telling of my quitting as his second. But he had stayed calm- told me to shut up though. I was hysterical then... and I...

"What are you doing here?" I demand, meeting his gaze and straightening my shoulders.

His eyes spark in a way I do not like. "Research."

"On what?" I hiss.

He shakes his head, laughing- but it's rough. "I have already _done_ the research, now I have to report back."

"To whom?" I incline, though I think I know.. yet I still get a slight feeling this is something I should listen to carefully.

"To President Snow of course." Jason says easily, soothe and a wicked smile lighting his face.

I stare at it, then in his gray eyes. I feel unease. "What was the research for?"

"For a solution." He shrugs, and then looks over at the curious Fray. But his smile is directed towards me.

"To_ what?"_ I snap, impatiently. Crossing my arms over my chest.

"A problem, my dear." He murmurs. "An unfortunate possible complication that our President would like to over come."

I narrow my eyes. "Sounds like you think it is a high possibility."

His eyes trail me up and down before he stands taller and mirrors my position by crossing his own arms. "I don't think so... but Snow seems to."

"What exactly is the solution?" Fray asks jumping in- a confused expression on his face- but he wasn't alone I had not a clue what he was referring to... I just didn't like it.

Jason flicks his eyes between us for a contemplating moment when he looks back to me, his lips curving in amusement as he stared me down, he walked towards me- I shrank away and he whispers. "Ashton, my dear Keera." As he walks passed, ducking to my ear.

I'm sure my face paled. But I'm not sure why, I'm not sure what he means- but Fray is more confused and he stares at me in concern as I clasp my hands together. I listen until I can't hear Jason's retreating steps and then I rush towards Fray, striking up a random conversation. While my thoughts reeled, trying to figure out what he was talking about... what problem, would Ashton fix? Why would Ashton matter? To President Snow... being researched? I wanted to deny it was because he had taken a liking to me, but I can't shake that off- because it was the only thing that made sense...

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: **Thanks for reading! Please review!(: Can't wait for more feedback, I'm on a review high here. Want more? You know how get it. (Don't remember Jason? He's in the fourth chapter.) Anyway.. hope you enjoyed. Next update soon! And in two chapters time- we'll be in the Games! -Taryn(:_


	12. Realization and Plans

Chapter 11- "Realization and Plans"

* * *

><p>Ashton was confused. Ever since yesterday when his commander shoved him onto the next train to the Capitol and then upon arrival back home- to which he didn't want to return to yet... he was admitted immediately into President Snow's mansion.<p>

Nervous, uncertain, and fidgeting with his hat- twirling it around on his fingers- he followed the young woman in front of him until they reached a pair of large doors.

It was a good ten minutes before the doors opened to admit him and he was suddenly in the presence of his President- to which he scrambled to bow to- and then he saw the room full of two famously known generals to him, during his studies at school, and also it seemed... a group of medical people.

Snow stared at the boy with building amusement. "Strange for her to choose someone like you.." He comments.

Ashton doesn't understand though, he is too astonished to realize he talks of Keera- all he can do is clutch his hat and have his eyes flicker from face to face.

"This is the boy." Jason, one of the generals, confirmed. He overlooked Ashton with immense thought and so did the other general.

"He isn't the goal is he?" The other general remarked- seeming confused and President Snow laughed, loudly.

Ashton jumped, staring in bafflement at the man. "No, never." President Snow answered the man, his face twisting in a dark way. "He is merely the tool."

"How can you possibly use him?" The same general asked- Jason who knew the plan smirked at the fellow.

"You do not want to know the specifics, my friend." His gray eyes flickering over to the 'medical' doctors for only a moment, the other general catching on some.

Ashton who absorbed their words in a mess of confusion and concern, mustered it in himself to talk- though he had been waiting for the usually permission of only talking when being talked to, he went ahead and asked. "What do you mean, use me?A tool?" He demands thought only halfheartedly. His life in the Capitol has hidden him from true deceit and malevolent actions... he prided it in himself to believe this was just him misunderstand what they were saying.

The others in the room watched the boy with eagerness- mostly President Snow. No one answered him until Snow had traveled around his desk and placed himself in front of the healthy boy.

"You know Keera, no?" He asks.

Ashton nods stiffly.

"Would you like to help her?"

"How?"

President Snow smiles wickedly. "By showing her where she truly belongs."

"Where is that..?" He was starting to feel more and more uneasy.

"With you- with us." Snow mutters, off-handedly, shrugging. "Are you my soldier or not, Mr. Woolf?"

"I am, sir." Ashton mumbles, though hesitantly. His fingers still clinging to his hat.

President Snow looks down at him and them chuckles. "Do not look so frightened, my boy. If you listen carefully- you ll enjoy this, it will not be a burden. Are you willing to take every order we make?"

Ashton looks passed him for a moment- to the generals that watch him evenly, waiting for him to decide whatever fate is to be his- fear was heavy on his heart, as was hesitation. The medical group of four were watching him in calculating ways and with a pang of desperation- disregarding thoughts of Keera (for he never truly _loved _the girl) he turned back to his President and agreed- he would do anything that was ordered of him.

To his astonishment the reply he received was- "Stay with me in the mansion in the mean time, until the Games are over."

**…_.._**

I tried to convince myself that Ashton was safe- he was after all a Capitol child and Peacekeeper.

So I didn't worry myself much with him. Instead all my world had become- was not the Game, or other victors.. it was Caleb.

Caleb filled my mind everyday (four days) and I clench my jaw pretending he wasn't there. If I had said it was easy to ignore him before, that was a lie. Because now all I wanted to do was talk to my passionate, laughable, boyfriend- more then anything...

I mean he's still my boyfriend.. right? It's not like we split up. Sure we hit a rough patch in our relationship but that can't throw away fours years! I fretted myself over this, until I reminded myself that I didn't care whether he thought it was over- even though you know, it _isn't. W_ere just going with that plan. Yeah, the plan. That.

I deflate when the pathetic things I try to convince myself of and weakening slightly in my stubbornness- I look across the training room to Caleb. Who is chucking spears with Brutus and Peeta.

We haven't looked at each other in the face since the chariot ceremony. I craved those smoldering hazel eyes- that I was jealous that the other victors got to stare at as much as they wanted.

The reason we are separated in private is my doing. The reason we are separated in public- is his.

One of us will break- we can not last so long without each other. I feel my smile dampening each day- just slightly. I can see that spark in his voice, grow closer to sadness each passing hour. We lose our touch without each other... yet we are completely hopeless together.

Maybe I should just say we are hopeless in general. In every which way- separated or together. Laughing or crying. Kissing or hugging. We are even more hopeless then the Capitol's sad, unmarried star-crossed lovers.

"Gah!" I exclaim now, frustration and longing making me just to my limits end. I tossed the piece of rope in my hands away- grown tired of it's soothing effect.

The man at the station looks up to me and I glare back- I do not have the patience to be pleasant. I wanted my Caleb.

"What?" I snap and he blinks, shrugs and shuffles off to help the other tribute at the other side of the station. I huff turning around and leaning my back onto the counter, staring out across the training center.

Agitation was clearly written on my face as I scowled at everyone in the room. Gamemakers returned my dark look, the Careers (sides Brutus) sneered back, Peeta blinked up at me, Finnik grinned. Katniss though-

I tensed.

Katniss didn't notice- no she was too busy talking to Caleb..

It wasn't jealous. No. This was just anger- possessiveness- and an extreme momentary hatred for any pretty female talking to Caleb (I usually wouldn't find one here), but _Katniss_ who was strong, enduring, talented... possibly the only one his age range around here. Of course they would talk. Of course I would start.

I don't know what my purpose was, but I marched across the room, my hands in fists at my side and I slipped right next to the pair and they looked up at me, stopping whatever it was they were saying.

Caleb looked very surprised, while Katniss was guarded. I mustered a strained smile and said- to both. "Names Keera," I thrust out my hand for either to take, since I have not introduced myself to Katniss and I'm not suppose to know Caleb.

Katniss looked at my hand fleetingly, then to Caleb. Caleb though stared at my face- a war of emotions and confusion there, but he took my hand none the less and muttered. "Caleb. Nice to finally have you talk.."

Katniss looked uncomfortable- _good_- and I held my hand insistently to her. She took it- in a weak grasp- I can't say I was tempted to crush it or anything, but I dropped it at the appropriate time and she announced her name.

Ignorant girl. I think. How much was Caleb manipulating everyone here? I look to him and he has that smile again- idiot boy- yet I missed my smart idiot boyfriend so much it was like a physical pain in my chest.

I'm afraid I was staring at him for too long- and him staring back. I was trying to memorize all those golden strikes in his eyes- when Katniss cleared her throat and I jumped, Caleb fumbled to talk and instantly shot off.

"Send Haymitch my word." And then he turned and abruptly left, a tinge of red flushing his cheeks. I gritted my teeth because I want to talk to him- I wanted to hug him, or you know more then shake his hand. I glance back to Katniss.

We are silent, we stare at each other. I mostly glaring and her scowling. I didn't feel the same intensity of dislike that was between me and Johanna or between what me and Blake had... but there is definitely a part of me that shrinks away from her, the back of my mind telling me that she will cause you too much trouble then she's worth.

Then I sighed, turned away from her and wandered across the room. She retreated to Peeta.

I watched them the rest of the day- to distract myself from Caleb. But it was sickening to see how fake she was. Maybe some degree she may be partial to him- but I can tell that he is not satisfied in the way she accepts him.

To openly abuse a relationship that could be pure- that was allowed and appreciated by those around them. I would have given anything for such a freedom. But I was so trapped in my own blind folly of love- it was too late to fix my past mistakes.

There are so many things I would do differently... so many choices I would have done better. People I could have set right- life's I would have saved.

Spared Caleb pain, me from this suffering now. I would have never kissed Ashton, and I would have been better prepared to withstand Tera's stupid manipulation. She wanted that kiss to send us spiraling down.

She wanted him to regret me and me to hate him.

But I saw through it now- and I'm sure Caleb knew it that instant he pulled away from her lips. I had been too stubborn to hear him explain it to me and too convincing of myself later- after I mistakenly taken that kiss from Ashton- to admit to myself that no revenge was needed. That the kisses were different.

I didn't want to tell him- I couldn't tell him, we aren't on speaking terms.

Besides, there is only one victor in the Game... and if it is him, then I do not want him to know of it. I don't want it to distract him from who I really am, I don't want it to blemish my image he has of me... or might not have- not anymore.

I don't apologize well. He knows that, he was lucky when I did- _people _are lucky when I do. But now after all this stubborn, idiotic behavior? I couldn't, my pride wouldn't let me. The embarrassment of it...

I know he wouldn't laugh at me, or look smug- but accepted me in open arms. I just couldn't do it, the shame was too much for me.

Even after that humiliating display with Katniss... does she suspect him to be that Caleb? Or does she not truly know who I am? Maybe she has never seen my Games.

No one doubts this is the Caleb. I know they don't. He resembles Blake too much, he is a prisoner, I am so obviously avoiding him..

Plan be damned. We failed- won't he just come back to me now?

But I don't think he will. Not without encouragement. Not without me showing something before he does. Maybe he's tired of coming to me, maybe he thinks me truly indifferent to our relationship. Does he suspect me and Ashton? He had seen the flowers, seen me with him plenty...

Does he doubt my love? Does he think that _I _pretend? Like I had so recently thought of him doing to me...

The thoughts haunt me all day and even through dinner, when I refused to look up from my plate at Fray and Pippa- Caleb was eating alone, in his room, like he has done the last few nights.

When I travel down the hall though I look at the floor- thinking of the blood that had at one point four years ago, trailed all the way from my room to Fray's. It was Caleb's and it came off of me. My stomach rolls at the memory of seeing him like that. And the possibility of seeing it again in the Game without Fray to run to...

I sigh when I reach my door, my eyes stare at his across the hall for a long while until I slipped into mine snapping it shut loudly.

I stumbled to my bed, kicking off my shoes as I went- then flop on top of it, very depressed- lonely.

**…_.. _**

Food has no flavor anymore, I think sourly, tossing the plate full of it onto the ground a couple feet away. I watch with little interest as it spills onto the white carpet, staining it, making a mess.

But after a few minutes of ringing silence, I am saddened that I threw it in my moment of irritation, because now an Avox will have to clean it up. And hell knows that they need more to do.

Slowly, I stand from my bed, and then delicately pick it up, I sit on the carpet though, in front of the stain. My mind strains to find a way to clean it up.. but my thoughts are too occupied by other things to even come up with a proper idea.

Keera was at the forefront of everything. She was the reason the food had been so infuriatingly tasteless and cold and meaningless. She was the reason I wanted nothing more then to run across the hall and demand for her to forgive me- to throw myself to her mercy. I would tell her everything, now. If she just asked for it.

Two words from her and I would happily throw my life away. One kiss and I would be her slave. It was blind and pathetic, but I missed her. I missed her teasing, her strange humor, her sarcasm, the feel of her soft cheek flushed warmly, the way _she _says my name...

I groan at my own pathetic attachment, burying my face in my hands. If only I had shoved away Tera sooner, if only I had not told Keera what I did, if only she would talk to me now- _if only- _if only!

I recall earlier today, after multiple peeks in her direction- she had walked in my direction. I was too startled to do anything, my composure was lost to looking down into her face- her lively eyes staring between me and Katniss...

I couldn't look away, it was the first time I had allowed myself a proper look in... five days, six hours, and- I laugh.

It sounds a bit off, because I can not believe I have counted the hours since we were in the victors house, and I was looking down at her face. I knew I would be leaving then, I knew I had to find strength in doing so.. her kisses in that bed only intoxicated me more, only wanted me to stay longer.

I looked up from my hands, down at the stain, then to my door wistfully.

"If only..." I whisper, sadly. If only I had done things different.

If I knew I was welcome then I would go to her. But I had seen her around Finnik- the way she laughs- it makes breathing harder... I have seen Brutus' obvious fondness.. and I can hardly watch as she entertains his feelings.

I am not one to be jealous when I know I have her heart... those flowers, that Peacekeeper- he was nothing then because I knew she loved me. But now, I did not know. I have never seen anyone so determined to hate me.

She won't even meet my gaze without anger. The annoyance and irritation bristling from her when ever I talk, whenever I'm near. The way she tenses with just one glance... I feel disgusted with myself.

I have no confidence in this like I had when I was younger. Then I knew I had friendship... now I have indifference.

It is hard to avoid her, where as she does it as if it is the simplest thing ever...

I close my eyes for a moment, to control the impulse to go to her- Why is it that we are always trying to be together, but something keeps us apart? And this time.. it is our stubbornness, our doubt, our fear that keeps us away.

I don't know if it would be better to go in the Games with this un-acknowledgment of each other or to savor what we have.. _if _we have anything anymore.

If I were to die for Katniss and Peeta like I am ordered to, from President Coin, then I want her to at least know I still love her... but she must know still. I told her that morning, before the reaping.

She knows and she won't come to me- I have already given her my encouragement... and if she is still uninterested... then... then I can not force her.

Depression sunk in, a hopelessness so strong seared through my spirit I thought I may never smile again- but then I jumped, at a quiet knock on my door.

I look to the door in fear- fearing to hope- and slowly I stand. Shirtless, as I am, and the mess still present I cautiously walk to the door and then slowly open it.

Yes, hope was something to fear. Because another extreme pain of sorrowful disappointment hit me, when I opened it to find only, Alex, a spy and pretend Avox at the time being. He smiles slightly, and then looking left and right down the hall- then slips me a piece of paper that is conveniently hidden under a mug of warm milk. I was glad it was him who was acting my messenger to the tributes and mentors, and to District 13. And not Tera.

This reply though was no doubt, President Coin's... a long awaited reply.

I thank Alex with a nod of the head, I close the door and ignoring the mess- straining my thoughts to switch tracks from Keera to business- I sit on the bed and then bury myself into the covers, my only safe place from cameras.

I read it quickly and each line increased the speed in which my eyes moved across the paper, my heart was sinking further and further in my chest. A slight alarming panic igniting in my mind.

When I finished I ripped it up, and put it in the milk. It was unreadable now and with frantic movements I escaped the covers and poured the cups content down the bathroom sink.

Setting the mug aside on the counter I looked up, placing my hands on the edge of the counter, shoulders width apart. I stared at my reflect. And then wondered what has happened to me... when have I started taking orders? When have I lost what minimal freedom I had to those I have admitted my loyalty to? When have I allowed my status in this rebellion to separate me from the girl I love?

I can see Blake yelling at me now, for thinking such things. "Of course girls go behind freedom, Caleb" He would say. "What have you been doing all your life? Don't throw it away. Think of father, of mother!" Blake had always influenced.

But Blake was gone, mother was gone, father was gone- and I hardly recollected pleasant memories of them- right now all I can remember is Keera. Her sweet lips, her shy words, those walls I have so ambitiously knocked down.

I think of the letter now, of what it asked of me. Coin had given me permission to let Keera in the plan- in fact she encouraged it- she wanted Keera's help. But I was still not allowed to openly love her- we could not be allies. I am to be with Katniss and Peeta- with Finnik, as long as we can manage. I have already coordinated with and influenced half of the other victors. They promise to protect Peeta, and most of all Katniss.

She is the rebellions encouragement. Coin dislikes her greatly for it, the threat of her- almost as much as Snow. But I can not say I hate her. She had a right to be the way she is. The way people abuse her sometimes, the way I plot around her and her life and the boy.

What Coin wants of Keera- is to kill everyone not in the plan. She wants her to hunt those who threaten Katniss and Peeta most. I don't like the idea, to have her kill so relentlessly. To have her in harms way. I am torn between protect Katniss (my freedom) or Keera (my love).

I hated myself for that. For the conflict. But there was more to it! People relied on me to keep Katniss alive... all those good prisoners, Avox's, and rebels. All those in the Districts that suffer... they need this of me- to keep the rebellion alive. To keep Katniss safe.

But Keera.. I love her more then I want. More then I should- more then she does me. I have given myself up, more then once to the most fearful man around. I have lost a brother for that love. I have lost my original rebel group for my passion.

Does she not see it? Does she not care?

But I can not decide. Should I tell her this plan? Risk her life for those other good people- _thousands_ of good people? For my freedom? OR should I keep her safe, just her, that one life? Should I take the off chance that she may need me to protect her? Throw away _everything _for Keera_? _

With another fit of frustration and agitation I knocked the mug with the back of my hand- sending it against the solid wall, shattering to the floor. I sigh, because I'm just too fucking hopeless.

**…**_**.**_

Pippa smiled at Fray, and he smiled shyly back. She leaned forward only slightly to grab hold of his hands, tears in her eyes. "You mean it?" She whispers.

"Of course." Fray replies. Of course, he thought the same thing Keera had- he thought _more_ then Keera had...

"I-" Pippa began, but the tears began spilling now. And she confessed something long withheld in herself. "I am so sorry. I th-thought- I was _so_ foolish. It was such a fling! I am-"

Fray pained to see Pippa in so much despair- even if it is over a man- and he gathered her into his arms. She clung to him, her weeping increasing as he rocked her.

"Pippa, don't cry- please, he is not worth your tears." Fray murmurs in her ear.

She tried to stop, but couldn't. Her nose was running, eyes so swollen with tears she could hardly see out of them, and her chest kept wracking out sobs from so deep within her she thought her stomach would come up with the movement.

Obvious pain being the source of such dramatics. The rejection, the embarrassment, the lost compassion, her own stupidity. And then Fray's never ending kindness...

"Pippa." Fray says, running a hand through her long hair and using the other to wipe her nose with the corner of coat. "Don't cry, please. You are so beautiful, so lovely, I can't bear to see you so unhappy."

Her only answer was yet another sob.

He gathered her closer to himself, he rocked her for some time- before swearing softly- and tipped back Pippa's face, and stifled her sobs with his mouth.

It was more then lust, or an offering of sheer physical pleasure, but a depth of comfort and loving Pippa had always yearned for, but never found.

His mouth was so sweet to her, his arms so soothing, and _he _was the beautiful one- not merely his appearance but in nature as well.

"Pippa..." He said, and she heard the longing in his voice. The crack in it that was so weak, so unable to resist any longer. He wanted to know, she knew what he wanted to ask...

She look up at him, and she could see the love in his face, and then with another stifling, slight sob she nodded her head. "Yes.." She whispered. "Yes..."

He smiled, so happy, Pippa's tears almost flowed a new.

Some time later, after much small talk, wiping of tears, and soft kisses. They sat together on the couch. It was nearing midnight. But they didn't care, Pippa was happily cradled in Fray's willing arms.

They did not talk for some time because the mere presences of each other was enough for them, now. But as Pippa's thoughts wondered, she looked up at Fray and murmured. "We owe them more then this..." She whispers, Fray looks to her. "They owe themselves more. They owe _each other _more_._."

Fray knew instantly that she spoke of Caleb and Keera- who were like their children to them. More to Fray then Pippa, but she knew what it was like to feel the sting of love and betrayal and conflict... and denial. They both had tried before to fix it, but as they stared into each others eyes, they felt more strength and more determination to help those who still suffered.

"What can we do?" Fray asks her, shifting her against his chest so he could rest his chin on her head, smell the heavy scent of her hair, and the two of them stared off towards the hall- where the two were both stubbornly ignoring each other.

"They need to... see." Pippa says, thoughtfully. "They do not realize all that is going on, all the conflict both of them have. If only they would be honest with each other- everything- no secrets.."

Silence fell as both of them mauled over a way to do this when suddenly struck with something, Fray murmurs, his eyes bright and with a small smile. "I've a plan."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: **Hope there aren't too many typos. Anyway thanks for reading! IMPORTANT: The next chapter will be the last one before he Game begins AND to my younger readers, or my more.. -ahem- prudent ones... there will be slight amount or more (I'm not a 100% sure how much) explictness. In other words, sex. Read at your own risk, I will put a warning at the begining of the chapter also. But just telling you now. Anyway review! -Taryn(: _


	13. Safe

Chapter 13- "Safe"

_(Warning, explict material at the end.)_

* * *

><p>I jerked awake- Pippa shaking me violently.<p>

I sat up- nearly knocking our foreheads together- my eyes flying open wide, barely catching my breath as I looked into her panic striken voice.

"What!" I cry, in shock and my heart picked up, as worries sprang through my thoughts. Terrible twisted things my still tired mind imagined. From Fray's death- to Snow standing outside with a machine gun..

"It's-" Pippa panted, she looked flustered, bothered... breathing heavy. "It's Caleb-"

My face paled at the name- my mind that lagged in my nightmares, saw flashes of his cringing face, the blood on my hands, the gash-

I flung myself from the bed before I could think, I pushed passed Pippa, tossed aside to covers, and scrambled across the room. So abrupt my movements I was quickly winded, my cheeks flushed with the sudden exertion- my head whirled. But I shoved out of my door, stepped across the hall and slammed open his door.

It swung back with too much force, knocking into the back wall. I flinched slightly as Caleb- seeming fine- shot up in the sitting position buried in his own bed. His own eyes were as wide as mine are as we take in each other.

I stumbled in a few steps, looking around in concern. Frantic to see just what threat Pippa had told me of, he looked at me- he looked adorable having just woken up, his hair ridiculously messy, his eyes all disoriented and confused.

Then the door snapped shut and both our faces swung around to the sound of it, and then to the responding click of the lock. I stare at it, stooped for a second and then with a jerk of uncomfortable realization- and extreme embarrassment- my cheeks flushed scarlet for both being tricked like that, and having just crashed my way into Caleb's room.

I refused to look at him, I couldn't. I clenched my jaw staring at the door- glaring.

"Keera?" Caleb murmurs, his voice is husky from having just woken up and I shiver involuntarily.

He repeats my name, in less a half asleep way and I walk over to the door, giving him my back. I tug at the door knob and he stirs, getting out of bed. With more panic, I start throwing my weight back to open it- but it was no use. I was stuck.

He takes a few steps closer to me and I whip around, pressing my back into the door, a hand still grasping the doorknob. "Open it!" I demand, but when I look into his face my throat tightens and I drop them away- only to find his shirtless chest in view and I bite my cheek, staring at the ceiling. "Please, just open the fucking door."

He blinks, steps once closer and I tense, he sighs. "Why can't you do it?"

"Because they've locked me in!" I hiss, still unable to look at him.

I turn away when he is completely silent. I rattle the knob, claw at the lock with my nails, I didn't want to be here- with this boy, who so obviously doesn't want me here. I blushed over and over again at having so desperately ran to him, and Pippa had not even told me what happened to him- I just ran to him.

I was so hot and bothered to forget my embarrassment, and to escape Caleb that I did not even notice he was standing right beside me until he pushed away my hand and then with expert skill, used a knife to unlock it. He wouldn't look at me- which I appreciated- but his face was hard.

I stepped back as he swung the door open stiffly. With an almost mocking sweeping movement of his arm he stepped back also, tucked the knife in his pocket and waited for me to leave.

I paused in my fleeing the room to give him a quick, hesitant look. But then I shook it off and retreated across the deserted hallway and then slipped into my own room- closing the door tightly- for if Pippa gets anymore of her stupid ideas of a joke...

…**..**

To see her so frightened and desperate to leave my presence makes my hope- if there had been any- sink to rock bottom. I was shocked to see here come to me- so early, so panicked- and then to find out she was forced, to find out they locked her in, and then to see her so.. repulsed by being in the same room with me... she wouldn't even look at me..

I get dressed as soon as she's gone, and then attempting to fix my hair I flatten it down with my hand. I stomp down the hall- my mood in horrid spirit.

I find Pippa and Fray innocently eating their breakfast and sending both of them an untrusting look I grab a bowl of broth, sitting on the side of the table- so I could have both of them in sight.

"How did you sleep?" Pippa asks, lightly, giving me a smile.

I narrow my eyes at her. "Just _gloriously_, and you?"

She lets off a light trail of laughter, waving her hand girlishly. "Oh perfectly, like alwa-"

"I suppose you didn't get the same wake up call I did, then." I interrupt and she falls silent- looking guilty while Fray looks just a bit down putted. I smile though, seeing that it was all a part of good sport and trying to help- since it was our last day before the Games- and sighing, dropping my sourness and making try to make things better I mutter. "Guess you didn't think I could open the door, huh?"

"It would have worked." Fray mused. "If not for that."

I shake my head. "Nah, she would have jumped from the window before anything could have worked."

Pippa rolled her eyes. "Now you're just being as dramatic as she is."

"Keera's not dramatic, she's..."

"Emotional?" Fray offers, I throw him a look.

Pippa shoots Fray a look also suggesting. "In love?"

I snort. "Hardly- did you see her? She was scratching at the door like a trapped and tortured dog!"

"Maybe you just make her nervous." Pippa says, and I nearly laugh.

"No one makes Keera nervous. Not Snow, not me, not you.."

Fray seems to take that to heart before saying. "Try making her nervous. See how it goes."

"Ha!" I exclaim halfheartedly, dropping the spoon in the bowl and looking up at them. "And end up having her hate me more? No. I'd rather not endure more then I have to."

Pippa sighs and looks about to comment when a slam of a door down the hall makes everyone sit a little straighter. I glue my eyes onto my half finished broth- if she won't acknowledge me then I won't her. Indifference- that's the goal.

She walks in briskly, taking only toast before seating herself on Fray's right. I heard most of the movements, not seeing them, because I hadn't looked up until Pippa asked with the ever most innocence. "How did you sleep, Keera?"

I glanced up only to glimpse her, because I can not hold back from wanting to at least peek and see how she would react to the question. Predictably she scowls at Pippa, snapping. "Dreadful."

I smirk, but hide it by ducking back over my breakfast.

"Oh, how unfortunate. I had quiet a good night." Pippa said, nothing in her cheery exterior faltering at Keera's bristling bad mood.

It was all silent, me and Fray finished before the girls. And standing I went to place my bowl over closer to the kitchen- for the Avox's- but as I walked behind Fray and Keera around the table.. Fray stood.

He was staring at me _straight in the eyes _and then proceed to turn his elbow, knocking into the cup full of hot coffee- it teetered, in Keera's direction, tipping towards her lap-

I hiss, indifference forgotten- only worry and my need to protect consume me. I drop my bowl and then lean forward, pushing Fray away and grabbing the falling cup only in time to prevent it to spill across her- but instead cause it to splatter against my wrist, drip onto the table cloth, onto the carpet and then tumble in a different direction. That direction being my forearm.

"Fuck!" I snarl, dropping the now only quartered filled cup to the floor and snapping my arm to my chest, my other arm wrapping around it protectively and possessively. I can feel the hot liquid crawling across my skin, blistering it, searing my nerves. "Fuck, fuck, _fuck." _I snarl, turning away from the table and instead bending forward slightly over the burning arm.

I glance up, gritting my teeth together to gather Keera's startled and pale face with her eyes wide in bewilderment. Pippa is staring evenly, though concerned. Fray immediately scrambles from the room to get ice.

"What did you do!" Keera shouts, standing, looking at the mess with distaste and stepping away from it, but closer to me. Her face wasn't full of concern though.

"_Me?"_ I hiss, still struggling against the now tingling pain of the burn, I felt liquid seep through my shirt only small dots of it, but I knew it wasn't the coffee. "I didn't do anything."

"Obviously you did..." She says quietly, but in a hard voice, staring at the mess still- but her cheek had gone red, but not in the cute way- I knew this was from anger. She was angry at me! How could she be angry with me?

"Let me see it, Caleb." Pippa demands, interrupting my staring at Keera in disbelief and slowly, reluctantly- I lower it from my chest to put out in view.

It had to third degree. Spanning from my wrist to just an inch from my elbow only on the inside of my forearm- which was the more sensitive skin- it was a raw, red. The upper layers of skin all having been seared away by the boiling liquid (how could Fray almost have spilled this on Keera!). Parts were worse then others, mostly near my wrist, where blood seeped through a scarlet layer of filmy, stinging flesh that you could see my veins pulsing beneath. Blisters started forming over the peeling layers of now dead skin... the sight was revolting.

Pippa grimaced, and then Fray returned, hurriedly took me by the arm and rushed me to the bathroom and ran it under cold water. I wanted to flinch away at first- the shock of the temperature change made it worse- but after a while it became soothing.

Keera stayed in the hallway, her face closed off, her arms crossed over her chest. Eyes kept on her feet.

Pippa fretted around me and Fray as we treated my arm together, first applying burn gel, then a herd salve. Then a thin bandage- a small pack of ice- and then more bandages.

All the while all I could think was how much Keera must hate me- for not once looking worried, for not once inquiring if it hurt, or thanking me for having saved her from the pain.

Pippa too seemed stressed and confused on that. And if not for my excellent eavesdropping skill I wouldn't have heard there conversation.

"What happened?" Pippa whispered to Keera- though no doubt Pippa knew, this was another pathetic way of Fray and her making me and Keera show that we care for each other. First they shove her into my room, now I'm a burn victim.

"Ask Caleb." Keera said in reply, sharply.

"I don't want to trouble him." Pippa whispers, sliding closer to Keera- from what I can see out of the bathroom doorway, as Keera stood stubbornly on the wall just on the outside of it.

"I think it's pretty fucking obvious Pippa!" She snarls, and I am annoyed further as she just turns around I see her whisk passed the door way and then I hear her bed room door slam.

I cringe and then Fray and Pippa exchange grave looks. I too reach some sort of limit and I stand, take my arm in my other and then strut passed the two. Slamming myself in my own room.

…_**..**_

"They are so stupid!" Fray exclaims as soon as Caleb left. Pippa frowns, falling onto the edge of the tub next to him.

"Not stupid.. just taking everything wrong." She mumbles.

"Keera thinks Caleb tried to burn her with coffee- not save her from it! Caleb thinks Keera was forced into his room- not trying to run to protect him!" Fray hisses. "_ I_ think that is idiotic of them to come up with those conclusions."

"They are blind with doubt, Fray." Pippa replies earnestly, taking one of his hands and looking into his eyes. "Don't you remember what's that like?"

He scoffs, but then sighs as his ignorance to the last few years of doubting Pippa, failed to hold, and he squeezes her hand. "We can't give up."

"No.." Pippa smiles slightly. "We just need better plans. Ones that won't severely injure our tributes though..." She added the last part in worry, they hadn't really thought Caleb would spill it on _himself _but then again he would have not been thinking much.

Fray sat silent staring at their hands trying to find other ways to encourage Keera and Caleb to be comfortable in each others company again. They tried to make Caleb see that she stilled cared by making her run to him- but that failed. So instead they tried forcing them into close contact, but Caleb reversed it by unlocking the door. They tried to make Keera see him helping her and caring, but she hadn't seen. They wanted Caleb to see she worried for him, for the burn- or had hoped she would- but her mind worked in strange ways, and thought him trying to burn her!

"Maybe.." He says slowly, the thought coming a little hesitantly. "Maybe we don't need plans."

Pippa blinked. "What do you mean?"

Fray grinned now as he saw the whole idea unfolding and he looked up at her. "Maybe they'll do it on there own- they just need the means of it. No plans, just- just.." He falters but then suddenly stands and pulls Pippa up with him. "Just leave them to themselves. And _we _can go on a date."

Pippa raised a confused eyebrow, but not completely against the idea. She let Fray pull her down the hall and watched him write a note explaining to their tributes that they have gone out- that they are sending the Avox's away- and will not be here to train them for the interviews. Instead the day was there's.

Then he promptly taped it to the dining table, laughed, and gathered Pippa in his arms- delighted with the idea of having alone time- but also with the no plan, plan. Keera and Caleb are drawn to each other- it'll work out... it always does.

With that, they stepped into the elevator, told the Avox's that they were not needed for the day, sending them off the floor, and promptly... Keera and Caleb- both unaware- were left absolutely and completely alone. Only two doors and a hallway separating them.

…_**...**_

_I can't believe he tired to burn me! _

The thought enraged me more then anything, for him to so purposefully try to hurt me. But the anger was nothing in comparison to the shock and the stabbing pain that spreads across my chest and through my heart.

I remembered once he told me that my love was more then his freedom, where was that Caleb? Had he truly turned against me so much? To devote so fully to his plan that he would try to hurt me now that I seemed insignificant in comparison? Has he finally realized how much better he is without me?

The thought sent me to tears. I curled myself into bed, trying to hide form it, from the rebellion from the Game... from him.

Forcing the sobs to be silent- but hardly succeeding. It hurt to cry like this, to fear to be heard- to fear the hope that someone would come. For hope only meant pain and disappointment now.

I can't believe I had so foolishly thought to help him this morning. He didn't care for or _want_ my help – he has made that perfectly clear.

Caleb, Caleb... my Caleb! Where was he!

…_**.. **_

I hear her crying. And I don't think any thing could torture me more. Even my arm was a dual ache compared to the agony it is on my nerves, having to hear her sob so violently.

To think I caused them was worse- I couldn't understand how. Why would she cry over me? She didn't care for me anymore. She was angry when I helped her, she was cursing at sweet Pippa she was so pissed..

Was she afraid of owing me? Did she cry at the thought of having further involvement to me?

I sigh, and I sit up abruptly on my bed, listening to her across the hall. I stare at the door, the pain twisting my face in a sad, horrified expression.

I _wanted _to go, I would have cut off the damn arm if I could just go to her and comfort her. Or wipe away the tears, beg her to stop, sing her a lullaby if I had to... but it was made perfectly clear she hated being in the same room as me...

My legs though, didn't seem to understand that. Because I quickly found myself across the room standing before the door. I stopped myself just as my hand reached for the door knob, I grit my teeth together- staring at the door- it would be so simple to go to her, to hug her... but I couldn't! Not anymore.

I nearly weep myself now- forced to hear her, and unable to help her. I hate being so unable to do anything, so trapped, like a suffocating jail cell...

I leaned my forehead against the door, my body pressing into it. I laid my good hand on the wood, my other one hanging limp at my side. If only my Keera was still there- the one that accepted my kisses, that didn't try to run from me... I missed that Keera. _Where _was she?

…_**..**_

The two stubborn lovers stayed like this, cooped up with their doubts, with their fears, and their own self restrictions. The delusions they created out of their lack of wanting to hope, was what kept them so separated and what made them think so stupidly.. for nothing has changed.

No one was different. They were the all who they once were, just in misery. Heart break makes everything seem pointless, hopeless. But this was of their own doing, of those others out there who had bitterly tried to destroy what they had..

For what they have isn't as hopeless as it seems. They both have potential- though maybe they can hold each other back and they do not do well separated- they are at least strong together. They brought out the best qualities and laughs and smiles in each other.

For without her, Caleb is merely an ambitious rebel, who has no life out of the rebellion. He would have turned out hard, cold, and uncivil. Passionate only in hating the Capitol.. he would be a hallow man indeed.

And without him.. Keera would be so impulsive, uncontrolled, _uncaring_... that she would bring about death and disaster without much a thought. She would be unbound and never composed. She would be unstable and so lost in her past of pain, that she would be a broken woman for sure.

Together they work. Together they grow- _prosper._ They aren't hopeless... not yet anyway.

…_**..**_

When the tears would not come anymore and I grew hungry as noon passed, the morning dissolving away... I got out of bed. I wiped my eyes, though they were swollen and red. I licked my lips nervously when I reached the door- praying Caleb was gone.

I slipped out of it, closing it as quietly as possible before running down the hall stealthy. I stumble into the dining room, and with some surprise I note that the coffee mess was still there.

I scowl and a stray tear falls down my cheek (that I wipe away quickly) as the anger and pain is renewed- though not very brightly. I look at the table and then to the one that is usually always full of food. But both have been cleared. Except for a note on it...

I read it slowly, and then reread it about ten times, with increasing distress- that I did not even have the energy to let flame up in my chest.

I sighed, because this was the last thing I wanted- to be with Caleb. To be with Katniss or- or Johanna would be more preferred. At least then I can take their hatred.

I fall into one of the nearest chairs, and then bury my face into my hands, in pure exhaustion. And hunger. I haven't been eating properly these past few days and then to go into the arena where I might not have anything.. I let my nails dig slightly into my scalp, scolding myself for my on stupidity.

I can't really say how long I stayed like this, in a half-asleep state, because some time later, way later. I heard footsteps coming from down the hall.

I panicked. I stood just at the same time he stepped through the doorway. He froze his eyes centering on my face, then frowning.

I point to the note in a second flat and then scramble back a few steps for him to come look at it. He does. We don't talk. He looks agitated by the note.

"Sucks doesn't it?" I murmur, breathlessly. If he thinks he is bettering me, then I wanted him to know- I won't be manipulated. I was just as indifferent.

The thought was a stupid one, because I knew it looked like I had just been crying.

He seems to take a deep, and strained breath- still not looking at me, just the note- before he replies. "Yeah.." It was said apathetic-ly and I nearly blushed because I should have known he wouldn't have cared enough to even waste time on the conversation.

Then he looked up towards the kitchen and walked around the table, I watched him slightly, barely lifting my head to see him. But when he suddenly looked back over his shoulder at me- his eyes narrowed and show uncertain- he asked. "Are you hungry?"

I deliberate in answering. He sees the pause and sighs, my chest pangs at how dispirited he looks... maybe he wouldn't try and poison me- I think honestly and then step forward. "Yes, are you?" I reply quickly.

"Famished." He mutters, I thought maybe I saw his lips twitch upwards- but I may have imagined it. Then he nods his head to the kitchen door and he disappeared inside.

Hesitantly... I followed.

…_**...**_

She followed me in, and I was surprised she had. But I try not to show it, as far as I know she just wants to toy with me... so not letting myself hope in the least I go to making something.

I decide something simple, soup. I get a pot going on the stove, and then add some broth, I take out some vegetables... I avoid carrots because I know she hates them, and then I take a small amount of meat out too.

She stands by the kitchen door uncertainly, fidgeting, looking at her toes. I frown and pause in grabbing a knife and a cutting board. I look at her until she looked up curiously, but her eyes guarded.

"What?" She snaps, and I continue to stare at her, she looks dreadful- her eyes bloodshot, her nose red, her hair knotted and unshowered, her clothes the same ones from yesterday- yet the tears only seemed to have brightened the green of her eyes, and her state gives off a sort of vibe that makes you want to nurture her.

"You should sit." I mumble and her eyebrows knit together, her eyes obviously trying to figure out what I was up to.

"Just cook, Caleb." She snaps after a minute, and she came out empty of any sort of plan I could be plotting- to her own annoyance. I can't help but smirk a little, even though her saying my name was like she had physically shocked me.

I sigh and for the moment I turn back to cutting the vegetables. Cooking was something I had to learn when I was servant in Snow's mansion. It wasn't too difficult and it distracts the mind. I was slightly relaxed by the quick, repeated movements of chopping. I was lost in wondering how far I could push it with Keera- when I lifted my head to add the vegetables to the broth- and I noticed she had moved.

My eyes swung around the whole kitchen and then landed on her, a few feet behind me- seated lightly on the edge of the counter, just next to the large sink. I stare at her and she stares back- daring me to say anything about her having actually listened to me. But I didn't.

Instead I busied myself with slicing the meat. But I couldn't help but doubt myself- maybe she was just tired of standing, she looked ready to collapse. Maybe she had only done it to raise hope- to crush.

But I think too cruel of her now. I sigh, quietly so she won't hear it- she wouldn't do that. Keera doesn't do anything unless she thinks it has a purpose.

When the meat was added and I stirred it patiently, a good ten minutes later I dished it out in two bowls – handing one to Keera on the counter and then leaned against the side of the stove, eating my own.

We ate in silence. And it seemed overly tense to me. She finished before me, tossing her empty dish into the sink- I dreaded her leaving, but I also was eager for it.

She didn't actually leave, instead I knew she was looking at me, I kept my eyes down though until she spoke.

"You know, leaning against the stove- after just so recently being burned- doesn't seem like the smartest idea." She said it boldly, and still a little harshly. As if she hated the reminder of the coffee incident.

I stand up a little, so my back is hovering away from it, and I look to her- I hate how she meets my height sitting on the counter. I feel smaller.

"Must you always question my ideas?" I mutter, crossly. Not really wanting to meet her gaze and focusing on the rest of my soup.

She hesitates in answer. "Most." She says, offhandedly- as if the conversation was below her.

I bite the inside of my cheek, hating that she does not even care enough to humor a conversation- for my sake..

Once I finished, the rest of my meal spent quietly and her watching her feet as they kicked the cupboards below her- in such a noise that I felt myself cringing each time- I went to the sink and then proceeded to dutifully clean the dishes.

She watches, peering down at me with only indifferent confusion.

Yet still her feet keep knocking against the cupboard, making me tense my shoulders each time.

Like a repeated hit, like a crash each time, like a blaring horn in my ears- the pain in my burn seems to sear in time to the rhythm of her feet hitting the cupboards and I grit my teeth.

It wasn't until I was done with the dishes- drying my hands- did she kick it with both feet and caused the loudest banging noise yet and without thinking my hand shot out and grabbed one of her knees, staring up into her face as I exclaim. "Please, stop."

She's startled, and I feel her knee tremor in my grasp. Then I blink, think it over and as I pull my hand away hers comes down onto mine pressing it against her leg- she had a ghost of a smile lighting her face and she whispers. "Thank you, for lunch."

I stare for a minute and then I shrug. "It's nothing." But the warmth of her hand, it radiates heat to my fingers, making them tingle- not like my burns do- this is a pleasant feeling.

She seems to deliberate before she pulled her hand back and then jumps off the counter, her smile fell though as she started to walk away- rather quickly. I was relived when she slipped out the door, my nerves resting for once in the passed hour we spent together.

Good God, I will not last the whole day if this continues...

…_**..**_

I was relieved when I finally left his presence- if not exhausted. I legs felt like jelly now, my hand was feeling strange- as if they have forgotten what it is like to touch him.

But just seven more inches downwards my lips could have been brushing his! How badly I ached for it, how terribly my lustful thoughts turned!

I tried to shake my head clear, slipping into my room and closing the door. But I could not forget those images I had entertained- I blush just thinking of them.

He was just so... handsome. Adorable- maybe not sweet, but he did feed me. I couldn't help get the feeling he was detached, and ignoring me. But that thought, that vibe- only made me want him more. It was strange... him not wanting me- makes me want _him_ more. Demand attention, trick him into loving me. At least for a night..

I laugh out loud at this, girlishly- a laugh I am not used to. I fall onto the edge of my bed, leaning my elbows on my knees. I close my eyes though, biting my lips as I pictured him, like he was, level with me on the counter...

His tussled hair, a dark chestnut and those famous eyes, those sensitive, hazel depths. I felt like I could never understand those eyes- they are dark, yet bright with passion, even when he is being cross. The intelligence someone so young has to possess to be revered as he is.. I felt small in his presence. And I longed for him more then ever.

Tomorrow we will never be together. Tomorrow we will be enemies- and good ones at that, for I have never felt a challenge as such as he could bring. I don't want it to be- but he seems determined to hate me or just not care. Which you know only fueled that ambition in my chest that wants to go to him now.

My thought halts when I hear his footsteps walking down the hall, I swear my stomach squirms in anticipation. I wished him to come through my door.

But no. He disappears into his own room.

I closed my eyes more tightly recalling him this morning, how briefly I might have seen his bare chest, taunt stomach, and the muscles... I imagine what is would be like to trial my fingers down them, feel them tighten under my touch. To have his strong arms, around me, his fingers tracing my face- his warm palm cupping my breast.

I laugh again, at my own ridiculousness. Silly girlish thoughts, lust that would be so mistakenly given. Maybe he does not even find me desirable anymore. I defiantly don't look it. I haven't showered, I have been crying for heavens sakes- nothing like tears can turn off a guy more..

I have never before been more tempted in my life to sleep with him then now. Not even those nights in the victors house where we were both too shy or too uncertain to push it further then some hormone influenced make out sessions.

I blush, but not out of my own embarrassment- but in thinking of what he would think of such obscene thoughts or-or just other people.

But right now, to me, they don't seem bad, or too pushy. They seem right, fun, exciting, _needed. _

I bite on my lip harder, trying not to laugh and I fall back now- against my bed- wrapping my arms around myself, my hands grabbing the opposite limbs bicep as I close my eyes as tight as they would.

I could feel him over me, a hand cupping me cheek, the other on my hip, his warm, sweet breath fanning over my skin as his lips trailed down my neck...

Then with a jerk of a motion, to snap me out of this- I sit up, slapping my hands over my eyes. Blushing fiercely. I groan- because I just can't believe my own thoughts.

My breath was shuddering with the want and I felt sickened with myself because how can I want something so unwilling to be wanted. I never torture myself in this way- I never hope for something I can't have. And now I am entertaining it to a point where I can not bare it.

I must truly hate myself as much as Caleb does now, to do this to myself.

I run my hands through my hair- and then deciding I felt gross and that a cold shower will do me some good- I get up, walk to the shower and then turn on the water. Stripping haphazardly I jump into the freezing spray and gooseflesh is everywhere, I gasp slightly, and then shiver.

But it does me good. Because for now I am not thinking of him.

…_**..**_

After cleaning up the kitchen and retuning to my room I lay on my bed, and at first attempting to think about what I should, the interview. I failed completely- because as soon as I heard the water start running I found myself distracted.

By Keera of course.

First thought was I'm glad she's cleaning herself up- second was I wish I could be with her.

Then I laughed, nervously, at my own self- because if I was with her... naked.. I would defiantly just be a jittery, blushing, fool.

I would be too afraid to say or do _anything_. I'd over step myself, or scare her, or embarrassment myself. I would probably end up wrapping her up in a towel, and avoiding the whole thing. We aren't ready for that- hell we won't even talk let alone look each other in the face.. well I would, if she would just stop stubbornly hating me.

But to sleep with her? "Ha!" I exclaim out loud, because if I don't laugh at the thought I would either crumble in nerves or be depressed about her never even letting me kiss her.

Two doors and a hallway separate us... Two doors and a hallway.. I close my eyes for a second only, entertaining the thought if I just walked in on her. _That _would be hell. She'd probably kill me.

I lay on my bed listening to the water, my eyes darting around the ceiling- trying not to think about all those things that could be done about that small distance between us...

An hour later, when the water was finally turned off, I felt myself breath easier. I just have to last this one last night- and in the arena... I will have Peeta and Katniss to occupy me.

I've decided not to tell her. She won't know the plan, she won't be a part of it.

But I will be, I won't abandon it. We will, end it now, with this stubbornness- if that is what she wants- for her I could do it. I could pass her by in the arena, but only if I know that is what she wants. I won't protect her- if that makes her mad.

And from what I know now, she doesn't want my help. So I won't offer it, I'll go with the plan and pretend I didn't throw myself in the arena for her, I'll pretend she isn't there.

Because I can't forget her. Keera is infinite in my mind- the love is too bright to distinguish. Nothing can make it just... go away. Not for me. I had thought not for her too... but apparently I'm wrong.

So I must pretend that she, the object of my affection, the source of this love, isn't there. Not that I never loved her, or that she is not the girl- because that is impossible. Just that shes isn't there.

Sounds simpler to say then do- but I start now, pretending that across the hall isn't Keera, but a stranger.

I was _so _close to believing it. The thought that strained to form.. was in my grasp- but then was shattered as the soft knock on my door protruded on my mind.

I sat up quickly. Staring at the door... maybe Fray and Pippa had returned... maybe it was Alex or an Avox...

But as I walked over to the door, not allowing myself to hope, and swung it open- it was Keera out there, in the hall.

Her hair was still wet, and all she wore was one of the Capitols white robes, her hands fidgeted with the tie looped around her waist, and I froze in the doorway. Her face was cleaner now, her pale, golden skin the most tempting I have ever seen it. Her eyes were looking at her feet, her eyebrows cutely pushed together as if she was conflicting with herself.

"Keera?" I inquire, but my voice sounded forced.

She looked up suddenly, her eyes flashing and before I could register what was going on she flung her arms around my neck and her lips smothered mine.

I was startled at first, but pleasantly. I accepted the kiss, hesitantly. But as she drew closer, her curves morphing against my form.. I felt like my whole being sighed in relief.

My fingers tangled into her damp hair, pivoting her face for a deeper kiss. She readily applied her self to it, and her mouth was so sweet, so familiar-

She broke away suddenly, panting, her face flushed- like I love it. One of my arms had lowered to hold her against me, her feet held off the ground, our face levels. She stared into my eyes, and I gave her a half smile- of amusement and apology. But her eyes were sparked so.. determined, so darkly.

And then her arms shifting through my hair lowered down my shoulders, her lips turned up, revealing her sharp white teeth- she leaned her face closer, resting her forehead against mine. And not once did she look away from my eyes.

I hadn't realized what her hands were doing- just enjoying how it felt to have them drag across my shirt, down my biceps, and then with a sudden change of course across my stomach- until her fingers latched on the edge of my shirt.

She pulled it up to mid-chest and then dropped down from my grasp. With a slight shock and force she tore it over my head and pulled out my arms. I looked at her questioningly. "Ke-"

"Sh!" She insists and then she returns to my grasp, she places a hand spanning over my warm stomach and I shiver because it's cold and a want so fierce rips through me. I gather her closer, kissing her this time- understanding the neediness of it, the hard press of her lips, the way her tongue continually seeks entrance.

Her hand climbs up my chest, her nails leaving a trail of burning skin. I tense beneath her touch, my mouth wants more, and more- and I know she feels the same- but she needs to breath, and so I move away from her lips and drop kisses down her jaw- quickly- and then to her neck.

She groans quietly and I feel myself flush red in the face- out of excitement. The noise, it makes me need her more.

"_Keera._" I whisper, breathlessly, against the clean, warm skin of her neck and I feel her tremor beneath my touch. I kiss her neck a few more times, and then I raise my face back to hers- she snatches my lips, but I pull back, but hold her still tightly to me.

Her eyes are almost to dark with desire I loss myself but I paused. Because what is happening? When did we..? How..?

I drop her then, because her breath fanning into my face confuses me- my head is clouded with lust- my breath comes in pants.

I run a nervous hand through my hair trying to clear it, and then take a step away from her. I look up at her and she stare back, still needy.

"What are we doing?" I demand, stupidly.

"Aren't you a guy or what?" She hisses, and her voice is breathless too- but harsh. "You know what I want!"

I surprised by the boldness and I'm sure she is too, underneath, whatever she has convinced herself of. Is this her way of thinking she is paying me back for this morning? I was horrified by the thought and I backed away from her shaking my head.

"No." I snap, because I could never take her- someone who doesn't love me, who thinks they are _paying _me back fucks sake like this. "You can't. I won't."

Her face looks outraged for a minute and she huffs in offense. "Don't you still want me?" She snarls, and takes a step forward.

"Not like this!" I say loudly. Trying to not look at her, she is too beautiful, in the dim room light, her face flushed deliciously with anger, hair messed up like that. Green eyes burning bright.

I see her throat tighten and then her determination crumbles. I watch it slowly fall away with her hurt expression- her eyes sadden- the anger rushes out of her- and I fell like I'm winded with the sight of so much pain in her face.

"Fine! Fine, don't love me anymore!" She shouts, and then turns to leave, I can see her knees buckle though and my eyes suddenly fly open at what she said. No- she couldn't mean- I nearly burst out into laughter at how stupid we both are- or tears- all I know for sure is I leaped forward and snatched her elbow.

…_**...**_

Denial, anger, horror, shock, pain, and worst of all.. rejection. That is all I could feel when he told me that he didn't want me. That he would kiss me so sweetly and then have him slap my in the face like that. To hear him _say _it was not like before, when him not wanting me made me want him more. In fact it nearly knocked me breathless- if not the kiss had done it first.

I was nearly undone- when he grabbed my arm.

"Don't go!" He was grinning, and I felt insulted further. "Please, I love you." He laughs, and I don't believe him- what is he playing at? "I do! How can you be so blind! I never stopped- I only avoided you because you avoided me, in private. I _told _you I loved you before the reaping! What foolish things have you been saying to yourself, Keera?"

I blink at him and then trying to grapple up some thoughts as to why he would say this now, after so obviously rejecting me.

Was this just him playing cat and mouse? Is he trying to make my kiss him again to just shove me away another time? Did he want me to cry?

I retch my arm from his hand and he frowns some, but there is a determination in his eyes- they are shining now- when before they hadn't been, I stared and stared and the gold wouldn't light up like they are now, his voice is more... cheered. Maybe...

His hand goes to my face instead his thumb running along my cheekbone and I try to pull away- but I've no strength to, against those eyes?

"You don't mean it..." I mumble- but who was I to reject him when he offered to be nice? I'd stay here with him, even if he meant to just hurt me after..

"I do, Keera!" He boasts, earnestly. And he presses a kiss to my lips and then my cheek- my forehead. "I love you. I love you. I love you!" He repeats, and then pulls back to look at me evenly. "Will you not hear me? Don't you still love me?"

I don't answer, I don't want to give up anything that he could use against me.

He frowns some, but there is hope in his eyes. "Of course you do..." He whispers, uncertainly. "You came to me, and- and you weren't asking for redemption.."

"Redemption?" I say, without thinking, my eyebrows coming together.

He nods. "For this morning... I thought you were trying to pay me back for helping you- I couldn't understand why you were so mad.."

I blink at him, completely lost. "You mean... you helped me? I-I thought you tried to burn me! But Fray got in your way..."

I blushed at his gaping expression- realizing for the first time how stupid the thought was when said out loud, then blushed harder for him having thought I was trying to pay him back by having sex with him!

"We are both idiots, Caleb..." I mumble. And he laughs.

"Yes- yes we are." He confirms.. and I star up at him and his eyes... why were we fighting? I could hardly recall what brought on all this stubbornness until with a slight guilt Ashton and Tera leaked into my mind.

"I'm sorry." I say, pulling out of his grasp- he looks sad but doesn't pull me back- I sigh. Because I know I should tell him...

"Don't be sorry, it is my fault. I should have known Tera would push things... I'm sorry you had to see it."

"No!" I shake my head, pained, but I knew I had to say it our my guilt would kill me. I grab one of his hands and hold tightly to it and I stare up at him. "Don't be sorry. It's isn't your fault... I-I did something stupid too.. more then this.."

I stare at out interlocked fingers- by his doing- and then he takes his other hand (the one with the bandages) and lifts my chin back up. I don't want to stare into his honest eyes when I tell him... but he looks so kind, and willing.. and..

"I kissed that boy, the Peacekeeper- right after- when you were- and I.. Oh! I was being so stupid. I am stupid I hate that I did it... I'd take it back, cause you know I love you. And I just-"

I didn't finish the ranting due to his lips cutting them off.

When he pulled back he shook his head. "I don't care. You are with me now- not him. You were angry, upset- I'm not mad. You're forgiven..." Then almost as an after thought he adds. "I can never be mad at you, you are too beautiful, too.."

I cover his mouth this a finger, blushing before he even finishes, he smiles and I smile back. I feel like my whole body uncoiled from a tightness that threatened to break me.

He kisses my finger and then dropping my chin he moves the hand with his and he whispers. "Can you tell me, you love me again?"

I laugh, and it sounds so strange. For I had thought laughter impossible just ten minutes ago. "I love you, Caleb- and only you. No conditions, no hesitation- _nothing_... but love. You got that? Want me to record it?" I tease, grinning up at his shining face.

"No that's enough." He replies and then I pull forward to kiss him, it is soft.

But I am reminded of my thoughts earlier today, the want is still there- but did he want to..?

I lay a hand on his still bare chest and he tenses, but he doesn't pull away from my continual kisses. When he does pull away though, to breath I lift my other hand and touch his cheek. He grins and he looks like he is twelve again- I laugh at the thought- his hair is messy by my doing, his eyes shine so much more then I have ever seen them... my heart swells looking at him.. my chest aches to love him..

I blush, nervous, and so recently rejected... boldly- I murmur. "Do you still want me?" Repeating the question earlier.

He blushes and my smile twitches, because Caleb never blushes. "Course I-I do." He stutters and I burst out in laughter. I could not help it. My Caleb.. was stuttering.

He looks affronted by my merriment, but then I kiss him- trying to suppress it- and he is still smiling. I pull closer to him and I wrap my arms around his neck. "And you love me?" I whisper.

He rolls his eyes. "Yes, Keera- I love you very, very much."

Satisfied I kiss him more strongly. Then I pull out of his arms and I take his hand and I drag him to the bed. He looks shocked, hesitant, scared. Especially jittery.

I don't feel very scared, more excited, too amused by his own fear to actually feel it. I felt bold, not embarrassed- I sat on the edge of the bed, waiting to see if he'd sit beside me. There is obvious conflict on his face...

He sat by me, but a little distant.. oh my modest boyfriend... I grin at his nervous smile.

Then I took manners into my own hands, or more so. Because I pulled the string of the robe I wore and then peeled it off- tossing it to the floor, naked underneath.

He averts his face to the ceiling, blushing fiercely. I giggle- and I'm shocked I did such a girlish thing... but I felt high on giddiness.

"Don't be afraid, Caleb.." I murmur, tenderly, sliding closer and he tenses.

"I'm not." He replies. I roll my eyes at his lie.

"Then look at me, I'm not ashamed."

He doesn't move; he looks too indecisive. Afraid to do anything. So I take his hand- he doesn't pull away- and I place it on the side of my face leaning it it. His fingers move to caress my cheek- but nothing more and I turn my face to kiss his palm. "Please? This is the last night we will ever have together..." I remind him of the impending death; the threat of being separated and his face lowers- but his eyes stay glued to mine.

"I want to." He murmurs, his voice cracks and a chill of excitement runs through me. My hands around his wrist tighten.

"I want you to, too." I say, giving him further permission. And he still deliberates, but I pulled his hand downwards and place it across one of my breasts.

He hisses in shock of the warm, soft skin and I smile- inviting him- and he looks nervous, but slowly- pulls downwards to kiss me.

From there, he becomes less embarrassed, but.. he is so slow, so gentle, so soft... he makes me laugh with his silly, comforting words. We kissed, we touched, and after a small pause of him losing his pants we lay on the bed, beside each other, marveling. For he so was lovely, tan-skinned, lean and so familiar, but new and exciting.

It was like we were never separated. We both never stopped loving each other... but this was so much more- I was so happy. My smile would not fall away, I loved him too much- it filled me, it made me glow. I had not thought to know this sort of happiness, after all the horror and what is to come- but for now I was with Caleb and I would never love anything more then this boy..

And the light touch of his fingertips, the warm caress of his breath as he ran his mouth across my skin... eventually I could wait no longer and I pulled him into me, and sighed with bliss as he began to move gently, slowly, within me.

His soft voice was in my ear so sweetly murmuring his love, his hands against my back- I lost myself to him, so easily... I moaned when his movements became more urgent. And I could feel his lips pressing kisses just below my ear.

Maybe it was something to fear- losing myself to this love. But it was so strong, so infinite... I know _I _could never forget it. It was me, this blissfulness, this boy was my life- he kept me together- this love made me want to continue, to fight.. it was dangerous to be so dependent on it. But coming from a boy like my Caleb, my sweet, passionate, Caleb... I knew I was safe.

And as his face, panting, raised to mine- I captured his lips and kissed him so strongly- I hoped he knew that he was safe in loving me too.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: **YES! I know it's ridiculously long.. and the warning was put there for those who didn't read my last authors note, and I hope you aren't turned away from the story by that- knowing that I don't know how old any of you are.. anyway, don't judge my scene. It is only the second sex scene I have ever written in my life. And if you guys disapprove- take it up with Keera- see how she reacts. They're seventeen, btw and act way older- so no claiming they are too young. Thanks for reading, sorry for typos, please review. -Taryn(:_


	14. Not Paradise

Chapter 14- "Not Paradise"

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry you burned your arm." I whisper, sometime later in the afternoon.<p>

We lay still intertwined, forehead to forehead, I did not want to more- because this was the best heaven I could ever think of- staring forever in his eyes. I touched my fingers very lightly over his bandages and he smiles slightly.

"I am glad it is me, and not you- who had to suffer." He places a sweet kiss on my lips and nothing could be more delicious or reassuring.

I look down though at his arm, sadly, contemplating. "How much more will we suffer?" I whisper.

I know he sighs, and is pained by the thought- but it is too true. Tonight we interview- tomorrow we are in the arena.

"I do not know- no one can know. But know that if there is one thing, it is I love you- and I won't leave you." He murmurs, and I look back up at his completely serious face.

"What if-"

He shakes his head, looking to resistant to even think of what I wanted to suggest. "You won't die- you hear me? No one's dying."

I sigh, because he is so clueless. I have been in the Games twice now. I know what it is like- I have learned the hard way that there is only one victor...

"Caleb.." But he stops my speech by a kiss.

His eyes are closed when he pulls away, and his arms wrapped around my body tighten. "Keera, there is a plan. A plan that will allow us to leave the arena, before death, before the end. But only if everything goes as planned- only if Katniss is with us."

I stare at him for a minute and then raise a hand from his chest and touch his cheek, lightly. He opens his eyes and there is clearly conflict. I hold my breath and then slowly release it- because I am more at peace with myself after today, I am no longer so.. unsure.

"Tell me this plan. I want to join, I want to know." I say, and he hesitates, painfully, then relents and the rest of the hour we spent laying side by side- he wrote me my part to play, the plans dynamics, and that of District 13's existence.

I was shocked, excited, delighted- disappointed in my role- and then determined to the cause. Because this would get my Caleb freedom, this would free me from ever going back to hell, this would allow my vision to ever come true...

Reluctantly I left him, to shower myself clean of all the remittance of our sex. But when everyone started showing up at the beginning of night, and Marvin and his stylists collected me- they all commented on how glowing I looked, and how much nicer it was to see me smiling.

My outfit was simple, just a sleek black dress. I thanked Marvin for keeping it simple- until they continued to torture my hair into big, full curls and then added heels that aren't to my liking.

Most of the time was spent reteaching me the art of heels- instead of on makeup. I looked good none the less. Not perfect, or the best, but unnoticeable in the background- which I liked.

Once I was finally released from them and I got to see Caleb again I instantly latched my hand onto his, grinning like a fool. But so was he- so when Fray and Pippa showed up to take us to stage, they looked suspicious, but pleased.

When we reached back stage though- I sadly had to drop his hand and then pretend that horrid indifference again. It was difficult the whole time backstage when Brutus and those District 1 tributes would talk to me and I would be wondering off in memory or seeking a look at Caleb, completely unaware when they addressed me.

I was a distracted fool- while he was one too. But we kept it low key on stage. His interview was sweet, sincere, and bright. Mine was full of denial- in knowing him- and laughing amusement at Caesars insistence that I _should_.

It was awful the way the crowd would roar up when he made comment on this being my third time- and I had sadly replied probably the last. But the other victors had been milking the Capitol's sympathy all night. I couldn't wait to see how what they would do when Katniss (who pitifully was in a wedding dress) was up.

When she went, it was sad- but Peeta, who I will never stop admiring, came up and blew everything else gone. Katniss pregnant? Give me a break. But the crowd believed it. So when every victor stood and Caleb winked at me to do it too, and took my hand in a tight grip- as everyone was holding hands- I was surprised at the rise of emotion.

It seemed all set now, everything just waiting for tomorrow morning, and when we returned watched the reply- the night ended with me scurrying across the hallway at one in the morning- to sleep next to Caleb.

* * *

><p>In the morning, we were separated with some scolding, but we didn't care. I was upset, and nervous for the Game- praying that everything went as planned. But I felt it would, I felt more hopeful going into this Game then any other one I had. I could kill, I could- for Caleb.<p>

He tapped my bracelet before I was pushed away and I was reminded he would always be with me. The stupid bracelet he had given to me six years ago- it's been through a lot... some of the pearls on it are dented, the silver scratched. But so are me and Caleb- we have had are rough times.. maybe we will get a break.

Marvin sat with me, and I felt like it was a routine now. Going through this pro-Game thing with him. I smiled at him, assuring him as we walked into those little rooms they give you, that this won't be like last times freak out.

We sat on the bed there, and I stared at my hands- recalling ever technique I knew with weapons. Every killing method. I was in the middle of how to efficiently murder with a sling shot when Marvin started to dress me.

He told me about the fabric- its relation to water and I paled.

"Water?" I repeated, uncertainly.

He nods, rubbing his fingertips over it. "Yes, it is water resistant."

"I can't swim.." My voice cracks and his eyes flash up to me worried for a melt down- but I won't I'm just suddenly hesitant. Maybe my hope is raising too high, too fast.

"It is really not that difficult." Marvin assures taking one of my hands tightly. "Just keep your head up, and move your legs. You'll do fine. Get to land and do what you always do."

I take a deep breath, and stare at his calm face. I nod slowly. "I can do it."

"Yes-" His smile is brilliant. "You have always surprised us. You can win a third time, you are twice the victor any of those others are.. you are the superior one."

I swallow, letting his encouragements help me and I give his hand a nice, goodbye squeeze. "Thank you, for everything." I tell him and his eyes turn caring and sad.

"Don't thank me yet, not until after your third victory tour."

I smile slightly, oh my foolish, silly Marvin. If I win this, if the plan works out- I will be no where near the Districts. I will not go around on the preference of the Capitol and Snow.

Our moment was broken by the voice telling me it was time to go, I kiss his cheek and he laughs, patting my shoulder as he helps me step up on the metal plate.

"Tell Pippa and Fray, I love them. Okay?" I whisper, and my voice catches a little, because I do not hand out my love... I use the word very little- but mean it.

He nods in assurance as the glass cylinder closes around me. In that moment I take a minute to look over my clothes, connecting to my mind and it's plots already.

I have a black, slim water proof suit. With a strange purple colored belt, I have white under clothes, that is thin. I have no pack, no other attachment... and I pray that there is light, let there be some fucking light!

My nerves start to pick up when the plate jerks into motion. I gnaw on my lip, trying to prepare myself for the slaughter. I list over and over again who I am to kill... so many- too many.

Not Katniss. _I _would be murdered if I did. Not Peeta. I would hate myself to do it. Not Finnik, and I am beyond relieved I don't have to. Not Caleb! I could cry for that happiness. Not Johanna, which is slightly irritating. But I've been told that that those in knowledge of the plan aren't going to kill me. I can't touch Wiress or Beetee. I-

But then I snap back to the presence as the plate stops, the cylinder falling away, and a bright sunlight I wasn't prepared for- blinds me.

The air catches in my throat and I am violently flashed back five years...

_Eric, bloodied, twisted face- his eyes terrified, young- and Cyra, snarling, spitting, blood dripping from her lips. They go tumbling over the cliff, him dragging her down with his weight and her- screeching._

_I stare after them in horror. They fall towards the water fast and towards the rocks below._

_It is the first time I notice the sun though… It is just lowering off of the horizon, the sky is dark with dusk. But the sun's last rays of light throw streams of gold across the surface, and it reflects back up to me. And as I stare after the two, the sunlight blinds me, causing me to blink against it sudden brightness._

_But nothing except Cyra's screaming racks through me, the loss, the pain and sear of the poison... _

I gasp, my eyes blinking several times before I could see properly and then I look across the sea of water in front of me, the hot sun high in the pink sky sending white rays of heat shimmering over the surface.

I look out further, trying to surpass the fear of swimming, "Ladies and Gentlemen, let the Seventy-fifth Hunger Game begin!" The voice of Claudius Templesmith, the Hunger Game announcer, hammers suddenly in my ears.

I am flashed back briefly to two other instance where this voice had welcomed me to a world of blood, death, and pain. But I must be strong, I can not give into the memories- or that clamminess eating at me.

The Cornucopia, in its shining golden metal glory, was about forty yards away. I can't really tell what it sits on, but I see that there are thin strips of land radiating from the circle of land under it. There are twelve of them and they seem equidistant from one another. Between the spoke, all is water. Water and a pair of tributes.

Ingenious placement- as always- my faithful Gamemakers from hell..

I look to my left and there stands, to my horror, Peeta. He struggles to balance on the metal with his artificial leg, my heart pangs with worry for him- as he looks at the water with as much uncertainty as I do. I look around franticly for Caleb- before the gong goes off- so Peeta is helped. But when I spot him, he is directly my opposite, so far away. And is placed next to Katniss..

I check my placement, and my get away. I am as close to Peeta as to the strip of land on my right. Beyond the water wherever you look, a narrow beach and then dense greenery. I scan the circle of tributes again looking for allies, I see Brutus- I must kill him soon. As well as all those careers... I am sad about it, but determined.

I toss the thought though as the gong goes off.

I instantly look down at the water, and duck down to touch it, my fingers dislike the warmness and it's strangely dense- I taste it and it is salty. Sea water, like from District 4, the same water me and Sirius used to make nets resistant to.

The waves lap against my fingers and I am so hesitant on jumping head first into something like this- but I take a deep breath and then dive despite myself. I am thinking like a hunter now, I try to shake my sanity- I am a Career. I will kill.

I push against the waves as gracefully and strongly as I can towards the strip of land. The distance is longer then I assumed it to be, I choke of the liquid- it sears my sensuous when I inhale it through my nose. I can not even imagine how much pain it causes Caleb's burns.

The water makes me feel oddly light, and I cut through it, to the sand quick enough to make up for my slight hesitation before.

I get up on the beach and toss the wet hair out of my face agitatedly. People are already running to the Cornucopia... Peeta is still in his place... I spot Caleb hovering behind Katniss- who wrestles her way to a bow.

I spot the tribute from District 4 and I am shot off into killing mode, with ambition and I sprint to the Cornucopia. I can't see everyone, the shadow the large horn and it's form blocks off a lot. But I spot Finnik and Katniss tussling with people.

The Cornucopia is stacked filled with weapons of every kind, I don't know what to choose- but I snatch the nearest thing because someone is shadowing my steps.

I take the spear and then twirl around on the ball of my foot, the sand shifts- but I am used to sand, from my first Game- and I look up, straight into the face of a the girl from District 10.

She was older, taller, and I felt bad as my mind clicked. Telling me that she had to die and I proceed to sink the spear through the small gap between her shoulder blade and collar bone- a vulnerable place.

The woman gasps, and I thrust it deeper, knocking away her hands that tried to hit me, and then as she lowered her face to snatch at me- I pressed my hand against it in an attempt to not see the pain in her eyes and keep her away from. Blood sprays from the wound, she makes a noise like a dying animal- I cringe in disgust as I pick up my foot, press it against her leg for leverage, and viciously twist the spear forward, to pierce her vital organs.

I then proceed to rip it out of her with a burst of think, warm blood. She collapse over my leg still extended to her, and I kick her away.

I am hating myself for it- thinking about what life she could have had. What lovers would feel a sorrow for what I've done? What children would mourn her loss? But I had no time to think because next thing I know I see a flash of silver, a blade swinging through the air towards me- in an instant I flip the spear flat and taking both ends in my hand, blood seep through my fingers, and I nearly stumble backwards with the force of the blow against the brittle wood of my spear.

I look up into the face of Gloss, from District 1. He had his teeth clenched, his eyes narrowed, his biceps strain against my own forced hold against his sword, and I clench my jaw my eyes never leaving his.

I look over his wet appearance and I take instant note on the wound on his leg, no doubt by a bow. It must burn from the salt..

Try as much as he would he could not break the spear, and with a cry of frustration he rips the sword back for a new swing- but I dived, with a thought forming in my mind, underneath him. I tangled up his legs, but flexibly slip around them, onto my knees in the warm sand and with a flash of bitterness I snatch his calf and dig my nails into his wound.

He screams, and drag my nails downwards, twisting them and the kicking out his legs he falls onto his back. He tries again to slice at me with his sword, but I duck easily, leaning away- then as he tries to sit up I toss the spear and grasp the hilt of the sword just at the moment he took a new viscous swing.

I twist around, slip upwards, on top of him, pinning his body and with a painful tear I tore the sword form his fingers- but he is stronger then me... and he easily shoves me off. I take the sword with me falling to the sand on my side, but instantly rolling up, onto my knees- but the the blade of the sword sunk beneath the sand.

I tug, and it won't budge, I hiss- in effort- as I snatch it with both hands drawing it upwards. Gloss notices my difficulty with amusement and he stands, his shadow falls over my face.

He readies himself to leap- he could kill me with his weight, and strength alone- his fist ready to punch me, the sword won't budge, he draws closer- he form hovers over me-

And then with a miracle the blade slips from the earth at the same moment he jumps at me, I lift it- hardly aiming- and he falls over it. It sinks itself into his belly- his eyes widen, his face pales, mouth a shocked 'O'.

He still hovers above me and the blood spills across my face, down the hilt of the sword and with a slight shift, of my fingers the blade sinks passed the organs, and with a horrid, pop of noise the sword breaks through his back. All his weight is on the sword, blood flows faster down my wrist, forearms, across my thighs underneath. Flecks hit my face.

With my muscles trembling under his weight, I could not hold much longer- I twist the blade around it is hard, but it causes his to convulse and then scream- blood bursting from his lips and splattering across my face.

The disgust of the hot liquid undid me, and I heaved against the hilt, that threatened to follow through his stomach, and I hefted him onto the sand next to me.

Already panting, sweating, and drenched in blood- I look up to hear a cry of rage. Cashmere- the other tribute of District 1 and sister to the man I had just killed- starts running my way, a bloodied weapon in hand.

My eyes flash around, for a plan- and I see Finnik and Katniss, and Caleb standing together. The male tribute from District 5 dead at their feet, then Katniss aims an arrow as Enorbaria, from District 2, but it is easily missed- I spot Peeta still stranded- I snatch my spear.. I look up at Cashmere. And then stand, readying myself to hold against the mace in her hands. My spear has one or two nicks in it from Gloss, bloodied from the woman, but still strong.

But as she swung another person slipped between me and her- Brutus, I barely recognized- and he held his belt unlatched in front of himself as some sort of shield- he easily deflects the mace, since he is stronger then Cashmere and he snarls something about good allies.

She is resistant, shouts curse- untrusting words- glares at me over Brutus' shoulders.

But he calms her some, tells her it's for the best and then from behind me I hear steps- I whip around and the tip of the spear just hovers over Enorbaria's neck- her eyes fly open- obviously surprised.

Before I can kill her- Brutus twists around and plucks the weapon out of my hands I whirl around at that and his face is glaring into mine.

"Allies?" He demands bluntly- tossing the spear- and thrusting a hand into my face.

I blink at it my mind leaps to deception, for both sides. Him lying to me, or me just tricking him. But I must stay true to the plan.. but if I alter it some, I could see a better help in taking off the others- what was the harm of some help? That I could just kill later, rather then now.

I hesitate, my face as closed off and hard as it has been the whole time and I take his hand tightly. "For now." I spat.

The two girls around us huff, and look to Gloss' body in longing- no doubt preferring him over me- and I instantly dive to the weapons, intent on my hunting.

I tuck two knifes into my belt, I grab another spear- because so far they proved useful- and then for last measure I take a bow, tossing it over my shoulder with a sheath of arrows. My 'allies' start taking their pick, and I purse my lips as I watch them.

Enorbaria will be an easy kill, Cashmere a slight strain- and Brutus will be the hardest.. or possibly the easiest if I plan just right to play off the admiration he has for me. I can see he's wanted my alliance from the beginning... and he wants my plans... like Snow had once craved.

He could just grow dependent... he would be easy to control...

"Right, Keera?" Brutus says, and I'm snapped out of my thoughts, I blink at them- who have gathered in a huddle and he motions me forward.

With a fleeting glance around, I see there aren't many left. Katniss, Caleb, Finnik, and Peeta are gone- I noticed Mags slip away with them also.. I don't know how Caleb thinks things will go or what I'm doing, but I slide closer to Brutus and the girls.

"What?" I ask, not sure what exactly it was he had inquired me to agreeing on. I'm struck with how hot and muggy the air is and I find it aggravating as the clothes I wear quickly dries in the heat.

"We're in paradise." He comments smugly, motioning to the blind white sand, to the stained colored sky- and the jungle beyond the narrow beaches.

But the air is miserable, and the blood has started to dry in a jelly-like clotted, sticky mess all over me. The people I have killed lay at my feet, and those others have already murdered- good, deserving people- are surrounding me.

I don't know what Brutus' paradise is like, but this is defiantly not mine...

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><p><em><strong>AN: **So the Games finally begin! Thanks for reading, sorry mistakes, and REVIEW! (To AyeKay10: I LOVE YOU! But I hate you, because you enable me to reply to your beautiful reviews! I would love to right back equally long and rambling replies, but you deny me the possiblity. Anyway.. I'm glad you're back. Hope you like the chapter.) -Taryn(:_


	15. Mistakes

Chapter 15- "Mistakes"

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><p>"Don't tell me what to do, Cashmere!" Enorbaria snarled, shoving the blonde out of her way.<p>

I sigh, shooting Brutus an annoyed look. He shrugs, impishly smiling- I rub my temple for the impending headache.. that the bickering girls and heat causes.

Me and Brutus followed behind the girls, who decided to take lead in finding us some fresh water. I wasn't too worried about it- because we still had time. But I was getting quickly impatient with my allies.

"You stupid little-"

"Don't you dare start calling _me _names!"

"_Says the conniving bitch!" _

"Stupid slut! Just let me lead, you've no idea where you are going."

"Forward you bimbo." Enorbaria scoffs, slicing away another layer of low hanging vines and leaves. I looked at the plants with interest as we passed.

"Bimbo?" Cashmere exclaimed, swiping at Enorbaria's hair. "At least I'm not going gray already!"

They went on like that forever.. I sighed frequently- but I was determined to keep them long enough to kill off most of the others.

So far we have killed only six. Seeder, Gloss, both from District 9, and both from District 10. Then adding on Caleb's alliances kill, the male from District 5. There are seventeen left... we have barely begun.

"GIRLS! Please!" Brutus shouts, strutting from my side and snatching the sword that the two had begun fighting over. He sighs and then takes over the job of leading, I follow a little further back then I should- but I find myself rather distracted by the sights of the jungle.

I have never seen a jungle before,well anything really, in District 8... and the skinny trees, with hardly any branches- are nothing like the pictures in school or from the ones I'd seen in my first arena. The soil is rich yet sandy, there are lushes ferns, evergreen vines swooping gracefully down from bustling tree tops. Green was everywhere, I spun in a small circle taking in the beauty, but I know not to be tricked... there are dangers everywhere.

The colored stained sky was sinking closer to darkness- the blinding sun was falling below the tree tops, and our light threatened to drain completely, since we had ventured to a higher vegetated area.

I watched Brutus, slice his arms- that were still slightly in shape- repeatedly against the wide leaves, I examined them as we passed and something in my mind was telling me there is something odd about them.

I didn't know what, but it didn't seem urgent...

Instead I was growing more thirsty ever passing second- the heat, the exercise, the crusting blood hugging my suit. It sickened me, smelling of rust and salt. But I had not thought of washing it off in the sea before we left the beach- instead I readily agreed to search for tributes and water.

Which you know- now I regret even accepting this alliance as I watched the two girls continue to elbow each other and mutter insults. I felt like I was with children.. not some thirty year old past victors.

We trudge on in this infuriating heat, sweating, and I glared at their backs. With just one heft of my spear and a simple throw of two knife- they could all be dead...

But I sigh, because I don't want to throw away all the potential they have.

I was about to suggest a new way, when Brutus whirled around, panting and exhausted. He looked me up and down and then sputtered.

"Can't you just go climb and tree and look for water?" He demands, and I'm affronted by the insult in his voice- but I shove it aside, scowling.

"You know.." I grumble, tossing the spear to the ground, and slipping the bow and arrows off my back. "You might want to be nicer to me- I am the only one how can climb a tree here.."

Cashmere scoffs. "I can climb!"

"Really?" I inquire- falsely perky about it, and standing straight again. I nod to the tree on my right- it towers higher then the rest and has decent climbing placement. "Go for it."

Glaring at me, she tosses asides her own weapons, unlatches her belt and then with a snooty look, her nose in the air she struts to the tree- I'm tempted to laugh.

But I keep my face as blank as I can as I watch her patheticly jump up to reach the lowest branch, that hangs about six feet off the ground. The leaves are dense though and again my mind twinges at that- I don't know why, but I take off my own blood covered belt and then step of next to Cashmere.

I push her aside and then assessing the tree for a moment I grasp onto one of the thicker looking vines that hangs from the branch, emerging from the leaves. I wrap it around my palm then once around my wrist before giving it hard tug- to check it's strength.

I clench my jaw and then with a great effort I clap my other hand on a higher portion of it and kick my legs up onto the trunk, it takes only two tries and three steps up the strange wood- to get my foot over the branch, and then hook my knee onto it.

I can feel my abdomen muscles strain to lift my torso up, as my hands climb up the vine to the best point it will go. My biceps tremble as the vine holds most of my weight- instead of hanging by my leg. Then clenching my knee around the branch tighter and a risky thrust forward, my hand reaching for the branch, I flip myself upwards.

Leafs brush my cheeks, rustle my ears, catch in my hair- but I ignore them. I'm panting and clinging to the branch with both my knees, one leg slightly aching, and my hands clutching onto it like a cat afraid of heights.

Brutus calls my name, but I don't answer. Instead I look up- but my vision is blocked by clusters of vegetation. I glance back to the branch, seeing its thickness and then flipping around, facing the trunk, I hug it with my arms, hesitantly getting to my feet.

I let my fingers crawl up the bark, searching for a new branch and when they locate one- I toss my elbow around it and then with similar movements heft myself up. The leaves and vines are irritating, they tangle up with my limbs and my neck- but as I managed to scale up four more branches, they are getting thinner, but the leaves thicker.

I rip out some in a fit of irritation, then with a slightly clearer view I stand, pressing my back to the trunk and looking out through a patch that was bare. I couldn't see anything but the cornucopia, and the sea water, the sand...

It was in an odd shape up here. My mind faltered at it, like it wanted to make an observation about it but couldn't exactly place it. The cornucopia is divided into 12 sections. A small circular-shaped sea, around it and at the final bordering circle is the jungle. I don't understand why the Gamemakers would make it so particular without reason... like with the tunnels, in the center there was a place of safety and water. All the other side tunnels were traps, were the sections traps? I reasoned.

Brutus shouted my name now and I wanted to smack him upside the head for doing it. What if a tribute around here heard him?

I sigh, sitting back down onto the branch, looking down and readying myself to flip down to the next one when suddenly I felt something crawl across my hand.

My eyes shot up to it and I stared at the strange insect. It had pincers, a small tiny body and large oversized head with big eyes. It had small wings, that were a thin silvery texture- the thing also had a stinger.

It made a strange noise clicking its pincers together and I found my mind snapping at me. That's why the leaves were strange.. where were the insects? My brain had wondered- where were the animals and life of the jungle?

It's tiny legs continued to wonder over my palm. Then along my pointer finger, I lightly lifted it though when the thing reached my finger nails and it apparently was not a smart move.

It bit me, and stung me. I hissed, using my other hand swatted it away. It took off in flight and then zipped away- I scowled down at my finger. It was red, and it itched like most bites and stings would.

I plucked out the stinger though, then looking around myself to see where it had come from- I didn't find anything. Shrugging and then grasping the branch with both my hands tightly, I turned and dropped my body down. I was about five inches above the branch below when I swung down this way- the leaves rubbing against me- and I was looking down at my toes, trying to exactly measure myself.

When I felt another bug crawl across my hand I looked up but my hands were out of sight, I wiggled my fingers as much as I dared- not to slip- and then received another bite and sting.

"Fucking bugs!" I snarl, quietly and I pulled myself up only enough to toss my elbows over the branch, to hold me while I dangle over the edge.

I started though when I looked over my hands and the branch now. I gave a startled squeak and I heard Brutus call to me again. But the bugs were everywhere now, swarmed, and clicking- clicking- maddeningly clicking.

Before I could react they crawled up my arms, biting and stinging through my suit, and the blood- I shook them off, but it only made them worse and I retched back suddenly when they started crawling up my jaw. I screamed, then dropped back down, onto my hands- that now throbbed with the bites and stings.

I watched my feet, but they crawled down my arms, still on my jaw- I tried to shake them off, but my hair only got in my eyes and they continued to hike up my cheeks.

My breathing hitched slightly, I was trying desperately to watch the branch below- my fingers were starting to tingle. Then one crawled over my eyelid- biting I snarled, in pain, and then more bites on the bridge of my nose, my lips, they tried to crawl into my mouth.

When one manged it, I dropped one of my hands, limply hanging from the other- and I scratched across my face, spitting them out, swatting them.. screaming as I did.

"Keera! Keera!" Brutus shouted, and I didn't respond.

I whipped my face around trying to get rid of the insects, but they just fly away and then return. Others with new stingers come... it wasn't until one traveled down my legs did I gasp- my other hand throbbing in time to my pulse, itching, bleeding- slipped and one of my foots hit the branch below, but I was too unbalanced and it fell from underneath me, sending me backwards towards the ground.

The bugs still crawled across me, like flames of a fire- the smaller branches and leafs of the trees whipped across my skin as I fell fast- faster then I thought possible. The mere movement of it made me breathless, I still whipped around, trying to lose the bugs- to no avail.

I hit the bottom branch, it was the worst impact- straight against my lower back and spine. I screamed- like a girl, high and howling. Then I slipped over it, my upper half first, I tried to keep my head away from the ground, my body uselessly trying to flip over- but I only managed to land on my left shoulder when I fell the finally six feet.

I flinched when I did and I heard something crack, shift- and I screamed hysterically, then started to whip around on the ground, still fighting away the bugs that continued to cover my body- my face- crawl into my eyes, my ears, my nose..

Brutus dropped to my side- and the only reason I knew was because his hands replaced mine in swatting away the insects. But their clicking only increased- I heard him swear- and then I heard Cashmere shout above my screaming.

Then I'm lifted up, into to Brutus' arms. "Out run them!" He snarls, and I shove him away when his bicep brushes my left shoulder- I hiss under my breath- and then I continue to fight against him as his hold tightens almost unbearably, I grit my teeth to the pain.

When I finally manage to rip myself from the agony- he drops me and I screech. Because I landed on my shoulder again.

He screams to, but only because the bugs have started to travel over his face. I don't see Cashmere or Enorbaria. All I see is the hordes of bugs around the air, every time I breath they get in my mouth- my tongue swells where they have bitten me.

I thrash and then watch Brutus fall to his knees, his skin terribly swollen, scarlet red. Then he stands, giving off a cry of anger and he runs from my view.

I can't think, I can hardly move, my mouth throbs to much to scream anymore- fear consumes me, with disgust and hate of insects. They crawl over me, and I twitch my shoulder- if only to see the injure but I only want to scream in response- but the scream gets stuck in my tight throat.

My arm is useless again. The thought makes me want to cry- and I fall still.

The clicking makes me frustrated because I can't think. I can't plot.

I am staring at a canopy of leaves and peeks of bright sky. Some ferns surround me, vines hang near my left leg. I heat is killing me, my cheek are no doubt flushed the brightest red in my extremity of warmth- but the insect bites must make it redder then that.

I was just thinking when I realized- the insects stopped.

I blink, but then receive a bite on the corner of my eye- but otherwise no more. My mind does that whole shifting thing and then I lift an experimental finger- I received about five stings and bites on that hand.

Then I'm struck- they don't attack, unless you move.

They click still, and I snapped my eyes shut, because otherwise I would blink. They still move... but only just lightly crawling over my skin- I try not to shiver in disgust. But at least they aren't ravishing my skin with fiery pain.

My body aches though, my muscles sear. My skin tingles, it burns, I feel drops of blood slip over it, not much just small beads of it. My face throbs, as does everywhere else, they feel raw and worn and swollen. But nothing throbs worse then my lower back- it radiates pain, in waves of panging electric shocks. It travels up my spine and reacts the pain in my shoulder- that I have no doubt is dislocated. It feels like it is hanging by just mere strings, and each time my back throbs, and the wave of pain hits my shoulder- a string is snapped. Like an over stretched piano wire, sending waves of vibrating agony through my arm- like the wire would send sound vibrations through the air.

I don't move, I hold my breath and slowly exhale out of my teeth when I have to. My lungs burn in return to this strained, forced breathing. It begs for more oxygen, but I can't allow my chest to expand.

I don't know what I'm waiting for... I hope them to leave, but I feel like they won't. I can't hear any of my alliance members around me. I'm laying here, weaponless, friendless, and.. covered in motion reactant bugs. Who has enough heart to tell me I'm not hopeless too?

The clicking is my only answer.

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><p>I lay there for what seems like hours to me, only very rarely do I get bites and stings when my eyes open, or I dare to breath more deeply.<p>

The clicking increased over time, like they were impatient. It came from more then just the ones on my body. They came from above, from all around me, from the ferns next to my ears.

It was all I heard for the longest time, it blocked out my heart beat, my pulse- even the throbs weren't heard, only felt.

Over the time, the bites began to itch so much I would squirm internally, it was so hard not to itch it. The stingers were still in my skin, and I could feel whatever was in them spread, like drops of cold water slipping in my blood stream.

I felt my heart beat slow rather then heard it, for the clicking overwhelmed it. The longer I stayed still the more the pain and damage increased while the moments when I did move- the pain lessened, but I was only delivered more stings and bites.

My mind was getting fuzzy now, when I opened my eyes there was like a filter of haze over them.

I felt weak, and I wondered what the venom would do to me. It was obvious I was killing myself when staying still- but I was too afraid of the swarming clicking around me, to move.

Again, let's applaud our lovely, brilliant Gamemakers... that I will never cease to hate.

I prayed at least, Brutus or Cashmere and Enorbaria were killed or being killed now- so at least I wasn't such a pathetic addition to the rebels plan. My body is not used to the Games anymore, my mind is only half as quick as it used to be. It only twinges with the thoughts that used to come instantly. I would have thought of the insects earlier if I had understood. I would have caught myself quicker...

I don't think I could hear cannon shot above the clicking, so I have no clue if anyone's died in the time I lay here. I hoped Caleb still thrived, Katniss and Peeta along with him. My heart panged at the thought of him figuring out I died- I wish to just keep it from him.. though that's impossible.

I'll be shown on the screen, I'll be a another cannon shot he will fear to know of, my death will be shoved into his face by Snow.

I wish I could say something to Snow, something biting and insulting and that others would hear before they cut me off the screen. But my mouth swells, my throat almost to the point my breathing is a raspy gasp for air, my lips throb, are cracked, bleed, and bugs teeter across them every few minutes. Their legs would tickle if not my flesh was on fire now- literally. The itching has reached a point where they burn like an inferno of flames licking across my skin. Teasingly and painfully.

There was this one bug that I followed up my whole body, distinguishing that ones movements, because I needed to distract myself from the pain. It went all the way to my chin when it stopped. I shivered then, before I could stop myself and I received multiple bits and new stingers.

One of the bugs scuttled under my eyes and I could feel its body brush through my eyelashes, another bug tries to bury itself passed my bloody suit, it rips at the fabric with its pincers, and others joined it. The spot was just below my belly button.

I wanted to cry, because it was so.. tortured, so much fear for the bugs, the disgust and the thought of them crawling over every part of me. It was almost enough to make me sit up and push them all off. But the clicking... the damned overbearing clicking was too loud, too much, too- too surrounding me from everywhere!

My breath shuttered and then a twinge of pain rocked through me- from my back where the branch had hit me. I knew I hadn't broken it, thank fucking god, but it was bruised severely, maybe even bruised to the bone too.

The one I had followed, that sat on my chin- its wings fluttering against it- suddenly lifted up. I was surprised and I wanted it back, so I could distracted from the fire of pain, but it didn't land back on me somewhere else... in fact three more lifted up..

Then another pair, a few more- the clicking slowed. My hear lifted in hope- and I inhaled deeply for the first time in what seemed like hours. My lungs sighed in relief and I felt my heart beat a fraction faster.

I didn't receive a bite for it and I breathed again, until I could no longer take in air and then with a rush let it out. Still nothing- in fact most of the bugs have retreated from me.

I opened my eyes in flash when I felt that there was only two or three left, crawling over my knee.

I sat up, quickly, and they fell away- floating into a tree nearby. My body roared in response thought to the fast movement. My back shot an agony so strong through my spine I fell back to the earth, and my shoulder brushed the dirt- in a twin fit of pain.

I sucked in a breath, since I could not scream, my mouth was still swollen. But there was no more clicking...

I stared upwards into the trees, the sky was darker then before, I didn't know what time it was- or what time It was when we started the Game, it seemed pretty late to start a game- passed noon at least.

But the bugs were gone and this time- slower and only using my usable right arm, I pushed myself upwards in the sitting position. I looked at my body and now my fresh blood and the other tributes mingled together, stained through it. It was torn in several places along my lower abdomen. Which was odd.

I hoped the lack of sunlight in the jungle floor would help cool the air, but it did nothing. It was still humid and muggy and miserable. My suit tried to cool me, but it was useless now and then making a quick decision, I grabbed at the hole with my right hand and started to tear it off.

My under clothes were sweaty, slightly blood stained, and trying to move my right arm as little as possible I took the fabric off of it. I tore the whole suit from me- not caring about it- because I would be avoiding the water no matter what now... thinking of water made me thirsty.

In fact my entire body, the raw skin, my cracked lips, my swollen tongue suddenly raved up for water- in need, to cool the fire, to help the swell.

Yet I didn't know how to get water. Where to get it... or anything.

I closed my eyes for a minute, and then curled my knees to my chest, my back twinges in pain- but I try not to move it.

I don't know what to do, and I can't really think about anything, I look over my arms, where my skin is chaffing, redder then the blood that drips over it, itching, searing... but the more I move the less it hurts. I take some time plucking out the stingers- my mind tells me to run, to flee the area, in case the bugs come back... but I want my weapons first.

It is a challenge to stand, my back throbs in time to my increased heart beat- like someone is kicking me in the back each time it does. If I let my arm dangle my shoulder sears worse then anything- so I have to hold it delicately a loft by my other hand. It stumble in walking, the venom that had seeped in my blood stream makes me tingle and dizzy- sometimes my eyes haze over but I blink that away.

It is unexpected things like these that ruin my chances in the Games. I ache for a Luke, who would bandage me and fix my shoulder- to bring me water and food. I have never longed for my sweet, beautiful healer boy more then this moment.

Luke- never deserved to die. Especially by my hands... my heart aches for him, for his family. He saved me- savior are hard to lose. I would have lost that Game if not for him.. and now I am at loss in this one without him. My impulses, that I stupidly follow- lead to trouble, like climbing that tree... was stupid, the impulse to follow the Careers should have been disregarded... I paid for them now, and I have no Luke to correct it. Like with the tunnel collapsing idea or the touching of the gems...

I remember all my other Games where I had wished Caleb to be with me- and now that Caleb was here- I didn't know where or doing what- but I felt my face fall at that, I wanted to cry out for him, to be my savior- but I controlled myself. I took heavy breaths as I walked to clear my mind, labored in this movement only.

I think I was heading the right way, following the trail of damaged vegetation made by Brutus when he had carried me. It wasn't that far away, the tree, I looked up at it and knew instantly it was the one I fell from. The leaves were on the ground below, bare branches and snapped twigs hung from the big branches that I had barely missed on my free fall down. Under the last branch was a splotch of blood, dirt was pushed around where I had laid whipping around like a seizure, and where my feet have kicked the earth.

My weapons are a little ways to the left and I could not even imagine what would have happened if I landed among the spear, knifes, and arrows. Limping, I stood over them, not wanting to bend of over for it. So I dropped down on my ass, not moving my back- my backside hurt a little but much less the the throb my back would have whipped across my nerves.

I picked up the belt first and I set I a little lower around my waist to avoid my back, it looked strange against only my thin white underclothes of a tank-top and shorts, but I need it to slip the knifes under. I looked at the bow and spear. Because I couldn't take both... yet neither of them I could use. A bow requires two arms, and a spear only one- but I have to hold my arm too.. so my shoulder isn't strained.

I sat there a long time before taking the knife- hit with an idea.

I looked at the bark and started a slow process of peeling the outer, hard layer away... thinking if I could just get a nice strand of flexible under bark I could sling my arm around my neck.

It took longer with one hand to cut and then rip the bark off, but it wasn't over two more hours before I got to lower layers of greener, smoother, softer bark...

I was sweating still- God I hated this heat- and I was panting, through my swollen, parched throat. I raised the knife again to dive deeper in- and I did- but when I started shifting it around, I was shocked when water, started spurting from the crevice.

Very little of it did, only small drops that fell down the bark and passed my knife. But my mind turned quickly- I thought of the plants in the book I studied...

Cactus and Cacti hold water, animals use it for drink... and I remembered vaguely reading of trees that did it too. With renewed purpose I dove my knife into the under bark, until more water began to dribble from the hole.

When I had a good slow stream going I put my hand under it- it hardly caught much but I still drank it , smacked over my lips, licked up every last drop of moisture from my sore hands.

I did this multiple times in multiple places until my throat had soothed some- my tongue was less dry- my lips ceased to bleed.. and I could talk again. I breathed easier now and then I dumped out the arrows in the sheath and put it underneath the hole to catch the dribbling water while I moved to the side of it and began over again trying to retrieve soft bark for my arm.

It was a couple hours before I got enough bark and then another half of one to weave it with one hand and my knees so that it would hold my arm.

It was difficult and I swore and sweated and panted. It was darker to the point I could hardly see, but I strained to continue, until I got my arm securely- still painfully- into a sling. So now if I stand my shoulder won't be fighting against gravity.

I took a break after and the sheath was filled a quarter of the way, so I drank deeply and then used it to wash over my chaffing, bloody skin. I heard a cannon shot- so now there were sixteen of us.. if I hadn't missed anything during the clicking.

I forced myself to think that Caleb was still out there, that no cannon shot was his- and I cupped the water in my right hand and rubbed it up my bare legs, until I had washed away most of the pain. I felt some of the poison in my pores rise, but there wasn't enough water to get it completely gone.

I left the sheath and arrows and bow, taking the spear and I used it to help me stand again. I wobbled, but I gained footing again soon later. I walked back the way me and the Careers had gone... towards the Cornucopia.

I don't know what I was hoping for as I went on the long walk... but when I stepped out onto the beach I was relieved to see Brutus and Cashmere and Enorbaria laying out in the sand, weapons in hand and eyes glaring in the night.

I came up stumbling behind them, and they jumped- readying to kill me- I didn't move, just stared at Brutus through the slight blackness.

"Thought you died." He mumbles. And I nod, in understand- I thought they were dead... well hoped so.

"No, you should know better then to think I'd let myself die." I reply, softly, my voice raspy as I tossed my spear aside and went to sit by him. I sat though in agony, and he notices me clenched jaw.

"You fell pretty bad." He muses, I would have shrugged but that would hurt too much. So I stay silent- staring at the sea water.

He shift to turn to me eying the sling I made. Then he eyes my clothes and I glare at him, curling my lips- now was not the time...

"Let me see your back." He says. And I shake my head.

"It'll be fine, I can still move-"

"But can you fight?" Cashmere snarls, staring at me her blue eyes like a predators shining in the dark.

I stare back. "Give me time to rest, I can man-"

"Without an arm?" Scoffs Enorbaria.

"I've done it before!" I hiss.

My allies are turning on me.. I can see it. I can see Brutus losing respect for me- seeing me so weak and stupid. I didn't plan right, he's lost faith in my smarts. The girls always hated me, Cashmere for her brother and Enorbaria for just being.

Brutus though hesitates. Thinking it over and I lean away from him.

"What were those bug things? Do you know? How did you survive in there?" Brutus shoots off- wanting to finalize my stupidity.

I sputter for an intelligent answer. But I can't think of one, the throbbing kills me... "I-I.."

Cashmere leaps, a mace in hand. I try to jump back, but howl in pain as my back works against me, the pain splintering through my spine. I arch my back away from the sand under me and Cashmere moves over me, straddling my hips, and holding a mace up- a shadow against the moon light.

Brutus makes no move to help, Enorbaria smirks.

My heart races at the look in her eyes- obviously doing it for Gloss' revenge. My mind jumps between the agony of my back to plotting. I wished I hadn't thrown my spear...

Then my mind flashed back to earlier today and quicker then I should have I snatched my belt off just as the mace lowered to bash my skull..

I held it up as a shield- I had no strength with one hand to hold against her strength and it came down to buck against my face, I snarled in pain, but as her mace hit the belt, purple liquid sprayed from it and hit her in the face. She shouted, and dropped the mace, barely missing my head and landing next to my ear. Her hands clapped over the stuff, and she rolled off of me onto the sand.

I tossed the belt and sat up in- another throb of uncomprehending pain shooting through me- I grabbed the mace just as Enorbaria moved to help. She had a sword and was skilled with it- the mace was almost too heavy for me.

I tried to deflect her blows, but one of them directed at me face- hit the mace I held in weak defense and it swung so close over it, the blade nicked my cheek.

Brutus moved then, he took a knife and snatched away my mace, one of his hands grabbed my throat and pushed me against the sand. I struggled to scream.

He lifted the blade to just below his fingers around my throat and Enorbaria sat on my feet, lifting her sword to sink it into my abdomen. I trashed feebly- only causing my back and shoulder more pain.. god how many mistakes will I make tonight before I end up dying?

Time after time I keep getting knocked down- my plots are coming too slowly.. because- because- and I realized because I was distracted, by Caleb by the rebels plan. I can't think for others well I can't base off of others plots- mine are independent. I can't- and then my mind rang with an idea, something to get me out of this mess.. and how old the thought? Well no one said my plans were original...

I moved my arm and slapped Brutus across the face- hard enough to shock him and leave him reeling backwards. I snatched his knife- and I stabbed him, in the shoulder. He howled and Enorbaria snarled, her sword now swinging forward to cut me down- but I leaped towards her, against the agony my back cause me- and I knocked my chest against hers- she was unprepared, we fell forward, her on her back.

I stared at her and she spit in my face, Brutus was rustling to grab me, Cashmere was working to get the stuff off of her face and Enorbaria was just ready to move the sword again- but I needed to catch my breath, I need a second break before I made a run for it-

So I kissed her.

She was startled for sure- her hand dropped back to the sand instead of raising the sword above my back. And I abruptly pulled away from her lips- which nauseatingly accepted my kiss. I stood, pushing myself up by my hand and I sprinted, though hardly fast across the strip of water to the Cornucopia. The salt seared against my bare skin.

A spear hefted at me, missed barely and I continued to the horn, I stopped when I slipped behind it- protected from thrown things, but I heard the splashing as they ran after. I looked around the jungle and beach, deciding where to go- when suddenly a flash so blindingly bright made me pause.

It was lightening it struck a tall tree that was being pointed at by the tail of the Cornucopia, my eyes hiked to the sky all around, but I could not see signs of rain, or more lightening, but I found myself distracted in thought- my mind twinging, trying to gather something I couldn't grasp.

Then I was running again, across more water, half swimming until I reached a beach further away from them and I dove into the jungle, I barreled through the vines and ferns until I couldn't breath- air was just searing in my throat and I fell, carelessly, twitching in pain for a little. I was hidden among a patch of ferns though and I heard them run passed me- but Cashmere wandered close. She didn't see me through the dark and hiding below.

But I saw her blonde hair shimmering through the night...

My fingers tightened around the knife in my hand and I closed my eyes for a minute as she wondered closer to me... dear lord let this night end with her..

I struggle to stand quickly and her eyes widen at the sight, she raises the mace but I leaped forward, and sink the knife through her heart, then clasp my hand over her mouth as she screams.

She falls backwards- and me being to exhausted to hold either of us up fall on top of her. Blood soaks my hands, over her suit, in her long hair under her back...

My hand is blocking off her breathing and I quickly block off her nose to- a she tries to fight back very minimally. They call both mine and her name in the dark... I prayed no other tributes were around to hear them.

The throbbing in my body was too much, the aching, I wanted to collapse- and as soon as the cannon shot went off and Cashmere's eyes closed, I did, I flipped over, off of her. I lay beside her corpse without care, I hurt too much. I strained myself too far- I should be dead.

I pant, quietly as running feet are around us, but miss us. They are panicked and I hear Brutus swearing- then they are gone.

I sigh in relief, and close my eyes.

If the fucking Capitol wants me to move so they can collect Cashmere's body- then they better fucking move me themselves... because there is no way in hell I can manage it.

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><p><em><strong>AN: **Doesn't it seem like Keera loses allies all the time? Lol xD Well oh well, poor Keera. As always.. But this is just the begining of her suffering -evil laugh- I am truly the cruelest person alive. Anywho review! Thanks for reading! Umm... OH! And if you don't like the way I'm making the arena and 75th Hunger Game a little different, sorry. But my fanfiction, and my story (not to sound possesive) but yeah.. my version of the 75th Hunger Game, expect changes. -Taryn(:_


	16. Clock

Chapter 16- "Clock"

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><p>As I laid there- in this slightly altered jungle land then from the last one, across the sea, I take in things I normally wouldn't.<p>

I was quiet, and scarily moving. I had slept for hours, undisturbed- even though Cashmere's body is no where near me now. I was still on the verge of wakefulness and I savored that feeling- the lack of pain.

The soil was more black and spongy on this side. Their are blossoms of pretty flowers- of exotic colors. The vines are thicker, and slither across the jungle floor rather then most hanging from the trees. The trees are skinner, rubbery, and have less branches. No canopies block out the skies above.

Still hot though, I note, with disappointment.

The animals... there are more here. Not those nasty insects, but strange brilliant birds. Tree lizards that crawl passed my face, with friendly dark eyes, slick green scales, and cute flickering blue tongues. There is something that rustles the ferns and I watch with reproach as a large rat or small possum comes scuttling out and then races up the trunk of a tree.

To move with such quickness as it did.. is what I want. I frown, because I fear to move- the pain- I can not hunt properly. My back didn't hurt now.. I know it will. But I'm determined to kill those I must.

I'm determined to finish my job for Caleb.

I sit up some time later, gathering some courage, and it is not as bad as I thought it would be. My body aches for sure, but my back only twinges slightly. I don't dare touch my shoulder though.. yet I know I must pop it back in place.

I don't know how. I defiantly don't want to. The thought is terrifying.. and painful.

But logically, I know it must be done sooner rather then later and gritting my teeth already I take off the sling I made. I roll it up, and using my good arm, my bad one sitting in my lap- I drag myself to the nearest tree.

I lean into the slim trunk, sweating even through that minimal effort of moving. It was so unbearably humid.

I looked up to the bright sky- swallow down the lump in my throat. I take the rolled up soft bark and I clamp it between my teeth- to bite down on. Drawing in a deep breath through my nose, I look down at my shoulder, placing my hand gently on my upper bicep.

Even the slightest move sends pang of agony through my upper torso and arm. I move it- gritting my teeth against the rubbery bark- and when I feel it hovering in the right spot. I close my eyes and the force it upwards- bending my elbow inwards until there is a intense popping sound and then with another bout of intense pain I hike it up further, bending my elbow outwards this time.

I scream, but it's muffled, by the bark that my teeth dug into hard enough that sap, bitter tasting and sickly, drips down my chin.

Once the painful throbs down to periodical twinges of nerve fraying, did I spit out the bark, and wipe my chin with the back of my hand. I tested the arm, pushing myself before I should, and it works fine- just hurts more then I would like.

I ignore the pain best I can- using the tree to stand. My knees buckle the second I straighten my back, I suck in a sharp breath, but I forced myself to walk. I walked in circles at first, limping, and hobbling.

I swung my arm, stupidly- but necessarily. It was easier to get used to a dual pain when I don't strain it, compared to a worse pain of over doing it.

I stopped when there were tears in my eyes.

The vegetation around me wasn't very beneficial for hiding.. so I slunk back down the trunk of a tree, sitting against it. I watched one of the tree rats gnaw on a nut, with it's ugly front teeth, and my stomach roared with hunger, grumbling.

Usually I can get by without eating only once sometimes twice a day- in the Games. But I was twelve then, I'm seventeen now.. and as I continue to watch the rat I got up, wondered close- it ran off- but I snatched a nut from a who group of them growing from a branch.

The shell is too hard for me to break. And I don't recognize it from anything I've studied- which is odd. But my stomach keeps making noise, and I ache for food.

I look around the jungle floor, I see inedible flowers, ferns, which are hardly taste or filling, and vines. Blood seeped into some of the dark soil, from where Cashmere body had lain.

I sigh, after a while and toss the nut, I'll have to hut.

But I need weapons- the Cornucopia is overflowing with them, but Brutus and Enorbaria will be waiting for me. My shoulder still strains to be under my control, my hand is shaking like crazy- and thought I can push back the pain, I don't know how accurate my hits could be.

I wander in the direction of the beach, slowly, slinking through the jungle like a easily frightened deer. My hand holds the injured arm close to my chest, I walk on the balls on my feet, my breath is hissed through my teeth..

I freeze when someone brushes through the fern on the opposite side of me... the male morphling- my good buddy!

"Hey!" I call, slipping from behind the trees- he stops dead, pupils wide as they swing to me. I smile- but even the muscles in my face ache.

He over looks me, the blood, my lack of the suit, the intense, ugly purple, blue bruises that scale over my shoulder blades, up my neck, down my upper arm- I wanted to laugh at the thought of him seeing my back. Which was no doubt ten times worse.

He looks relatively fine, not bloody, skeletal- as always- and yellow skinned, but he isn't injured. I look around his back- he notices.

"Gone." He says, the voice is hallow, raspy- as if he is not used to using it. My eyes zero in on his, and they are sadder then before.

"Your friend, she is dead?" I whisper. I don't want to be insensitive, but I have to be sure.

The man nods and takes a few steps closer to me. I trust him, he can't over power me, or outsmart me. He is more a burden to me- but I don't want to leave him.

I feel bad for the death the woman, and I wondered how- it must have happened when I was asleep. She was in on the rebel plan, slightly, if at all- they were only told to help Peeta and Katniss...

"Do you know where food is?" I ask him, and he blinks at me for a minute. Then he nods, turns in the direction he had been coming from and I follow- because it neither leads to the Cornucopia or up hill in deeper jungle...

We walk at the same pace, my limping slightly and careful of moving my shoulder- he is just walking normally. He is quickly winded and easily unstable..

Aren't we just the saddest looking group ever?

I burst out a laugh, he jumps and I can't help but grin at him though. Because this Game is ridiculous- these tries just so futile... I-I have no idea why I'm laughing!

I somber down some as the travel began to drag on longer then I wanted, but I could see the jungle changing subtlety.

I look around with interest, and after a while I hooked my good arm through his- I saw momentarily distracted by the fact that I did not know his name... but it didn't matter.

I could have nearly kissed the man though- when he pulled me to a stop and lifted those skinny arms up, pointing a bony finger to a patch of fruit hanging from a tree. They were low enough I wouldn't have to climb, thank God, and they were also some fruits I recognized, not by name but categorization,

All I knew was that they weren't poisonous.. and so I plucked them all down, sat the man down and then placed myself criss-cross in front of him. I made sure I handed him a soft outer one, I placed it in his hands- all the while looking him straight in the eyes- he looked disgusted and confused.

I insistently pushed it towards his mouth and then my stomach unable to wait any longer I snatched one of the ripe pink ones and took a great bite out of it- he watched with intrigue- as sweet, succulent juices ran over my lips and I licked them away.

He took one bite after I ran through about four more, eating even the core and seeds. I ravished the fruit, as if I had never eaten before. The man looked out of place.

Our feast though- was interrupt, when the morning sun, was suddenly blocked off above us.

I snapped my gaze up. Because my mind instantly jumped to the worst- at first I was relieved to think it was going to bring rain, and chill me from the unbearable heat.. instead I got another surprise.

It started slow, the roiling black clouds above seemed harmless, but the wind picked up slightly- as if the atmosphere was preparing for a storm. I reached for my companions arm, my fingers easily clasping over his tiny wrist- all the while I did not look away from the horizon.

The first drop, fell, and smacked against my cheek. He stared at me. I stared back.

He reached up one of his hands slowly- I already knew though, I could feel it, smell it, _taste _it in the air.

His trembling fingers brushed across the spot it had landed in and when he withdrew it, there was a smear of deep red, blood across his skin.

I stood fast, and there was a slight crack from the sky above. I abandoned the food, I ignore the pain my shoulder causes, my spine and back roaring up against me- and I run, with reckless fear. With horror, with sweating palms and my breath coming tighter. I drag the poor man behind me.

It was all too later though, because the Gamemakers were watching us... they had wanted us to panic- and then not even give us the relief of escape.

Buckets began to fall, hot and thick. I was blinded, I couldn't open my eyes with receiving repeated hits to my eyes. I couldn't talk, or clam the distressed man behind me, because open my mouth I got a taste of salty, rusty, blood. I would have drowned in this. I ran into trees, tumbled over vines, smacked against low hanging leaves.

Puddles splashed under my feet, blood hiking up my legs, sinking though my white under clothes. If I had thought the heat was bad, this was like boiling, but only because it layered around me, suffocated me, drying in clumps of clotted jelly-like textured red.

The man behind me, continued to come along, I never let go of him- I slowed pace after having fallen much too many times...

I was hoping to find the way out, to the sea, to a beach out of the damned jungle- that I have grown to hate.. when I heard a scream.

Johanna's. I knew it. My brain knew it. Because it grappled to use some of my senses... and my hearing hyped. It wasn't sad or pain- it was frustration.

I heard a cannon shot.

I wondered who died, but I was heading in the opposite direction of them. I didn't want to turn around, because whatever killed them- I don't want to know.

We stumble, lost and blind- and I felt ready to vomit up my breakfast. But I clamped it down, I couldn't lose it- I need energy. My body _needs _to heal.

I picked up pace when I felt like the rain lessened, though I know it hadn't- I only wished it had. I started jumping over ditches of blood that reached to my ankle, I hated the way it sloshed through my toes.

I lost grip though- of the man. No, I didn't lose it- he let go- he turned away from me...

And then I smacked right into someone.

We fell to the ground, blood jumping out from under us and then crashing down over our heads. I couldn't open my eyes, or they would sting, I scrambled to catch my breath through my nose and then the person- they spoke, in a wheezy murmur in my ear.

"Tick, tock. Tick, tock."

I am about to retch back up- when a hand claps down onto my neck. "Wiress!" Johanna's voice shouts above me, I whirl around- delivering a blind slap to her face, she reels back. I scramble off of the woman I presume as Wiress.

I shouldn't be here! I can't these are allies- I can't kill them.. I open my eyes, hesitantly- they sear when blood drops, pours, into them, but through the strikes of red, beating down on us I see them.

Wiress sprawled on the ground, Johanna hovering blindly over her, shouting at Wiress- thinking that was who slapped her- and behind her she had Beetee, dragging him.

I whipped my face around, droplets spraying about, and my soaked hair, snapping against my wet skin. I was looking for my morphling. He was gone.

I closed my eyes again, they burned, and I hated being blind again- this was worse then the bugs. The blood, crawls over my skin. I shiver when I think of it being my own- or worse, Caleb's.

I hear Wiress get up- a furry of stumbling step over puddles- I hear Johanna mutter crudely and I pick up on the sound of a dragged body.

Then another whisper, reaches my ear- how through the rain? I don't know. But my mind cranes towards it. "Tick, tock. Tick, tock."

I wait a moment, and then I follow them... because their guess out as good as mine. I felt bad for losing the man- but I hadn't heard a cannon shot... everything now is just a stumbling, numb step through the thick scarlet liquid.

I'm careful about my steps though- they don't hear me. And we wonder... for such a long time, until I suddenly hear the sound of the waves on the sand to our left. I leave them- I sprint for it, I tumble and stumble. But soon enough the jungle falls away- the rain is behind me, and I sink to my knees in the sand.

My good hand instantly goes to my face- to wipe the blood that is now drying quickly in the blinding sun overhead- and clear my eyes and mouth first, drawing a deep breath, I look up.

Further down the beach I see a gathering, they no doubt see me- I stare and stare until it is impossible for me to deny that I don't see Finnik and Caleb standing in the sea or Katniss and Peeta sitting on the beach. They are green- and monstrous looking... but with me painted in red, I may look even worse.

I savor in the figure I know is Caleb- by the way he stands. Maybe he knows it is me. I blink that away when I hear others behind me..

I snap my face towards the jungle where now Johanna stumbles from, dragging Beetee, and Wiress wondering in circles around her. She still mumbles those words that chill my mind. "Tick, tock. Tick, tock." She must be deranged.

I take in what the blood makes them look like. They are a solid brick-red color, and it is already dried across their skin. I move slightly and feel the tightness of it on my back and legs.

I'm a safe ten feet away from them, and I make no noise as she continues to drag Beetee who is probably to heavy for her after that experience.. he collapses. And she cries out again in frustration, similar to the one in the forest.

Wiress looks to her and says her strange murmuring louder- Johanna, obviously still miffed about the slap- shoves her to the ground.

I hiss, and her brown eyes snap to me in shock- I glare right back at her.. I see recognition in her face. Then a voice protrudes around us.

"Johanna!" Finnik calls and she looks up, her face lightening some, I grimace- because I should run from here. I am not the alley. I'm the spy, the sneak- killing. I don't get up though, I watch as Finnik runs towards us.

"Finnik!" Johanna shouts back. I shrink away from her.

I want to run, because I don't want to ruin the rebels plan. I want to run, but my hand is shaking like crazy, my shoulder throbs. My back screams at me every time I change my position and the blood surrounding me makes me want to dive straight into the salt water.

Finnik reaches us, he gives me a glance, then the others- but focuses on Johanna asking what happened, she shoots off about what she was doing first, before the rain. And the others of Finnik's alliance follow, my stomach turns as I watch Caleb lead Katniss and Peeta forward.

I should run, my muscles tell me to... I still don't. Instead like a desperate, needy person I sit here on my knees, caked in blood, and begging for an alliance- someone besides my lost morphling or useless Careers.

The thought of Careers made me jump, I looked around franticly now, towards the Cornucopia, passed it to the beach where we had escaped the bugs- they aren't out, but they aren't dead. They could be waiting, weapons aimed, just waiting for there chance. I draw in a shaky breath at this, with all my people out an exposed?

Then I'm snapped back to the present, by Peeta's voice.

"What are you looking at?" He ask, and my face whirls around to look up at him. The others stare at me, and see Wiress regain footing. _Tick,tock. Tick,tock. _

I blink up into blue eyes, that remind me so much of Sirius and Eric- I would have broken into sobs, if not I remembered myself. I tried to talk, to warn, and I opened my mouth, one of my arms snaked around my stomach, but no noise came out. And I closed it- staring helplessly up at Peeta.

Then Wiress wondering in deranged circles, bumped into Johanna, with a harsh shove she sends her back to the ground. "Just stay down, will you?"

Katniss though didn't like this. "Lay off her."

"Lay off her?" Johanna hisses, back. I feel tension rise, they glare at each other and then with a quick movement Johanna slaps her across the face- I suck in a tight breath. Was that allowed? "Who do you think got them out of that bleeding jungle for you? You-" Finnik jumps in then, tossing her over his shoulder and she withers in his grasp, as he carries her to the water. He repeatedly ducks her under while she screams a lot of really insulting things to Katniss.

I don't move my eyes from them until I hear a voice my mind reacts to.

"I'll take care of Beetee." Caleb offers, and Peeta moves towards Wiress- while Katniss lifts those gray eyes of hers to mine. I stare at her blankly, and I flicker mine to Caleb- I wished he had chosen me. But as he carries Beetee, I realize it is because the others wouldn't have been able to do that...

Katniss moves slowly towards me, not trusting me- and suddenly..

Wait. I blink- I'm not suppose to be here. Caleb's indifference to me, has smacked some sense into my wandering mind, I lean away from Katniss, but my back twinges in pain. She sighs.

"I'm going to help you." She says, I'm not convinced to stay with just that. I don't need her help.

She moves again to grab me. I jump back- but she snatches my arm- my shaking arm, and she tries to pull me forward, I feel the agony throbbing there pitch- the muscles in my shoulders stretch... I fall to the sand howling in pain.

"What! What is it?" She demands, franticly looking around and coming to sit over me.

I can't talk- just snarl through my teeth. "My shoulder!"

She lifts her hand away as if I had burned her then and her face becomes less panicked and more professional, she comes to my other side then, takes me under my unhurt shoulder and tries to help me to my feet- I try not to scream when my back hurts almost as bad as my arm does. So much for getting used to the pain..

She half carries me to the place down the beach where they set up camp, and then she lays me near the water. I get a glimpse of Caleb then- he meets my eyes this time, worry etched into his face. I try to shake my head to tell him not to- but I can't manage it without notice.

So I allow Katniss to help me some- until I push away her hands and wash myself in the wake of the water, she wonders over to help with Beetee.

They drag him out into the water, Caleb holding him, and Katniss working off his suit.

I try not to stare at Caleb- and his green skin. But I find myself unable to help it. I wash myself slowly, rubbing my legs clean first. I know to get completely clean- I should have to strip, I'm not willing for that though and I can deal with slightly bloody clothes. I wash my stomach and my chest and then with the most care in the world, I cup water in my hand and let it run down my shoulder.

Only when the red washed away, it revealed the ugly, purple, blue skin again. My veins were visible in it, and green was laying on the outside of it.

"What did you do?" Someone asks behind me- I look up and find those blue eyes again.

I clear my throat and turn to my other shoulder, before I am able to reply. "I fell from a tree."

"How high?" He continues to question.

"Not too far..." I muse, looking over my shoulder. "I landed on my back for the worst of it."

He walks closer to me, into the water and then holds down a hand to me- because I had already ducked my head and cleaned my body, I hesitate in taking it- but then relent. He lifts me up so I do not even hiss over my back, but as I limp aside him, the discomfort is obviously on my face as he set me onto a strange mat.

"Let me see it." Peeta offers, and I shake my head. I sit up, cirss-cross and he sits beside me, the others are working to heal Beetee in the background. I find myself lost in Peeta's eyes.

"It is beyond any of our healing skills. Let it be." I say, and he shakes his head- I notice when a fringe of his blonde hair hangs in his eyes, he looks younger- like Eric.

"Katniss' mother is a healer, she knows things- let me at least look at it- to judge. You can not have seen it." His voice is so compassionate, so debating I know he won't let this drop so I sigh. I turn around and then I reach behind my back with my good hand and lift it just so the shirt lays above the radiating throbs of my lower back.

There is no immediate reply, and I gnaw on my lip- hoping it isn't worse then I thought. Then I feel light, and warm fingers run over the pain, it doesn't soothe it, but it isn't painful. They crawl a way up my spine, then along the borders of my pain.

Then I heard someone hiss. "Who did _that_?"

Caleb. I cover my back now- and I turn around, but too fast and my teeth clamp down on my lip. He looks down at me and Peeta, his eyes boring into mine. He see the pain.

"I fell." It is all I say and for minute he looks to my hand- remembering the last time I had said I fell. But those are gone already- I look to his arm, it is still wrapped tightly.

We stare at each other, I feel like he is sizing me up- making a decision. Then Peeta speaks.

"You were with Johanna right?" He says and my eyes zone in on him, the blue- I can't lie to him.

"No." I answer honestly.

"Then who?" Caleb inquires. He knows I have been straying from my rules, I have been taking alliances, he knows I haven't listened, I almost blush in shame.

"I was with the Careers." This is said bitterly. "Then the male from District 6." My eyes look up at the hazel and I take note to the gold more then ever- it is the sun that makes it so bright.

"Caleb!" Finnik calls, obviously wanting something- I don't look away though from my lover. I can't I want to say I'm sorry, I want to tell him I have other chances, I killed Cashmere, Gloss... but he turns away and then goes to Finnik- my heart sinks. I look to Peeta, but he is watching Katniss tie moss around a wound on Beetee's back. He gets up to compliment her.

I am left more or less alone and again my eyes stray towards the opposite beach. Where were the Careers? I look to the bleeding jungle, and the clouds have cleared. I wait for my friend to stumble out, but he never does.

I look around the camp they have here and then at Caleb- I sigh, and then I snatch one of the weapons on the ground, nearby. It was probably one of Peeta's or Finnik's but it was an awl- and I stood, no one notices... I take off across the strip of water, towards the Cornucopia- and the beach beyond it.

I splash and I don't pause as I travel across it, then drag myself onto the sand of the Cornucopia. I don't look back- but I know they must stare.

No one shoots me down. No one shouts at my back- so I run and run until I've thrown myself back into the jungle, and I pause only to catch my breath. I try to hold back the tightness in my throat from the pain in my shoulder and back. I look around myself- I hear no clicking, or Careers.

I sigh, and then lean into a tree, I sink to the ground and I close my eyes. I don't sleep, but I listen to the beach that is just on the outside of a thin row of greenery.

I didn't stir until the sun was high in the sky- streams of it, throw over my face and my eyes flash open just at the same moment lightening cracks through the air. I move, to see the tree just like last night, was struck, blackening. Then an electrical storm begins, I stare at it, then across the sea, I see the camp. I could be sitting over there, sleeping safely, but I would rather wait for the Careers over here- keep them safe.

Then I think- my mind screams at me- not twinging weakly. But it reminds me of the bugs, how they hid until later, then the rain, how it had come and stopped- It tells me about the lightening, and then whispers like the woman.. _Tick,tock. Tick,tock. _

It reminds me of the arenas shape, like earlier when it tried to tell me something- and I look around at the circular arena. My mind clicks and tells me something it knew already... were in a clock.

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><p><em><strong>AN: **I don't have much to say except- I can't wait to post the next chapter! REVIEW! Thanks for reading, hope there's not too many typos. -Taryn(:_


	17. Continue On

Chapter 16- "Continue On"

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><p>The Gamemakers have out done themselves. I stand now, and look around. We are in a clock. Every hour brings new horrors... just like how ever side tunnel had brought on. But there was a safe tunnel. Was there a safe wedge in the clock?<p>

I look at the twelve dividers around the Cornucopia... the tail points towards the tree, the lightening tree- noon, and last night at mid-night. That was our top of the clock. I only know the first wedge brings on blood rain, the rest are a mystery. At my back is the bugs wedge. I can't think of the hour now- because I see Katniss waking everyone up.

I duck back into my hedges.

I watch them, while overly aware of my surroundings. Something felt different. In my mind, I can't place it- but my mind finally started working properly after I had gotten passed the road block the clock idea had been.

I watched them clean up, dress, eat some, and then the plentiful group wanders over to the Cornucopia. I tense- I hear a step behind my back.

They are creeping, I can hear them draw their breath though- sense the heat of their body. I can feel them near, hear their skin brush against the ferns and vines.

I draw in my own deep breath, loudly, and then clutch my awl- I turn at the same moment Enorbaria brings her blade down on me.

It catches my bad arm, slicing down it- slitting open my forearm. I shout, but not louder then her snarl of pain as my awl surpasses her sword and buries itself in her leg.

But then I hear a scream behind me- of anger, and a fight. I drop the awl- let Enorbaria fall to the ground, and whirl around to find she was distracting me from the real danger.

Blood gushed over my shaking hand. I took in the sight of Brutus, dropping Wiress motionless body in the sea- Katniss releases an arrow at him, he ducks.

Johanna throws an axe- he disappears under the water. I'm numbed for a minute, my mind snaps and then I'm up and tearing the hilt of the sword from Enorbaria's hand- and_ bang. _A cannon shots signal the loss of Wiress.

I hold onto the sword with two hands, running onto the beach. Sweating, blood falling down me from my finger, I force my shoulder to tighten its over stretched muscles to clutch the hilt, I force my back to crane forward despite my pain- intent on the Career.

He was heading for my beach now, Katniss and Finnik waded into the water to get a hit on him, Caleb helped Beetee stand, Peeta stayed back uselessly- Johanna recollecting her thrown axe.

He didn't notice me, he scrambled backwards onto the sand- watching Katniss arrows closely. They saw me though, and they held off an attack- because I had the best shot from behind, unexpected.

He heard me breathing though, and Brutus whirled around- I brought the blade down. Swishing over his chest, down his abdomen and then again I lifted it and forced it into his chest. He gave a straggled cry, but I twisted the blade and sliced right through his heart- a cannon shot signaled his death even before he fell to the ground.

I let go of the sword- watched him fall, my arm fell limp at my side, I looked at it. My veins in my wrist were slit, they bled profusely. My forearms cut was deep enough to see a peek of my white bone- my fingers were turning blue and cold.

"Go!" I screeched, almost angrily at the alliance staring at me. At Brutus, at Wiress. "GO!" I repeated and slowly Finnik grabbed Katniss' shoulder and pulled her back.

But she wasn't willing to let me go- so easily. When she was on land again she raised her bow, Finnik had turned away, my eyes widened as she loaded it- I took an unsteady step back..

Caleb looked up at Katniss then, and he nearly fell over, I saw him leap to her, but it was too late- he couldn't possibly move fast enough. I couldn't move fast enough... and just as the arrow was released the sand suddenly jerks into motion, sending them all slamming to the ground.

The arrow falls to the water, and they spin- fast, really fast- I am dizzied by just the sight. They are just blurs- Wiress' body flays out to the sea, Brutus' sizzles in the sun beneath me. I can't move at first, but slowly, and numbly I back away from them.

I turn though. Just as Beetee was flung from the spinning circle, I walk into the jungle- I stumble- I look up and the last thing I see are the amber brown eyes of Enorbaria's as she takes the staff of the awl, and smashes it into my skull.

Blackness, bright spots, an increasingly closer ground, kicks delivered to my side- and then the awl- the tips bloodied, from her leg already- the sun glints over it, the blood is momentarily illuminated, my minds stretches, but finds nothing as it suddenly lowers and the metal buries itself into just under my rib cage.

I arch into the pain, the agony, the sound it my breath rushing out of me- the squeak that is all I can manage of a scream. And then coldness creeps over my body, the blood seeping down my sides becomes unfeeling. My lips tremble with the effort to breath- my eyes have already lost their use- my head pounds, my heart racks around franticly. The awl is twisted, I scream, and then everything falls away...

_…**..**_

A scream. A cannon shot. And the circle with no deceleration, slams to a stop.

Sputtering sand from my mouth and slightly queasy, I sit up. Everyone of my companions are in relatively the same condition. I look over Katniss, she is still unscratched save for the green molding over her skin just as before. I look to everyone else with less concern- but my eyes flicker to the beach across the way, I only see Brutus' body. Not Keera's. I sigh in relief.

The scream must have been District 2's over victor. Peeta gives me a dizzy look and I give him a tight lipped smile to reassure him- that the spinning is over. As far as I know. The attack is over, I know that, the Careers are dead now, all of them- Keera had done good.

Katniss suddenly dove into the water, I sat straighter, worried- but then I see she means to retrieve Beetee's wire (important wire, mind you). I was surprised that she knew it, but maybe she was thinking sensitively for the man who had just lost his close companion. In fact- I blink and he no where I sight.

I see him bobbing out at least twenty feet into the water- I spot Finnik stroking perfectly towards him and then hauling him in. He's alive, a little waterlogged thought snorting out water.

I watch Katniss like a hawk, and she is racing the Capitols hovercrafts to Wiress. She makes it, swimming into the blood stained water, nearly ramming into the corpse- she retches the wire from the fingers of the woman. I feel bad for her as then murmurs a goodbye and closes the woman's eyes. She makes me feel very bad for, lately all this stress, all this falling onto her without her wanting it- truthfully I pity her, I feel like me and her are similar in ways.

I shake off that train of thought though, as other hovercrafts come around, plucking Brutus' body up and then the one in the near by jungle.

I look to Katniss and she is staring at me- I blink back, uncertainly. Then she looks to Finnik and Johanna, an emotion of sadness and grief crosses her expression and then she crawls to Peeta, wrapping her arms around him.

They have those moments. I envy those moments. Why is it she gets all these people fighting for her and her lover? To keep them together? While I am forced to stay away from mine..

I swallow that down also, clenching my jaw, staring at the ground running my fingers through the white sand for awhile as we all stay silent.

The clock idea was already told to me. I was told by Coin who has been in communication with the head Gamemaker. I didn't say it earlier or to Keera- because I didn't want to tip off the Capitol. If Snow saw we all just knew- he'd get suspicious. Just like I'm sure he already is... because me and Keera have separated.

I bet he knows there is something going one because of that. To see us ignoring each other- when he had planned our need for each other to destroy our chances in this Game.

"Let's get off of this stinking island." Johanna says finally. There's only the matter of our weapons now, which we've largely retained.

Beetee thinks he can walk now, if we go slowly, so I help him up. Katniss decides that we head to the beach at twelve, so we would have hours of calm and keep us clear of any of the poisonous residue, that we had run into the other night. I shuddered at the thought. But pretty much head off into three directions, I stand still.

"Twelve o'clock right?" Says Peeta. "The tail points at the twelve."

"Before they spun us." Finnik mutters. "I was judging by the sun."

"The sun only tells you it's going on four, Finnik." Katniss snarks.

I'm about to point out something when Beetee jumps to it before me. "I think Katniss' point is, knowing the time doesn't mean you necessarily know where the four is on the clock. You might have a general idea of the direction. Unless you consider they may have shifted the outer ring of jungle as well."

I nod in agreement- as does Katniss, though she obviously had not meant that at all. "Yes, so any one of these paths could lead to twelve o'clock." She says.

We circle the Cornucopia, scrutinizing the jungle. It had a baffling uniformity. I remember the tall tree that took the first lightening strike at twelve, but each wedge has one of remarking similarity. Johanna mentions to follow Keera, but her path has either been blown away or washed.

There is absolutely no way to tell where to go.

"I should have never mentioned the clock." Katniss says, bitterly. "Now they've take that advantage way as well."

Quite true my friend, I had thought the same thing. But still I murmur for her own reassurance. "Only temporarily. At ten, we'll see the waves again and be back on track."

Peeta latches on to the attempt, agreeing. "Yes they can't redesign the whole arena."

It doesn't matter." Johanna sneers impatiently. "You had to tell us or we never would have moved camp in the first place, brainless." Ironically she reminds me of Keera. Not completely- but she does make me want Keera here more. Her blatant honesty, her logic and humor.. it is all similar.

The comment of hers is the only one that brings a response out of Katniss anyway. I see her relax some until Johanna spots off. "Come on, I need water. Anyone have a good gut feeling?"

We randomly choose a path and take it, having no idea what number we're heading for. When we reached the jungle we peer into it, trying to decipher what may be waiting inside.

"Well is must be monkey hour. And I don't see any of them in there." Peeta spouts off, the first to break our silence. "I'm going to try to tap a tree."

"No, it's my turn" I say back.

Peeta stare at me for a minute before relenting. "At least let me watch your back."

"Katniss can do it." Johanna snaps, looking over a gathering of large leafs. "We need you to make another map. The other one washed away." She wanks the largest off and then hands it to him.

For a moment I see Katniss hesitate, but she relents and follows me to a tree about fifteen yards into the jungle where I find a good one, and start stabbing to make a hole with the knife.

Katniss is quiet as I do this, and I know she is thinking, deeply. I don't look at her- but focus on making the hole. I had no idea what she would be thinking about. I heard things moving in the jungle, I don't react. But it sounds like fluttering, of wings.

Finnik wanders towards us, but not close enough to hear what I do. Katniss is too lost in thought.

My eyes moved to the bark and when I felt my knife slip in easier I held out a hand to Katniss. "Got the spile?" I ask, I see her snap back to reality with my voice and her seam eyes center on mine. There is a question in hers- not meaning to be there. But I see it and as she cuts the vine that ties the spile to her belt and holds to tube out to me... I try to talk, to ask something- when it happens.

My voice is cut off by a scream. So full of fear and pain it ices my blood. It is not familiar to me, but I see the horror twist into Katniss' face as her eyes flicker towards the jungle. She drops the spile, a look I had only seen once on Keera's face crosses her expression- at the riot, when Keera had heard Felicity call out to her through the sounds of the gun fires.. it is as if they lose grips on who they are, what they are doing.. only that person consumes them.

Then she takes off running wildly into the direction of the voice. Heedless of the danger, ripping through the vines and branches- I shout after her, she doesn't respond. I drop the knife and I immediately follow..

"Prim!" She screeches. "Prim!" She repeats it multiple times, her voice an octave I have never heard before.

She is so much faster then I thought possible, she is racing through the jungle. Vines cut into my face and arms, creepers grab my feet. But the agonizing screams increase as I follow Katniss. We are getting closer to the cause of the noise- very close.

"Prim!" She rips through a wall of green and I slip right behind her, into a small clearing. Her head snaps upwards, I reach out a hand to grab her- the screaming is a little girls, the name clicks to me as her little sisters- but it is impossible, it is a trap.

She moves out of my reach though, it is as if she does not even notice me, she wanders around looking through the branches of tress. The noise comes from above. The call rings out, like a bell and there's no mistaking the voice. I look up to source, the noise coming from the mouth of a small, crested black bird perched on a branch about ten feet over our heads.

It's a jabberjay. I have only seen one once, when a distant traveler from another district had shown us things from old files from the last war. They had pictures of them- in case the Capitol ever thought to reuse them. Though the mutation were such a failure, that they had been released and went off to create the mockingjay.

At the thought of the word my eyes feel back to Katniss, the wars mockingjay, and she is staring at it with so much loathing- she realized she had been tricked. The bird stares back with beady black eyes- and she silences it with an arrow.

I watch it fall, her wring its neck with her frustration.. and then she looks up at me. As if she had just noticed me for the first time.

Her eyes are full of contempt- towards the Gamemakers no doubt, and slowly she takes her arrow and cleans it off with moss. Silence is infinite around us until Finnik crashes into the clearing. "Katniss? Caleb?" He says, breathlessly.

I look up at him and his sea green eyes bore into mine for some sort of explanation when Katniss speaks first. And we both look to her. "It's okay. I'm okay." She says, I don't believe her. "I thought I heard my sister but-"

A piercing shriek cuts her off. It's another voice, not Prim's, someones I don't know. Maybe a young woman. But we both see the color vanish from Finnik's face. I can actually see his pupils dilate in fear. Then he is gone, Katniss reaches out to him, "Finnik, wait!" She called, but it is too late, he's bolted away. Gone off in pursuit of the victim, as mindlessly as Katniss had went after her sister.

"Finnik!" She shouts, but we both look at each other and know he won't turn back. So all we can do is follow. We run, despite our no need to, it is obvious where he went even though he is ten times faster then us. He leaves a clear trampled path in his wake.

We head up hill- I've got three strides on Katniss' run, and sweat is already making my clothes stick to my body. The heat kills me, I am not used to heat- I don't falter in my jog, but as my foot lifts to take another step- another screech breaks through the air. One I had not heard in so long, something though, that revisits me in nightmares. One I recognized and my body nearly fell over itself in shock- my muscles trembled, it felt like cold water was shot through my blood- my seven year old, traumatized mind reacted before logic could.

"Mother!" I shout, my eyes fly towards the east, the scream repeated- it was one of anger, of resistance, of hate. I knew it so well- I knew it was real, I had heard the same scream, when I was a boy. When whips were cracking against her face, her back, when her hot blood shed across my own skin- when-

"_CALEB!" _The voice howls, so strongly, so emotionally, I cried out. My heart strings panged, and I heard a quieter less meaningful call of my name at my back as I took off towards the sound of my mothers shouting.

Vague lullabies ran through my thoughts. Memories, that were have there. I was getting closer, she was so close- and then I stopped, my cheek lashed against a hanging vine and I let my real mind was back into place a piece of logic that was enough to knock me breathless hit me... _my mother is dead._

I shake my head then, clutching a hand to my hair. The woman screams again, my name, like a war cry- like I was her life line in ever becoming a rebel. I stagger away from the sound, looking up into the tree tops. My eyes fly around for the bird- but I never find it, not until more familiar screams reach my ears.

"Blake." I whisper, my voice cracks, my brother, real screams- these aren't fake either. They are recorded, they are from the Game. His screams are echoing, because of the dark tunnels they happened in. The make my hands shake, my gut tightens, because these aren't like Prim's, the young woman's, or my mom's... these aren't just ones of torture- but of death. I can hear the screeches of agony, catch at the end..

His death replays in the air around me, the images of it replaying in my mind.

I close my eyes, I try to block it out, mother's and Blake's harmonize around me. I can't fight it- the birds are out of reach, I am to frozen in horror to move...

A hand claps onto my shoulder though and I jump- Finnik looks down into my face, his has sobered now, he is sad- I see it- but he knows now that they aren't real... it doesn't make them less painful. Yet still, my torment is real- theirs is imaginary.

Katniss takes out the two birds now, silencing the noise of my family. I stare at her- she stares back- we are all ashamed of our show of weakness. Another voice- not for me- calls out in pain. It is for Katniss because her eyes widen in panic, she makes to run but I grab her before that happens.

"It's not him." I snap, knowing the voice to be a males. I start to pull her back towards the beach out of this horrid place. She resists, she looks like she tries to fight it but can't. "We're getting out of here!" I hiss.

She struggles though, until Finnik takes her over arm and we both drag her. He shouts above her resistant murmurings. "It's not him, Katniss! It's a mutt! Come on!"

After we drag/carry her half was back to the beach, the words he said seemed to deem across her. She stops moving now and we pull her along, she helps after a minute- looking desperate to flee what we can't fight.

Getting out of here is the only thing we can do- the birds will continue there playing. They will torment us until our hearts can't take it anymore. No parachute will help us recover from it's effect.

Once I catch sight of Peeta and Johanna, I find myself sigh, but I see Katniss get angry out of the corner of my eyes. I could guess why- because me and Finnik ran to her rescue, and he lover stayed behind.

Though they are looking at us, they do not even come to meet us half way. Sure their hands are raised, palms toward us, lips moving... but no words are reaching us.. and then I suck in a harsh breath as Katniss scrambles from my grasp and runs to them.

The wall is so transparent, I see her and Finnik smack right into it and bounce back onto the jungle floor. Katniss missed her face- Finnik has blood gushing out of his nose. I stop just before the wall, staring at Beetee- who sits behind Peeta and Johanna shaking his head sadly.

An invisible barrier blocks off the area in front of us. It's not a force field, I raise a hand and touch it- just where Johanna's palm is, she looks up at me, I frown. It is hard, and smooth. But no axe or knife of theirs can make a dent. I know with out checking just this one spot above Johanna's hand that it will block off all of the four o'clock wedge.

We are trapped. My throat tightens as birds start to call to us. I hear Prim again, I hear the young woman. I wait for my mother to start, for Blake...

Peeta and Katniss never look away from each other, they have their hands together, with only the glass separating them. He talks, no one hears him- I can't move my eyes from Johanna's. They aren't green, they are soft, they are hard- concerned- but hard. I image her to be Keera though, and she doesn't look away from me.

As the birds begin to arrive, I see Finnik huddle against the bottom of the wall. A hand over his gushing nose and one of his ears.

But as the birds arrive, one by one, my mother shows up- my brother... and I clench my jaw- reminding myself that they are dead. That this shouldn't bug me because this is of the past. I stand against it without having to cover my ears against the orchestrated chorus of horrors spilling from their mouths.

Katniss stand longer then him, sending all her arrows out before, she gives up and curls up beside Finnik. I stand though my eyes unblinkingly looking at Johanna- who seems puzzled- but still staring back. I don't see her though. I see Keera.

And then I hear her.

I hadn't picked it out against all those other cries at first... but it's there, it's stronger then the rest. I whip around so fast, my neck sends a twinge of pain down my spine.

"Keera!" I screech, without thinking. Without caring. Cover blown- who cares?

It's the mutts, it's not her. I repeated that, but it was useless. Because even as I stared at the bird that emitted her voice- I knew this scream wasn't fake either.. they were all hers. All real, from previous Games, from this Game... I remembered the bruises on her body as if she was a delicate piece of fruit. Her back mutilated, her shoulder like someone had beaten her. Then earlier the gash on her arm spraying blood across the white sand- my knees trembled beneath me as an agony I could not handle makes me break- like the others.

I press into Katniss, but she is no help. I cover my ears, but Keera is still there, she is so much louder- to me. She is the loudest, the screams are the freshest.

I knew it was over though when Katniss left my side, when I opened my eyes and located the branch where the bird that had been Keera's bird- was gone. I stared at the spot, my body not daring to move, my mind sluggish... uncaring for a moment.

Someone touched my hand I looked up and found not the green eyes I hoped for- but Johanna's brown ones. They were in fact, softer then before- but not enough, not what I want.

Peeta started talking. "No, that's what they want you to think. The same way I wondered if Glimmer's eyes were in that mutt last year. But those weren't Glimmer's eyes. And that wasn't Prim's voice. Or if it was, they took it from an interview or something and distorted the sound. Made it say whatever she was saying."

Logic started to seep into my mind, but Katniss didn't believe it. "No, they were torturing her. She's probably dead."

"Katniss, Prim isn't dead. How could they kill Prim? We're almost down to the final eight of us. And what happens then?" Peeta says.

"Seven more of us die." She mutters.

But I saw Peeta's idea, I wasn't warmed by it- because none of those cries were fake for me. None of those voices came from live people- except my Keera, but she was in the Game with me, somewhere. I couldn't take comfort in his words. "No, back home. What happens when they reach the final eight tributes in the Games?" He lifts her chin, so they are level in the eyes. "What happens? At the final eight?"

"At the final eight?" She echos. "They interview the family and friends back home."

"That's right, they interview your friends and family. And they can do that is they've killed them all? I almost snort at his slow logic to her, but I find myself unable to laugh.. at all in this moment.

"No?" She says.

"No. That's how we know Prim's alive. She'll be the first one to interview, won't she?" He continues to talk slow, as if to a toddler.

I look to Finnik and he is fixated on Peeta's word, almost as vexed as Katniss is... I'm just not included. Because I won't have interviews of family and friends- don't have any. The Capitol has ripped them all from my grasp. Only Keera is my closest companion... and she is not even allowed to be known at my side..

I was so numbed in my depression I didn't take notice to the conversation around me until Johanna spoke- lifting her hand from mine. "Of course, Peeta's right. The whole country adores Katniss' little sister. If they really killed her like this, they'd probably have an uprising on their hands." Her voice is flat and I stare at her, because she's doing it again. Acting like Keera. "Don't want that, do they?" She throws her head back and shouts. "Whole country in rebellion? Wouldn't want anything like it!"

I smile, my lips crack, my muscles feel strange doing it- but because I want to laugh with her and that dry humor. That blatant show and representation of who I am, my purpose in life.

She stand then, grabbing shells. "I'm getting water.."

But as she walks by Katniss, she is stopped. "Don't go in there. The birds-" I know why she means to warn her. The birds are gone though, but still.

"They can't hurt me. I'm not like the rest of you. There's no one left I love." Johanna replies- but I too stop her, flinging an arm in her path. I stare at her.

"Don't think so stupidly- they'll find a way.." I say, without thinking. "My family has been dead for years- I heard them in there today."

There is a spark of impatience in her eyes, but underneath it I know I see something else shift- fear? But she steps over my arm and when she brings back water for everyone- no one dares to pity her.

Peeta and Katniss whisper together, I stay in one spot. Trying to regain myself. Trying to rethink this. I had called out her name.. I called it out- Finnik and Katniss heard, Snow heard, the whole country heard.

Coin will be pissed, Snow no doubt laughing, I had no idea what my arena members thought.

I swallowed down the nerves though and I helped Johanna get things organized, collect water- Finnik weaved another basket for it, and then a net. I imagined Keera would be able to do that exact same thing. I tried not to meet anyone's eyes, except maybe Johanna's.

A cannon blast went off making me jump. A hovercraft appears to take a body in what must be the six to seven o'clock wedge. We watch as claws dip down to grab a piece of one body, torn a part. It's impossible to know who it is, but I know by the lack of blonde hair it isn't my Keera. But whatever happened to that person, I never want to know.

Peeta draw a new map on a leaf adding on our new discovery. At seven it brings a wave, that reassures us where the clock face is. I was working numbly in cleaning the camp, when Katniss offers me some more ointment to my raw skin. I agree- wash off the last layer and then apply it anew. I sit with Johanna, as Katniss prepares the fish Finnik catches. The sun drops from the horizon soon later, time passes slowly as I regain my composure, I was talking to Beetee as we're about to settle in our meal of raw fish, when the anthem begins.

And the faces start to flash above us.

I'm unaccustomed to the sight- like the others are. I'm new to the Games. So I find myself a bit miffed to watch the faces of today's deaths tick off one by one.

Cashmere- is first. Keera must have killed her very early in the morning. Then Brutus. Wiress. Mags. The woman from District 5. Both the morphlings. The one that gave her life to Peeta, and then I assumed the man who was just torn to pieces, as he was alive earlier today like Keera said... Blight- I glance to Johanna to see sadness, she betrays none, but when they flash to mine in a sudden rush- I look back to the sky and I felt my body go cold.

_Keera._

Keera's face is on the screen- her evergreen eyes, her ashy blonde hair, her stubborn chin- and then she is gone and all I see is blackness..

I can't breath. I can't move my eyes, this is worse- this is way worse then the jabberjay's. The angst that swallows me. But no, she's not dead! Impossible! She has never died before.. this was a trick- Snow was getting his revenge..

But the denial wasn't enough. Because I quickly found myself reveling in the evidence. Her disappearing after the Career fight, that scream... the cannon shot- my mind had refused to connect that scream to the ones coming from the jabberjay's... and now I could not hide from it. The fact came down on me, like a brutal, stinging slap in the face.

The denial was weak and washed away now, like the waves against the sand and another thing- a worse feeling. Of anger, consumed me. I tensed, and I felt a hand grab onto my shoulder- I look down, glaring, my teeth gritting in frustration, as I met Finnik's eyes.

They were calm, it angered me more! How could he be so calm, when I have lost my last person in this world? When my love, my Keera, was dead! My only friend, my last family member... I wanted to scream, but I couldn't find it in myself, my throat was too tight, my mind was raging.

His hand gave a soothing squeeze though and he shook his head- slowly, to and fro. I didn't listen though, I felt the anger build, pile onto my heart, my eyes stung though- I could feel hot, unwanted tears build- I pushed them back. Sitting up higher, on my knees...

But again he shook his head, faster this time and his hand pushed me back down and I was whipped again with a realization- I could not help her. Fighting, cursing out Snow will do her no good... I could not bring her back. The thought made the breath I had been holding rush out of me, and with it I relaxed my muscles, my anger was shot dead in the face- and I stared long, and hard into Finnik's eyes.

They were green. Sea green, too blue to be hers. I begged for them to change, transform- become those eyes I love. The ones that comfort me with one glance, the ones that used to make me laugh as they rolled, the way they glared at me teasingly... I would do anything to be staring into her eyes.

Keera.. to have her back- I would bargain away my own soul to bring her back, I would do anything to have changed this alliance and be at her side..

The grief came over me in waves, a new emotion filling me with despair each round. I swallowed, but my throat was too dry, too tight to do any good.

I could not bargain my way out of this- I could not even talk this out of myself.

Only thing I knew is that I suddenly found myself unable to look at Finnik eyes. The pity, the understanding... he couldn't understand! I tried so hard to suppress the scream that imploded inwards. I tried so hard... I couldn't breath. I couldn't even let the pain cross my face. I could not whisper any words... lest everyone would know, the citizens, Snow... I have slipped up once- Coin would not like me to do it again.

No one talks, no one has even moved since her faced had crossed the sky. I felt every passing second pressing a weight of an unbearable ton- onto my heart. My shoulders, my mind- my eyes built up, the tears burned internally. I screamed in my mind, I howled in loss. My eyes stared at a spot in the sand.

Love, torn from me. The girl, tortured.. Grief tore away my composure. Memories flooded my thoughts. Her, laughing. Her. Smiling. Her, teasing me, telling me that she loved me- that night in the training center, her sweetness, her voice, so soft, so strong... her kisses, like honeydew. Those eyes, tears shed- the night in the hut, when I snag to her.

And even further away, to an unreachable place- before the pain. When we were both nine, when we were just innocent, playing together around the attic of the weapons factory.

My fist clenched together as depression, like a roaring fire tore up my body. Missing nothing, all of me burned for a minute- in agony. In loss. But again I fought it back, I forced it into my heart. Everything crammed desperately from sight... my chest felt like it would explode.

But I accepted it. Her death- it was true, I knew that at least... my hands were shaking though, as I sat back against the sand, and my eyes lifted to the people around me, showing nothing now... because I was over it.. for now- Five stages of grief.. all run through and shoved aside- in a matter of three minutes.

I numbly took in everyone. My voice hard, unfeeling. "Let's eat, yes?"

No one responded, Finnik dropped his hand, people made to grab the food- and I found nothing had flavor. Everything was tasteless. Pointless... my heart beat against my chest like an echoing hit of a fist. Like someone- the grief, the denial, the real anger, the actual bargaining and pleads, and the ever consuming depression wanted to escape. The real grief wanted to wash over me- bring a real acceptance... but I ignored the banging and pounding in my head, my thrumming pulse. I stared at Katniss. The mockingjay- the reason of this all.

The sight of her was what made me continue to eat. She reminded me of the war, the rebellion, mine and- my mind strayed from the name- but, mine and _Her_ purpose here. I had a plan to finish... a war to win. Grief can wait..

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: **I KILLED KEERA? WHAT? D: -ahem- Yes. Yes I did! Keera, is dead. DEAD. Stone cold, six feet under- dead. My rebel boy lives though. And the story wil continue in his view. Review! Thanks for reading, sorry for typos. -Taryn(:_


	18. Numb

Chapter 18- "Numb"

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><p>There are eight of us left. And only two of them out of our alliance. I can feel the tension from Katniss bristling in the air around us. She is deciding who to kill first- who is the strongest, the most challenging, the one she doesn't want to kill.<p>

Every time she looks over at me, I meet her stare- that the others just refuse to look at- I stare evenly at her, shes dominating me in the distance, but I stand down. She sees I won't fight her. It confused her.

I mirror Peeta's steps most of the time, as camp is being rearranged as they all talk about me- I have fallen into myself. I have gone mute, with the screams that wished to escape me. With the grief that chokes me.

Enorbaria and Chaff live. Probably separate. A parachute was sent just after the screening, telling me that by the amount of rolls what hour the rescue was to be. Twenty-four. Twenty-four hours, and I would be mission free. I would be allowed to lose myself then..

We moved away from the increasingly closer clock hours. Peeta and Katniss are the first to watch tonight- I go to sleep without worry. But nightmares are there. To keep me on edge- Keera is there, but it isn't my Keera..

She is laughing, it is outlandish. She stand there in front of me, she grins wickedly. Her skin is still bruised, down the shoulder. The purple, green discoloration leaking towards her neck. The dried blood has left a permanent satin of a red hue on her pale skin... but her finger tips and toes are blue, her skin is a blue-ish white underneath.

I raise a hand to her- to let my fingers brush her cheek, because besides that appearance... I see those green eyes and they are her. But she toss back her head almost in arrogance- out of my reach- and her hand raises, clasping around mine. Her fingers are so cold..

"_Wrong_." She whispers. And I blink, she kisses my fingers, her lips are like ice and her eyes never leave mine. "_Not." _She says, it comes out choked. I don't understand- I am too overwhelmed with that light feeling you get in dreams- I'm to filled with relief at seeing Keera at all.

Her eyes snap up- looking over my shoulder- they are filled with confusion, fear... and then they are back into mine, even more confused. I open my mouth to talk- and she runs from me. It is like one of those dreams where you are falling then, she runs and I can't reach her-

The dream though, is suddenly ripped out from under me, a shuddering through the air, a loud crack, snaps me awake. I shoot up in the sitting position at the same moment, Finnik- captured in his own nightmare- does.

Our eyes meet panicked.. and then soothed by the sight of each other, the arena. The sand underneath us. Knowing what we saw was not real.

Then we look to Katniss and Peeta. They stare back- the electrical storm in the background signaling mid-night must have woken us- and I realize by the way they are wrapped around each other that they had been... otherwise occupied.

Finnik offers to take watch, I shot off to help- as much as I wanted to stay trapped in oblivion with Keera.. I couldn't sleep anymore.

They went reluctantly, laying huddled together- I try to avert my face.

The night passes silently, but Finnik turns to me just as the dawn is rising- I avoid his eyes but he whispers.

"Why'd you guys do it?" He asks, I want to hit him. To make him shut up. Why! Would he bring it up? In front of cameras? With Coin watching?

I shake me head, kicking up a heap of sand. "I don't know what your mean.." I mutter, my eyes glaring up at him. He knew she wasn't to be talked of..

"Sure you do. I saw that look in your face when her face flashed over the screen, I saw those glances in the training center, and I know that was her voice coming from the jabberjay- you yelled her name. Stop denying it. She's gone now.. your reason has to be gone. But why?"

His voice holds something, a hard edge. Yet true curiosity.

I stare at him and his eyes are hard, and then I reply his words in a new light. She _is _dead. She doesn't matter anymore- I winced at that. But true, Coin has stopped caring for her now.

"I loved her..." It was a breezy whisper, my voice was cracked, but the beating in my chest- it lessened some. Like I had something pushing against my chest, my breathing painful- it was now less so. But still there.

I dropped my eyes back to the sand.

"How long? Why?" He presses, leaning closer.

I laugh, it was hard, cold and I toss my head up looking at him- my unforgiving tone as cold as the laugh had been. "For years, since I was eleven. Me and Peeta are in the same lost boat. But mine is so much worse. With my status? With _hers_? I-" The bitterness dies, and my voice is number. "Years, Finnik. Forever. Because she is my Keera."

There was hardly an explanation, but he didn't ask more of her- instead he asks a more important question. "Was it your brother?"

Ah, then it hits me. Sponsors. They'll be lapping this up. The curiosity they suffered ever since my lasp in words at the jabberjay's will be killing them at this point.

I drag out my answer. "Yes... but not after what he did, to Keera. The volunteering.. we never talked of him afterward-" I cut off, thinking. Do I tell them of President Snow's deal?

"Oh." Finnik sighs. He seems to think over something before asking. "You still didn't answer why you guys separated.."

I decide on the half truth. "Because we blind each other. Because I would have been distracted- but apparently.." My voice turns venomous. "We have been wrong in trying this strategy."

Silence follows until the others start to wake. I retreat my skin, careful to avoid my burns- that are now just a reminder of Keera... and slowly Peeta joins me.

Another parachute comes, carrying twenty-three. There is enough to to spread around for five, the rest are saved.

I focus and hover around Peeta and Katniss more then the others- but for someone who is trying to just get his Game over with, it isn't odd. Katniss is thinking about the alliance again, she looks at me as I stare at her. She looks skittish... she wants to leave, I know the look- I've seen it on Keera's face.

She looks away and not five minutes later she offers to teach Peeta to swim. Johanna and I share a look- she watches them, but I am content in my knowledge Peeta won't leave me just yet. I fall back into the sand- thinking of Keera as I stare up into the blue sky.

I was wondering through memories of her and me in the passed four years when Johanna- losing interest to the splashing people in the water- comes over to me and sprawls onto the ground on my left, onto the mat I had rolled off of to soak in the sand.

I drop my face to hers and she gives me a scrutinizing look. "Do you like getting all covered in that stuff?"

The logger, doesn't like sand? I'm shocked.

I shrug, my eyes turning back to the sky. "I can always wash it off." I muse.

"What if we are attacked, now? And there was no time to wash- then you'd be stupid and screwed." Her voice is hard and I found myself smiling, slightly.

"Yes, but if we were attacked.. whoever it may be would be dead in seconds. One- _maybe _two- against us six? I think I'll be fine."

She briefly- I see it though- clamps her teeth together, seeing my logic through, she nods. "Wouldn't you rather just not be covered in that stuff? Doesn't it stick to your disgusting green skin? In your hair?" She makes a face, insults me, and still- I suddenly see light in on this conversation.

I would have flattered, if before Keera's death, and I would have refused. But now, with her gone- with my chest already too full of pain and grief and anger... I couldn't add more guilt to myself for denying Johanna- who in my mind I thought sweet, if not hard on the outside.

She obviously has a guarded way of offering things or asking for them. She has tried to deteer me from the sand, first by threatening me with enemy attacks and now by insulting my appearance- no ones perfect though. And I know- because she is on my mat, my place out of the sand- that she craves attention or maybe comfort, nothing more, I don't think... maybe she's even in a mixed up way trying to give _me _comfort.

"Okay. I don't like it." I state, my eyes never leaving hers. They do shift- in fact she shifts over on the mat.

"Then don't stay in the sand, idiot."

I wince. Idiot. Of course, Keera just continues to peek through her doesn't it?

Hesitantly, trying not to grimace I slip back onto the mat, she sees my unwillingness to give in, my lack of wanting to reject her- but she knows better then to be offended, instead she does stay a distance on the small mat, I lay on my side, she on hers- we face each other, my hands lay in between us, hers fidget. A fringe of her short brown hair hangs in her equally brown eyes- she isn't Keera at all.

The sun overhead for once isn't overbearingly hot now, it's warm, it makes my skin stop itching. The waves lull me into a sort of sleepiness I hadn't gotten yesterday night. And not pushing it, Johanna only lays near me, enjoying the heat of each others close, non-hostile companionship.

I close my eyes, and all I hear is her breathing- I count it, like I would when I lay next to Keera... I slip under in sleep before I can stop myself.

I wake from my dreamless sleep- when I'm being shook. I gasp, my eyes fly open and it is just Finnik's face hanging above mine, I look over and Johanna is gone.

Then my eye flash back to his face, his skin- it is cleared.

"Hey how'd-"

"Katniss, figured it out!" He exclaims, pulling me up like an over excited puppy- glad to be pretty again I see. "Come on, I'll show you."

I let him drag me towards the water out until waist deep, I keep my burns carefully out of the water. I haven't moved out changed the bandage- I know it's bad, it sears- but I allow the pain. I just don't want the salt water to make it worse.

He shows me how to take sand and rub off the scabs and revealing underneath, newly formed sink. I shed my outer layer of green, ichyness- quickly. As Peeta and Katniss have already done it and now drying in the sun up on the beach.

Finnik helps me get it all- then apply another layer of ointment, since the skin is too delicate for now. As he does this though, there is something in his face as he stares at Katniss then looks to me. Just only for my ears, he whispers, too low for the cameras.

"Do you know what we are doing? Will it work?"

He asks me, because Haymitch has told all of them- I am the boss. That if there is complications, I'm the one who is to make a quick decision they need to follow. And the two were protecting, running away? That is defiantly a complication I hope doesn't occur- I don't think Peeta is leaving though, he is talking nicely to Beetee, who is messing with his wire.. and I feel fine about the situation.

"Plans are the same." I hiss back, after a few minutes. Reassuring him.

When we wonder back up to the beach, everyone is gathered together, Peeta and Katniss practically hip to hip. Beetee across them and Johanna huddled a few feet away from them, but obviously listening. Finnik drops down in the space between Katniss and Beetee- I place myself a few inches away from Johanna.

We discuss what the two left know of the clock. Beetee suggest a trap- that I have a vague idea about- I mutter to him, some suggestions, and I find myself lost into the plot. Planning, he shoos the others away so we have room to work this out in the sand. He draws a circle, divides it into wedges of twelve.

"What do suppose?" He asks me under his breath, the others stare.

I examine the diagram.. the goal is to kill them, that is simple, but without loss- without scaring away our mockingjay. It needs to be fast- it needs to be in time to the rescue- we need to stall. I see it in him, and we meet eyes, he knows I know and I nod. He turns to the others. Patronizing them with simple, should be already known questions. Like their placement, there thoughts..

"I'm suggesting that after the lightening strikes the tree after noon, but before midnight, we run my wire from that tree all the way down into the salt water, which is, of course, highly conductive. When the bolt strikes the electricity will travel down the wire and into not only the water but also the surrounding beach, which will still be damp from the tidal wave. Any one in contact with those surfaces will be electrocuted." I try not to smirk, because that is defiantly not what me and him plan on doing with that electricity.

Peeta is the only one smart enough, or trained enough to ask question at first as they digest his lie. Johanna isn't convinced, Finnik confused- Katniss uncertain. But it all leads down to if they like the idea- if they will go with it.

Katniss- to my surprise is the first to accept it. "Why not?" She says. "If it fails, there's no harm done. If it works, there's a decent chance we'll kill them. And even if we don't and just kill the seafood, Chaff and Enorbaria lose it as a food source too."

Peeta of course agrees, Finnik looks to Johanna- she looks to me. They won't go without my permission. "I think it's out best shot."

The nod, adding their own sound of agreement.

Beetee wants to examine the tree before he rigs it so we clear up camp, it's about nine in the morning judging by the sun and as we make our trek to the tree, me and Finnik both carry Beetee- who is too weak to go on his own up hill, while Peeta and Johanna lead, and Katniss takes up the rear.

The hike makes me sweat, because the sun beats down with all it's intensity. The air humid, I hate the arena- I no longer wonder why Keera would complain about her arenas, the cliffs, the cold, the dark.. more then she did the fighting.. of course I couldn't tell her that now.

A little while later Katniss goes forward- to check for the force field, she tosses the nuts, but I see her eyes hiking around the view of it. She stops almost at once, hearing it? I don't really buy that, but she toss the nut and it sizzles, bouncing back. "Stay behind the lightening tree." She says, and all I can say is at least no ones dying like that again- not like Peeta almost did... with a pang I wondered if that was how she died? I wanted to know, it made me curious, I felt incomplete not knowing how it happened.

We dived up in duties, when we reach the tree, I guard Beetee as he examines the tree- while Finnik and Johanna go tap a tree. Peeta searches for nuts, and Katniss goes hunting nearby.

The sound of the ten o'clock wave brings her back to us, with a new rat. Her and Peeta take on food duty, sitting before the force field and cooking the meat and nuts.

I watch Beetee as he takes note to the tree, sizing it up. I wait for him to give me the look that tells me everything will go as planned- when he snaps off a piece of bark and tosses it against the force field, it glows for a minute, then returns to normal.

I'm smart enough to gather things like these, to understand plans- but I'm nothing like Keera would be, I could image her and Beetee going on for hours, bickering, planning, agreeing, arguing over theories I would never fully understand..

Her mind is quicker then mine, her grasps large things, hers is more manipulative, more willing to push the limits in which people don't think possible- she takes those one in a million chances, and always turns up right. Why not this time..?

I'm snapped back from my thoughts when Finnik and Johanna return with a basket he weaved full of water, they sit by Peeta and Katniss, and around this time, the clicking from the eleven o'clock section begins.

Keera had ran to there, when she had briefly resided with our alliance, she had run across the sea to get there as if her life depended on it- something else I will never understand...

"It's not mechanical." Beetee says decidedly.

"I'd guess insects." Katniss inputs. "Maybe beetles."

"Something with pincers." Finnik adds in his thoughts.

The sound swells as if it had been tipped off by our voices that we are here. That live flesh in within close distance. I do not like the sound.

"We should get out of here anyway." Johanna says. "There's less then an hour before the lightening strikes."

We don't go that far away, only to the identical tree in the blood-rain section. We eat there, Katniss climbs a nearby tree to watch the lightening strike- I once again find myself thinking of Keera, of how exactly she fell. I heard every word she said in when she had been with us, maybe she didn't think so... but I was absorbed. She was talking quietly to Peeta and I couldn't even find it in myself to get a few words in.

She looked sad though, she looked ashamed, she ran from us. I don't understand. I hope she still remembered I loved her before it happened. Then the thought was suddenly selfish to me- she would have been thinking of herself then. Of dying- she would have been trying to plan to the end.

When we hike up to the ten o'clock Beetee tells all the children to run off- they happily take the afternoon to themselves, while I want to stay behind. We talked little of the plan, about the wire, I help him measure, math with stuff.. I'm trying to distract my mind.

Johanna wanders over to me later, as the others are collecting a feast for dinner. I stand back sullenly as Beetee mutters to himself fussing over a diagram in the sand I don't understand. She stands at my side, teetering on her toes... I look to her.

"Yes?" I ask, raising an eyebrow- she looks up at me, a hard look in her eyes.

"Nothing." She snaps, but she doesn't leave and continues to stand there looking out into the water.

I sigh. "Can't be nothing." I insist.

I see her teeth do that clench thing again, I found I was staring though and her eyes rush away from me, they are glaring at Finnik, Katniss, and Peeta. "I was thinking.." She begins. "About what you said earlier."

Now I find myself in interested. Johanna's always straight forward. What's this? "What's that?"

Her teeth clenched again, this time it's more like a grimace. "When you were asleep, you were having a nightmare- you kept saying... _wrong. _And '_Not true'. _What were you thinking of?" There is a preening in her eyes, they are hard, dark, brown. I see her meaning, because I just know people- she thinks I deteer from the rebel plan, from the rebellion.

I grin, it is hard to force, I don't feel like grinning, but I manage it to look pretty real. "I was thinking of the jabberjay's." I say, though honestly I know I must have had the same dream as yesterday- with Keera, and her blue skin, her cold lips, the dried blood hue, that bruise- I shudder. I must have purposely let it slip my mind earlier.

"Oh." She deadpans, losing interest fast- she's convinced though, which is strange since she is never usually easy to agree to things.

We both leave soon later, when the food is finished- and tonight we eat heavy. Until everyone is full and there is still food left over- we throw it into the sea for no one to use, just before the feast though, another parachute brought twenty-four pieces of bread.. the time was quickening.

And when the anthem plays, no face show- I beg that no more will...ever. No one should have to go through what I did with Keera...

When we think it is about nine o'clock we hike up to the lightening tree. I hadn't eaten as much as the others- food just isn't something I like anymore without Keera.. and they are sluggish, but it does us fine because we still have time on our side.

Beetee has Finnik help him now- he obviously doesn't like my distracted, dark air. And they lay out yard of the wire before attaching it to the tree, but soon they are wrapping it up and down broken branches and the trunk. Passing the spool back in forth in a movement I would have fumbled in. It is in a pattern, another thing I might have messed up.

When the work on the trunk is complete the waves begins. I listen to it distantly. I watch Katniss maul over something in her mind and then Beetee shoots off in a plan- I was not prepared for.

Since when is he calling the shots?

He wants Johanna and Katniss, the lightest and quickest of us to weave around the trees in the jungle and take the coil and unravel it as they go. They are to lay it across the beach and then drop the spool deep into the water. If they go now, right now, they will be able to do it quick enough to be safe.

I am about to object when, I realize this is exactly the last minute, rush that will keep out mockingjay within grasp.

"I want to go with them as guard." Peeta says immediately though. I frown at him.

"You're too slow. Besides, I'll need you on this end. Katniss will guard." Beetee instantly says to lay him at rest. "There's no time to debate this. I'm sorry. If the girls are to get out of there alive, they need to move now." He hands the coil to Johanna.

Katniss sees our logic, Johanna sees my law abiding stare to do it...

"It's okay." Katniss tells Peeta. "We'll just drop the coil and come straight back up."

"Not in the lightening zone. Head to the one-to-two-o'clock section. If you find you're running out of time, move over on more. Don't even think about going back on the beach, though, until the damage is dealt with." I says.

Katniss gives him a reassuring kiss and then after a short spout, her and Johanna head down the hill.

I watch them until they are out of sight, Peeta moves to follow Beetee- as they are already heading out of the storms, reach but I can't move- Finnik says my name, I don't respond.

I stare at the spot where they disappeared. Something isn't right. A few minutes tick by, and then suddenly the wire is slack- it coils back into curly ques..

"They know." I whisper. Finnik raises an eyebrow.

"Who?" I snap my gaze up to his then- I felt something snap in my mind, I looked to Peeta's back and shoving passed Finnik, pushing him in the girls direction.

"GO!" I snarl. "Go and protect them!"

He takes off at an alarming rate, and then Peeta and Beetee are staring at me in confusion. I felt hyped sudden- like something snapped, literally in me, like a rubber band. Emotions came back, pain, my burns seared at a strange rate with my pulse, my breath came quicker.

I strut to them and I gave Beetee a look and pointed towards the tree.. he understood- I needed him to break the force field, when the hover craft arrives- _he_ must do it now. Manually. Even if it means his life.

Peeta opens his mouth to talk, but I shake my head speaking only in gasps. "Don't run. Katniss- safe. You hear me? Trust me."

His eyebrows work together as I draw a knife from my belt, why is my hear t beating so fast? Why do I feel jittery? Why is my chest aching?

I lift the knife and Peeta suddenly sees the intent in my eyes. "I'm sorry." I hiss and he backs away- shaking his head. He means to grab a discarded spear on the ground, but I easily over power him, I'm faster- I press him to a nearby tree and slice into his arm, I must remove the tracker. If he wants his happy ending, he must be tracker free.

He screams, howls more like a dog. Beetee shifts behind me. And then there is a cannon blast shattering through the night sky.

Just as the blood splays across my arms, my chest and Peeta has stopped struggling- I drop him against the tree trunk. I stumble away. Look around franticly.

Let it be Enorbaria, not Finnik, not Johanna... I would literally fall to the ground sobbing now if it was Katniss..

With everyone running around in reckless abandonment- I didn't know. But I was fearful to leave Peeta. One miss-step more and Katniss will be out of my grasp.

I hand the knife to Beetee though- staring into the dark jungle, with it's threat. He takes it and then without hesitation he tears into his own arm, in the crook of his elbow- but just as he does there is someone looming of out from his left I cry out- I snatch the spear, but just as I heft it, Enorbaria bashes the end of an awl into Beetee's head.. he falls to the ground, moaning, unconscious.

I hear Peeta stir behind me, I look between him.. Katniss' lover and then to the woman who advanced on me... I make a quick decision and I grab Peeta- sprinting into the dark down the path away from the electrical storm.

I limp under Peeta's awkward weight- he fights me, he is angry. He is calling for Katniss.

I stumble over the hill just as Johanna- covered in blood, panting- runs into me. We stare at each other through the dark- everything is still for a minute- and then I shove Peeta into her arms, and I sprint back to the tree. I must break the shield. I must..

I was so intent on this that when I stumbled back up the hill- and another cannon shot rang through the night- I noticed Katniss her bow held hazily at the ready, Enorbaria dead at her feet.

She snaps her face to me, she's covered in blood- her arm brutalized. _What had Johanna done to her? _I don't think though, I dive towards Beetee, I take the knife in his hand. I take the wire he had set aside from the rest- Katniss readies an arrow point it at me. I blink up at her in the night, I shake my head and shes snarls.

"Where's Peeta?"

The insects are dying out quickly, she's regaining herself. My time is running out- to save her.

"I helped him leave, he is safe. Out of range." I shot off, holding the knife carefully within the wire- she eyes it.

"Helped?" She says, and I purse my lips. "What are you doing with that?" She snaps.

I can't answer before Peeta's voice is filtering around us, at a vast distance. "Katniss!" He calls. "Katniss!" I see her face fall, her eyes wonder around in disorientation, Beetee moans, I look to him the wire, Katniss begun to call back to Peeta.

Louder then him, I see she means to draw enemies her way- but she fails to realize there are no more enemies left..

Finnik comes crashing through the hedges her takes in me on my knees by Beetee, Katniss' trembling form by us.

She raises the bow, but she waits, Finnik waits for my word, Peeta howls for Katniss...

Everything is too jumbled, too fast- not even the Capitol must know what is going on.

Katniss is just about to release on him, but something shifts something I can't see, or ever know and she drops it down- her eyes swing to me... she reaches for the wire, the knife.

I don't hesitate in giving it to her. I see what's in her eyes, the knowledge- the logic, and I feel numb for another minute. Even the heat around me feels like a cold waste land.

Then she turns, winds the wire around the arrow, her neck straightens, I stare- she aims, and then releases it. The arrow hits it's mark and vanishes through, pulling the thread of gold behind it.

I only have time to lean away from the tree just to my right, when the lightening strikes it.

It is a brilliant flash of white light, it run up the wire, and for just a moment, the dome bursts into a dazzling blue stroke of illumination. The force of the explosion sends me to the ground, unable to move, my eyes fall closed though and my body is useless now- I fall into the numbness trapped within me.. because the last thing I hear isn't Peeta's screams, or Beetee's moans... it is the sound my victory, the approaching hovercraft for our rescue.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: **YOU JUST WAIT FOR NEXT CHAPTER! Now to those who have gotten bored with my never ending story, you just wait for next chaper- I promise you if you are not captivated.. then I guess I fail in life and so do you. But trust me, you'll WANT to read next chapter. It MAKES the story. Oh and... if this wasn't enough to spark your mind and want to read it let me REMIND you about my EVIL PLAN- involving Ashton. Remeber him? Yeah he's important. -Taryn(:_


	19. Wrong

Chapter 19- "Wrong"

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><p>Everything seemed to erupt at once. The earth explodes into showers of dirt and plant matter. Trees burst into flames. Even the sky filled with brightly colored blossoms of light. I can't think why the sky is like that, until I realize that the Gamemakers were distracting from us on the ground...<p>

My head was hazy and I was still hard at moving, but my eyes still closed- one hand clutching onto Beetee I took the knife in my hand and sliced down my arm.. blood, thick and red flowed plentiful- but it didn't matter, as long as the tracker was gone.

The hovercraft was coming fast, I open my eyes to find it materializes above us- the claw drops from the underside until it's directly over Katniss. The metal talons slide underneath her and I felt my chest rush out air- I could have cried out now, screamed with everything I had. Sobbed before I could not stop..

The mockingjay was safe- or close to safe, well she was close enough...

After she is tucked away safety it is a rush to gather the others, me and Beetee are first- I fall against the metal talons as if they are the words softest pillow, every inch closer to the hovercraft I feel my chest ease up, I feel my throat opening- and I can hardly breath.

I was greeted by the head Gamemaker. Beetee was taken immediately on a stretcher- medical people forced me towards one, but I refused it. I stumbled to my feet, I shoved away the meaningless people and I looked around for someone I knew, then I saw him- hanging back in a dark corner, watching me...

"I need to see it!" I shout, and he raises a calm eyebrow as if all of this is not happening. I push my way to him, I scramble across the now moving metal floor. "Let me see it!"

He shakes his head, sighing- as if I'm a disappointment. I felt my anger snap, my hands reached for him, clutched around his shirt collar and I thrust him across the foot of distance between- I hauled him up off the ground, snarling in his face. "SHOW ME!"

"You will not want to see!" He hisses right back, shoving me in the chest and I dropped him back to the ground- he fumbled to stand and I felt my knees buckle underneath me. My heart was pounding again. My arm was pooling blood at my feet.

"I must. I-I won't believe it until I see." I say, much less threateningly. My voice shakes- and I fear the oppression inside of me, the numbness was wavering away. Images of Keera were rushing in front of my hazy eyes- I just needed to see, I just needed to know... "Please, please- just let me know this is all true! I don't know what to believe!" I cry, tears burn in the back of my eyes..

Haymitch hesitates, he deliberates- then with a waving of his hand, he tell those medical people behind me to go- he takes me by the arm and drags me roughly towards a side door. "This will not help you.." He says, quietly as if he is my mentor and I his tribute.

I don't care- I don't care about anything- except this. I must see, I must know how. When. How had anyone gotten her... Keera, my love.

He takes me to a room of three other men, there is a screen on the wall, similar to the Capitol's- there are rows of technical stuff along the wall, buttons, lights, switches.. they mean nothing.

The men give me cautious looks, Haymitch mutters for them to show the clip- they knew what one. I'm placed in front of the black screen. Will they come up empty? Was she cut off? I don't believe it, I don't trust it. I take a shaky breath just as the screen flickers to life- colors, motion.. then my brain takes in the bigger picture.

Keera, bruised, bloody, standing over Brutus' corpse. I instantly duck closer to the screen, stumbling until I am just in front of it- my fingers hanging from the bottom of the screen.

I watch every last deep breath she draws- I see her eyes stare unblinkingly at the spinning Cornucopia. And then as if it dizzies her also, she fumbles back a slow step, unsteady. She takes a few more, I watch every precious movement. My chest roars up inside of me- my throat is tight.

Then she turns, her hair wipes around with her, her body moves in perfect time to her limbs- she's running towards the forest, and it happened.

I didn't even see it coming and when the wedge of wood caught her just above her right temple- a strange straggled sound escaped my mouth. My fingers crawled up the screen and lay at rest onto her cheek as she laid hazy and disorientated on the ground.

But the camera moved, it was on Enorbaria's face, expression twisted in a sneer, her eyes dark.. she was the most hateful sight I have ever seen. My whole being seared in a murderess way, as I watched her lift the awl.. but she is already dead too..

I couldn't look when I heard the swishing of the weapon going down, I turned aside my face, averted it to the ground, wincing- and then the scream. My face instantly snapped back up, to see her face- the shock in her wide eyes, the small 'o' of her mouth, the gushing of blood flowing from the wound...

Her eyes stared skywards, it was like she stared straight passed me, my fingertips lay against her temple now- I run then downwards, but all I feel is glass, the cold hard screen. Before I could even watch all the life leave her eyes- the camera went to us, our alliance, and the men cut the video.

I stood there for a minute, hand still outstretched, my heart like a pounding of pain inside of me.

It is true. She is gone, my Keera... gone. Gone from me- from everyone. I would have rather saved her then the stupid mockingjay.. why had I told her the plan? Why did I let her get involved? I should have kept that indifference- I should have shoved her way with harsh words, then at least I would be able to glimpse her face...

"A-" Haymitch began, placing a hand on my shoulder- I flinched away from it.

"No." I say. It echos, it's hallow- I feel hallow. "Don't."

He shakes his head, again as if I had not passed some stupid test of his. I clench my jaw and my hand tingles- my whole body tingles- I raise a fist and before I knew what I was doing I brought it down against his face.

He fell, crying out in shock and pain. I felt blood on my knuckles- my breath came in hisses through my teeth, two men in the room approached me- I snarled at them, raising a threatening fist. I glared at them- all of them, my head was getting worse, aching. The tingling turned into a sear, blood started to leak faster down my arm, onto the floor- in time to my hammering pulse.

The emotions were weighing down on my arms and legs, I crumple to my knees, the metal clanging against them. The pool of blood, my blood, seeps into my clothes, staining them further. And the scream I've been holding back comes pouring out of me hard and fast, my anger, frustration, pain- and sorrow, escaping me. Until I can no longer see which way is up, the metal is touching my cheeks, tears fall silently- and a strange ringing downs our every other sound.

And Keera is the last thing I picture, before the blackness can consume everything.

…_**..**_

_District 13. Two months later._

"General Clarke." No answer. Someone clears there throat. "General Clarke!" Still nothing.

Eyes were cast down the long table, and President Coin narrowed her eyes at the man who blatantly ignored her. "_General Clarke!" _She snaps, louder, and few around the table tense.

Caleb doesn't. His face, cold, hard, eyes hallow.. stares over at the wall to his left. The boy next to him, Alex, smacks his arm- there is a quiet and slowly the lifeless hazel drops to the boy- then up to President Coin.

"Yes?" He asks, archly, as if he had not been just ignoring her. Coin gnashes her teeth together- irritated.

"Do you have any purpose here? Or are you going to just sit in these meetings and never talk?" She snaps, but gives him no time to answer before continuing on. "_You _have been given a job! Remember it. Do you have information?"

For a minute, all seems as if he would not answer her- just blink at her like she was speaking a different language. Then finally words, feel from his lips. "District 2 is still unattained. My groups have returned recently, five dead. I have trained more- they will be sent out soon."

Coin never looks away from his face. "And do you follow?"

"If I must." He says back, an air of uncaring. Yet intelligence about his coldness.

"Are there no further plans on reaching into the mines?" She presses.

He stares at her for a minute, as if for the first time he is considering her. "I have no current reasonings, it is up to our specialists."

There is a tense minute between them and then she stands, scoffing and then she waves her hand- dismissing everyone.

Caleb stands easily, his friend at his side in moments.

"Bit of a stick in the mud isn't she." Alex mutters, attempting humor- where they both know it is impossible.

"As always." Caleb replies, emotionless.

The two walk down one of the quiet hall ways towards the cafeteria. The schedule on their arms tell them it is time to be there- so who are they to object? Alex never turns down food, Caleb never disobeys an order.

The other generals were eager for food, they walked around the two- beating their pace which was just at a crawl. Alex only stayed back because he could not find it in himself to leave his friend behind- ever. And, that Tera would literally stab him if she knew he had left Caleb alone for one second.

"What do you thinks for dinner?" His friend muses, Caleb doesn't respond- the answer obviously just too beyond his care to say, or to even try to consider.

Catatonic, some may call it- Caleb calls it coping.

When the pair finally arrived at the cafeteria, they made their way through the line- receiving each a roll, bowl of soup, and vegetables. Caleb followed Alex to a table, no one else was there and they ate in silence- well not Caleb, food still hadn't any taste. He's been getting skinner and with his height, it does not do him good.

His face is looking at the wall again, his eyes tracing cracks in it that aren't there. Sounds relish around them, surrounding people, whispers, shouting, laughing..

"Hey!" Tera calls, arriving some ten minutes later, she tosses herself down at Caleb's side- he doesn't spare her a glance.

"Hello." Alex murmurs through a mouthful of bread, she makes a disgusted face.

"Don't talk with your mouth full." She sighs, picking up her own roll and tearing off a piece, popping it into her mouth.

Alex gives his sister a face, she smirks. Looks around- and then throws the roll, hitting in directly on the forehead. There was a small shout from him, and then he snatched up a carrot and tossed it at her- she ducks under the table.

Laughing she comes back up, Alex narrows his eyes- "You better watch yourself in training tomorrow." He warns, cryptically.

Caleb sighs, quietly- the now bickering pair doesn't notice- he stand though, taking his untouched tray with him. Tera falls silent at this, her face morphing into a pout.

"Don't go." She whines, shamelessly- his eyes flicker to her and he shrugs, walking away. He hands his food back to the people behind the glass and they smile at his warmly. He is just about to exit the room- when Finnik calls his name from behind. Caleb pauses, only because Finnik is the only person he talks to now a days...

He turns after a minute of debating and makes his way across the room- towards the table people avoid like plague.

On it sits Katniss, the worst person to talk to in this place. Her pain reminds him of his own. Missing the one you love is a torment- at least hers is alive. For now. Katniss is picking at her food too, not eating much, across her sits Finnik- who grins like a loon up at Caleb.

"Come on, now- don't be shy!" Finnik exclaims, patting the seat next to him. Caleb looks to Prim and the boy, Gale, sitting at Katniss' side- like body guards, he won't sit without permission.

But the boy only has eyes for Katniss, Prim shows him a diminishing smile- he sits.

"How are you?" Finnik asks after a long, awkward silence for everyone.

Caleb doesn't lift his eyes from the table top, his hands fidget under the table. "I'm fine. And you?" He whispers, his voice void... of anything.

"Dandy." Katniss deadpans, looking up now- her scowling gray eyes meet Caleb's dead hazel. They stare at each other, knowing they are similar. Knowing- Katniss resents Caleb for not getting Peeta in the hovercraft, Caleb regretting that he saved her and not Keera.

Eyes drop away- the conversation is dead.

Until Katniss begins talking again.

"Johanna would have loved this soup." She whispers, but everyone knows Johanna would have complained about the soup, as she would about everything else- Katniss only wanted to shove all the guilt onto Caleb.

Because he was the one who thrust Peeta in her hands, he was the one who told her to stay where she was- within the Capitols reach. He called all the orders, and they were false, they weren't thought out or prepared.

Caleb tried to ignore the comment, even though the mention of Johanna made him want to collapse to the floor with his guilt and his sorrow. It was better then Katniss mentioning.. Keera.

No one mentions her. It would be their death. Caleb has this notorious knack of punching out those people who say it, hint it, or anything of the sort. First week of him back- Finnik, Gale, Haymitch, two healers, another general, and Alex were all on the ground, bleeding, and learning this fact.

Anytime he is not like that, angry, unforgiving- he is cold, he is obedient, he is hallow. But only his bunk mate, Alex, knows the nightmares at night, where he screams her name, in fear, in loss, to come back.

After Finnik finished eating- him and Caleb left. They were all quiet, no one had anything to say- to Caleb talking was pointless now.

They went to Beetee, because they were naturally drawn to each other- after the Game, the alliance, it just seemed like the only comfort in this strange, foreign place of District 13.

Caleb and Finnik sat back as Beetee went around talking to assistants and creating things. But both boys thoughts wondered- Finnik to Annie, and Caleb to the weather.

Thinking of her is too painful, he has one rule for himself- she's not real.

Keera never existed, she's not real, those nightmares- where she is so cold, it comes back and back and she keeps saying the same things.. _'Wrong. Not true. Unreal.' _she says. Caleb never understands- because then she always gives him the fearful, confused look after wards, and then runs.

Of course though, he can not hide from his love. Love can't be destroyed, banished. It is there, hers is almost too strong to ignore. It takes every amount of his power to will it behind himself, to cram it into hi heart and believe indifference. It is so hard- and he would not have been able to do it, if not for the war and rebellion. Because he was able to put that in the passions place.

He found something else to feed the love, his freedom. Not another girl, not some pet, not drugs or alcohol- but the war.

He could never forget the love, it is there- permanent, Keera is unforgettable. And the love is too. But to avert it's attention to twist it- that is how he goes on.

When people speak of her though- his memories snap, he remembers clearly, anger, frustration- loss- consumes him and he takes it out on the nearest reminder.

The hours pass slowly for him. Finnik left a while later, needing his rope- Caleb stayed until Beetee was heading out and they too walked in silence.

As they were reaching the up floors where he stayed, he tucked his hands into his pockets, looking down- it was raining outside, he could hear the sheer force of the droplets pouring against the ground and thus to them underground. He wondered how this place never flooded- decided he wasn't caring enough to ask.

Beetee left him to his room, and he showered, he changed and not five minutes- right on his arm schedule did Alex arrive.

Like clock work Caleb fell asleep, dreamed of Keera... and at six in the morning, he woke up screaming, reaching out for her.

Alex didn't meet his eyes until at least eight, after breakfast- and then they headed to training. It was long, curial. Bruises were received, guns fired... Tera passing sarcastic comments that were only ignored, and Alex trying to make light on things goes under appreciated.

After lunch, one o'clock came along- Caleb was to go to train his group, when as him and Alex were walking down a hall- a general, came running down the hall. He looked lively. "You guys are needed- mandatory meeting, we've just received a screening from the Capitol- Peeta.."

They left immediately, Caleb half running- there had only been one screening of Peeta before this, of his telling them he wants the fighting to stop. Everyone thought him traitor, but no- he was forced, had to be. Caleb clung to the chance of getting Peeta back- for Katniss, maybe Katniss would forgive him, maybe he could forgive himself...

When the two entered the meeting room, they found it was already filled, the were forced to stand back near the door way, and at the head of the table stood Coin, across it was Katniss, sprawled over the wood- staring at the screen, anxious. Haymitch sat beside her. Others were there, he knew- but he found himself only look at the screen as the Capitol seal moved across it.

There was the stage of course, Caesar, sitting in his chair, colorful, leaning towards Peeta...

Peeta looked well enough, painted up to hide the sweating, theirs a definite tremor in his hands, but he isn't being tortured. At least.

Coin looks to Caleb across the room though- and he doesn't take notice, instead he stare at Peeta. The camera is zoomed in on the two, sitting a foot apart, Peeta placed across a nice cushion. When the anthem stops Caesar give his biggest smile. "Seems we're back!" He exclaims, goes off the mention something unimportant and Peeta agrees heartily.

It wasn't until Caesar asked. "We all know how you feel on the war, about the cease fire- are you alone in this?" And Caleb felt his breath tighten, _Johanna?_

Peeta immediately shook his head. "Oh no, I am not the only one. I'm sure citizens of the Capitol are just as worrisome as me! Katniss, she should be- I wish she would see." There was a pause then, were his face twitched for a minute and then his face was suddenly grinning. His head turns to someone next to him, out of the shot. "Of course, I'm not the only victor either..."

His voice trailed off and Caesar chuckled. "No, I guess not, but I'm truly baffled at this sight Peeta- when you said you would bring a friend next time I had no idea..."

There was another laugh now- one that made Caleb's hair stand on end. _Impossible. _

But the laugh was clearly female, it was clearly light, teasing- the camera backed up enough to reveal a girl sitting next to Peeta.

Many across the room stiffened. Taking her in. The similar blue color that Peeta wore was on her, but in a flowing sun dress. Her legs were tall, tucked under the loveseat, as she sat hunched over slightly, but her shoulders straight, her stubborn chin tilted up. Those eyes, evergreen eyes shining. There was no make up on her, covering up her pain, covering up a hesitation or ill nature that Peeta had.

The ashy blonde hair was short, really short- shorter then Caleb's. It was messy, shimmery in the harsh camera light. Fringes of it hung across her forehead- still something was different- she was heavier, she had gained weight. She looked nothing like the Keera in Caleb's dreams- nothing like the last time people had seen her.. dead, bleeding, starving..

Peeta and her shared a look, both of them grinning. Then she looked to Caesar. "You make me sound like a ghost." She tease and he meekly smiles.

"But you are! The Games, how'd..?"

Peeta laughed with her this time, clearly enjoying this inside joke.

"I never died." Keera rolled her eyes, it was something that made Caleb let a slight mewling sound escape his chest- people looked to him in worry. He couldn't believe, this couldn't be real. "The Capitol is a friend, I was with them to the end." She claims, people stares turn into glares. "They saved me, I was loyal- those others weren't. Don't you see? This is all wrong, the Capitol is a blessing, they help us- but we just push them away, we fight and hurt them. They have to be cruel sometimes- to stamp out those who fight it. I agree with Peeta-" Their hands on the couch meet and she squeezes his fingers. "The cease fire is needed. This war threatens everyone, everything." She drops his hand and looks to the camera. "Don't you see what pain you cause, Katniss? This should be stopped, for the Districts, for the Capitol, for _yourself._"

Caleb dares to drop his eyes only to glance at Katniss- who is all but gaping at the screen. But in seconds they are glued back on her. What was this? A trickery of camera? A recording and morphing of her voice?

Peeta makes a comment on agreeing with her, and Caesar goes on about how shocked and delighted he is to know that Keera still lives. But she is so different- yet, so similar. As she leans forward to tell Peeta something, she raises her hand to her knees though- and the air in Caleb's throat catches.

It's her. It's no trick.

The bracelet is around her wrist. The pink pearls throwing rays of light across the blue fabric of her dress. The silver clovers still weaved into a pattern, scratched slightly- but nothing more.

"Keera." Caleb groans, and suddenly he falls back into the wall, his knees are shaking, threatening to give out- he can't watch anymore, his hands cover his face. Pain shoots through his nerves, guilt, misunderstanding.

What is she doing? Have they tricked her? Like they have Peeta? Do they threaten her? Is her smile forced? How had she really lived?

And then like cold ice, melting and being dragged across his skin- those words, that dream hits him full force- and it is Keera's voice whispering to him. _'Wrong.' _I am not dead. _'Not true.' _Do not believe it. '_Unreal.' _The camera turns away before I die- the hovercraft arrives early.

Someone opens the door, to his right- he doesn't know who- the clip is over, Katniss is talking, Coin is snapping an order, people are arguing, and all Caleb does is shove away Alex and then run three step out into the hallway before vomiting his lunch across the floor.

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><p><em><strong>AN: **YOU REALLY THOUGHT I KILLED KEERA? Psh, as if. I would never- Keera can't be killed. I'm no idiot. ;D Just wait for the next chapters, where the plans sprouts to worse things. Hope you enjoyed reading. Review! -Taryn(:_


	20. Gold

Chapter 20- "Gold"

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><p><em>Capitol. Two months back.<em>

Pain. It crawls up my body, it is tight makes me think I can't breathe. It is loose enough to make me fear losing myself. It burns, it numbs- it is all I can feel.

Breathless, hazy... rushed.

I was being pushed, moved, shuffled. I knew it.

I just did, and then with an abrupt stop- I gasped in a sharp breath.

Hands. Fingers, metal objects, salves- touched me.

Needles pinch my arm, my clothes cut off. Machines connected to my chest.

Voices- shouting, whispers... my head ached, it _throbbed_.Blood slipped through my hair- my ears were muffled by the liquid seeping from them. My mind was unclear, it was uncertain. I couldn't think- just know. Just notice.

My shoulder felt gone, people touched it, moved it- the pain intensified.

A scream. Far off, was it mine? I couldn't know- it stopped dead. More needles...

Coldness slipped up on me, numbed out the pain. The wound in my upper abdomen, it was like a gaping hole- my mind even more so.

I stopped feeling. I was paralyzed, darkness everywhere. More yelling, beeping.. loud.. louder- then I knew no more.

**…**_**..**_

President Snow stood over the girl. He had jumped through hoops to get her- and now,_ finally_, she was his.

Keera lay across a cot, connected to machines, needles in her arm. Her face turned aside, bandaging wrapped around her middle, around her temple- were no more hair lay. From surgery, from the concussion.

His smile grew until he could no longer hold back a laugh. He grinned at the two people standing at his side. Ashton could not tear his eyes from Keera. Jason held on tightly to Ashton's shoulder- to make sure the order was carried out.

"You remember your promise now, boy." Jason growled, Ashton gnawed on the inside of his cheek.

Snow looked at Ashton's pale face in satisfaction. "Do you know what to say?" He asks, threat emanating from his mouth.

Ashton swallows, meeting the president's glare meekly. "I-I know." He murmurs.

"Good." Then he waved forward the nurse. "Wake her now."

The three waited, as the nurse took out the ivy full of pain killers. It was a good ten minutes before Keera began to stir, first her legs started to move, a groan escaped her lips- Jason gave the nurse a hard look.

The frail woman, stood over Keera. And she took a hand, petting it over her forehead- she had no fever- and when the girls eyes opened, they met the nurses. The woman hated to do it, but softly in a sweet voice she whisper to the weak girl.

"You're awake!" She exclaims, as if it is a surprise. She pulls a lovely smile for Keera- who blinks up at her as if she does not understand. "Your husband will be so glad. I will have to go get him, you just wait here, Keera."

The nurse grasped her hand only momentarily before stumbling away and giving a fearful glance at Snow- hoping to have exceeded in her job. Jason shoved Ashton forward and then nodded the nurse to his side.

Keera was confused, she hardly comprehended the woman's words. All she hear was mostly, husband and wait. Husband? Husband? Her mind strained, and strained against the waning drugs and the throb from her left temple- but she came up empty.

_Keera? _She said Keera. There was a few seconds where the girl could _not _place that name. Was it hers? Who's Keera? Who was that woman? Where am I?

Then there is boy hovering over her. She looks up at him- he smiles weakly, worry is in his expression- his hand grabs hers.

"How are you darling?" Ashton whispers, and Keera's eyebrows knit together.

"Who..?" Her voice is cracked, weak, muffled. He frowns- and placed a kiss to her forehead.

"It's me silly!" He tarnishes. "Ashton, don't you remember? Your husband!"

_No, no she does not remember. _She does not remember anything- just as Snow intended. Keera knows nothing, but still holds her brilliance.

Her mouth opens and closes multiple times- Ashton looks to Jason and Snow with fear, and they glare. He has to make her believe it.

One of his hands raises to touch the edge of her jaw. Her eyes aren't focused on his though, they trail over his honey hair, his face, his lips, the white ceiling above...

"Look at me." He whispers, and she doesn't. He cups her face with both hands. "Remember, just before the Game, my love, when we kissed? Do you remember that kiss? How about that promise? You promised me to fight, you promised me- that you were for the Capitol."

Familiar words stuck out to her.

_Game. Love. Kiss. Promise..? Capitol. _

They all came with different half-there emotions. Game came with a forgotten fear. Love came with an unforgettable twinge in her mind. Kiss came hand in hand with hazel- no? Gold, strikes of gold. Promise was the worst, the most frustrating, it made her head sear. Capitol was just confusion.

Her face fell into a mixture of pain, her eyes dropped from the ceiling and his hands forced her to look in his eyes- _golden_ eyes.

Kiss. Kiss- gold? _Strikes _of gold... or just gold?

She stare up into Ashton's eyes, his bore right back into hers. Waiting, praying.

Her mind worked franticly, jumping over the ditches in her memory- trying to piece things together. It wasn't making sense. The headache throbbed terrible, my heart had begun to beat fast- the machines beeping in time with it.

"Remember me, my love. Your husband. Do you not remember?" Ashton murmurs, breathlessly- his words confused her more. His lips were dripping closer, she didn't know what to do. Has she kissed someone before? Him?

Husband..?

Husband. The thought became sure, as his lips- warm, soft, slow- brushed over hers. He pulls back only slightly, his golden eyes never leaving hers.

That was the connection. The gold. Ashton- the boy, she remembers him- vaguely. Peacekeeper, flowers. The kiss came back, in the small city hall room, but other kisses too- they came also.

In city hall, in a bed, golden eyes- and soft lips. That's all she saw. Gold. Her mind leaped around in half forgotten memories, of kisses. There was another kiss, outside of city hall- it was full of an amused air. It was a short kiss, someone ran by, laughing- but the boy wasn't fully materialized. Instead it was just gold eyes.

Another kiss- waking her up, in the mornings. Again she knew the words, but not the voice. She assumed it to be Ashton, her heart filled though- with a longing and love.

Love can not be destroyed. Or banished. Only twisted only turned away- Keera's would not be forgotten, Snow knew, he predicted. He needed Ashton, Ashton was key.

She had even chosen him for Snow. Snow knew this would be the tool, this would be the weapon to manipulate her.

"Ashton..?" Her voice breaks, it's husky- but then tears leak from her eyes. She remembers the fighting, the pain, not who- just fighting. The bugs, the blood...

He runs his finger softly over her cheek- more memories, distorted are released in her mind. Of a dark room, sobbing- a hand running along her jaw- golden eyes. Singing.

Her head is still pounding, her mind still frantic- the tears don't stop. But she could not doubt herself, because she did not remember anything really. Nothing solid- her mind only clicked together the things Ashton did. And the gold. The gold, that could have been strikes- or solid, she did not know.

She just remembered the love. She remembered a longing, a need, a buried sear of breathless wanting. It was there, it was strong, it was not forgotten. And her mind was frantic to close the confusion of it, to understand the love... it went with what Ashton told it- only because his eyes, the gold, strike or solid.. did it matter? She knew she remembered the boy, she knew the love- so it was given to him.

And his golden eyes, she could not look away from. He didn't look away either- no matter how much guilt it was to do it to Keera. They had his family, they had him, and he could not disobey.

"I am so glad you are alright." He whispers, his sweet breath against her face made her smile through the tears.

Husband. This was her husband. "I am too."

"Do you remember what happened?" She shakes her head. "The Capitol saved you." He tells her.

She remembers the hovercraft, the blood, the awl.. her head throbbed. "I think I do now.."

He lets off a light, nervous laugh. "You have time, you'll heal. I'll help you-" He kissed her again, and this time it was stronger, she was flashed back again to another moment. In a bed, without clothes, where- her face flushed when she pulled away from him.

"I love you." He murmurs, pleading for this to have worked in his mind.

Keera doesn't hesitate in saying. "I love you too." Her hand raises, trembling and pushing against his hand on her cheek.

Another memory, in the city hall. Vague words rang in her mind, the voice unrecognizable. _Marry me? _The statement was half finished, there were words before it. But she remembered those words- she placed the golden eyes in place of the strikes.. Laughter, smiling, kisses. Spinning her around? Her mind strained.

"Go back to sleep, I'll be here when you wake." Ashton whispers, after sharing a look with Snow- who was overly satisfied.

He stood back as the nurse returned, placed back in the pain killers- Keera wanted to stay awake though, she tried to fight the drugs, like she tried to fight the veil in her mind, hiding from her- the past. But Ashton's words stuck, they sunk in, they filled in strange gaps.

Soon she was lost to the numbness, dreaming of those half remembered kisses- with golden strikes. Or solid? The question remained, until finally, as another memory- the first memory that came back fully there- was Ashton, clearly standing in front of her, spinning the hat in his hand, and he asked for a kiss, she said no- but then she did kiss him. Muffled words were there, but the rest was clear- the golden eyes were there. Strike all but forgotten.

When her heart rate slowly to a crawl, Snow spoke.

"Good job, boy." He was smiling, Jason smirking. "We will come back tomorrow night- go through a little more, pace ourselves though.. we can't overwhelm her."

Ashton stared at his feet. He did not want praise.

The three men were just leaving the room- when the nurse who was looking her over and caring, paused she called Snow to her. Jason and Ashton were waved forward- and Snow returned impatiently to the nurse whose face had all but drained of any color.

"What is it?" He snaps.

She hesitates. She knows something- something he won't like. Her small hands wring together in front of herself- Snow sighs in anger.

"Out with it!"

She doesn't make move to reply.

"What? Do you think she remembers? Will she? Is she dying?"

The nurse shakes her head, looking at the floor- then to Keera.

"If you like your job, you will tel-"

The nurse replied then, she rushed it out in a jumble but it was said. Her heard. His eyes fly wide- he looked to Keera in a mixture of surprise and the smallest of humor. Then he realized what it would mean for him. The trouble it could cause... or, or! The black mail it could provide.

His lips curved into a smile, he thanked to nurse for her help, and then left.

Leaving Keera to her dreams, those lies, and her confusion...

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><p><em><strong>AN: **No she is not hijacked like Peeta. And yes, I know this is short. Sorry, I've got plans- I would love to write you more, but oh well. Thanks for reading. REVIEW! -Taryn(:_


	21. Black Mail Object

Chapter 21- "Black Mail Object"

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><p>Ashton came back to me, everyday, he woke me- shared a little and then I was left to my thoughts. The first few times he drew me a picture of our past together. He said we struggled some, him being a Peacekeeper from the Capitol- me being a victor in District 8. He said we've been secretly together for four years. I believed these things easily..<p>

But he told me I had no family. He said I lost them all when I was young... yet I know, I remember- a little girl, she is pale, blonde, blue eyed. And a boy. A toddler- I longed for him, I ached. I don't know why- but I wanted to have him, in my arms. It took days, of pounding headaches, to figure out just one thing.. _Jack. _His name was Jack- I was sure.

I hadn't the courage to say it though, Ashton flatly told me I've never had siblings or been about children- he said I lived alone, I lived in an abandoned weapons factory, where we used to meet- and I remember those, sorta, hazily. He's there, I think.. but whenever I try to make the connections my brains denies me- I am forced to think of the gold in his eyes- that is how my mind works.

I heal, slowly. Everyday it gets a little easier- but I don't feel completely certain all the time. Like... my mind isn't whole- just being patched up. I am missing things.. hell I'm missing a lot of things. But I know Ashton is trying, I love him so dearly, it is so hard to focus, the aching love in my heart swells whenever I see his eyes... my mind just reacts to them.

Sometimes he's closed off though. Sometimes, I say things and he nearly flinches. Like when I make a small comment on a day in the attic or maybe I tell him how much I am missing. He looks pained by it, by my forgetfulness.

Forgetfulness or not, my body quickly healed. In a few weeks time, and a few extra surgeries. I was as good as perfect. My shoulder moving around freely, the spot where I was impaled completely gone, scar free, and quickly gaining weight.

At first I was surprised. Because something in my mind tells me I've never really put on weight so quickly, but I started paying attention to the food the nurse was feeding me- it was full of unneeded proteins, vitamins, and it came in big quantities that I didn't mind too much because I was always hungry now a days.

Even as I was healed- she still forced pills down my throat every night. But always after my first ones, which I take when Ashton is with me. These ones are always in the middle of the night, and she's so clinical then.

Ashton started walking me around the room first, to just make sure I still remember how to walk (of course I do). But he never trust me in my opinions. Snow does though, he seems kind. To have saved me and then treat me so special. He comes sometimes with his favorite general Jason.

Jason tells me tales about me in the Games, he tells me what a good killer I was. He tells me how smart and quick witted I am. He tells me of these... plans I have made and ended up killing off half the children there.

It takes me a few tries and a few days to remember the Games, with intense headache pains- but I remember. Sort of. The arenas are vague, but the pain stands out. The screams echo in my thoughts, and the plans come back full force.

Winding around in my mind, the plans click into place easily- pointing out to me the advantages of them, the whole prospect of the idea.

Snow was pleased I recalled these things, and he reminded me of something- of a promise I once made to him. That to keep my Ashton, I must join his side of the war and become a general.

It sounds familiar. Ashton says he remembers it completely, he told me of how we came to decide this. How I told him I would accept it- and that is the night he purposed to me.

I recalled the marry me memory, and it was re-winded to the point of a riot, to gun fire- and I saw the blonde girl, she called out my name, and then her head was blown off by a gun.

I flinched at the memory, I began to sob- emotions that were buried deep in me reacted to this memory. Strongly maybe more then needed. I could not even manage a word to the three men around me. The nurse shooed them away and began to coddle me until I feel asleep, on drugs.

The next morning, I was surprised when Ashton took my hand and led me out of my room. I have never left it, and he was smiling very brightly- he pulled me down this starch white hall, with no doors. I looked around and around- trying to see if I knew the place.

I didn't.

He stopped at a point to the wall. Stared at it- and with a jump from me the white spot lifted to reveal a room beyond. I examined the strange wall when he tugged me in.

This room wasn't empty. There was a vanity, full of makeup, a bath with piles of fragrances around it, and a chair with clothes thrown over the side of it.

Ashton kissed me, told me to take a seat and a stylist would be with me- I tried to ask a question- but instead he pulled something out of his pocket.

"Ashton.." My mind instantly began to pound at the sight of the thing in his palm.

He sighed. "You do not remember?" This is a statement he says so often I begin to feel ashamed.

I shrugged, fighting the creeping blush in my cheeks. He shook his head sadly, and then took my wrist, clasping around it the strange bracelet. "I gave it to you before your first Game. It is a reminder, that I am always with you."

I stare at the bracelet. I jiggle it around and yes I remember this. But just barely.

Ashton lowers himself and kisses my left finger, which is strangely bare, and then he kisses the inside of my wrist, just below the bracelet. Those golden eyes lift to me, to reassure me, but for some reason every memory connecting to this bracelet has no golden eyes, or eyes at all.

Just notes, just letters. And another boy. One I don't know- I don't think. I only saw a flash of him in my mind. He wasn't very handsome, but he had light brown hair, hard green eyes, and as I push my memory to capture more of him- an emotion of contempt forms in me- and I see his face, only just, and it has scars running down it, from nails.

Anymore effort and my head would explode so I suddenly slouch, the hand Ashton doesn't hold lifts to my temple- massaging it.

Ashton frowns. "Darling, don't try too hard. You'll remember in time, I promise." His hand lift and his fingertips glide across my forehead, before he pushes away my hand and leans down slightly to kiss my temple, then my lips. "Stop fretting." He tells me.

I sigh in frustration but hide my irritation with him, how can he think this is so easy to just stop fretting? Instead I drop my wrist with the bracelet, and I look around the room we are in again. "What am I doing here?"

"You are going to go back into society, love." He murmurs, meaningfully. "You are to join Peeta, do you remember him? Blonde, stocky, talkative? He's been out only a little while, so he's still slightly ill."

I don't remember this boy, Peeta, so I shrug. "What I am I going to do?"

"The Capitol wants your support. They want you to call a ceasefire with Peeta."

I instantly recoil from the idea. My mind doesn't accept it.

"What?" I snap, loudly. My eyebrows knitting together. "Why? Why would anyone call that? It would just mean we lay down a fight that the Capitol use to their advantage. It would mean no one would trust each other! Everything will be worse. What-"

He covers my mouth with a hand, my heart beats a fraction faster then it should. My anger pumps full force. I have no idea why, or why so sudden but I was angry.

"I know, we know. But we must test the rebels strength and determination. We must try to stop this, for the citizens for-"

"For a chance to make us seem nicer." I instantly jump in for him, in a hard voice. Yet I understood. The Capitol is not viewed in the best light- it's mine and Peeta's job to do this, at least a little.

He looks pleased that I mentioned me and the Capitol as an 'us'. But otherwise he told me that Snow will be talking to me and Peeta after stylist come and prepare me for going on television, then also said I'd do great because I've been on T.V loads of times and he left.

It was only a few minutes before a man I don't know came and began to dress me. He wouldn't meet my gaze, but he continued to work. He washed me, bathed me in sweet smelling things, shaved my legs and all the other body hair I had. I didn't complain because I new that somewhere, deep down, I wasn't... allowed? to. I don't know I just sat there, like a good girl, and he worked quickly.

He paused only when I was seated again, in a robe, and he was looking at my hair.

"What is it?" I ask, as his fingers ran though the short, stubby strings.

"It is so short." He murmurs, tightly. I frown now.

"Is that bad?"

He shakes his head. "No, no of course not. It is just.. you used to have such fine, long, wavy hair. Now your glorious mane in gone. It is a pity, a sadness in my stylist world."

I stare at my reflection. How different do I look? I was not shown any videos- they had told me that they didn't want the videos to be the memory rather then me remembering things- but what could I have changed?

My weight. My hair. Did I change outwardly? Is that why Ashton gets pained sometimes when I talk? Are they not words that old Keera would say?

The stylist moves on now, he puts jell in my hair to make it flow better, fringes hanging over the forehead. He tells me he won't put make up on me, because natural beauty is better, and that he doesn't want me to be unrecognizable. That only increases the thought of me changing into something I'm not.

Once he has finished he makes me stand, disrobe and he pauses- instantly. Staring at me.

I flush, at the expression on his face of disbelief and confusion. "What?" I snap, but my voice is quiet.

I move to grab the robe again, to hide, but he stalls my hand. "You are heavier." He says, in an ominous way. My hands wrap around my body to try to obscure myself.

I glance at the mirror to my left, and I have gained more then I thought. My arms are rounder, softer looking. My body isn't toned, ready for a fight or sprint. It is pudgy. My breasts are bigger, my thighs have little pinches of fat now. And my stomach rounded, just at the bottom of it. It swoops low slightly, and outwards.

The stylist clears his throat. I look back up at him and he looked anywhere but at me. So what? I was become more healthy. Maybe I was just growing into my adult body, maybe I was becoming a full woman. I wasn't ashamed to be judged by this stylist.

I tilted my chin up. "Are you going to dress me or not?"

He nods, but then mumbles something about needing a different dress- takes the one off the chair and shuffles out of the room.

Once he was gone I leaned forward and snatched the robe- hiding in the warmth.

**…_.._**

"But, sir-" The stylist begins, Snow waves a harsh hand.

He is glaring. "You mean to tell me you believe in your silly theory?" Snow snarls.

"Of course, I _know_ what a pregnant woman looks like!" The stylist insists, and Snow hisses under his breath. He looks around the empty hall they are in.

"You are mistaken." Snow says, without missing a beat. When he very well knows he is not. Keera is pregnant. The nurse knew that instantly, she told Snow the first night he was there. The baby is his back up plan, the baby will be a black mail object he could never over use or that will never lose it's importance.

But the stylist continues to argue with his boss. He tells Snow over and over again, he urges something be done. When finally Snow order a few guards to 'take care' of this mad man. It was done easily, quickly- no blood had even dropped to the floor.

Snow sighed at the irritation the stylist made in his plans and he marched himself to Keera's room carrying a new dress one that will hide most of the evidence. She may be clueless to this sort of thing, she may not recall having sex with her passed lover, but he knows some people, now, may notice her symptoms.

She may start noticing soon, as will Ashton, as will Jason. But he wanted to stall this discovery as long as possible. He didn't want to chance a problem with the child. Or the child to stir some memory in Keera that may just ruin this whole thing. Her mind was like a house of cards, one wrong move, and it could go tumbling down- the truth could come rushing back.

When he emerges into her room, she is standing before the mirror staring at herself, arms wrapped firmly around the robe she was swathed in.

Snow walks over to her, and she snaps her gaze up to him as soon as the door is shut. "Where is that man?" She demands, and Snow nearly snarls at her to shut up.

But instead he takes a soft voice and approaches her from behind. "He is back at home, with his family- where he belongs. I told him I could handle it from here. I thought maybe we could talk before you go on stage. I'm sure you have questions.."

She relaxes when the man stand just behind her, her eyes flicker from the green in them to him in the mirror across them. His hand lifts to her shoulder and she nods. "Yes, I have a few."

"Tell me, as you dress." He hands her the dark blue dress, and she takes it as he steps back and she disrobes.

Snow frowns taking in her body, noting every little notion to the baby growing in her. She can only be almost three months along. He recalls her being very sick sometimes, randomly vomiting. The nurse assures them all it is a cause of the drugs, but Snow knows it is morning sickness. He was told when the nurse told Keera that she hasn't been having her menstruating as a result of weight gain, trauma, and the confused hormones in her head.

Mood swings were shoved aside as her forgetfulness frustration.

He doesn't know how long it will be until her stomach has bulge enough to make it impossible to deny or to when the child will start moving in her, making her know just instantly.

She's eighteen now, and still her body is not fully complete for something like this. Having been starved her whole life, and her natural slender body, it won't seem like an easy pregnancy.

But soon she is covered again, and Snow relaxes because it just looks like she has become slightly rounder, like any Capitol woman.

"You look lovely." He comments and Keera smiles brightly.

She has obvious questions, about what to say, what to do, who Peeta is, and Snow answers them easily- telling her what to say, how to act. He tells her Peeta was a good friend, as he had already told Peeta she was his. Keera is slightly satisfied by this and then he takes her to the car that will drive her to town center.

He takes another with Jason and a few other generals. They murmur things together, discussing more tactics to poison Peeta, what else to tell Keera she used to be, and such things that Snow would usually indulge in but he is lost in thoughts.

When he is walking backstage he spots Peeta and Caesar talking, Keera is standing aside with Ashton.

"Ah, Peeta!" Snow exclaims and the boy jumps, looking to Snow in uncertainty. "Have you seen Keera yet?"

His blue eyes snap over to the blonde and Keera stares back, something crosses her face. And her mind clicks- hardly- but she feels warmth for Peeta then, she feels the friendship Snow told her was there, just by those blue eyes.

Peeta recalls her. As the strong willed girl, that he had been in the Games with. He knows the bruises on her back and shoulder, he suspects things with her and the prison boy- but sees her cling to his Peacekeeper- and he likes her, generally.

"Yes." He says, his voice not shaking. She smiles at him and he smiles back.

"Good." Snow says, and then he waves Caesar who knows what to say, to the stage, and then he tells Ashton to say goodbye- he kisses Keera then walks to the generals. Snow tell the two what he expects, they agree immediately, Keera willing, Peeta uncertain and fearful.

As they walk away to the stage, Snow watched them. Peeta is a work in progress, and Keera is his masterpiece. But he watches the way she stumbles a little in her gait, something she would never do-the old Keera- and he knows that the baby is something that effects her. A burden already, feeding off the weight she collects for it. She starved it the first week, she fell from a tree, she was nearly stabbed straight through with an awl, and she died once before they restarted her heart... the baby survived all that. The baby was a product of her, Keera, his plan maker. And that rebel, Caleb. A natural leader, a passionate man.

Snow pondered slightly, was Caleb's anger at Keera's distorted mind and new lover something to fear? Was it the off chance Keera would remember the worst threat? Or was it this baby?

Then Snow laughed, because that's ridiculous. Caleb can't touch him here, Keera would not remember after so long, and a baby? A baby was nothing but a black mail object.

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><p><em><strong>AN: **I've been hinting at this for a long time now. The nurse thing of course was a hint, and you know little things like- with the bugs, they tried to rip through her close by her lower abdomen, because they sensed it or whatever, not a big hint. And I made comments slightly hinting, I made the awl miss the baby.. erm I don't know just seemed obvious to me. Lol sorry if I shocked you- but really they had sex RIGHT before the Game, convient time no? Oh well, who wants to know more about our little Keera/Caleb? I do! Review, for a quicker update! Thanks for reading, sorry for typos. -Taryn(:_


	22. Always

Chapter 22- "Always"

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><p>"You have to!" Caleb shouts, Coin shakes her head- arms crossing over her chest.<p>

"We can not, it would waste resources. You know we can not. You have been telling Katniss just as I have- that we will not go and take him nor will we for this girl of yo-"

"She is more then a girl!" Caleb snarls, standing, slapping his hand down on the wooden table that stood between them in the room. No one else was present.

"And what makes her more special then Peeta? Then Annie?" Coin snaps right back.

_Everything! _He wanted to call back. _She is a far greater weapon. _But he didn't. He stood there- staring at Coin, his eyes unforgiving, raging. Desperate.. and scared.

"Exactly.." Coin scoffs, sighing. She was about to tell the boy to get lost, as she had done to Katniss- but Caleb beat her to talking.

"You will regret this." He murmurs. If he had the choice and people and supplies he would go now and with Katniss- they would together get back the ones they love. But no, he could not go behind Coin's back, he was incapable even where Keera is concerned. Coin has too many people here to stop him- but he has more people outside. "You do not realize.. Snow has wanted Keera for so long. You would want her too- if you weren't so damned stupid."

Coin sneered at that comment, and she too leaned towards this infuriating boy she was forced to work with. "Now you listen he-"

"No, you listen!" Caleb hisses. His eyes narrowing. "You better watch yourself. You may have your own District, but I have twelve. Those men and women out there, those rebels, they may be listening to you- but only because I tell them to. They are mine, not yours. You think you are the boss- you fear Katniss' influence. But fear mine. Because those are my rebels, those are my soldiers, and they listen to me before they even consider you."

Coin face hardens, realizing her mistake in denying the one thing Caleb has ever asked of her. She underestimates him. Most do. But he is alive again, just as Keera is. He is no longer her obedient, restless rebel seeking freedom nor is he that quiet, law following grieving man.

She makes no response, but she feels his threat. She senses his ties- and he stands, leaving the room. He will not drop this. He is not Katniss, who can only whine and sit around unable to know, unable to argue in her place as the mockingjay. But Caleb does hold threat. He _started _the rebel group he has generously given to Coin as a connection to the whole nation. He has charmed and indulged all those within the establishment. He owns most of her generals and every commander in the Districts.

It made her think, who was fighting this war- her and Snow? Or was it Caleb and Snow? And she was just the extra District Caleb could add to his collection.

A jolt of true discomfort ran through her, uncertainty for him was higher then Katniss and with a quick thought she picked up a phone and demanded for her generals, the ones that she knew she owed, to take him and lock him away.

And they did. In minutes.

Even before Caleb reached his room, he was walking angrily down the hall- when three generals slipped up from behind him. He waved them away but they continued to stare- so he stopped and snarled at them to go on about their business. He was used to people reacting strangely towards him for Keera's return and have them ask stupid questions but these were just aggravating.

"What? What do you want?" He demands, glaring at the three hard faced men.

One of them grabbed his shoulders. "You are under arrest for threatening the president and-"

"Excuse me?" Caleb cries, ripping his shoulder back. "That is not a crime, nor will I-"

But then there was a great struggle. The three men leaped at him. They covered his mouth, hiding his shouts. They restricted his throat from his breathing. They kicked him, and he fought back, but only ended up being over powered- getting a few punches in- while he was only left to fall to ground. Face pressed into the hard floor, blood gushing from his nose, lip torn open, and his arms painfully pulled back behind him.

Breathing heavily, and being hauled back up- Caleb saw the men were smirking. They bound his wrist behind himself with cuffs. He heard them murmur things and they continued to kick him as they pulled him towards an elevator. Once they were inside they shoved him into one of the walls. For fun.

They pushed him around to each other like some game- Caleb tried to hit them but received slaps, kicks, and elbows into his ribcage too much for him to do any real damage. "Idiots!" He snarls, once they stopped and the elevator jerked into motion.

"Us? The idiots?" One of the men laughed.

"Think again. Look who's in cuffs, and who isn't." Another boasted.

Caleb sneered at them. His eyes a light with betrayal and anger. "They'll turn. They'll know!" He refers to his people, like Alex and Tera. Or Finnik and Beetee.

But the three laughed. "Oh no, we will just tell them you have left to District two, to help out. That is all. And then in a few weeks. We will report you dead."

"And my body?" He snaps, trying to beat their train of thought.

One shrugs. "We keep you alive for a while, then in time we will shoot you down- present your body to them as it would have if you were truly killed by the Capitol."

Caleb found no response to this- he wanted to be shocked, but wasn't. Coin was dominating, he knew better then to tell her of his power- something she fears. She is too ambitious.

They pulled him by his hair, as they dragged him down a hall. It was deep in the earth- cold. The walls were white, and they passed a guard, who gave them a curious look.

Then they stopped at a room.

And threw him in, they came in and then pulled him a long a concrete floor, with a drain in the middle- until he was against a wall- they attached the cuffs to chains on the wall.

"Feels like home doesn't it?" Commented one of the guards as they edged back to the door.

Caleb looked up at them, and he could not even explain the emotions inside his chest. The betrayal, it was overpowering. The sting of being chained again. And the taunting men, because now he is a prisoner in both worlds. Rebel and Capitol he is prisoner. Both are unjust, both undeserving.

Always a prisoner.

Then a savage anger gripped him- he ripped forward in the intent of causing harm, but his chest only moved towards them, as his arms tore him back, behind himself- the cuffs digging into his wrists, the chains holding him in place.

The men left him then, laughing as he continued to whipped around, shouting curses- howling Keera's name- and he only stopped when his wrists were red, chaffing, and blood splattered the floor and his clothes.

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><p><em><strong>AN: SUPER SUPER SHORT! **But we had to check back in with Caleb of course. Now let's take a vote, who worse! Coin or Snow? Which one do you hate more? Leave an answer in the review. Thanks for reading, next update promised to be longer! -Taryn(:_


	23. Ashton's Woes

Chapter 23- "Ashton's Woes"

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><p><em>Two months later. Capitol.<em>

I remember when I thought Keera was the smartest girl in the world.. I remember when I thought she was just the cutest damned thing I ever seen. And I recall that night when I first met her- with sadness. Because then Keera had been so shifty, she was untrusting, quick witted... the air and nature around her was arresting, with her expression and the way it brought about that haunting past, you could just know- looking upon Keera she had suffered. But you could feel her strength and you could feel a peace around her that anyone would toss anything to feel.

And now I stare at her across the room, standing over a table and map of the Capitol- her hair is hanging now to her chin. It twists a little, trying to curl but only manages waves. Her eyes are light- she talks fast, her words slurring into just a hum to me. While those men around her lap up every word.

She is not that Keera- the one I used to know. That Keera is not kind to strangers, she is not a talker. She does not smile so much, she does not say silly things like this Keera.

Granted- this Keera loves the Capitol. She never stops talking about the Capitol, chatting away about everything to it. About Snow- who she spends time with. About it's citizens who she adores.

Peeta barely sees her, Annie and Johanna were never spotted. Keera didn't recall them often- because when they are mentioned she switched off like a switch. She stops talking, she gets fidgety, shifty- and headaches, terrible headaches.

And it has only been four months. Keera sprouts out newer and newer each day. But at night- she has hesitation. She talks to me about the baby.

Oh yes, the baby. Caleb's. Of course- not mine- though I told her it was mine... I'm waiting for it to come around the time when she has it and then we have to stand around staring down at a baby that neither looks like me or her.

But Snow assures everyone that it will be fine. That she won't even notice. Course he waited until Keera was at least three months in and her stomach was bloated beyond the obvious. But she took it easily- with tears, and excitement.

Though she cursed that bad timing, she said that she hoped the war to end before it was born- so it could see the Capitol in all it's glory, rather then at war.

That's when she threw herself into the generals planning.

She was determined to have this war over with before the baby is born. I urged her to rest- but Snow snapped at me, threatened me never to restrain her- he wanted her planning. He was in a bind considering District two and with the looming threat of advancements in the Capitol itself. He leaned towards the mountains as a natural barrier- Keera had better ideas.

I watched Keera stand straight now. Her stomach made the shirt she wore hang a little further out then need be, it made her abdomen look strange- she looked strange, standing with all those tall, hard faced men- her face just as serious, but to have a small slope of a baby showing.

Her face looked drawn from, only slightly- but not as bad as it would be in the Games. She eats less, because she has less time to, but the weight she gained feeds the baby still.

We talked about the gender. She doesn't know what she wants. I told her I wanted a girl, like her. But I really prayed for a boy- for it too look exactly like Caleb. Maybe then it will snap her back into herself. I could only pray she would do it on her own.

I got to see my family this morning, they are relatively fine, if not harassed- they live in a smaller house now, they are surrounded daily by peacekeepers. My mother assures me she still loves me- she urges me to do the right thing and listen to our president- while my father stands in the back ground cursing my name, shouting all his disappointment into my face, my little sister clutching his hand sobbing- as I stand there pretending that I do not feel any remorse for even talking to Keera ever, in my whole life.

Yet I want to hate her – or at least this new her.. I can't because the old one peeks through sometimes, and she is still so.. there is no word for it, she is just something that draws me in.

Caleb will hate me. I have been kissing her heedlessly, I have been the one who gets to hold her until she sleeps- I get to be the one who presses a hand to her bulging belly and wonder at the miracle. It is to me she says 'I love you'.

Of course he doesn't know yet, she was only on camera once. The rest of the time she has been back stage planning and telling Peeta what to say- she took charge around here. Snow lets her, he trusts her because he is pretty much controlling her. No one publicly is to know she is pregnant though, nor about me- it may raise question that Keera could hear, which would be bad.

She approaches me now, the men wave her goodbye and I stand- offering a small smile that I have to force. "How did it go?" I ask.

She grins, brightly. "Great- I've decided on a back up plan for Snow if the mountains fail us and they obstruct our train systems."

"Oh?" I inquire, not really all that curious- but listening to her as I should, or if I had a real wife I would. I hook and arm through hers and lead her to and elevator. "What is that?"

She glances at me slyly. "Traps." She barks. "Traps, along the streets. Of course not yet, we would need to keep the citizens safe. But they will be going off by movement if you trigger them- but also as a back up to make them set off to our want- like the Games! I wonder if the Gamemakers feel like I do now.." She ponders, as we step inside the metal doors. "Oh well. I don't even remember how it is to be a tribute- did you ever think about that? What tributes felt like?"

I sigh. Sadly, because this is not Keera I am talking to. "Sometimes. I would but my father always told me never to pity tributes- they are savages, all the Districts are savage, he would say."

Keera stares at me with those bright eyes. "Yet you still pity them- you pitied me didn't you?"

"Defiantly. You were a very unlucky girl." I echoed her words she once told me in hope, but I knew better then to hope now- even when I lie, I tell her some truths. Sometimes I risk things, with that bracelet I risked it, with saying these sort of things I tried to push down the wall I am forced to build. But they never make her react.

Her hand reaches for mine. "I think I once felt sorry for Peacekeepers.." She confides, staring at the interlocked fingers.

_No, no darling you hated them- remember? They used to whip the real man you love. Caleb? Yeah, him. _I would have liked to say that- but instead I just murmur. "Don't strain yourself." Because the shouting voice of my father is in my mind, and my sobbing sister fresh in thought- as is Snow, and his looming threat.

She looks at her feet- ashamed at her lack of ability. Though I wonder how long it will be until she would not be able to see her feet at all and the baby blocks them off- I stare at her stomach, she notices and her lips tug into a smile.

"If it is a girl, like you want- what do you hope to name it?" She asks, out of the blue.

I ponder that- if this was my child I would name it after my mother or grandmother, because that is a proper thing to do, that would be respectful to the family and make my mother ecstatic. But this is not my baby and I hope to push another risk before we step off the elevator so I whisper back. "Felicity."

I know of her because of the interviews of family from her Games. And I hate, _hate depriving_ Keera of those children she loved- not as strongly as her love for Caleb- she must recall them a little bit. I know she would get hesitant when I deny her a family. Of having that hope in others out there that loved her once, I deny her- the feeling of being a part of something.

I see her take in the name, just as the elevator jerks to a stop. She doesn't react in fact she considers the name for a minute- before it is tossed around in her mind and hits a memory- her fingers tighten around mine, the ever telling hand raises to her temple, and she sighs in frustration.

I play innocent as the peacekeepers outside the doors look at her in worry.

"What is is darling, what's the matter?" I say, taking her around the waist and pulling her from the elevator- making her walk down the blank, white hall way. Somewhere in one of these rooms are the other victors, being tortured, experimented on...

She shakes her head- as if to clear it. "Nothing. Just- just a headache."

The hand not on her temple lowers to press against her abdomen, I know she does this when the baby kicks or rather just flutters around since she it is only just reaching that stage where it begins to do that.

I place mine over hers, I don't feel the baby- I don't want to- but I try to soothe her, even though I hope the name caused more then a headache this time...

When we get back to her room- it's late in the night, she has been working all day and evening, the nurses scolds her for being on her feet all day. She takes her vitamins, eats everything the woman gives her- Keera pouts about it but does it. But I like that because it is something old Keera would do. She passes a few sarcastic comments- something else old Keera would do and I slowly relax, sitting on the edge of her bed.

The nurse shoos me away after a few- the same night routine aspires- I kiss her, and as the drugs (that we still give her, because it helps fight back her memory) I hold her hand until she is deep into sleep. The nurse sighs- gives me that look that tells me she hates this as much as me- and then I leave the room.

Snow is gone off to his business- dealing with Katniss. Dealing with what he could do to break Peeta more- but he is so far gone... what was worse? Keera wasn't told, Snow was afraid of breaking her. But Peeta was broken, his mind hinged- all because he warned District 13 about those bombs.. And of course that fateful falling of District 2 earlier. Katniss' new footage her new stride in the war- the rebels are building.

Keera has wanted to see him for a few days- I kept telling her he is busy, I don't think she believes me. But her mind doesn't allow her to think ill of the Capitol.

I made my way back to the elevator to maybe go up and convince the guards to let me go see the family for a few more minutes- when I felt it.

I yelped. Because the impact maybe my feet slip beneath me. I hit the ground on my upper back, my lower half smacking against the floor a few seconds later.

A shattering noise echoed around- as did a rumble. I heard shouting from guards, there was a huge scream- so loud I snarled- it was Johanna.. somewhere around me in the white wall.

As soon as I regained footing though- another blast that could only be explosives sets off- and I am sent backwards, against the wall, my head snapping against it as dust fills the air- and I watch with hazy eyes, as starting from the elevator direction- the white wall crumbles.

Cracks spread across it fast, and pieces fall away. I scramble away from it, towards the wall behind me- but it is solid. I hear shouting, I hear running feet- I hear shooting. The air thickens to almost the point I can't see. I cough, and then I am running back- towards Keera.

Outside noise. I hear it as I stumble over the shattered pieces of the wall. I hear creatures, I hear the sounds of night. We are on the bottom floor of the building. I hear a siren like noise- more running...

When I reach to point where I know her door to be- the wall is torn away. I climb over the piles of it, and then I'm standing in the room- but it is no longer a room. Without two walls?

The outer wall of the building was blown away- crumbled- by the first bomb. I look around franticly- but Keera is gone- the nurse is on the ground, bullets in her chest a scarlet pool of blood slowly spilling out of her. It reaches the toes of my shoes and I just stare at her fair face and frail body. The blood crawls across the white of her uniform..

The guards step in the room behind me- they are yelling in out rage- Peeta and Annie are still safe I hear. Johanna gone, Keera gone.. I turn and then shove passed them.. I can't breath, looking at this woman. Looking out into the night where there is a hovercraft craning around our building.

I hear other hovercrafts- zipping in the air- I leap over the rubble, my heart pounding. Keera is safe. Keera will be taken and cared for. I keep saying- and I need to save Peeta. I just do- I would never live with myself, if I did not help.

It was strange, to feel so against my government, it was foreign and I felt wrong. But that woman in there- her blood.. she did not belong there. Keera, and her newness... that was wrong- not this.

I kept running until I spotted people not dressed as guards. They were rebels- they looked up at me, pointed guns and I froze.

My eyes stared at the boy in front. He had to be my age. He had black hair, seam eyes, and an olive complexion. Scars marred the hands that float just above the trigger- the end of the gun points to in between my eyes. I raise my hands in surrender- I know this boy. Gale. I have seen him on T.V he is the Everdeen's 'cousin'.

"I'm not one of them!" I say, my eyes search through them- there is no Keera, no Johanna- they must have secured them already. I look for Caleb.. he is strangely not there.

Gale narrows his eyes. "Yet you wear their clothes." He spat, and his gun raises a little. I shake my head franticly- fear for myself rather then Keera or Peeta finally sinking in. I see flashes of my Sargent yelling at me of what to do in an enemies mists. But I'm not with an enemy- I remind myself- they are friends.

"I am in disguise." I reply, slowly. The others share glances, not trusting me- the running behind me increases. Another man behind Gales snarls about me wasting time- someone throws a can of gas.

I cough- as they put on masks- I move towards them and then Gale looks up, raises the gun as the others run forward, knocking down the next white wall. He pulls the trigger.

The responding bang was the loudest gun shot I have ever heard in my life- and I have used guns forever. I have never feared a gun more then this moment, I have never so desperately moved back, so futilely. Never did I think I would have regretted turning against the Capitol.

But when that bullet struck me- I felt a fleeting shock of pain, regret, and hate- but it was so short lived, my expression was nothing but shock as the blood flayed outwards, the bullet diving through my brain and then escaping out the back- before my body fell with a thud to the rubble covered ground.

Who knew I'd die- turning against all I know- it all starting about seven months ago.. when I gave an unlucky girl a rose.

**…_..._**

Coin let Caleb out when District 2 fell, roughly two months later. He was roughed up, he was half starved, his wrists had those old scars- from when he was a boy and had repeatedly broke them open on chains- reopened, barely scabbed over. She talked to him in there. She told him all she planned about what he was suppose to do.

She made him submit all his commanders in the District's into her and only her order- and then finally she promised him in return- since she had already promised Katniss her Peeta, she promised if the group happened across Keera, they would take her.

No promises on her health though. Of course there was no promise on Peeta's either.

When Caleb reemerged into District 13, Tera and Alex bombarded him on how he had escaped from the captivation of District 2 which Katniss had freed him from with the help of Beetee and Gale. He was baffled by the story Coin created, but was too desperate to have Keera back to deny it. So he made things up easily.

On the night of the rebels return, he sat next to two people. Katniss and Finnik. They were murmuring together- where as Caleb could not muster any noise from his mouth. He was let out only the other night, his throat still burned from the screaming, his veins under the thin layer over them on his wrists throbbed in time to his anxious heart beat.

The others played with rope- he hated that because it made him think of Keera. Even more then he did now. He was jumpy. His eyes roamed about constantly- until finally... they came.

And when they did- he watched a heart warming scene of Finnik and Annie reuniting. He walked slowly behind Katniss- who could not wait to see Peeta. She was hurrying, trying to find him. She wanted to be the first person he saw when he woke up...

He was sitting with medical people though- flashing lights into his hazy eyes. They were told that a gas was thrown around in the building when retrieving them.

On the bed next to Peeta- there was doctors crowding- Caleb knew it was Keera's and he quickened pace, out stepping Katniss and looping around Peeta's waking form.

He pushed through the doctors and Keera was wide awake.

"Let me _go_!"

Was the first thing she howled, just as Caleb stepped up next to her- and even her vicious tone at the doctor holding onto her arms- distracted him from the overwhelming feeling of looking upon her face.

"Ke-" He began, but was cut off by a howl of rage from her- she sat up and delivered a slap hard enough to a female doctor, to send her sprawled across the floor. Caleb flinched.

Then there was a shouting behind him- loud and outraged, shocked- all the doctors whipped there attention to Peeta and Katniss- his hands wrapped around Katniss' throat.

Caleb gave a call of his own, and dove to grab him away- but someone beat him to it- knocking out Peeta clean, just as Katniss' whites of her eyes flickered into view a horrid choking noise escaping her lips. She hit the ground before anyone could catch. Then the doctors abandoned Keera- picking up their precious mockingjay and putting her onto a stretcher.

Men began to grab at Peeta roughly. Some people still stood back in shock, Finnik is gaping, clutching Annie to his chest. Caleb stares at Peeta as if he does not know him, he doesn't understand... others think they understand they howl traitor.

"No!" Someone shouts above them in a strong voice- Caleb whips around to the woman on the stretcher, she stands on her knees to peer over people- she does not look away from Peeta. There is anger twisting her expression.. and everyone zones in on the sight of one of her hands resting on her bulging abdomen. The blood drains from Caleb's face.

"No!" She repeats, and jumps from the stretcher- she moves to quick to grab- and her arms are suddenly swathed around Peeta's shoulders- tugging him from the generals grasp uselessly. "He is no traitor! You all are the traitors! Let him go. You- you disgusting-"

"Keera!" Caleb calls in horror, snapping out of his shock.

Her eyes swing up to his, they glare at him in contempt- he stares back cluelessly. "You!" She snarls, memories snap back to her- this boy she sees in front of her, with hazel eyes, who's tall and tussled hair- she sees him in the Game, she invokes the memory of pain. She remembers vaguely a sense of indifference. Of blood-rain and spinning cornucopia's. "Prisoner!" She shouts, remembering the reaping, she sees flashes of him walking to stage a girl kissing him..

Caleb flinches at the title. Prisoner.. prisoner.. never had Keera viewed him as such and just so recently revisiting the horror of his past- it stings worse then anything she could have said.. or he thought that.. until they started to grab her too and try to bind her as she flailed around- shouting curses, yelling about the goodness of the Capitol, and letting Peeta go. And as they began to drag her heavy, obviously pregnant body towards a stretcher, plunging a sedative into her arm- she began howling.

"_Ashton_! Ashton! Wheres is Ashton?" She whips around lazily as the drugs wear on her. "Where is he! What have you done with my husband!" Caleb sucked in a sharp breath, hisses were heard about the room- and Alex grabbed onto Caleb's shoulder- while Tera held him around the wrist. "Ashton!" This time it sounded more like a sob from Keera then a shout- and she was thrown against a cot, her hands limp, her screaming turned into slurs... and soon she was out cold.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: **Looks pretty depressing here doesn't it? Poor everyone. Katniss. Peeta. Ashton. Caleb. Keera. Angst fest! Anyway, third update today- hope you're happy and leave me extra longs reviews, because you know I love them! :D Sorry to those who think I am demeaning Katniss' and Peeta's importance in the story and war- but I'm not. I'm just trying not to retell theirs and make you all bored and feel like I'm repeating things. Thanks for reading! Sorry for typos. -Taryn(:_


	24. Pushing It

Chapter 24- "Pushing It"

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><p>When my eyes open- I can't really say where I am. I'm on my back, there is a slight pressure against my abdomen from the baby. The ceiling above is white. I move my wrists, but they are strapped down. All my limbs are strapped down.<p>

I know I am not in the Capitol. But I feel the pinch of needles in my arm, and I see out of the corner of my eye that a white uniformed nurse walks about me.

Then she clears her throat and asks. "Will you behave yourself?"

Her words are registered in irritation. I grit my teeth- and force out a sigh of frustration. "Do I have any choice?"

Silence and her feet walking across the tile floor is my only answer- until the back of my cot suddenly jolts into motion. It raises slowly- until I sit at an angle. The nurse observes me with tight lips, her face dark, as she slowly approaches and straightens out my form- her hand lingers on my stomach and I snarl at her.

"You touch it- you die!"

Then I heard a laugh, a heavy one. My eyes flash across the room now, towards a door way- next to it is a mirror, that I suspect is see through on the other side. But the door is open at the moment- and standing in the frame is.. is..

He is huge, and that face- his seam eyes- he is familiar.. those meaty hands, blurs of them clasping my own are there- the pounding of a head ache begins and I turn down my face, closing my eyes.

"Go away!" I shout, his laughter doubles, the nurse retreats to him. Mutters something and then slips passed the beast of a man. The head ache increases, as I strain to know this laugh, my gut tremors with excitement to it, my shoulder relax to is- but my mind doesn't know why.

"My, my Keera. You have changed." He murmurs, and I shrink further into the restraints and cot. I hear the door close- as the noise of his big feet make near me.

"I don't know you!" I snarl, refusing to look at the man. Where was Ashton? The desperation to see his reassuring eyes was raising by the second, the monitor connected to my heart kicked it up a notch. What if they hurt Ashton? Did they have him, like they had Peeta?

"Now Keera- take a breath. We're not here to hurt you. We just want to know what you know." I flash open my eyes in disbelief- but his old, worn face is serious and clam. His eyes flicker to the heart monitor that increase with my stress, my confusion- the pounding headache. "High blood pressure is bad for the baby, Keera." He whispers.

"Then let me go." I murmur, my voice strained- my head was killing me, I tugged at the restraints if only I could rub my temple. The pain was becoming overwhelming the longer I talked to this man, or my mind continued to think of him.

He shakes his head, and he nears me- a hand grasping the foot of the cot. I flinch slightly, as I stare him straight in the face. My throat tightens for some reasons- and like a intense bright flash of a camera, memories rush through me.

Jack, the boy- he is there, and then a dark forest- a song, a lullaby in a voice that makes a straggled and dry sob escape me. The headache peaks. And I see this man's face. Shadows from a flame dance across his breaded jaw, and then I blink and it is illuminated with the florescent lights over head in this room.

I sag then against the pillows behind me, both my hands try to raise- but are snapped back down. And I can not bear the pulsing pangs of agony running up the base of my skull, along my hair line, and beneath my eyes.

I crave those golden eyes like nothing more in the world- I nearly am to tears when I look to this... stranger?

"Please, where is he?" I beg. I have reduced to begging the enemy, Snow would be ashamed. "I _need _him. I'll stay with you- in this damned.. rebel place of hell you have! I won't contact the Capitol, just bring him to me! Tell me you have not hurt him."

The man stares at me, there is conflict in his face. He is not glaring- I am shocked, why does he not view me as an enemy? Does he not realize who I am? But he had used my name. And.. they took me. They knew. Yet they didn't hate me- or just didn't fear me.. I clenched my jaw though, because I am truly too pitiful. Pregnant, headache prone, and easily baffled- my weakness to my love.. for Ashton- I am truly not something fear, am I?

I tug at the restraints now, as he does not answer me.

He shakes his head- as I began arching my back and tossing myself forward against them.

"You can't break those- and even if you some how manage that, there is an army of guards ready to sedate you out there." His head inclines to the door. "I don't really want to wait around for another few hours to talk to you.. so please stop that."

I stare at him, the headache rocks against any proper train of thought. "Why?" I rasp. "Why do you want to talk to _me_?"

His face splits into a grin. "Why! Because you are my favorite orphan."

Orphan. _Orphan-orphan. _

The word echos around in my mind. Bouncing off blankness, slurs of color- and a fire of pain. My legs try to curl up to my chest, but my ankles lock them in place and my knees only raise a centimeter. I bend forward though- my back aches from the angle- but my head won't stay up.

"What does that matter?" I spat bitterly, why now must they rub in the fact that I have no family? Is this some hidden threat of them taking away Ashton, the only person I have left?

"Because who would you be today Keera- if you mother and father hadn't died? Who would you be if you hadn't lived in the community home..?" The last words he slipped in studly.

I close my eyes beyond tight- my fingers curling into a fist. "You lie." But slips of emotions hit my chest of loss- and blood, I feel like there is blood on my face- the image of that little girl, with blonde hair it replays, the gun and bullet flaying out her- "You're lying!"

The heart monitor beeps so loud- it is like added pressure against my brain. It throbs below my ears, the vein in my neck tremors. "Never." He murmurs.

"Yes! Stop it!" Tears cloud behind my eyes, and they leak through my closed lids. Every memory is like a hit- of slurs, of half remembered faces. I see blurs of her, and then of that baby boy- I see Peeta, but then it blends into a different boy with bronzes hair, and then a younger boy, with a sad twisted face.

The man moves, to my side- his hand touches my fingers. I curl them tighter until they cut into my palms.

"You were in a community home- you know! You have to. Remember Aunty Ethel? And her cane- she used to hit with that cane. Oh come on, remember the bruises!"

"No!" The word is a sob. "I d-don't... that isn't true!" My breathing hitched, and I felt a nudge, no, a swish of movement- from the baby. The headache increases ten fold. My arm is suddenly in flames of itching- where the needles pierce me, I squirm around at first. But it is maddeningly increasing.

I don't trust him. I want Snow- I want Ashton. I want those eyes, those eyes that settle my headaches, that calm the baby. I make a sound of frustration- and my arm twitches around. "Get them out!" I scream, and my eyes finally open to stare up into his pleading. "Get th-them out!"

He stares back, a seriousness is there- and I felt my stomach getting more an more unsettled. The baby swishes again and I gag. The headache makes me feel like the room is too bright, his breathing is too loud, the monitor should go to hell- and I felt like my eyes would roll into the back of my head.

His eyes stray to the mirror- then with a quick movement, he rips the needles from my arm.

Blood blossoms instantly, spilling onto the white sheets. But the itching, the sear of sudden pinching pain is gone. For a moment my head is wiped clear- headache lifted for a moment- and I sink into the pillows, with a rush of air coming out of me.

But then another gag hits me, I sit up suddenly, lean over the side- and vomit. Right on his shoes.

…_**...**_

"Why is she sick?" Caleb asks, his voice barely above a whisper- his face practically pressed up against the one way glass. His hands are flat against it, his eyes unblinkingly on Keera.

One of the doctors beside him, who is taking notes- sighs. "She is pregnant, boy."

Caleb's eyebrows push together, he can't lie... he knows not _one thing _about pregnancies and babies. "The woman becomes sick? Why? Does the baby hurt them?"

He receives quiet a few disdainful stares for that. While the kinder doctor only mutters back. "No, she is quiet healthy. Considering things. The baby is strong and she is in no pain. The mother just gets something called morning sickness- sometimes the body is just unsettled, or the baby doesn't like what it is fed."

Caleb turns to stare at the man, afraid to ask the next question in his mind, in fear of looking even more foolish- but he threw aside his dignity easily. "How does the baby... feed?"

The doctor pauses from watching the scene of Dean cleaning up the mess- with a grimace, while Keera looks sheepish. He looks to the boy, who he knows personally from people and other meetings. He feels bad for him so he replies with a soft, compassionate voice. "Think of them as one person, whatever Keera eats or breaths the baby gets the same thing. It lives off of her blood, it grows stronger with her every heart beat. Just as Keera does."

Caleb blinks, turning that around- thinking of a younger Keera, there is a flutter in his chest. He could see a young toddler, with ashy blonde curls bobbing around a chubby face- but then he hears Keera yelling and the sight is shattered, he twists around to see Keera attempting yet again to curl into a ball.

"You _do _remember them don't you?" Dean whispers, and it increases whatever pain it is on Keera. Caleb wants to stop it- but he is unable to go in, they fear his involvement.. in case she is anything like Peeta. But Caleb fears her hate.

Keera whips her head around, her whole form is shaking. "I don't!" She gasps. "Stop, you- you lie! Snow told me about your trickery!"

"We are not tricking you, Keera!" Dean calls back, softly. "Because you know! You know those orphans, Aven? Bud? How about Felicity- Jack? You have to know Jack! He has sandy orange hair, freckles, dimples... we have him here- one word and we'll bring him to you."

She looked on the verge of sobbing. "Not true." She snarls through clenched teeth. "N-No-" A sob escaped her chest, and her face contorted in pain. "My head..." She moans.

But Dean is told to push her. They must know her limits, the amount of damage that has been done.

"How about Felicity?" He repeats... softly. "She's blonde, the palest little thing you have ever seen- those deep blue innocent eyes of hers. Keera, you have to-"

"Stop! Stop!"

"- know what I talk of. Aven! The twins! Bud, he is tall, dark, curly hair- Aven a dark beauty, with flowers-"

"Pl-Pl_eeese" _Her voice catches, and this time it isn't with a sob- it is breathless and tight, her chest suddenly rocks back, her neck droops. The heart monitor picks up in noise- her blood pressure raises through the roof.

"-Eric! Do you remember Eric? Sirius' brother-" Caleb shakes his head suddenly, seeing something pass over Keera's face that the doctors missed. His hand moves and clutches the one doctors wrist.

"Stop him." Caleb whispers. "Stop him- she-"

"STOP NOW!" She shouts then- a painful and delusional look covers her expression. Her eyes flash back open and she whips forward, lunging for him. But is just thrown forcefully back against the cot, the machines wires fall off her, the machine blares flat line.

And her head suddenly drops back, her eyes roll up into her head. The whites of them a fluttering of wings. Her whole body stiffens at first, then her arms thrash upwards- towards her chest. There is a high keening sound, her body begins to wither and jerk across the white sheets-

"Lie her flat!" Cries one of the doctors- dropping their clip board and sprinting into the room. Dean franticly drops back the bed and Keera continues in her fit. Other doctors rush in, Dean retreats and Caleb stares in horror, his face gone white.

The loudness of the doctors- running feet, and that blaring machine is almost too much for anyone to hear. That gurgle sound coming from her throat makes Caleb feel sick. Dean grabs his shoulder and urges him from view but he can not leave her.

"Hold her head still!" Shouts one.

"Turn her!" - "No, no! She mustn't bite her tongue!" - "Give me that!"

Caleb lets out a straggled sound as they shove a metal instrument into her mouth as if they mean to choke her- and Dean has to restrain him from going into the over crowded room. Caleb is like a restrained dog- clawing at his master, but Dean holds him tightly.

"What's happening!" Caleb cries, and slowly- as it takes at least six doctors to hold her still enough- they plunge something into her arm. "What is wrong with her?"

"A seizure, she'll be fine..." Dean murmurs back, but he is uncertain in saying this- there is no telling if this is a permanent affliction. Push her memory too much and she will fall into a epileptic state.

"And the baby?" He whispers breathlessly, and slowly the violent tremors subside.

"I do not know." Dean replies- honestly.

When her eyes close, she goes as still as death- and the doctors all slum their shoulders- Caleb lunges forward, refusing to allow this- but Dean restrains him.

And then they push her back to the bed, restrain her- and reconnect the heart monitor... slowly and surely her heart beats again.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: **Short I know, but it's a week day and all. Hope it fufilled some intrest! Thanks for reading. OH! And I know -cough- Godwhateveryourusernameis -cough- that the war doesn't even begin to last this long. But I need time, and I will be making time. Because I recently discovered, babies take a long time to grow. -.- So yeah. You know unless I kill it.. Anyway! REVIEW! Fufill my morning with waking up to them! Oh! Who wants to guess on the babies gender? That's alway fun, no? Maybe names too. Throw in what you like and I might add it. -Taryn(:_


	25. Clarify

Chapter 25- "Clarify"

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><p>"You have to sleep."<p>

"No I don't."

"I think so."

"So?"

"So, I am a doctor."

"And _I'm_ not tired."

"You look it."

Caleb just shakes his head. "Then you're a terrible doctor, sir."

His body leaned against a desk, hands thrust deep into his pants pocket- he did not even pause to look up at the one of many doctors who had entered the room. His gaze was transfixed on Keera, laying unconscious behind the one way looking glass. As other doctors busied themselves in looking at her test and other medical information for the morning, that one came and stood beside Caleb.

"I am the best doctor of my expertise." He remarks, his arms crossing over his chest in a relaxed pose- as he too looked up at Keera.

Despite Caleb's claim, his exhaustion was obvious. From the purple bruise like etches under his eyes to the his twitching agitated leg. "What exactly would that be?"

"Obstetricians."

Caleb for the second let his eyes lift to the man- they were hazy. "A.. what?"

"I specialize in the medicine concerning pregnancies, labor, and that of an infants first few weeks." He clarifies- staring wistfully at Keera. And Caleb stared at him, his tired mind took minutes to process this and all he managed to mutter next was..

"You're a man?"

The doctor laughs at this, that is not the first time he has received that comment.

"Yes, yes I am a man. I'm fifty-nine, and you won't find any doctor who knows more then me."

Caleb's eyes wondered over this mans kind face, his laugh lines- the startling grayish blue of his eyes. His peppery starch white hair. Then he murmurs. "Well then what do you know of tired people? I'm not tired."

The man chuckles deeper- and Caleb turns away, staring at Keera.

"Can you tell me about _her?"_ Caleb whispers, below the doctors mutterings. "I know what they are saying- but I just don't understand it. All those big words, I'm smart.. but I'm no doctor. I talked to these two men, her main doctors- and Peeta's- they were called a Neurologist and Physiologist..." A almost painfully confused expression crossed in Caleb's face, as he turned to the man. "I have no idea what they are telling me."

The man purses his lips. Then sighs. "I'm the baby's doctor."

"But you have to know about Keera!" Caleb whispers desperation. "You have to know the mothers health before the child's... they are l-like one. That's what I've been told."

Caleb continues to stare at the man- then flicker his eyes every so often to Keera. But the doctor refuses to look at him.

"You don't want to tell me.."

There was enough horror into his slurring voice, that it cracked too- his form sagged against the table, and his hands that had curled into fist released. "She's dying isn't she.."

"No."

"Then what! Is the baby dying?"

"Not at the moment."

Caleb let out a sound of intense frustration. Three days without sleep does that to people.

"Will she just never remember? Is that it?" There is no reply. "Why won't you tell me what you guys collected?" He brings up that night just after the one where she had a seizure- four days ago. That one night he had not spent in her presence. They learned something, they questioned her, they gathered piles of notes.

After a breath taking moment, finally the doctor managed to say. "Some doctors fear... permanent damage- to her brain. From that episode. The brain was starved of oxygen for longer then what you saw. She had multiple more after you left..."

"But you don't think so." Caleb hisses, he still knows people- and there is disbelief in this mans eyes.

"She's as smart as any of us." Is his reply.

"Then what do _you _fear?"

"For the baby."

Caleb bit his cheek- an internal war- but his love, his passion over took it in a leap. "Keera health comes before the baby."

The doctor finally looks at Caleb, in the eyes, his face grave and serious for once. "Don't you start thinking like that. They are equal."

"Yet both can go on living, even if one dies- so when things come down to it.. Keera lives before the-"

"Now you hold on just one minute." Snapped the doctor. Scolding Caleb, who glared back. "You are going to choose her over this child, that is a product of both of you? Have you stopped to think- that maybe Keera _can't _go on living after loosing it? How do you know how attached to it she is? Do you know how many woman I have saved over a baby- and they end up killing themselves after wards, a depression they can't bear."

"Keera would neve-"

"Her mother died giving birth to her, Mr. Clarke. Did you know that? Her father committed suicide, only a while after- Keera's medical history, leaves her prone to bad labor and impending depression. What I fear is that one wrong move, and she will be lost to us. I fear the end of her pregnancy."

Caleb is silenced for a moment, but the doctor continued on, in a softer tone.

"The child and Keera are perfectly healthy- everything is in working condition. Just not Keera's memory. We don't know what causes the seizures, we think it is a possible brain hemorrhage. But scans show clear. She cries out with head aches... and the drugs do nothing to dual them." His voice turns thoughtful. "We've been discussing it, and the pain must be imaginary."

"How's that possible?"

"The human body is made to live, Mr. Clarke. It is instinctively self preservative. It does not die as easily as we seem to think. There are a series of stages, steps, and brain functions that lead up to it."

Caleb sighs, lifting his hand and running it through his hair. "I'm not understanding. Or following."

"What I'm saying is, her mind may be blocking off her memories from herself. She is not hijacked like Peeta. But her brain suffered trauma before the Capitol took her, then we believe her heart failed- it had to. The damage shows so, and her mind was deprived of even more oxygen, so was the baby.. they have been through a lot. Plus all those surgeries the Capitol must of conducted! None of those doctors even considering the baby.." The doctors voice ended in a fretful way.

Then Caleb whispers. "Why would her mind keep her from the memories?"

"I've no idea." He barks in reply. "But maybe you are lucky.. if she hadn't of forgotten- she would probably as drugged up as Peeta right now."

"She isn't." Caleb says. And then the doctor digs through his papers, until he locates something he must a share.

"We had a meeting earlier. Some want to do a surgery, I disallowed this- with her baby? I don't want to risk it. But I also there was a call to have her and Peeta together, a group thing. I don't like it. But I may be overruled. I've done tests on the baby..."

"What?" Caleb asks, almost fearfully. Truthfully he is reluctant to know anything of it. His decision to choose Keera over it would wan the more he knew, the more he cared for it.

"Maybe you would want to know what she knows first... hmm?"

Caleb glances at the man. He had glasses on now, as he peered down at the scrawl Caleb couldn't even dream of reading himself. He doesn't reply to the man, but the doctor begins reading anyway.

"Appears to with drawl, at mention of anything not Capitol related. Takes unkindly to every drug we have used. Morphine especially. Rejects food- but caves under the pressure of harming her baby. Signs of intense migraines..."

"But what does she know, sir?" Caleb interrupts.

The gray eyes flash up, then back down, his thick bushy eyebrows furrow. "She believes, that she is a devoted Capitol victor. She believes herself a general, a rebel hater, and that Snow is a generous man. She claims that we are only trying to trick her. While she shows signs of understanding at times, at the facts we mention or ask. She... believes herself married and in love with a Peacekeeper, Ashton. As well as that the baby is his."

Caleb grimaced. "Gale told me.."

"It is true. The boy is gone and we have no hope in having him help us recover whatever damage he may have helped inflict." Then he quickly murmurs, in a calm tone. "The baby is in fact yours, Mr. Clarke. To insure all honesty of the matter."

Caleb does not even have the energy to get angry at the implying statement. "Is there any hope?"

"I think so." The doctor says. "Do you want to know about your child? I know little, but it is all I have to offer to you."

Caleb is silent- for a long time, and it seems like he had chosen to ignore the mans question as his eyes were only for Keera. But slowly- he shakes his head, stands tall and whispers. "I'm.. tired." His voice is hard, and hesitant. "I should be going.."

And with that he left.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: **Short, short, short. BUT I have homework -.- Sorry. PLEASE review! I love you guys. Sorry if this bore you. Thanks for reading. -Taryn(:_


	26. Test After Test

Chapter 26- "Test After Test"

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><p>"Do you remember the wedding?" Dean inquires.<p>

There is no answer.

"Do you remember your last name?"

Still nothing.

"Do remember my name?"

Finally Keera responds. Her eyes drop from the ceiling- scowling. "For the last time! I. Do. Not. Know. You!"

Dean sighs, flips over the notebook page and continues down a list of more questions. "Can you tell me where you were born?"

Nothing.

"Do you recall any of your District members from the Game?"

Keera at least begins to rub her temple at this, a headache already forming. It had been two weeks of this stuff. Everyone was growing tired of it.

"Who is your babies father?"

"Ashton!" She snarls, dropping the hand- these are the only question she answers. The ones he repeats, the ones that she thinks she knows for certain. Others she doesn't answer, because she does not know.

Dean stares back at her evenly, glances down at the next question and then back up. "What was your victor talent?"

Keera's face blanked.

"Can you tell me, how old you are?"

"Eighteen!"

Dean nods. "How far along are you in your pregnancy?"

"Nearly five full months."

"What is the gender you want?"

Keera's face becomes puzzled. "Why do you ask me such stupid things?"

"We must know everything about you Keera, about what you allow yourself to know- before we can help." The statement is honest, some doctors watching and taking notes, wince. Because they wouldn't have been so truthful- because like predicted, Keera began shouting.

"I am not broken! I am fine, you are trying to trick me. Stop it! Please, bring me my husband!"

Dean shakes his head, and then locates the next line of question.

"Can you tell me..."

* * *

><p>A week later, there is no progress. Billions of notes and questions taken- but no result in her mind. She is still resolute on her beliefs. Caleb is still stands outside of her view- he has abandoned all duties in the war.<p>

But the war is slow at this point. The District's are still holding. Two regained control- they fight the rebels. A new grounds of fighting broke out in District 7. District 13 does not dare take the Capitol until they secure both. They have time, Caleb prays. Keera... needs time.

As does Peeta. Though he is healing faster then Keera seems to. He still doesn't know what's real or not, but at least now he begins to accept some truths- while Keera merely has an episode whenever something is forced upon her.

There was a long debate over this, but finally- after the philologist pushed and pushed it- Peeta and Keera were scheduled to meet.

They both reacted in kind to seeing each other. Peeta seemed happy to, he also knew the truth now about her being lied to- that he believed. Keera was relived. She wanted to know of Ashton, she thought Peeta could help with that- though everyone has agreed not to tell her Ashton is dead, until after she realizes she doesn't love him.

Caleb was anxious about Peeta meeting with Keera. Because he had seen Peeta snap, he has seen that instant where Peeta would lose himself- and he feared he could harm Keera. As also the doctors couldn't risk any more seizures. There are so many the body and baby can take..

Dean was standing at the door, he watched Keera- with hard eyes. She was staring desperately at him, waiting and impatient. Antsy for Peeta's arrival.

They had taken care to restrain her, in case she had a seizure- this was she could do less damage physically by falling or something. She tugged at the straps, but otherwise hadn't complained.

Peeta stood behind the glass, his hands were cuffed- as he is still not totally trusted- but otherwise his face is calm. Caleb stood at his side, glancing around uncertainly- deep blue shadows marring under his eyes, hair unruly, clothes from two days passed.

Finally after a prep talk about avoiding Caleb and Ashton and most of all Sirius or Eric. As they seemed to bring on the worst pain... Peeta was allowed in.

Dean stepped aside to admit him, and then returned back in his spot at the door- just in case- while Peeta walked lightly into the room.

Keera took in his healthier state first, then the cuffs. Otherwise- she practically lifted herself out of the cot. "Peeta!" She gasps, obviously happy- there was a slight mist of tears in her eyes. "How are you? Have they been hurting you? Oh gods!" Her voice broke. "Do you know where Ashton is?"

Peeta shook his head, attempting a grin, and his blue eyes were a light with an emotion of pity- when his eyes locked with hers- Keera very obviously stiffened.

"I'm alright. Healthy as a horse you see." He jingled the chains on his cuffs halfheartedly. "Don't worry about me- the rebels are very nic-"

"Peeta! No!" Keera gasps, her face falling. "Don't let them-"

"They aren't tricking us Keera, they are telling us the-" His voice became slightly forced, showing his lack of complete health. "Truth."

"No!" Keera is horrified, fear crawling up her for once. How could they have tricked Peeta? She thought. "Don't listen to them."

Peeta sighs- slightly and he turns to look at the guard. "I trust Dean."

Keera's face scrunches up so tightly she looks like a child about to bawl. "That is not his name. We do not know him, Peeta!"

Well yes, Peeta doesn't know Dean- but she does. And no one has told her Dean's name yet, just continued to use him as the speaker. Dean is the only person she has seen since she has been here. The doctors that see her, are only when she is unconscious or seizing. Which she wouldn't recall either events. Peeta had been told to say his name, at least once.

Again Peeta, just shrugs, and he walks even closer- until he is standing just in front of her. "Keera-"

"Katniss, where is Katniss?" She suddenly hisses, through an intense headache. That Dean's name caused.

Just as the doctors had feared- she mentioned Katniss, and Peeta's face grew blank. His eyes darkened- but his hands shook too, which meant he is fighting it. The up roar of anger and murderess feelings that the Capitol had bleed into him.

"Have you seen her? Is she changed like Snow said she was?" Keera continued to hiss and suddenly the doctors ordered Dean to separate them. "D-Does she love that boy? Gale." Keera eyes are bright with anger, they are _flamed _with indignation. "Don't let them get you Peeta! Don't let them betray you!" Her voice is howling, and Dean rushes to Peeta's shaking, almost transfixed form.

Dean grabs him by the shoulders, and begins to drag his stumbling body back. Keera continues. "Run Peeta! _Run. _Before they kill you, before they do worse then that and make you lose your mind! Hide, fight it! Just don't let them get you!" Peeta does not even struggle in Dean's grasp as he drags him towards the door, and they are nearly out the thresh hold when Keera hefts herself up, leanings over the cot, held into place by the restraints. "Peeta, have faith. Do not crack, you can not break. Keep your mind to yourself, do not let them shatter it- it is our only _hope!" _

And then the door was slammed shut- Peeta began fighting his guard, but was swarmed and dragged off back to his own room. Keera though, her face fell blank, all her emotions faded and she went limp against the cot. Eyes trained on the ceiling.

Caleb stared at her though, transfixed also- by her words. The doctor buzzed and argued about what a terrible idea this had been, Dean was ordered back into the room- to try and fish something out of this encounters.. when suddenly Caleb shook his head, slipping in front of the door. His back pressed against it as his tired, but suddenly thoughtful face was staring at them.

"No." He rasped. "I-I think she just told us something.." His eyes wondered back to the window, staring at her face. "She.."

He hesitated, because his mind struggled to untangle her words to Peeta- but the doctors listened readily. As he began in a slow way. "You know how you said she's not letting herself remember- but maybe she isn't." His hands raised to run through his hair and his words picked up in speed. "I've been thinking about it and Keera would never willingly do anything, unless she had a purpose. Maybe she knew they would take her. Maybe she- she planned this but not completely."

"Planned what?" One of the doctors inquired, half following along.

Caleb looked up at him. "Planned her own forgetfulness. She feared to lose her mind- like she told Peeta now. Maybe she forgot because she knew Snow wanted this, or would want it. She said-said... something about her only hope. Keera never has hope, either she has it or not. She doesn't allow want.." His voice became more thoughtful now, as he got further into his theory. "But maybe she clung to the pain or damage – or maybe her body did it without her permission. Maybe it forgot for her, and she allowed it, sort of. Like you told me, about the preservation thing, maybe it forgot- to make sure she lived. And now.. now it just doesn't remember how to reverse it. It fights itself.."

"And causes her seizures!" One of the doctors exclaims.

"And her headaches- her brain is literally fighting its own war." Comments another.

"But there has to be some weakness, since she has to remember some things. Something likes her baby, and her name.."

Another doctor- whose face lit up muttered. "With that we could make connections!"

Varies of calls and exclamations were around the room in an instant. Others complicated Caleb's tired guess, and some simplified it. They argued, threw themselves into other theories, twisted it around, used bigger words then Caleb ever could have- but there was a definitely lighter air in the room.

Caleb though, only sighed, his face contorted in pain- and his eyes fell closed. They flickered a couple times, as he tried desperately to open them, but he couldn't. They were beyond his control. It was a fight he could not win.

It was obvious he has not slept more then an hour in the passed six days. Dean clapped a hand on his shoulder and he jumped, but only five minutes later- when his brain finally registered it. His eyes opened in a half closed way, all his energy devoted to keeping them open, while the door behind him kept him propped up.

"I-I'm st-stwaying." The boy claimed, his voice slurred. Dean shook his head and Caleb could not even protest and he began to drag him from the room. The doctors noticed with satisfaction, they have been trying for days to get the boy to sleep, but whenever they pushed it too much he would get irritated, or pretend to leave and sleep- but sneak in a while later.

Dean dragged him all the way to his bed and forced him down. But he could not keep him there until he promised to retrieve him when something happens, and that he will be woken before the next encounter with her.

But it wasn't until seventeen hours later, was he woken- after the doctors, had went through every possible thought. And he was only a wake for a few seconds. They told him, their new test- of trying to just slightly trigger a connection of a memory, to her. And they were going to need him this time... but he must sleep longer- and so they slipped medicine into his mouth.

Caleb was out cold for three days.

_**...**_

I counted the drops to the ivy needle. That's what I always do- count the drops. Slowly, from the second I awake to the second I finally fall away from this hell and that awful man who pretends to know me.

_Dean-_ he calls himself. I nearly scoff, but the name pangs through my mind like I should know it. But that can't be. They are just trying to fool me... aren't they?

Then I pinch my arm. Gnaw on my cheek and my brain throbs, telling me that no. No they are. Count, Keera- just count..

_Five hundred, twenty- three... _another tiny splatter of liquid... _ Five hundred twenty-four... _like the tick of a clock... _Five hundred twenty-five..._

I stare at the white ceiling, counting, just counting. It wards off the headache quickly. It calms the baby easily.

The passed three days have been calm, that man has left me well enough alone- just brings me food. I'm starting to think that Snow will never come for me, that they don't have Ashton and he's safe in the Capitol. But then why isn't he urging Snow with everything he's got to come and get me? Is he... then the headache sears back into place and-

_Five hundred twenty-six, five hundred twenty-seven, five hundred twenty-eight... Five hundred twenty- nine... Five hundred thirty. Five hundred thirty-one... Five hundred thirty-two..._

There is a creak as the door is opened and I do not even look as Dean (no! that man, who says he is named so) approaches me. He walks to my side and then waits- clearing his throat.

_Five hundred thirty-three.. Five hundred thirty-four.. _

"Keera." He states and I roll my eyes before letting them land on his face.

"Have you decided to let me go?" I demand- he shakes his head. "Are you going to bring me to my husband?" I snap then.

"No." He answers and I clenched my jaw.

"Then, you can not say anything I care about..."

"Maybe not me, but someone else has a few things to say." He instantly shot off and I raised an eyebrow- looking behind him. Will they bring Peeta back to me? And again a headache flared behind my ear, at the mention of Peeta now. Maybe this man doesn't cause so much pain anymore, but that is only because he has worn on me.

I instantly make to grab my temple, but the man catches it half way there and he instantly pins my arms down, strapping me in. I cry out in frustration and wiggle, but I am too weak with his beastly figure. Plus my baby weighs me down some, I haven't walked in such a long time- I do not even think I could manage it. With being so awkwardly pregnant now. The bump is big enough for me to hug, but still is relatively small- I adore my child, I can not help but anticipate its arrival- I can't help but sigh in content when it moves around in me, even if it is uncomfortable it reminds me. That I am not alone, it reminds me... that there is hope.

When he finished restraining my legs he stood back a few steps- waved a hand to the mirror, I stared at it, my eyes roaming around it. I wondered who was back there. My mind panged as my thoughts directed to some point in my memory, but a wall of pain blocked me off. I winced- and dropped away my eyes, but not before a voice.. a voice- it echoed around me and the man, from speakers.

"Keera?" It said, and it was male. It was obviously timid at the moment. But it was strong too- it was pleading, needy. It was deep, yet like a sweet sigh. There was longing in it, and then it murmured. "Keera? Keera? What are you doing? What are you thinking?"

My throat got tight. I stared at the ceiling for a minute, and there was something about that voice- that makes it ring through my thoughts. I tried to count the drops but the words echoed around my brain distracting me and tainting any stalling walls of pain. I swallowed, but my mouth was dry.

"Keera." It says again and I felt heat gathering and pressing behind my eyes. Until they sting with tears. "Love, won't you answer me?" They whisper, and I am suddenly overwhelmed- with a headache- but then he said my name again, twice- and I pushed against the wall of fire..

My heart beat faster and I grit my teeth against the headache until suddenly, like a delicate glass wall- it shattered. I was over controlled with another memory though then, it floods all my senses, the room falls away for a minute.

Flashes, of gold, of fingertips on my jaw- and that voice, raw, but brimming with emotion- danced around me. It sang to me. The sounds of the memory blared into my ears, it was all so bitter sweet. My eyes saw repeated snaps of darkness, candle, a wooden table- my tongue tasted salt, salty tears.

And it took me a minute to realize I was crying in the present- because I was suddenly lurched back to it. I vomited too- over the side, the baby kicked me once, hard. But it was panicked. I could just feel my own panic arise, transferring the unwanted stress to the baby.

Everything was overwhelming at once. The headache that suddenly roared up- as if it forgot to earlier, flared to an inferno inside of my temples. But it soon died, it fell away in a second as my thoughts and memory pushed back the usual wall. My eyes saw spots though- and instead of blacking out with my heads pain, like I would..

My throat was on fire. It was sparking to life, itching at first- and I began to cough. And cough, dry and aching. It tingled, like the headache would- but my mind was already passed that point. My mind had already broken down that wall...

But the panic, this new panic, like a failure of a sort, was worse- it made my blood run cold, my stomach want to vomit again, and I gagged on top of the coughing. The baby was squirming, it was discomforting. But it was this panic that ignited the flames crawling up my throat- I laid against the lifted back of the cot, and the boy's voice continued to say things to me, trivial things.

Tears began falling faster and faster- coughing became rougher, that man hovered closer... And my throat suddenly pulsed tighter.

I gasped- but it was cut short as the air was not allowed to enter my lungs. Instantly my hands flew up against the restraint- to reach for my throat- but couldn't. My chest still shook like it was coughing, my mouth open- but nothing came up or in.

An impossibly bigger panic sank in, one that made me fear for my life. It over took the memory that I had fought to get- and my mind went into survival mode. I trashed around, before I could lose all energy, the straps smacked against my skin- Dean began yelling at me.

But I was too lost in _this_ heart retching panic. My arms flinched and jerked around wildly- brighter and brighter the spots in my vision grew, cloudier my thoughts pulsed.

Until I felt hands on me. And one of them unclasped a strap- instantly my arm flung up- I hit others, then it smacked against the skin of my neck, almost painfully, but my nails dug into the skin.

Flinching started to travel against the length of my body, the squirm running down me in waves, fraying my nerves. My energy was lost to me- other hands replaced mine on my throat, there was a deaf ring of voices, bright lights... and then I convulsed, I felt my head grow so light- my lungs ached, seared, hungered for air- and I arched backwards against the sheets.. I felt my chest would burst, when everything went black.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: **So you're probably all like -.- 'wtf this is taking forever!' But hey! I can't be like "AND BAM, she remebered." Psh I would be ashamed of that sort of writing. But Yay! Progress, she's fought back her bodies headache defense, but of course it shocked her with a new one: closeing her throat. Erm anywa, review! Thanks for reading. And I'm pretty sure that things will be moving a long in the next chapter... like expects the baby in maybe the one after the next! OH! And so the vote so far is Girl: 4 Boy: 1 Doesn't anyone want a minature Caleb! Psh. Oh well, next update soon. -Taryn(:_


	27. Just Fine

Chapter 26- "Just Fine"

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><p>They cut a hole into her throat! A hole.. in her.. <em>throat! <em>

I watched them, take the knife and slice it open, I saw the blood fall- and it took Dean and two doctors to hold me down. I felt myself break, I felt like _I _couldn't breath. And I fought my way to where I am now. Standing over her.

My fingers traced her face. They danced around her throat- skimmed her hot, soft lips. They brushed back her messy hair. Stroked her eyelids... but my eyes were constantly distracted by the tube in her throat- that helped her breathe.

There was a tremor in my gut- when my eyes were distracted by her bulging stomach. An intense wonder and curiosity ate at me. The one man who had talked to me a month ago, he is franticly working now. He is running blood tests, he is suppose to come any minute to check for its heart beat- I don't know which will be harder to bare.. leaving Keera now, when I can touch her.. or staying to see the baby.

Deep down in my chest I feel a longing for the child- but it is muffled by my fear. I'm not a father, I can't possibly do anything right. Not after so many mistakes.. Keera wouldn't be like this- if it weren't for me... she would be a better girl indeed without me, and this burden of a child.

They both go through hell. It only adds onto my guilt. I can not even bare to sleep... because there are nightmares, and to think about them in here- alone and clueless is too painful to bare.

When I hear the door behind me open I stiffen and then it closes- and that doctor with gray blue eyes is walking around to Keera's opposite side of me.

He gives me a strained smile, his hands a rush of colors- as he pulled away her shirt, set up a machine and screen and then took a gel and began to spread it across her stomach with this device.

"Do you want to stay?" The doctors asks me. I bit my cheek, my fingers curl around the edge of Keera's cheek- I can not even move my feet.

I give him a curt nod after a minute and he immediately and urgently conducts his work.

It takes a while and he is muttering things to himself- that I can't hear. That make me more nervous. Maybe the child _is _gone... Keera would... what would Keera do? I can't bear to think this could break her.. but..

Then there is a thurmmering, coming from the machine. It is weak, yet fast. Fluttered.

I stare at it, my eyes wide with disbelief- and obvious fear. Already my heart is doing flips with nerves, I don't know what to say or do- this is not my situation.

But the doctor himself sighs in relief- his eyes climb across the screen image that just looks like a bunch of static to me. But he scrutinizes it as if it is the best master piece he has ever seen.

"I-Is.." I clear my throat, from it's thick, raspy sound. "Is it alright?"

"Not it, Mr. Clarke." The man murmurs back, shaking a finger at me, while still looking over the screen image. "She. Your baby is a girl."

_Girl... _girl.. I soak that in easily. Yet I felt something like a jittery pang in my veins. The little delicate heart beat of _hers_, is nothing compared to Keera's strong beeping one. But it is like they beat in time. That vision of a little Keera is there- and I blink it away, staring at first to her stomach. An emotion I can't place jumps into my throat, and I look to Keera's serene face.

The back of my knuckles stroke down her face and my other hand finds her limp one. I squeeze her fingers, and they are warm. My chest feels warmer. "A girl..?" My voice is thick. And as I continue to stare between the two girls.. _my girls... _I finally began to understand the thinking of them as one.

The doctor stares at me, and I can just feel him smirking- but I try to ignore that. I can't even contemplate what the others watching think; of how weak I am, what a terrible father I may be..

And then he says. "Come see- you can see her."

I look up quickly, and he nods to that mess of static. I don't believe him- but I stumble around the bed obediently and slump onto the side of Keera's cot and he points a finger at it.

"Her head.." And he traces around a small loop, his thumb rubs over a perturbing point. "Her nose- do you see?"

I squint and sort of, maybe... if I turn my head to the left a little. "Is she suppose to be upside down?" I finally whisper- seeing a manner of an outline in the mess.

"Oh yes!" He exclaims. "Thank the odds, that it is. I can not even imagine the agony it would be for Keera to give birth breech! She is so young.."

Another shot of guilt ran through me at that- for even creating the baby in first place, but that only added another heap of guilt... for feeling guilty of making this.. this baby girl... _our _baby girl.

The doctor cleaned Keera up then- leaving me to my thoughts, but just as he stood. And everything was placed away. He paused and then murmurs.. "Do you want to feel her move?" He asks. "It is a amazing wonderment, every father should experience it- normally the mother is ecstatic about showing the babies capability.. but in this case..."

I purse my lips for a minute- mauling it over, I wanted to- so much curiosity pulsed through my thoughts, but I feared to touch.. to make a wrong move. "No.. I don't thi-"

"Nonsense." The doctor scolded me again, and I felt just like a messily, dumb boy. He took my hand from Keera's and then placed it over her abdomen- I tried to flinch away but he held me tightly. His fingers glided over her stomach... for a while longer but then he nods suddenly and places my palm over a certain point.

I don't move, and I don't believe it does either- after the first two little.. nudges? I feel. But then the third time is stronger.. and I nearly leap back. I gave a strange cry and I heard the doctor laugh- and even louder laughter from behind the door.

"It's that strong?" I sputter, retrieving my hand quickly. "H-Hows.."

"I can't really know why babies kick, Mr. Clarke. It is unknown. Maybe it's involuntary, maybe they are reassuring their mother, maybe they are building muscle... but yes, your baby girl is rather strong, isn't she?" His tone is grinning and light, but I can't help and feel a bit clammy/overwhelmed.

Foreign emotions run through me in a strange high- while a fear keeps my on my toes.

"Does it hurt Keera?" I whisper, feeling foolish- when he shakes his head.

"Not at all. Maybe when it gets very squirm it is discomforting, but no- babies don't hurt mothers much... not until labor."

Labor, that word again. I knew it meant the time when the baby came- I have heard every doctor speak ill of Keera's labor. It is what they all are waiting for isn't it? I swallow tightly, looking back to Keera's face- stroking her cheekbone. "Do you think she will survive it?"

"She's survived this long hasn't she?" The doctor replies- standing. And I knew he refereed to the three Hunger Games she has thrust herself through. "Plus that baby is just the little fighter Keera has been. I think their chances are good..try not to worry so much."

"I'll try." I murmur, and he crosses the room- slipping back out the door.

When he is gone I lean into Keera, one hand still limp at my side. My fingers trace her face over again- trying to memorize it. I don't know what I would do if I lost her... and the child.. what would I do if the child was lost?

I stare at the bulge protruding on her stomach. I feel like I don't know the baby- yet I feel like she is knit close to my heart permanently- as if I've known her all my life. Images of infants, little girls, a little Keera- bounce around, my throat is tight again, and without my permission... my hand on Keera's face slides down and lays at rest on the bump.

Keera will remember, she has to. Even if I have to wait a hundred years. And when she comes to- I' be there to welcome her with open arms, and with her- _our-_ baby girl.

As if she is reassuring- as if she is smart enough to know, there is suddenly a tiny nudge against my palm. My lips curl into a tight, closed lip smile. And I whisper, only for their ears.

"It's going to be alright..." I say, and I duck forward, my palm pressing harder down- while a place a soft kiss to Keera's forehead. My other hand strokes back some of Keera's hair- and I stare at her closed eyelids. "Both of you, you're going to be just fine.."

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><p><em><strong>AN: **Short and sweet. Plus info! A GIRL. What a shock. -.- Yeah to you all who thought I had a girl planned, but she was planned like before I even began this story! So yeah. You'll see soon enough. PLEASE REVIEW. -Taryn(:_


	28. Snap

Chapter 28- "Snap"

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><p>Videos. Videos from my nightmares- those horrid, devil made tapes!<p>

Weeks.. and weeks- of the Game.

I didn't except them at first, I wouldn't accept them. I refused to watch them, I closed my eyes- I trashed around until I caused a seizure. I cried out, sobbing. Until they turned them off.

And when that failed me, and they strapped my whole body down- even if I closed my eyes- they turned it up louder... and louder until those voices, those screams.. and cannon shot were bouncing around my ear drums.

It was torture. It was _worse _then torture.

They call the Capitol cruel- but no. Rebels- these monsters... forcing me to watch this. They are the evil ones. Who could put people through those sort of things?

I started to notice this starved girl, she is short, ruffled hair with a high voice- it took ten sessions before I got far enough into this video- to realize it was myself. And I tried to deny it. The headache tried to tell me so, my throat constantly restricted... but still- they figured out a way to force me to watch it.

They wouldn't even strap me down anymore. They didn't need to. They used a drug, I can not tell you the name, but it left me immobile- whenever my body would tense up or I would close my eyes... I could feel the cold, thick fluid slip into my veins from the needles in my arms. I am nearly paralyzed. I can not even control my eyelids- my lips tingle, my legs prickle, all my muscles enable.

The baby is unaffected. I know because it constantly kicks me whenever my heart beat picks up to an accelerated pace. Which is any moment I see my District member.. his name is Eric. It causes so much pain to me, I cry and sob without being able to. The salty, agitating tears just fall from my unblinking eyes- my lips tremble, and strange half strangled racking sounds escape my chest. Just like that for hours a day..

Dean is sullen and quiet- as he watches with me. There was one moment though, just the other day. I was watching the last of the Games. I have made it so far- and we were nearing a part where I had been searching for Eric, desperately. I didn't understand... Jason told me I never allied with anyone. He told me I killed everything in sight..

But there was shouting- not on the video. And I knew the voice instantly. I was snapped out of a transfixed, drugged up horror- enough to look at the door where the shouting came from.

It was raging, but it was that voice that had talked to me- only once. Weeks ago. Dean looked alarmed. And he left me in an instant. I tried to ask what is going on, but my tongue was warm, slippery, and just rolled around uselessly.

The video was shut off- with a sudden snap of static. And before I could know it- more drugs were slipping into my arm. I tried to pull away, but to no avail. There was louder shouting, a banging on the door, and then I was slipped under into darkness.

The Games are endless. When I awoke next I was greeted with new horror- as they finished up the first Game, and I was set into a new hysterics when I watched the boy die.

Yet this pain wasn't unfamiliar. It wasn't new. I felt like I had already cried my heart out for this boy...

Until I was introduced to a new one- Sirius.

I can not tell you what I first thought when I looked upon that face. But it sent waves of agony over my heart- like someone drove a nail through it. Leaving a hallow hole.

I watched the reaping- and I.. I saw the little girl, I saw Jack. And another, Aven. The name unlike Deans and Eric's... I could not deny. Because it just sat so right in my mind. Aven.. Aven- it was like a cooling salve to the whipping lashes my heart received from Sirius.

My memory was drifting between blue tulips- from strips of ropes... when a new person was brought into view and I had seen his face before I know I had. And the bracelet around my wrist... with pearls- when Ashton gave it to me I saw this boys face.

With hard green eyes that pierce the soul and light brown hair.. I knew I knew him. He wasn't half forgotten like Eric, or Sirius- or the kids.. that I'm still can't recall clearly- I'm still half convinced this is all fake..

But when he said his name Blare.. I knew it was Blake. Like a shot my mind snapped it to the correct saying. And I just knew him. I was overwhelmed for the first time- with a memory. There was men, laughing, pushing painfully against a wall- and then there was an arrow, zipping through the air- and blood. And that face, in the darkness of the moon.

Blake Clarke. I knew him. I did- and as soon as the drug wore off for that hour- I didn't get more, because I was intent on the screen. I was watching every little detail. And they didn't need to force me.

And I watched it all the way through. Granted I was confused as hell- my mind throbbed endlessly, my heart was panging, and this boy Luke made tears flow endlessly. But when the video went black- and Dean went forward towards the door.. I knew it was coming the sleeping drugs- but no. I had questions..

"Dean!" I call, my voice cracked.. when was the last time I used it? When had I every used that name for him?

He looked up in a snap- eyes wide.

"That boy.." I struggled to find the words. My throat was scratchy. "Blare- his name is Blake. I know him..." Deans eyes widened, and his body turned fully towards me now. "How?"

"You were together for sometime before the Game, he helped you..." Dean instantly answers, striding to my side.

Flashes of a stair case- and that boys laughter fills my ears. Then I am on a train and he is there, staring at me in the reflection. "I remember him.."

Dean nods, slowly. And I can't help but wonder why the Capitol hadn't told me about this boy... but it also dawned on me that Dean said he helped me.. while in this video it proved that he in fact did not help me at all..

"Were we friends?"

Dean shakes his head.

"Then what?" I narrow my eyes. I know I did not love this boy.

He hesitates in his answer, staring at the glass before finally.. "You knew him through a different friend of yours."

My face contracts with effort. My mind doesn't know what to do. There are so many patches that need filling- so many people I have forgotten. I was finally starting to accept they are trying to help me.

"Is it that voice?" I finally whisper. And it was the song echoing around my mind that soothed my endlessly working nerves. It was that memory of candles and strikes of gold in hazel eyes that helped me untangle my thoughts.

Dean was so silent I would have thought he left- but then he murmured. "The voice is everything, Keera."

With that he left me to myself- and no one knocked me out.

It took hours, and sleep, and nightmares (something I haven't had because of the drugs) but it was terrible. Grueling and stressful. But by the next meal time, which is how I time my days, Dean came in and they started a new video. I had been able to categorize things by then. I didn't know really these foreign feelings and memories I had for them. But I knew they were there.

Like Jack there was a some motherly love for him- that I don't understand. There was Aven and that blonde girl. They were like a shining cradle of softness and gushy care in me- that I felt weak holding onto. There was a contempt in my towards Sirius and Blake- yet felt pain for them, as I ached of r this boy named Eric, who was yes young.. but I don't remember that girl- that old me. I don't know her.

And that's the problem.

But there she is again- and she looks a lot like me now. Or close enough, lacking the baby and chin length hair. I watch her on stage at District 8- I see those people. No, my heart aches, literally feels as if it swells when I see that woman, Pippa, wrap her arms around me- and that man Fray smile at me. I have to hold back tears. And Dean looks concerned.

"Where are they?" I whisper, and he looked baffled- before muttering.

"They are among us, with the orphans. Here. In District 13." And at that my gaze twirls up to him.

"Bring them to me!" I cry, louder then necessary, but a fear I can't explain rips up my body. "Please-" The word chokes out, he looks alarmed. "Bring me Jack- Pippa- I need Fray!"

His eyes are so widened by then that he struggles for words as her sputters. "You know their names?"

"Yes, I- I kind of know.." My voice cracks, and my eyes suddenly travel back to the screen that has been going on while I looked else where.

But when I take in the face on the screen, I stiffen- my back goes rigid. The air in my throat catches- and everything, that fear, my confusion , and those small aches of pain in my body- is smothered with such a combination of shock and love that I can't even move.

Hazel. Dark green, spotted with brown- and shot through with bright gold.

They are the beautiful eyes in this boys hard face. But that blurs- and my mind conjures up pictures of it smiling.. laughing- like a bell ringing through a snowy sky- and it is suddenly soft and flushed and his lips are warm, traveling down my neck.

I gasp.

I blink.

And it is like someone shot me through with adrenaline. It is like having my head ducked into a bucket of ice cold water- it is like opening your eyes for the first time and taking in the colors of the world. It is like that sweet juices of a fruit running over your lips with the first bite. It is the feeling you get when you fall through the air breathlessly. It is like that sinking realization of a solution- or that sickening snap as you fracture a bone.

That is it exactly- like cracking a bone. First there is the shock, that high off pain that you can scarcely think straight, you are only overwhelmed. Like I am now. The snap has set off a firework of blossoming memories- and a flooding of understanding. Of _myself. _

And then the pain starts to spread. It is like a radiation of it- in pangs, not agony.. but little tweaks. I remember. I know. I feel. Caleb... Caleb.. Jack, Felicity- and Dean.. my eyes are teared up, and they turn to Dean.. my best bud, who makes everyone laugh, who used to help out the orphanage who was at the rebel meeting... and I understood the way I felt close to him, how I felt we related.

I knew the voice and I felt warmth at knowing Caleb was still around- even through my blind folly of my fake love towards Ashton. And the baby- a sob escaped my mouth then and my hands found a place over the child. And the warmth spread until my face was flushed with emotions and my heart was swelled unbearably.

That's when the shock left me, and the actually realizations hit- the real facts of my broken and fractured bone was kicking in, if you are still thinking of this technically. And more recent memories, that aren't me, that weren't set by my real feelings. A horror I have never felt before roared up inside me, my tears stopped dead, my face paled- and before I knew what I was doing I was climbing out of the bed.

I ripped the needles from my arm as I sat up on the edge- the baby wedged between my knees and chest- Dean made to move now, but I looked towards the door. And I cried out- "Caleb! Caleb." I shouted, and I stumbled from the bed, my bare feet made contact with the cold floor, a violent shiver ran over my skin.

And the door suddenly creaked open, Caleb's shining face was in sight, doctors crowded at his back as he tore through the space between us... but I had other worries then him. The horror I felt made my knees buckle beneath me, and I was disgusted with myself beyond the point of self hate.

I could not even sum up pity enough to cry- instead I felt fear and determination fire up behind the surface. My mind rolled around in what I've done.. what Snow let me do.. what I planned without knowing...

When Caleb reached me- and Dean scrambled back- I took one step forward, I pried my fingers from the cots edge and I slipped forward. My legs shook, like a drug addict off their medicine and I was falling to my knees fast- before Caleb's arms wound around me, and held me half kneeling to the floor...

But a new pain- one I have never know in my whole life of misery hit me. Never had I felt such a twisting agony. It was like a hot vise of pain grasping me around the middle, along my rib cage- and through my lower abdomen. I fell further into Caleb's grasp- my face falling against his shoulder, my lips brushing against his neck... and a scream tore through my me, from deep within- one of fear and shock.

Wet, warmth spread through my legs- and my arms that were limp, wound around Caleb's middle as he stumbled to pull my larger weight up onto the cot- I panted for breath and my fingers ensnared through his shirt as the pain faded- and then with a renewed anger reared back to life.

He pulled away some to look me in the face. I gritted my teeth to hold back screams, and the doctors flourished around us... but it was like they weren't there. It was me and Caleb. I blinked back tears of pain as well as those tears.. that were caused by my own faults.

"Caleb..." I began, but I sucked in a harsh breath as the baby caused a new pang of pain to run over me. The doctors shouted things at him to move, that the baby was coming.. that labor, early labor was inspired- by my sudden snap back into reality.

But I clung to him and I was determined to say it. I had to. To save this war. To redo what the new Keera had done without thinking- without knowing what _I, _old Keera, would want.

"I- You need to-" But I was cut off again, by Dean who ripped Caleb from my grasp. Doctors pulled me back from him as he struggled to get back to me, and I couldn't fight, the pain was so foreign I could not even begin to grasp myself within it.

The doctors won the war and I was soon pushed back to the cot- I arched into it, and like the snap of a fracturing bone- the grueling birth of my daughter began..

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><p><em><strong>AN: **You are lucky I'm a plot genius. Because I was struck dumb with an idea, a good one- sorry for the needless worry I caused. Seems I forgive to easily. Only three more chapters after this one. Savor them. -Taryn(:_


	29. Hope

Chapter 29- "Hope"

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><p>I paced back and forth- back and forth. An endless cycle of fretting- and fearful glances. I couldn't see much- just the heart monitor and the gaggle of doctors surrounding Keera.<p>

I could hear her screams though. Like a wounded animal. They came in timed periods, in a schedule of pain- that they called contractions. I was told that the baby had flipped over wrong- the worst possible factor. It was unsettled by her sudden activity- her sudden snap of memory- it flipped in the birth canal wrong.. and they are trying to turn it.

But she won't let them.

She's delusional with fear. And she is far too young they say. She slaps away there hands- they can't drug her without harming the process- nor can they upset her too greatly or she will never push for them when they need her to.

They are in a bind, they hush her cries as she withers on the cot. I stood back by order, by Deans forceful hand- yet she screams my name out. And I can not fight my need to come. She remembers me. She knows me- and I had said I would come when she needed me. I said I would welcome her back- ad my daughter- but I can't... and I sprint for the door, but just as my fingers take the handle- Dean rips me back.

It is not the first time I've made a mad dash towards that door. And he struggles me into a chair- where I sit for three minutes and then I jump back up.. pacing back and forth.. back and forth.

This process is repeated endlessly, for two hours- and I feel as if this will never end. When suddenly the doctors move some, others join me in this room and I rush towards the window. They lift her off the cot- she flails in there grasp, all nails and kitten like anger.

They forced her to walk to the back wall- pushing her slightly and I yell at them to stop it, but they assure me that this will help some, that maybe the baby will flip itself back. But when her fingers reach out and the tips brush the white wall- her knees give out and the doctors have to lift her and turn her to squat against the wall.

Her face has a sheen of sweat on it, her hair is a tangled mess- and eyes are a shining pool of fear. She falls into the wall for support, I can practically see the screams work their way up through her body. She wears hardly anything, a dress of hospital robe. Clinging to the bulging stomach that her hands clutch, her legs shake underneath her and the doctors at her side move forward- and she rings off into a slew of curses.

That one doctor, with gray blue eyes moves towards her- talking softly. And she raves, insults, and kicks, spits, scratches until he is retreated. My name comes up often. I can't tell if she wants me to come or if she is banning me, angry at me for causing this sort of pain- for making this baby.

It wasn't until I was pressed up against the glass- and she was still against the wall, when her legs gave out as her head pressed against the wall, her eyes fluttered in the pains extremity, and she struggled to breath.

I had been told... by mothers around the District that women giving birth was the price they paid for having the ability. I was told it is painful, by doctors, and that it is humiliating and disgusting- by fathers.

No one prepared me for Keera's.

All I saw were glimpses between the fast moving doctors- I saw blood left behind on the floor, streaking the wall- and through the mic into our room, I had heard the crack, a sickening snap of a bone.

I heard her screams dissolve into a mess of slurs. I heard the frantic calls of the doctors- I saw her robe thrown aside. I saw the machines come out to play- and then I heard the door lock, I felt Dean loom behind me.. and before they closed the curtains on the other side- I caught a flash of the knife as the bright lights over head reflected off it's blade.

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><p>Hours, or maybe just a few- well it felt like days. Years.. eons.<p>

But it was too long. I sat there, against the bottom of the wall- staring at my hands. I can't exactly explain my anxiety. Keera was giving birth to my baby. What would you say to that?

Exactly. I just can't even breath. I can't think- and I worry. I worry for both Keera and our daughter. The mic was turned off, the door locked, and the curtain blocks them from sight.

I tried to enter, but Dean told me no. He told me I would not want to see- surgery was an ugly place he had said. And I believed him- if just seeing that blood made me want to vomit- then I would never be able to sit and watch them extract the infant from inside her...

I nearly gag just thinking of it.

I sat there, a helpless, useless boy- waiting for the call of the doctors.

And finally they came. The two that stepped out had blood staining down the front of their clothes, they wore masks, and I felt clammy just taking it that sight. But they held smiles behind those strange covers- there was exhaustion in their faces but satisfaction in their eyes.

Most of the doctors filed out before I was allowed entrance, they wrapped me in a smock- put on me own mask, just to make sure that I don't sicken them- they are weak. Keera is hardly awake, and the baby is so small..

I stumble in more a mess then a support that they would need- and when I spot her... _them _across the way I felt my heart strings tug.

Keera was still a complete wreck- she looked terrible- mangled hair, a bruise was on the side of her jaw and I don't even want to know how that came to be. There was a blanket pulled up to mid chest though, but she didn't dare move, her stomach must be bruised worse, stitched up.. and I was informed only slightly that she had a minor fracture of her pelvis bone.

Yet still a mess, never had I seen her so alive. Never has a sight taken my breath away so fully. Her green eyes were like a brimming fire, of emotions- an emotion I could not place. But I knew that my face mirrored it. I could feel it swell within me.

There was something in her arms, swathed in blankets. Her eyes were glued on it, but then they lifted to me, they were soft, yet so sharp and vivid... her chapped, torn lips tugged into a small smile. Inviting me forward.

I came, numbly but not. I was over flowing with so many emotions I could not even feel them all. I felt relief, lots of that. I felt softness, warmth... love.. and when I sat on the edge of the cot and Keera tilted back her arms for me to catch a glimpse of our daughter- I was consumed whole with such an unconditional love, I could not speak.

Her skin was a soft pink. Delicate. She was no bigger then the length of my forearm and maybe only seven pounds. And her big eyes.. my eyes- hazel, but with a brighter green less brown and more gold. They were like the forest, the rich brown of bark with busheling, lush green tree tops and those flashes of warm sunlight peeking through the leafs.

A soft, fuzz of dirty blonde hair was sprinkled across her scalp. And I was transfixed, by this- this creation. A child. My child. _Our _child.

It blinked back at me, with her pretty eyes- and I didn't even notice that Keera's weak hand had found its way into mine. She squeezed them and when I finally managed to lift my eyes to her again, there were silent tears marring her cheeks.

"Shh... my love- don't cry." I murmur, finding my voice as I wipe away the tears with soft fingers. "Look- look at out daughter." My voice is raw, scratchy- as if I have been the one who has been creaming for the passed hours.

"_I am." _She whispers back, and I can hear that unconditional, protective love in her voice as she does. Her eyes fall back to the baby.

"I can hardly believe it.." I say when she does not continue- then it is silent, just her labored breathing and the babies sweet, new smell makes my stomach strange. I am scared to touch it. I am scared to-

"Take her." Keera tells me then and my eyes flash up in fear. She smiles though, it is an effort, and she hold her arms extended to me. I shake my head, but she pouts- and I am powerless as she cradles to baby correctly in my arms.

When her weight is against me and I realize just how fragile she is- I am almost scared to the point that I feel like an infant myself. I'm tempted to leave, run from the room. But then I look into those eyes and I am stuck. I am no longer wanting anything more then to stand here. And hold her- I am overwhelmed with a love that almost threatens to overcome the one I hold for Keera.

And then I remember my love and my eyes flash up to her- she is staring at me and the girl as if she has never seen anything more beautiful.. when I know I hold it awkwardly. I'm standing slouched and I can't remember the last time I slept.

"Sing." She rasps and I give her a small laugh.

"No- I can't. You know I-"

But she is determined. And her eyes are still so bright that I can not deny her anything in this moment.. when she gives me this? This little girl. And I settle myself on the side of the cot and I clutch the baby tightly to my chest. I began a lullaby my mother had once sung to me and the one Keera adored.

"_Golden slumber kiss your eyes.."_

_Smiles await you when you rise,_

_Sleep, my pretty baby,_

_Do not cry..." _

"_And I'll sing you a lullaby."_

_"Care I know you don't, _

_my beautiful minx, therefore sleep. _

_While I watch over you and do keep.." _

Keera joined me then, in the last lines._"Sleep, my pretty darling," _Her voice is high, peaked, angelic. And her hand reached up to brush along the side of our daughters face. "_Do not cry..."_

"_And I will sing a lullaby."_

As the tune goes to a slow end, my voice abrupt- but Keera still humming a soft tune... my eyes can not move from Keera's face. I can not even untangle my thoughts, I want to ask so many things. I want to do something- say something. I feel like I could do anything now. With Keera cuddled against my side and the baby safe in my arms... yet all I can find myself asking is.

"What is her name?"

Keera doesn't hesitate in answer- she doesn't even glance up at me. Instead her eyes fill with such a softness I felt myself melt, and her voice was so soft, so thankful... "Hope." She whispers. Tears brim into her eyes, and I felt my throat tighten at this. "Her name is Hope."

I nod, and the feeling inside my chest as a name. Hope. I soar high on it, and I look back down at the child and there was no better name then that. Because what can promise us more hope then her? She graces us all, she holds a future, she has a freedom neither of us knew.

"_Hope.._" I whisper, and my thumb brushes softly against her cheekbone, under those beautiful eyes. Suddenly everything doesn't seem so impossible.

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><p><em><strong>AN: **I don't know if I captured the feelings right, but oh well. I could see Caleb singing to his child- so I threw that in there, and now well. Hope! Thanks for reading. PLEASE review. -Taryn(:_


	30. Determined

Chapter 30- "Determined"

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><p>Six years ago, if you told me that I was going to have a child at eighteen, love a man so dearly- I'd give him anything- and that I would survived until then against all odds... I would have laughed at you.<p>

If you told me two years ago that I would be the one to kill off rebels and prevent them from winning the rebellion- I would have rolled my eyes. But now. That isn't true.

We were playing our new game, as the gaggle of victors who like to play on camera.

Katniss, the mockingjay, Peeta, her lover, Gale, the cousin. Finnik and I, those passed legends. And Boggs, a general I know Caleb admires (he told me so before I was sent away by Coin) and that of course of our camera crew, with other handful of soldiers.

The videos are because we aren't suppose to fight. We are too important- too influential. We are have to make inspiring things for the citizens- making them _think_ we fight. While really we're just playing. I ache to fight- I sear with determination to stop what I have planned. I needed to reach the center of the Capitol, to his mansion. I wanted to take Snow down..

Instead we are trapped here, on the outer blocks- trying to overcome those traps I have created. I know Katniss wants to get to Snow too.. but I can't find it in myself to ask her to run away with me and do it.

I nearly scoff at the idea, but also, she is too closely watched. Me on the other hand.. I'm a minor concern- Coin already told me so. She scolded me, she snapped at me. And as soon as I was whole, she forced me to leave Caleb and Hope behind as I was dragged off into this special crew.

She told me to make sure I undid what I've done. Like I was a misbehaving child- that did bad.

I worried though- for Caleb. I know he loves Hope... but I don't know if she is enough to keep him safe in District 13. Or if he will leave. That he would retake his post as a head general, now that I am recovered. I worry because Snow is not merciful- and he will be angry. He is already raged over Katniss.. but I'm such an old irritation to him, that Caleb's renewed fight may just cause him to bring about the worst thing that I can imagine... Caleb's death.

Hope will survive without a damaged mother- but Caleb is so much more. He has so much he can teach her. All I can offer her is my love- not the passion, pureness, and knowledge her father can. She looks so much like him, now that she has grown some. She has his eyes, her hair is a darker blonde. In her face she is more me, the cheeks, nose, stubborn chin... but she glows to me, with Caleb's warmth. Her big eyes are like a sight into a deeper person of innocence.

Hope- my little angel. I have started to call her.

And I do not under any circumstances- want her to be an orphan.

So as I follow behind these people, carrying the gun limp at my side- swinging haphazardly from my fingers, my short hair pinned up in a fancy bun with curls hanging in my eyes, and the tight armor suit causing my still sore stomach irritation.. I was distracted. I was praying Caleb remains in District 13.

Hope is the only reason I follow. The only reason I go along with this stupid camera crew. Because I can not stand the idea that we could fail, that the rebels could fail. To think Hope will know my pain- to think that she could ever see the horror of the Hunger Games or fear the reaping days as I have all my life.. it made me see red, I wanted to wrap my hands around Snow's through just imagining him manipulating her as he has done to me.

So if these videos inspire the rebels into winning, then I will do it. At any cost. For any price- to free my daughter. To give her a freedom I have never known, a brighter future, and her own hope. A hope she has graced me with.

Because she has given me a purpose- and as I walk, Peeta waltz at my side.

Me and him are the ones everyone watches weirdly. Because we are both damaged- me not so much as him.. but I know they are just angry about all this trouble I've caused, with those traps. While I also can't lie- Peeta is still effected.

Yet whenever I look into those blue eyes I unable to take him harshly. I soften towards him unlike the others. I have reached beyond that sad point where I would just see Eric when I look at him- but I see Peeta instead. I accept him for that. I feel sorry for him, but I don't redeem him for it. I can't think less of him.

So when I glance over, to my right, and he is staring at Pollux I don't comment- instead I finally decide to take in my surroundings.

The television crew means to provide a sense of heighten jeopardy now, by releasing smoke bombs and adding gunfire sound effects. We're suited up in heavy protective armor, even the crew, as if we are at this moment heading into the heart of the battle. Those with special weaponry, like Katniss and her bow, are allowed them with their guns. Boggs gives Peeta back his, though he makes sure to say in a loud voice it is filled with blanks. Personally I don't think it is fair. We give the deranged Katniss a gun and bow- we give nervous Finnik and impulsive Gale (who killed my Ashton) one. Plus they give _me _one. And who says I won't snap and just start shooting down everyone in sight?

It could totally happen... okay, probably not as likely as Peeta doing it. But still I can't help it- Peeta is like a brother to me. Or at least my brother in understanding pain and forgetfulness.

I try to help him. Finnik isn't so much a mystery to him, the generals are easily explained- but most of his frustration centers around Katniss. And he can see we dislike each other. While he still feels a friendship to me, warmer then towards whatever he holds for Katniss, I still try despite myself to get him to understand their old relationship.

Peeta was what made me trudge through the uninspiring, dual photo shoots. Finnik makes it a little more bearable with his easy grin and Boggs isn't truly that terrible. It is Katniss and Gale who put a downer on this for me. Gale is so filled with pride, so- 'Oh look at me, I know how to shoot, build traps, and overcome District 2- I'm better then all these victors, and Peeta'- it is nearly enough for me to rip out his throat, or show him how Ashton felt when he put a bullet through his head.

Instead I lasp into silence- I think of my baby girl, and I pray again for Caleb's well being. But I know, deep down in my chest and by those phone calls Boggs takes when I leave the tent. Caleb is back into the war, he is. I can't even hold faith into that slight belief that Hope held him back. I'm half convinced she pushed him into the ambition of freedom. For her, for her future- because this war is no longer putting mine and his relationship on the line.. but the life of our daughter.

"You're an Avox, aren't you?" Peeta suddenly pipes out and I look to him- then back at the camera man. "I can tell by the way you swallow. There were two Avoxes with me in prison. Darius and Lavinia, but the guards mostly called them the redheads. They had been our servants in the Training Center, so they arrested them, too. I watched them being tortured to death. She was lucky. They used too much voltage and her heart stopped right off. It took days to finish him off. Beating, butting off parts. They kept asking him questions, but he couldn't speak, he just made theses horrible animal sounds. They didn't want information, you know? They wanted me to see it."

Peeta looks around at our stunned faces, as if waiting for a reply. But I couldn't find one- just only wonder when this had been. While I laid safely at Ashton's side? Or when I planned out the down fall of the rebels?

When everyone failed to say something, he asks. "Real or not real?" Like the game we had started- in helping him remember. And still, I'm clueless, but he is agitated by the silence. "Real or not real!" He demands.

"Real." Says Boggs. "At least, to the best of our knowledge.. real."

"I thought so." He sighs. "There was nothing.. shiny about it." He wanders away from my side now, muttering something about fingers and toes.

Katniss retreats to Gale, wrapping her arms around his middle and pressing into his chest- looking to fight off a wave of depression. While Gale face contorts in anger, his expression says that there are not enough mountains to crush, enough cites to destroy. It promises death.

And then I wonder if this was the vengeful face that had been Ashton's last sight. If it was Gale's murderess vibes that brought about the death an innocent victim of the Capitol.

With Peeta's grisly account fresh in mind, and the constant haunt of Ashton in the air about me- we crunch through the streets of broken glass until we reach our target, the block we are to take. It is a real, if small, goal to accomplish. We gather around Boggs to examine the Holo projection. The Holo being a wrist watch, or seeming as one, but really is about a million of other things. Of maps, communication, to pretty much anything. We study the streets nooks and crevices in the projection, the gunfire pob is positioned about a third of the way down, just above an apartment awning.

We should be able to trigger it with bullets- by the way I designed them, with the net pod at the far end, almost on the next corner. This will require someone to set off the body sensor mechanism. Everyone volunteers, except Peeta, who doesn't seem to know quiet what's going on. I'm not picked, but I'm forced to get some makeup on for the later anticipated close-ups.

We all get into position according to Boggs orders, and then we have to wait for Cressida (the director) to get the cameramen in place as well. I don't really pay attention to were, and then the make-up expert sets off a couple of smoke charges for atmosphere. It is both a shoot and mission, we've a general and a director- I'm not sure which one to listen to, but I'm going with myself, the only one I trust.

"Action!" Cressida calls, and everyone proceeds down the hazy street. Everyone has a section of windows to blow out, but Gale won the real assignment. After shattering a row of glass- the fragments raining onto the street- he hits the pod. We all take cover, ducking into doorways or flattening against the pretty, light orange and pink paving stones, as a hail of bullets sweeps back and forth over our heads.

After a while, Boggs orders us forward.

But Cressida stops us since she needs some close-ups. While the others take turns reenacting their responses. Falling to the ground, grimacing, diving into alcoves. My mind twinges, my eyes sweep around- and something is off.

The others are falling over themselves laughing, at one of the soldiers attempts at acting. I find myself shadowing Boggs steps, a few feet behind him. He is checking the pod- when he turns to the others. "Pull it together, Four-Five-One." And that's when my mind snaps to me, the real danger.

I open my mouth, my fingers are just two inches from Boggs shoulders as he positions the Holo to find the best light in the smokey air, when he takes one step forward, towards the others, onto the orange paving stones. Triggering the bomb that blows off his legs.

Laughter turns into screams- I'm thrown to my back, knocked breathless onto the pavement. Blood stains my armor, covers my face, real smoke darkens the special effect stuff made for television.

A second explosion splits through the air and my ears ring. My body shakes across the ground, pain throbs over my top layer of skin- as if the blast of Boggs explosion has left it raw. I hear Homes, the second in command, startled words as he retrieves a first aid kit. Katniss hovers around Boggs- and as Finnick comes over to me, hauling me to my feet, I try to make sense of the torn flesh, missing limbs and gush of red liquid.

Finnick and I stand back though, he is holding me on my feet- that still tremble. His arms around around my chest in a tight grasp, yet I feel like I'm slipping away. My bare hands try to wipe the blood from my cheeks and eyelids, the coppery warm taste of it on my lips.

Katniss scrambles to retrieve the Holo, digging through tiles slick with blood, and encountering warm flesh before finding it rammed in a stair well with one of Boggs boots. She returns it to our commander.

Homes has the stump of Bogg's left thigh cupped by some sort of compression bandage, but it's already soaked through. The others have gathered around at mine and Finnick's side. Peeta is utterly lost, I can't seem to breath- I feel like I'm trying to contain water in my hands, only to have it slip through. Guilt pulses in the back of my brain- because if only I had known a second longer, only if I had realized this was on of the blocks I have trapped, that I have detonated.

Then Finnick lets me go, I feel as if I would fall- and I clutch onto Gale's shoulder. He doesn't even make a move, he is staring at Katniss. Finnick is now attempting to revive one of the crew, who was thrown into the wall by the explosion. Jackson's barking into a field communicator, trying unsuccessfully to alert camp to send medics, but through every single one of my Hunger Games- I've learned that once a pool of blood reaches a certain point, there's no going back.

Boggs though doesn't see to care that he is falling into death, that is face is gray with ash and draining blood. He is focused on the Holo, typing in a command, pressing his thumb to the screen for print recognition, speaking a string of words to unlock a code.

But then Gale moves from my side, my hand falls and I nearly fall back down- slipping on the blood on the street. Peeta is standing some way back and I stumble to him, leaving the disgusting sight behind as I hear Katniss begin to say something. He's confused and I latch onto his arm- just as Jackson hollers a retreat.

Finnick yells something back, gesturing to the end of the block, of where we had come. Black, oily matter spouts like a geyser from the street, billowing between the buildings, creating an impenetrable wall of darkness. It seems to be neither liquid nor gas, mechanical nor natural. All I know is that it was not an idea of mine, it is lethal surely- and there is no heading back.

Gale and another solider mine sweep the rest of the block, detonating bombs, opening holes into the street. I try to pull Peeta behind Katniss and Homes who drag Boggs who cries out in agony- after Gale. But he is shaking worse them my hands, his fingers pull at his tear- I'm shoved aside, as he pants suddenly. And I see the darkness take over his blue eyes, as he bounds to Katniss.

"Peeta!" I cry, but my shout is unheard- as my legs sudden fall from beneath me. Oil- real oil, solid and unlike the darkness that swells over the roofs above us and comes at us like a wave, it is the cause of my slip. I try to get back up from my backside, as Peeta gone mad and slipping quickly into the land of hijack, yanks Katniss back.

Just before he can crush her skull she rolls away- a solider, Mitchel, collides with him- they tumble to the ground until the monster that has become Peeta is pinned. But not for long, Fueled by insanity and his strength Peeta gets his feet under Mitchel's belly and launches him further down the block.

There's a loud snap of a trap, that I knew and he triggers a pod. Four cables, attached to tracks of the buildings, break trough the stones, dragged up the net that encases Mitchel. He is instantly bloodied, by the barbs running along the net that encases him. An idea I gave freely- when thinking of my first Game.

I try to stand by my armor sticks to the oil, I slip forward, onto my knees- but when I try to lift them- they don't budge. I cry out. No one hears me. I watch them shoot through a houses doorway, Gale and that solider, Legg 1, they begin to try and free Michel. Katniss, Homes and Boggs disappear in the doorway, Peeta is restrained by others. I continue to struggle in my own war- I gag as the darkness starts to crest and fall over us. I'm unable to scream, it suffocates around me.

It isn't oil anymore. It is tar, it sticks to my skin, thick and black- searing hot. I scream, but the fumes burn my lungs. But I'm no louder then that fearful cry from the solider that Peeta has just kicked into a trap. A trap I created. The same thing I'm stuck in myself.

A net suspended him the air- barbs snagging his skin. Katniss is out of sight Boggs and Homes with her. Finnik is helping Messalia, one of the crew in the house, and I fight my own way towards them... or at least I desperately attempt to. I am down the street, more then a hundred yards away. I've fallen into the notch between the side walk and street- the tar crawls across my body until my ankles and calf's are covered. It hardens- I scratch and claw my way free- but it is no use.

Gale and Legg 1 are clambering towards the door now, with the director Cressida. Strangers to me, and I scream, and screech- I reach towards them, but my voice catches, it doesn't even echo into my ears. No noise is coming from my mouth, the fumes crawls in like poison.

I claw at the street- reaching forward as far as my arms will go. Then I fall forward, my chest smacking against the pit of tar around me. Mitchel, is forgot like myself. I stare up at him, until my eyes sear, tear- and I'm forced to close them.

I can't move, I feel blisters crawling over my exposed skin. I try to hold my face up, from the stickiness- but I am only gassed. Until my neck cramps too much- and I drop it to the side, the tar clouding my ears, my cheek.

They leave without me- that is the thought that consumes my mind as the fumes intoxicate me. I'm falling hard and fast into blackness. But it comes with questions too.. should I be glad? Or upset?

…_**..**_

I felt like the minute Keera was healed- everything went in fast forward. I felt like I was grabbed by the shoulder and pulled down into an endlessly falling hole of war. And there was no way to stop. No way out, or back. Everything was happening now, not later. Time does not even pause for me to savor the happiness Hope and Keera bring me.

But it is the price. I have finally found a place again. In a family. My heart brims with love for both of them, and my mind is weighed down with worry. I worry for Keera out there in the war with the other victors. I worry for Hope- who I have left painfully behind in District 13.

I couldn't bear standing on the sidelines now, not back when I thought I was losing everything- when Keera was lost and the baby unborn. I've a new brightly kindling passion inside my chest.

I can't stand the thought that Hope would grow up in a place like I have. That there will Peacekeepers around to harass her. A prison that threatens to lock her away- whippings.. to think of a man whipping Hope like I have received all my childhood- I make me mad enough I feel like there is no possible way I could ever press upon Snow- that he will die a torture filled death.

That one day I remained behind- as Keera went to the Capitol. I was up all night cradling my daughter. I stroked her face, I counted her sweet breaths, and I felt her tiny fingers wrap around mine. Her wrists were clear, unlike mine. Mine are marred with an endlessly deep scar. Multiple scars- that show my status to anyone who looks upon me.

Prisoner.

I was a prisoner, it was completely unjust- and I have always liked to believe myself above those others with me. That I would not shrink into a shrill person of hate and unforgiveness. But I feel it bubbling to the surface now. As I command soldiers, as I patrol down the Capitol streets- gaining ground, losing men faster then I'd could have ever dreamed. The traps Keera has designed, are our worst enemy. I am fighting my girlfriend as I strive through the Capitol- so I could reach to the center, to Snow's mansion.

It was ingenious of her, but it bodes us all terribly. Even her, as she too is working to overcome them.

But we do it. We both do it for the same reason.. for Hope. For her freedom. A freedom we only ever dreamed of tasting. That we have fought for our whole lives.

Never have we been more determined to reach it- not for myself now, but for Hope, for my daughter.

I yell all through the day, I use the Holo to map out our route. I try to outsmart traps that I know will never stop surprising us. I've nearly lost every limb, my head, and many other things that I seem to grow less worried about as the hours and days drag on.

I was lost in this spinning world of war, when finally something pulled me to the surface- leaving me gasping and sputtering.

I was striving along a corner, my men were slowly advancing on the street- guns spraying out round after round of bullets, attempting to set off those more easily triggered traps and bombs. We weren't far from camp, it was only about two blocks back and one to the right. My men were just about to let loose a car, that would trigger the traps to our best knowledge (a knack we started to do), when someone came sprinting towards us.

Of course we acted in kind, raising guns, trying to fend him off from our crew. But he held up his hands, high and we took in his uniform and his familiar face.

"Alex!" I shout, I wave my hand to the men on the car, telling them to continue, as I strut over to my old friend. But the closer I got, I realized how grim his face was. "What is it?" I say, my eyes roaming about his back for others.

No one was coming.

"They are dead!" He says his voice ringing out desperately- and my lips press together. "The victors Caleb- all of them, except Keera!"

Nothing more then his last statement could have eased the rising panic in my chest more. I took in a steady breath, my gaze even- because I knew this wasn't as fearful as Alex thought. In fact I'm sure this will bode well for us, even if Katniss is dead (or at least that is how I know Coin will view it).

"Is she hurt?" I question and he hesitates. "Is she hurt!" I repeat in a harder voice- as the bombs and traps the car trips start to filter the air into a hazy, causing a loud din of noise.

Alex winces. "She was poisoned to an extent. Her stitches burst- but we fixed those up. We've left her in the infirmary, but... she can't talk Caleb."

"_What? _What do you mean she can't talk?"

"She had been there a long time before we finally reached the street. She was stuck in tar- it too us ages to release her. There was a cloud of darkness around that whole block, we were wearing mask- while she was breathing it freely. When she gained consciousness, her mouth was moving- she tried to scream, there was nothing. And when we asked her about the others- she just shook her head. And then the- the footage, the Capitol blew the whole buil-"

And just like that- I was revisited back into a headlong worry for Keera. Just like that I felt like I was back at the beginning, not progressing at all. I tossed the Holo into Alex's hands, and then took off into a sprint, like I have always done, towards camp, to Keera.

It took until early night before I got to see her, conscious and moving around. Because they had used a drug to clean out her whole system of the poison. The other commanders kept me leashed nearby, but by the time I was allowed back in she was fighting and struggling with her doctor, and again I felt the dread we were only going backwards.

"Keera!" I call, as I slip into the tent, that they have given all to herself.

Her face snaps up to mine- and I felt my chest tighten. Because her skin had a strange hue to it, reddish. But only in some spots along her neck, hands, and feet. While the whole of her face and lips were covered in it. I blotched at the sight, and she opened her mouth- her lips moved franticly. The doctor in the tent with us was holding her arms, trying to push her back down.

"Move, now. I have her- _move._" I snap, walking closer. As soon as he releases Keera- she rips out the needle in her arm. But before she can stand I push her gently back down by the shoulder. I can't seem to tear my eyes from her skin though, because- it looks exactly like it had in my dream. The one that haunted me when I thought her dead.

She sits obediently, but her hands grasps mine tightly, and she is glaring at me. Her lips move in a hard way... not even a squeak escapes her throat though- her tongue is rolling, and there is no noise.

"Shh..." I tell her, sweeping some of her hair behind her ear. She swats my hand away looking angry. Then she points an accusing finger at my chest, and she may have been shouting, but it was unheard by both me and the doctor.

I look between them and he sighs. "I fear the fumes have damaged her vocal cords. Fried them beyond repair. As for her skin.. from the footage that was captured we know she had been covered in blood before the tar encased her, we believe it's been stained on her skin because of the chemical compound of the tar and on top of that the fumes." Then as an after thought he adds. "It might wear in time though."

Keera had fallen still listening to him, her head was cocked to the side slight- her eyebrows knit together. She hasn't seen her face yet...

I grimace, and then nod the doctor to go as I pick up a nearby, reflective medical kit- handing to Keera. When she takes in her reflection I see her face sadden. Then it is bright with anger and she throws the metal kit at me- I duck from the blow.

"What did I do!" I cry, softly and I try to grab her hand, touch her cheek, anything- she slaps away my hands.

Shouting wordlessly again, her eyes daggers, her hands moving around in wild gestures- I stand there in confusion. Until I raise a finger, she pauses her eye narrowing, and I run from the tent- struck with an idea.

I come back with a clipboard of paper and pen. It seemed like the smartest thing ever when I handed it to her- as she began writing furiously across it- I couldn't help but think about how this is me and my rebels used to communicate, then she shoved it back into my hand. I looked down at her sloppy note and I had to fight back a grin and a wince at the same time.

_**WHAT are you doing here? You idiot! What are you thinking? You left Hope! OUR DAUGHTER! I swear to god, I'm going to- to.. go back! Now! I told you to stay. If I could talk, I'd chew you out so bad.. **_

The grin won the fight and I received a smack on the side of my head. Keera was glaring at me, arms crossed over her chest. "I came to help the war. I was thinking I could help- Hope is safe with Fray and Pippa, even Jack and Aven are with her." Her face faltered some, but her chin was still tilted stubbornly. "I can't go back anyway, not until this is all over. Besides you're worried about _me?_ At least I can still talk!"

Her eyes sparked with indignation and she began shouting, things I didn't understand, because I couldn't hear them. I raised an eyebrow, and then with a huge sigh of frustration- she ripped the clip board out of my hands and began writing again.

_**That is not the same! You could die!**_

I shake my head. "So can you, and I think it is a great pity that your voice is gone- you don't look too upset though." And truly that is when it hit me. That I won't hear Keera's voice anymore. If this was permanent like they feared, then never will we both sing to Hope, and I will never be comforted nor yelled at by Keera again- at least not out loud.

_**Of course I'm upset, do you know how angry I am? I'm not going to let this stop me though, not until Hope is safe. I- I need this to end Caleb.**_

"I know what you mean." I mumble, tossing aside the clip board and Keera stares at me, her eyes big and sad. "The others are dead though, and Coin won't let us kill Snow- we are not even close enough. She wants us all to move together as one, take over everything before you plunge into the center of citizens and his mansion."

She picked up the paper again, writing on her knee- and then she shoved it into my face.

_**Then we go without them. **_

I've thought about this already, I've considered just moving through the rooftops, or underground- to avoid the worst of the traps. I thought maybe, if it is just myself, I could get through the outer Capitol, I could fight passed Peacekeepers and like a sneaking weakling not seeking a glory filled fight, I could plunge a dagger into Snow's back.

But the concept is so much more complicated and I don't know if Keera sees that.

I start to tell her no, when she leaps forward- begins to say something, and I shake my head pointing at the clip board she has already forgotten to use. She does though, use it without pouting, and then after about a five minute silence- she hands me a letter. That leaves me thinking that I am wrong, again, and Keera is not as clueless as I like to think.

_**Get me a gun, armor, and a Holo. That is all I need- and I can get myself to the mansion. With the Holo I'll be able to know where I am, I'll see the maps like I did when I helped plant the traps and pods, Caleb I will know where everything is. I'll be able to slip by, I'll manage to get passed the citizens alone. I know I can't get Snow myself, he is too guarded. I only mean to undo what I've done, I need to get into that mansion and into the control room. I'll take out anything, everything that keeps the rebels back- and then they will finish the war. But I just need to get to that room! Help me with just that, please... for Hope. **_

She really didn't need to add the last few words- because I had already crumbled when her hand raised to my face as I read it, and began to trace down my cheek. So with a tense nod, I handed back her paper- and I left, to gather everything she listed.

The gun was the easiest to get my hands on, while the armor was a little more conspicuous and the Holo was immensely difficult. I was able to smuggle the armor to her about an hour later- but it wasn't until sunset, the sky already darkening before I had the Holo. I had to negotiate with Alex for hours for it, without making him suspicious, as to why I suddenly just _needed _it.

Once I collected it all, I told her I'd help her out of camp- if she promised I could come along. If she swore, that she wouldn't ditch me in a safe place- and she let me go with her all the way through. I couldn't watch her go alone, and I couldn't stand back while I knew she strives to help Hope and I don't.

She was hesitant, but I was allowed after a few minutes of me talking of her and I as one- that we are practically married, I couldn't bear watching her go... she cracked under the pressure.

It was easy to get us out of camp, because it was winding down for the night, people were rushing about trying to heal all those injured. We were street bound in a matter of minutes. What I suggested was to take the ones that my squad had already cleared- but she refused it, as she was completely adsorbed in the Holo around her wrist. I felt like I was invisible to her, as she began to drag me through random houses, dark alleys, slinking down the streets.

It was like a maze to her. A labyrinthine she would master, a puzzle she could piece together. She rarely ever paused to take out a pod, or bombs- an elaborate trap that I would have overlooked. Even as we got further and further, and the pods were numerous, she took careful, twisting, counted steps. One of the streets she halted at the corner of, she looked worried for a matter of a second and then she turned to me- looked stern, and shoved my chest. I didn't understand what she was trying to tell me until she pointed to the spot behind me, and I realized she meant stay put.

I didn't know why, but as she turned back to the street she started bounding down it, landing on her toes, a silent squeal whenever she would teeter in balance- but then leap to the next spot she targeted. I started to see a pattern in her strange hops from certain stones of pink and orange.

The street was rigged with multiple pods- along the baby blue roof of the apartments surrounding us. She meant to reach the main pod and shut it down manually- how she knew where to step was completely lost to me, but I admired her for it. As I watched, she was graceful in her movements- everything moved as a whole, sure and strong.

But there was a moment where she was nearing the end, and the moonlight that has started to be our light source- catches against her skin. It makes it shine blue and shimmer silvery white. With the red hue still so apparent, the air caught in my throat- because she was my walking nightmare.

Then she jump again, her back to me- the moonlight harmlessly falling down her back. Silhouetting her from on the shadowy street. The horrid reminder of her death falls away.

There is gunfire blocks and block behind us. There is a bright light in the distances- toward the direction we headed, and we know that each lit notch lighter it becomes the closer we are to our goal.

Once we passed that street though she seemed to relax more, she took my hand in hers- interlocking our fingers and she continued to lead me through the pods. But she held her gun at the ready.. she was anticipating a welcoming party for us when we reached the borders of where the inner Capitol began and the evacuated areas end.

And when we do reach it, it is late in the night. The air has cooled, she is shivering- and I cursed the armor for lacking warmth. I didn't notice we reached an end at first, I just followed her- her head bent over the Holo. When suddenly it snapped up, eyes wide- and she pushed me into an alcove beside a houses front steps.

She presses a finger to her lips and then I hear what she had- footsteps.

Marching, loud, clanking done the street. Her nails are biting into my wrist where she clutched me in a death grip- her other hand positioned itself on the gun. I scrambled to get my own ready. There was a moment where our eyes met, hers flaming with determination, when she suddenly pushed me down, against the pavement. And she rushed from our makeshift shelter, just as the Peacekeepers are about to pass.

All I heard was the multiple rounds of ammo, the crack of the gun as it released- and thuds as a more then one body hits the ground.. not one scream. Because after the guns noise falls away, there is only silence.

Then I hear footsteps and I can not even hope for Keera's soft voice to call out to me and say it is clear- that it wasn't her body. But when I muster myself up, and slip around the steps- my eyes are met with the sight of six dead Peacekeepers, blood pooling around them.. and Keera's figure far ahead, down the street... slipping passed the a barricades they had been protecting.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: _**_Sorry guys apprently I lied, the chapter was getting to be too long- so I guess ONE more and then an epilogue. Thanks for reading, review. -Taryn(:_


	31. Sacrifice

Chapter 31- "Sacrifice"

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><p>I was panting by the time I had to sneak my way passed the rows of barricades and I found a way around the guards as I won't leave anymore evidence behind myself. I felt a pang in my chest about leaving Caleb behind. But it was for the best. I could not bring him into the heart of evil. I could not bear having him beside me- I would only be distracted. Tormented with the threat of my daughter losing her parents.<p>

I don't think he will follow though, he is lost without me here. This is my place. It is like an arena- and I was the Gamemaker who created it. I remember words of mine, with Ashton when I told him I felt like one. But then I had been happy about it, like an accomplishment- now I only felt like a killer.

I grieved for those Peacekeepers I took out. Because any one of them could have been as sweet as Ashton, any number of these deaths that surround me and this war- they could be just victims caught in a cross fire.

I unconsciously hold a hand to my throat though... as I continue down the less guarded streets of the Capitol. I could see some Peacekeepers paroling the roofs. I stuck to the shadowed places, and there was a few people still moving about. If it was day time and I could be seen clearly, my gun and uniform- I would be dead in seconds... but it is the dead of night.

And as I walk I move my lips, in a silent song. The lullaby Caleb has taught me to love. I try and try to issue a noise from my mouth but it doesn't come. My throat doesn't hurt, my mouth isn't dry- I feel normal, yet as I try everything to make some noise emanate from me- I fail.

The words feel as if they are flowing, yet I can't hear them. No one can. I hear them in my mind, like when I had thought to be holding a conversation in camp- but really they were blinking at me in confusion. It saddened me, my lack. Yet somewhere inside me I felt I deserved the punishment- because it was my trap that did this to me. It was the same traps that continue to hurt people.

It has begun to snow earlier as me and Caleb traveled and now it feel harmlessly passed my face. I walk calmly though, not to alert any of those older Capitol people who sweep around the street. Talking of Peeta and Katniss, and rebels in their affected accent. But I won't be able so relaxed later on, the closer I get to Snow's mansion.

So as soon as I see a store, it's lights dim, but only one or two strangers lurking- I slip inside. It was too much to hope that they didn't notice me. Because as the door opened- there was a soft tinkle of a bell. And the woman behind the counter eyes flash up.

She takes in my plain as day face, she sees my armor, my gun, and the blood that has stained my face. She stiffens, her eyes fly wide and then the two in the shop- scramble towards the door. I raise my gun, but I don't want to take them out. More lives I don't need to deprive them of.. but they don't move, they don't move- they aren't panicking, just surprised.

"K-Keera?" The meek woman behind the counter murmurs, her eyes are a bright yellow, her hair a poofy mess of blue curls.

I stare at her- and then I nod, curtly. I look to the two shoppers, one is a short squat man, with sausage fingers and overly large glasses encrusted with crystals. The woman is tall, with pointy elbows- thin enough I fear she could snap, and her hair is longer then her waist, it's blue too.

None of them move, they just stare, waiting for me to say something... that I couldn't.

Then there is a siren, the T.V on the far side of the room blinks to life- and Katniss' face is there, as is a handful of others that were in my squad. They seem so distant now, that it was weeks ago that they had abandoned me there in the street. But I turn around, I lock the door- then I walk over to the woman on the counter.

She shrinks away, but the others, follow me towards her. They look at me with wide eyes, but there is an emotion in them... an emotion I hope I'm not making up. But I think they.. are going to listen to me. And then the woman says something that make me know they will.

"I-I had no idea you were well again." She squeaks. "S-Snow told us that you were sick, after you called that ceasefire. Bu-But I guess, that was a long time ago!" A frail smile is on her face now, and I'm puzzled. "Of course you'd be out helping us fight the rebels. We are so terribly frightened- ar-are you here.." Her question got lost in thought and she began again. "Why are you here? Not! That I'm upset you are helping the war, dear me, I am ecstatic to know we still have victors on our side, but in my shop. I-Is there something you need?"

I blink at her, then the others, and they are looking at me wistfully. I'm a fright, something someone should fear looking at- even Caleb was horrified by my appearance, but not them.. they are blinded with hope.. and the fact that with everything else going on... Snow has failed to address his citizens with the fact that I'm no longer a Capitol general.

But nonetheless, Snow will pay for his mistake- and my mouth curved into a smile. I began to move my mouth- before I realized with slight dread, that I can't talk. So I made ridiculous hand motions until the woman handed me a pen and paper.

_**Yes! I need help, please- can you supply me with clothes? It is so cold out there, maybe some food? I suggest you all stay in here with me though- until the morning, to stay safe. And I'm sorry that Snow has forgotten to tell you but... when the rebels invaded and took Peeta, I was attacked, my voice was stolen. I'm still not well.. but I still fight for the Capitol- you know how it is.**_

Sure, I totally milked that about as far as it would go, but one thing people fail to realize- is that these people are about as easy to trick as an infant. After a bunch of nodded heads and frantic words- the woman ran to shut the blinds, relocked the door more fully- and the thin woman, flourished me with a bunch of clothes that... 'matched my eyes'.

The man sat about huffing, and worrying- his short legs were pacing, and he scrutinized me sometimes. I stared back evenly, trying to seem sad, yet strong. And then he would nod and continue walking.

I didn't think he was particularly intelligent, but neither were the two women- they fed me, generously. They ate with me, told me stories about their families, about their woes and the rebels. About how disappointed they are in Katniss.. and the whole lot. I sat nodding my head- not listening, and finally for once in my life, not having to indulge in a reply.

I've decided to go to the mansion in the morning. It would work best.

First of all, I don't think I could go back out now- with so many hours passed. It would be too late and no one to hide behind. I wanted to wait for it to be bustling with people. Second, with these people- as soon as I let them out, then they will gossip, they'll talk about me. It won't take long for the word to spread fast and far and I don't want that to happen now. If I wait for it to be busy and more people- less Peacekeepers, then it will give me more time to reach my goal.

The woman made me bed of clothes first, and then the others- we slept in a circle, in the middle of the shop. I couldn't sleep though, I sat awake, as they laid with their eyes closed. I assure them I'm just keeping watch (for what? I don't know, but they accepted it). And soon they were fast asleep.

I looked over them. None of them were made for fighting, yet something told me I should use them to my advantage. Comparing them to my last squad- made the thought laughable.. you know if I could laugh.. and I didn't know how exactly I was planning this out.

A dangerous game just to jump in and hope for the best. I know I want to reach the mansion- I know I want to take out the control room... but after that.. all I was praying for was that Coin took it from there. That she would bring about the end for me.

All I will do- is undo the wrong I've done.

That's the plan.

In the morning- just in the beginning of dawn... I leave them. I tell them to stay put though, to not even dare look outside- and they trust me.

I left looking like a Capitol wannabee. The women had dressed me in a flowing robe- that hid my armor and my gun safely. They wrapped a blue scarf over my nose and mouth. And the man turned out to be quiet a makeup genius. Because when I stepped out of there- I didn't look like Keera.

I was not even glanced at as I slipped through the steadily gathering crowds of people. The further I got down blocks though, the more there was, the more Peacekeepers that trudged passed me. I kept my head down, I didn't have a voice to quiet. And when there was absolutely crowded with citizens, and soon the refugees were piling on street corners. Peacekeepers were knocking on doors assigning guests- and the T.V sirens went off like a broken record.

It was known now that the victors haven't died. That they were possibly in the Capitol's midst- and everything was going into chaos. Because soon there were people shouting false accusations- at looking like them.

I admit, I got lost. I was completely lost- I was shoved with the tides of walking people. And I couldn't use the Holo to guide me. I was baffled, I couldn't find my way.. I couldn't ask for help.. It was drawing into the afternoon some hours later and I feared I've actually been working in the wrong direction.

But what kept me walking was Hope. Images of her was swirling in my mind- and I must find the control room. It was like that last thought you cling to, just before you black out, and I was exhasuted on my feet, I was steadily getting hungrier. And I do not think that if I walk into a random store again that I will be so fortunate as to be welcomed. I'm not on the screen though- because I'm hardly even in the video of their death, actually I'm just a blond figure that you see distantly being left behind. My face isn't even shown... but all the same- I hike the scarf up as far as it will go- and I continue on my wondering.

I was starting to think they like everything a maze, as I careened by a place full of food shops- all shut down, and blinds closed. Others are running about me- desperate to find a place to stay tonight, as the weather gets colder every tick of the clock. Even under my thick cloak I begin to shiver, my lips I fear are blue- and my toes are numb.

I was about to turn around and start over- pick a new street to try, when suddenly out of no where- someone shoves me from behind.

I stumble forward, gasping, I nearly tumble forward- when hands grab my shoulder, gently and pull me straight.

"Now, I'm so sorry there miss- I must have forgotten where I was going!" Their voice rings beside me, in my ears, and I flush. "I was looking for my wife.."

I turn my eyes up into Caleb's furious face. I bit my lip and he pretends to be shocked. "Why, Mel! There you are- hiding under that scarf of yours, here you must be freezing-" He unwinds the scarf around his neck, because he has two and he drapes it around my neck me. "Have mine."

By the end of his statement, his voice is harder, his jaw clenched.

If I could talk there is a wide range of things I would say- "Mel? Really, that name?" - "_Wife?_ You wish." - "Shove off, stranger." - "What in the hell are you doing here?" - "How in gods name, did you _find_ me!"

None of them seemed to quiet express how I felt, and I just continued to glare back at his scowl, until he hooked an arm through mine and began to drag me down a side street. I went half-willingly. I resisted the want to shove him back in the direction to the rebels... I tried to make him carry all my weight like a child- and he didn't even mind, his face was set and determined as he hauled me behind him.

People didn't even look at us, he just swerved through them easily, against the tide of the crowd. Which I have been unable to do all day. I was good with trapped streets, but not with people.

Once we were reaching a place where people started to gather and chat- there was a wave of Peacekeepers her walked passed. I tried to hide behind Caleb, but he didn't even lower his face.

And he was in the last Game! He. Is. Such. An. Idiot!- I decide and then, without pausing I snatched him by the neck of his shirt and I pulled me and him into a side alley, where there was no one there- no one peering in.

He gave a protest- but I smacked the back of my hand against his chest. I began to whisper fiercely at him, but nothing came out- and he frowns, in confusion.. yet I know he is still bristling about me leaving him back there.

And I left him for a reason! I left him so he wouldn't get in trouble and here he was- walking around without disguise. That's when like an alarm, I drop my eyes to his outfit, thinking he had some sort of rebel armor and then with a smirk from him, I realize he is wearing a Peacekeeper uniform.

I go off about how I don't even want to know how he got it- when again I am silenced by my own lack of being able to talk- finally though, after I hit his chest one more time. Giving him a look that I hoped her understood- he leans forward and murmurs.

"Miss, did you pull me in this alley to.. use me?"

There was a teasing grin on his face- one of his hands lifts to twirl a curl that escapes my bun and I pull back. Giving him a new look, that pretty much stated he was crazy.

I shout obscurity's into his face- but there is no words. He does not even understand- how far off my priority list that is, and he remains uninsulted. While his grin grows, and he slides closer, until he has me against the wall.

"What was that?" He asks, his tone was so amused- it enraged me. "Did you say something?" _You know I said something! _"Oh, I see.." He murmurs, the gold in his eyes is suddenly sparked. "You said I was extremely handsome- you flatter me, Mel."

I raised a fist and beat it against his chest- twice, in frustration, and then he grabbed it and pulled it aside. His face drops closer, and I try to retch back, but I'm met with a wall. His other hand blocks an exit.

"You're such a cliché." He says next. "Kissing in a dark alley- what are we? Teenagers?" He chuckles, and it is more about the fact that my face has turned to that expression you get- when you eat something too sour.

His warm breath fans over my face now, and his hand still holding mine- kneads it until it is out of a fist. "Mel? I-"

I kick him then- in the shin, enough to make his grin fall and him to wince. I began to go on a string of things I know he can't hear- but I just need to get out. He pulls away, rubbing his shin with a offended look on his face, but that childish shine is still in his eyes.

"Mel! Stop it!" He calls, loud enough that people passing by the alley peak in- see a boy and girl, giggle or teeter. Tuts of disapproval- whispered gossip and curious children calling out with question- I blush. "Mel, stop being so aggressive!" He continues- and soon the grin has returned.

_Shut up! _I cry internally- and I cross to him now- glaring as much as I could. And I continually smacked his shoulders, arms- and still he would call out. "Mel! Don't stop! You're just too sexy, please- you keep tempting me!"

He is having a fit of silent convulsive laughter- while I keep kicking and smacking him, very unsuccessfully shouting things at him. While people still continue to pass by- muttering things.

Finally though after I give him a good knee in the stomach- he lets out some more laughs, stands tall and nods- eyes shining. "Okay, I'm done. But so you know that's for leaving me."

I am not convinced to forgive him at all. I want to tell him this isn't a game, but he knows that. And after the silence continues around us- me scowling, he finally sighs and says. "I think we should start walking now, we are about as far as it gets to Snow's mansion- I don't know how you managed it, but I'm pretty sure you walked around it. It took me forever to track you down- you're lucky I know the Capitol from my days working here."

I roll my eyes then, and cross my arms over my chest. Then with an exaggerated sigh- I take his arm and let him know to lead me.

We are rushing through the streets, and I only pause to cover his face with a scarf. He wasn't lying when he knew the streets. Made me wonder if he would run about them with his first rebel group. He was in good spirits though, I can't really say why- but his face is bright... hopeful.

I think, he thinks we can really do this- even though it is quickly sinking into evening. We are nearing the mansion though, I know we are- when suddenly I'm grab by the other arm, another man in a Peacekeeper uniform staring down at me.

"Do you two have a pace to stay?" He grunts, and I felt a terror fill the pit of my stomach- as his eyes flit between me and Caleb.

Caleb clears his throat confidently. He steps out of my bodies shadow and shows of his uniform, the man nods suddenly, dropping my shoulder. Then indicates towards a man with a matching one- yet a fancy hat.

"Take her to the Commander- he's been looking for some loners to place- since all the families refuse to be separated." Then he is sauntering away, grabbing onto the next unsuspecting person.

I blink up at Caleb, who looks to be thinking- as he stares at this 'Commander'. I urge him away from the man, but Caleb shakes his head and whispers. "We aren't gonna be able to make it. Not tonight. We will have to wait for morning."

I look to the sun- it is sinking fast below the horizon, but I felt like it meant I was missing my chance. I felt like I have wasted too much time- that no more can be spared. The as the seconds pass, I am unable to do what I need to- to ensure a stronger hold for the rebels... a stronger hold on Hope's freedom.

He sees my panic and shush me, and despite my dislike of the idea- he pulls up the scarf on our faces, and trudges towards this man.

His eyes are gray, lifeless- to me at least. It reminds me of District 8, of it's concrete living confinements. And he doesn't even look at me and Caleb- as he goes down a list and mutters somethings to himself.. but finally her grunts out "Tigris."

He mutters vague direction to Caleb- and then starts to tug me down the street, away from the mansion and passed the darkening buildings, people all rushing to their own places.

We pass into a less busy part of town, and with shady shops until we are standing outside of one for undergarments. I stop him then, digging my feet into the pavement- I shake my head. I don't like it. But he sighs, and pushes his way into the doors.

There is a woman in there- behind the counter, she jumps when we enter. She is one of the oddest sights I've seen, she is dressed like a cat, with whiskers and all. Her eyes tawny, rounded figure..

I try to pull my hand from Caleb's but he continues to drag me forward. And he says to her. "I've a guest." He says- she looks me over, I duck half behind Caleb's arm and then nods, her eyes hard.

"I'll take one." She rasps, and her voice sent a chill up my spine- Caleb face is a frown though, and then his eyes narrow. The woman looks back up to him and then he laughs.

"You changed your name to Tigris!" He exclaims and her eyes widen, weirdly- until he pulls away the scarf on his face and her face calms, as she recognizes him.

"Caleb.." She purrs. "What are you doing here?" Her eyes linger on me- and Caleb pulls off my scarf too, she purses her lips.

"We're trying to reach Snow. The details don't matter- how are you?" He asks, as if we're on a social call, and he's forgotten that I don't know what's going on and I can't talk..

"Fine." She says, and then she asks. "Benjamin has not contacted me in years.."

Then I realized she must have been a part of his first rebel group. With his brother.. working from the inside of the Capitol. I didn't quite understand- but Caleb shrugs. "He is gone, long gone, Helen."

"Tigris." She corrects, sharply. "How did you know, to come here? And bring her?" She adds a moment later.

Now we are both confused, and he shakes his head. "I don't know what you mean- this is probably the most luck I've had all day. Coincidence more like."

"More then that. I've..." Then she pauses her eyes shift to the back room- and she starts to say. "The other victors, do you want to stay with them? Are you in league with them?"

Her voice is pure curiosity, leaving it up to Caleb to answer honestly- he is speechless at first- thinking it over, when he shakes his head. "They've their mission. And we have our own. Just let us stay here in the night, we'll leave earlier."

And just like that we had a place to stay freely. I can never underestimate Caleb so much- because he always pulls through. We sleep like I did in the last store on makeshift beds. We actually do sleep this time, I do at least. And she feeds us all she can manage. Without leaving the others without breakfast.

It pains me to know that Peeta is somewhere near and I ignore him. When the woman clearly told me he was distressed. She told us who was missing in the group and I nearly broke out into a sob as I learned of Finnick's sacrifice.

The night is a long one. Where Caleb hold me for warmth, and we shudder to think what tomorrow brings but whatever it is- I pray in the end it is Hope's freedom. It is the thing that I cling to, that Caleb holds just as dearly.

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><p><em><strong>The Next Afternoon, Snow's Mansion.<strong>_

The walls, stained with red. The blood crawling down it- flecks of it covering my skin. I walk swiftly though, before more come, more Peacekeepers I am forced to shoot dead.

I was panting to breath, my mouth was dry- I tossed aside the cloak that hid my armor. While amidst my enemies base, killing his men- I find disguises lack their importance. I strut passed the spinning rooms that I pass, my mind is focused on one thing- undoing what I've done.

Chagrin rushes through my veins, anger nips at my nerves- and I find myself feeding a desperation also.. because I was being followed. I will be followed- Snow will be alerted about my admittance. He'll try to cut me off, before I can finish my goal. A goal I'm willing to sacrifice myself for.

Caleb. Caleb is the last thing on my mind, and I pick up into a run, because the longer I take the more he'll worry, he more I risk him entering after me. I took every persuasion skill I possessed, while unable to speak- to keep him outside, to watch for me. I convinced him to let me do this alone. And for this one time, I knew he wouldn't intrude- not unless I take too long and he believes I failed.

There I more running feet- heading for my own, and I lift my gun- not aiming, just firing. But I efficiently take out the whole line of Peacekeepers that walk around the corner. I leap over their corpses- picking up even more speed. Until the hall is but a blur around me, my breath comes down my throat stinging.

I stopped though, suddenly- halting even my breath, as I spun around to face a door. A door that seemed ordinary, but promised me redemption. And I stumbled up to it, I flung it open- and then without even considering much else, I let loose another round of bullets.

There is two men inside, their calls echo over my head, and then the walls that are boarded up with devices, with buttons and switches and screens- they are demolished. With snapping wires. Hisses of electricity, and the lights over head flicker on and off. Until finally- like a death sentence, they are completely cut off.

I stand there for a minute, watching the men's blood pool, spreading over the white tiles- and I take in the holes that dent the machines. But then I hear the Peacekeepers ever telling march.

I turn to go- but as I do. I found myself nose and nose with a man, I know very well.

"Keera." Jason spat, his eyes narrowing. I say nothing in reply, I'm incapable. There are around six men behind him. They all watch me closely- but my fingertip is on the trigger, it is half raised to point at Jason's chest.

There is a definite silence around us- no one moves. Everyone glares- and then one of the Peacekeepers around him- get the bright idea to fire off their gun. I duck, faster- more like falling as I go to my knee, the caps of them smacking against the ground, but I wasn't quick enough and the bullet grazes my arm- my mouth opens in a silent scream, and I let out my own bullets, first in Jason, then through the throngs of men.

Most fall, except one, who aims and fire another bullet off- this one hits me, not grazes- but only my arm and I while I nearly fall backwards. I shout out in pain, I make sure to send my own bullet through his head.

Blood gushes from my bicep, where I was struck- it hurts like a pain I've never experienced in the Games, but still I fight my way to my feet, grinding my teeth- I leave the gun. Shouting outside has reached to the point I hear it even where I am, deep within Snow's mansion.

And as I stand, and begin to run with a wild hope back towards the doors, I can not think of anything- save for the returning to Caleb and that I have finally down what I meant to. Undone what I've caused, and even so, I know the rebels have already invaded the streets to an extent- but now I know hovercrafts can enter, I've destroyed the pods that line Capitol roofs which just take them down...

I am breathlessly working forward, striving down these halls, my hand clutching the wound the bullet inflicted. My eyes are flickering around wildly. I can no longer take a fight, I feel my life drain with the blood. My face feels slack, and I struggle to pick up pace.

I'm running. And running- I'm running for my life. That is all I know. I leave a trail of scarlet behind myself, but there is so much more to it. The path I have taken to get here- to the person I am today. It is endless. It is a tale that will be an endless entertainment to many. It is a haunting, tragedy. A destructive romance, and then a child, a child that brings it to an end. A bitter sweet end of determination and desperate love, I love Hope- she what makes my life mean anything.

She makes my passed eighteen years, worth something- she is a product- that I am proud of..

As I force myself down these empty, echoing halls, my heart pounds into my ear drums, like the tick of a clock, I feel my time dwindle.

But then there is a sharp turn and the front doors, they are in sight- there is no words that could describe my relief- and as I approached them, I grapple for breath- my hand slick with blood, grasp the metal hands- and it is like my life is flashing through me..

The orphans, a bracelet, a net, blue eyes- Sirius, Eric- blinding sunlight, and hazel, hazel that blind me- that transforms and then is set into the face of a baby girl, that slumbers- that fills my chest overflowing with love...

And then they are gone and I fling open the doors.

…_**.. **_

I hate Snow, I always have- for what he has done to Keera. But when I thought of him, I at least respected his power- I considered him worthy of my time.. but now as I lurk behind the chaos, waiting painstakingly for Keera to exit the mansion, just as she has entered, I know he is nothing but a coward.

Peacekeepers pen in children near the gates of the mansion, and it isn't for their protection. If the Capitol wanted them safe- they would be in a bunker somewhere. No, they were there to hold back rebel attack. They were literally, a human shield.

My respect for Snow was dried up then. My hate resolute- my mind determined, as I slunk in the back of surging refugees. I paced, watching the doors of the mansion, waiting, waiting.. because I have left it to Keera- to fix what she has done wrong. I left it to her, to shut off the pods and traps..

And then suddenly the crowd is screaming- "The rebels! The rebels!"- and surely as I shove back the people who try to force me to the left, I see the rebel army start pouring into the circle of the inner Capitol. My eyes look around for the pods that would go off- but there aren't any, and I lift my eyes quickly to the mansion, the lights are off.. and I'm suddenly spiriting forward- pushing down the people carelessly as I went.

That's when a hovercraft swoops in, marked with the Capitol seal, it hovers over the barricade children- just out of my range, scores of silver parachute rain down on them. Even in the panic of war, the children know what they mean. Food. Medicine. Gifts. They eagerly scoop them up, frozen fingers trying to pull strings. The hovercraft vanishes though, five seconds pass, and then about twenty parachute simultaneously explode.

A wail rolls over the crowd- I nearly knocked off my feet by the impact of the bombs. The snow turns red, body parts littered the ground, and I find myself screaming Keera's name above the screams of the people. Children are dead, others lie in agony- I surge towards them, into the gates, towards the mansion.. towards Keera.

And like before I felt like I was moving backwards, I felt like I was young again, twelve, chasing Keera- running to her. Without thought. Blinded.

Some of the children with parachute numbly stare at them- the Peacekeepers remove the barricades, just as I reach it and then there is a surging crowd of white uniformed people at my back. But they aren't Peacekeepers, they are medics. Rebel medics.

We rush into the opening- and just as they flock around, swarming the children, wielding medical kits- the doors open, my eyes zone in on the girl standing there.

And then she is running down the stairs, stumbling- the blood is slipping down her body- her face is shining with tears, her hair tangled, and never had I seen a more beautiful sight- I'm tearing through the injured, to get to her.

She is just on the last two steps and I'm at the base of it- my arms are open to her, my eyes devour her face- those evergreen eyes, and then I hear her sob- of relief. And she in ramming into my chest- my arms find their way around her. She says my name repeatedly, and Hope's.. then I am kissing her.

And I can't remember the last time we kissed before this... it had to be before the Games, before she lost her memory, before Hope... and it wasn't until now- that I realized how much I have missed it.

The kiss sums up everything I feel in that moment, it sums up our whole life together- because it is fighting, it is desperate, and it longs for more... as we have longed for freedom.

But I know- we both know I think.. that we will never get it, I can not even untangle my limbs from hers- she is so warm against me, her breath blocks out the horror around us and just as my hands raised to cup her beautiful face- our eyes meet.

The rest of the parachute explode- and the world turns into one of fire, of torture. The flames lick up my body, molten, and as fierce as the unquenchable sun itself... I scream- I know I do, but never do my hands lose Keera's burning form.

I know nothing more then agony, no senses- thoughts are non existent. And I feel my flesh melt- I feel as my blood boils around my bones.

There is one thought that remains in my mind, one whispered promise- that was unspoken among me and Keera... not to love each other forever, not that we die innocent, not that we are not tool of the Capitol- as that is how we began.

We are more now, in the end. We do it- this unintentional sacrifice. With the last kiss, the last touch of her soft skin- that last hope we clung to... surging through our chest. To save Hope, to bring her a better life- to give her the freedom, a freedom I feel now- as the fire kill every single one of my nerves, as I am unable to know which direction up- or whether I have a body, if I am just a mush of a dying man or if the woman I love is still at my side.

Like a dying ember- like an all consuming blackness- I am finally given a freedom, _we _were finally given the choice to do what we wish- and that was to give our daughter a future. We've succeed and in our death we get that one rush, one fighting taste of bitter sweet freedom- to our impending worry, to the pain, our past, and now for our daughter.

With that death takes us- in whole- together, and brimming with an impossible hope.

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><p><strong><em>AN: _**_Sorry if you don't get it, but this is how it was going to be any way. This is the end, literally no false deaths. But I tried my best to explain it to you. -Taryn(:_


	32. Epilogue

Epilogue

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><p>Spinning around, playing like a blissful and forgetful child. Her laughter- like the peeling church's bell ringing through a warm Sunday afternoon. Her smiles, stunningly beautiful. She is one of the most arresting figures in all of District 8. Anyone who lays eyes on her, knows it is not so much her face or form- though all of it was immensely pleasing, especially her bright hazel eyes- it was more the mere presences about Hope that was extraordinary.<p>

She was lovely in the manner of a still summer's day, and she carried about herself a sense of peace that anyone would have given their right arm to acquire. She wore simple cut clothing, and had her dark blonde hair unveiled and unworked, falling down her back in waves of unconstructed curls.

But then she talks, her voice quiet- like a sweet sigh of breath, and you find yourself drawn in with those puzzling sentences she makes. Those comments, of light and general regard. Always bright- never negative. It is impossible for anyone to look down upon the Hope of District 8. She brightens peoples days with her considering gaze and those wide, shining grins.

Yet she is a mystery to us all. There is constant banter when she enters a room, no one has the heart to whisper behind her back, no one has the dare to ask her out right. She is a bright figure lurking in the dark with her secrets.

Maybe not _hers _though, people reason. Because Hope possessing such a thing? Is a ridiculous idea. Hope holds no darkness, we see it plainly in those glowing eyes. Hope is the closest to innocence as anyone can get, she is that prophet with wise words, that you long to follow- that everyone aches to put there faith in. So they can hope in a better future, so they can feel as if there is a greater purpose to it all.

She is but a young girl, of maybe seventeen. Looked up to by anyone of all ages- but where were her parents? No one has ever seen her with them. As far as people saw, they thought she lived completely alone, holding no family at all.

And sometimes, if I look her in the face- when she tilts up that stubborn chin, I see something in her eyes, a great sadness. A flash of pride and loss.

But otherwise, Hope is convincingly whole, undamaged and untainted so unlike the whole of our slowly healing nation. You can guess she was only an infant when the war had raged at its peak, I was the same, but our generation tends to be altered, we are the children... that have been left to the broken remnants of this world. All for us to make it new, all left into our hands to fix.

Our generation is strangely hesitant, uncertain, and meek- but not her. Hope is that shimmering light that lead boats back to the shore, she is that siren through a storm calling people to a haven of protection. And through her people believe, through her I know people find hope for this new idea- our new president.

Democratic, a strange word that falls from our tongues around here. Yet our parents, our passed rebels- they embrace that word in full, as if it promises us the heaven and universe.

We younger ones, offspring to every solider, victor, and rebel from the uprising... we can not hope in just that word- as we see the damage still raining about us. As we look up at our parents, and they talk through clenched teeth while telling us exactly what took place, we know there is more to it. A more grueling destruction then that is shown.

What I believe in is Hope. When I see her walking down the hallways at school, everyone turns to watch, everyone returns her smiles. And we follow her example. Our withering faith, hesitation and fear- are thrown aside. Because this is our time. This is the next, the dawning of a fresh beginning- a new morning. And we must open our eyes, because it is morning- it is morning.. and there is so much to see, our _freedom_ to explore.

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><p><em><strong>AN: **The POV is from a person of her generation. There isn't much to them- but they are showing you how the whole of what everyone feels. This is litterally THE END. Thanks you to EVERYONE who has read it. I love you.(; Review. Btw, I will be gradually rewriting Weaponless- and otherwise I've no further thoughts for Keera or Hope. -Taryn(:_


	33. New Story!

**_A/N: _**_Yes, I know I said I'd rewrite Weaponless first.. but I crumbled under a fans insisting. Hope has her own story. Called 'The Mysery of Hope'. On my profile, it'll be a romance, purely. Thanks for reading Hopeless and loving Keera though, and I pray Hope will be just as liked. -Taryn(:_


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